Getting Started with a Female Led Relationship

I hope you all had a wonderful Holiday Season. We certainly did. I gave elliot two books he has been looking for for years and Mady and I let him out of his chastity cage on Christmas Eve. I'd upped his dose of Viagra a little and his not terrifically large cock was just perfect after he had spent quite a long time licking me. I didn't let him come in me and Mady had her fun with his very hard cock. She is such a naughty girl and she looked lovely as she climbed on top of elliot for Christmas treats. Again, I didn't let elliot cum in Mady either. Instead we put him in a locking long legged panti-girdle and sent him to bed. Christmas morning dawned and when Mady came in with my coffee I had her unlock poor elliot and give him a bit of a tease before his shower.

After his shower I had Mady handcuff him and then push a wonderful, remote controlled vibrator into his bottom. Then she put the girdle back on and elliot spent Christmas Day on edge. It was such fun watching the expression on his face when we flipped on the vibe. But we didn't push him over the edge. Mady had told me that she really wanted to give him a blow job as part of his Christmas and, after dinner we went to his den, handcuffed him again and Mady got to work. elliot could not believe his luck when it became evident she was going to suck him to completion. What fun!

All of which brings me to a lovely note I received from a young wife in a leafy suburb of a city in the Southern United States named Kendra,

---

Dear Miss Jay,

I wanted to thank you for your wonderful website and your fantastic books. When I was a little younger I read your Modern Mistress: Lead the Luxury Life You Deserve and was kept for a few years beginning in my last year in college. What fun and what nice men.

However, we all have to grow up sometime and for me that meant getting married and, eventually, having kids. Very normal. Having been a mistress I have to say gave me a slightly different perspective on men than my girlfriends had. They are all sweet and still my friends now, but they all see men like they were still in high school. Essentially, they all sort of hung back hoping that Mr. Right would, somehow, pop into their lives. Sadly, men did pop into their lives. Very unsuitable men.

I approached the whole thing very differently. I wanted a good man, a little older than I am, reasonably successful with great prospects and, most importantly, willing to follow my lead. From my experience as a mistress I realized that I liked being in charge. And, as a mistress, part of my vocation was spending time researching some of the sexual byways my patrons seemed to be interested in. One of the things I noticed was that all of my patrons, and I only had three, liked to be told what to do. In bed, but also in my apartment and even when we were out for dinner or shopping.

It was a very specific thing. I could ask them to do something and they might or might not do it, but if I told them to do something they practically purred. Now, these were very successful men, I was an expensive luxury, and they spent their days making decisions and telling other people what to do. As you have written on this blog and in your books, men need time out from always having to make decisions. A mistress gives them that time out. But a wife?

Maybe. But first I had to find the right guy. I am not one for hanging back. While I was a mistress I worked in corporate communications for a public relations firm. I accumulated a well edited  wardrobe and a reputation for being "that girl who is always wearing dresses". In fact, most of the time I wore really well-tailored suits but always with skirts. I never wore pant suits. Attractive, often pretty, but also very self-possessed. I never looked like I was trying too hard.

Part of my job was going to assorted networking events. Pretty basic where everyone is being "social" while looking out for new clients. I did at least one of these a week and enjoyed them. I am fairly tall and I have quite a nice figure - I walk a lot and swim for an hour twice a week - and with the right bra...well, I get my share of attention. The more obvious come ons I ignored but there were plenty of nice men who could hold a conversation. Usually, under the pretext of business, it was not at all difficult to arrange to meet a few days out and that is what I did.

Yes, this was calculating. But you get what you want by going after it. I must have had coffee with twenty five or so men and then drinks with half a dozen. Oddly enough, the coffees brought me in another half dozen potential clients so, even if I didn't find a husband, I was ahead of the game. Coffee was business attire, drinks I would up my game a bit. From my mistress days I had three or four "little black dresses" each of which was a tiny bit revealing in a subtle way. I have nice legs so a short skirt is never a bad choice. At the same time I have rather pretty clavicles and why not show them off in a longer but off the shoulder dress? My rule for drinks was two glasses of wine and then, no matter how well it was going, off I went.

It did not take long, a couple of months, to find several men who I enjoyed and who enjoyed me. I was in no hurry but I was also not going to waste a lot of time. Unfortunately, these days, the sorts of serious, successful men I was looking for took sex as a given once you got to a couple of dinner dates. I am, obviously, no enemy of sex; but I also am well aware that there is huge value in sex and that it should not be squandered. It was also an opportunity to see how various men responded to the idea that they would do what they were told.

I still had my very elegant, slightly "mistressy" apartment. The mistressy element was in the expensive, minimalist and quite masculine furniture. In one of your mistress books, Zoey's First Night I think a girl says "I want to be the most feminine thing in my apartment". Very much how I decorated.

I took all of three men back to my apartment. The first, well the first was a mistake. He made the assumption that if I was inviting him back after dinner I was going to be dessert. Er, no. He lasted about five minutes before I bundled him out the door. The other two were sweet. My basic test was to see if they would do as they were told without any quid pro quo.

I would pour us each a glass of wine, sit, in a rather brilliant black leather club chair and, when everyone was settled down, say, "Now, dear man, are you comfortable? Ready to please me?" They would usually nod. "Excellent, we'll get started. Stand up. Turn. Now back around. Good."

Both the boys were with me to this point but now it would get interesting.

"I want to see you naked," I said. "So just stand where you are and take off your clothes. All of them."

One man said, "Really?" and the other said "What?", I said "Yes".

One of the men, Matt, began to undress as soon as I said "Yes", the other, whose name I forget, wanted to talk about it. I said goodnight.

I married Matt. And not just because, when I lifted my skirt, pulled down my panties and said, "Get to work," he was very eager and very good, really because he did what he was told without a moment's protest. Matt was good enough at pussy licking that I was tempted to let him have his own orgasm. But I knew I had to start as I meant to finish. When I was done I pulled up my panties, let down my skirt and moved to the couch. I motioned Matt over and had him lie with his head in my lap.

"We are going to be going on several dates," I said gently sliding my long nails across his nipple. "I am going to be testing you, teasing you. Starting right now you will not cum without my permission and supervision. Do you understand?"

"Yes Ma'am."

"You have a very nice cock, Matt," I said. "From now on it is my cock. We'll see how you behave and, if you are a good boy, we might even let that cock have a bit of fun. But, for the moment, I want you to get dressed, give me a kiss and leave. I'll call you when I want to see you again."

"Yes Ma'am."

From that day 'til this that is exactly how I have trained Matt. I do have a paddle - a rather nice bamboo paddle I had Matt order me for a wedding gift - and a couple of rattan canes I gave us for our first anniversary. But, honestly, I really don't use them on Matt very often. He is naturally very obedient. I have looked at a chastity cage for him but I am not there yet.

I took Matt on our wedding night having only given him hand jobs to that point over our six month engagement. Three to be exact. But he knew that if I invited him to my apartment he would spend a good deal of his time under my skirt. Which he loved.

My girlfriends can't quite figure out how I manage to have a happy, very successful, husband who is so attentive and helpful. I will often have a couple of girlfriends over and Matt makes the snacks and serves them in a wonderfully 50's housewife sort of a way.

At home he always wears loose wrap tops - Kimono shirts they are called - and kimono capri pants and Japanese sandals. It is a perfectly androgynous look and my girlfriends joke about my not having a husband so much as a houseboy. Matt knows that I expect him to come home from work and put on his house clothes and be ready to greet me when I get back from work. I have a slightly longer commute so this works well. He's responsible for having something nice to go with a much needed after work glass of wine. We usually cook together but he is responsible for clean-up while I enjoy a few minutes of down time. Once he has done the clean up he may have some laundry or vacuuming to do. I made it very clear during our courtship that those sorts of household chores were his responsibility.

When he is done I might invite him to curl up on the couch with me to watch Netflix for a while but, right at ten, I send him to get changed for bed. I like him to wear one of his many sets of Kimono pajamas. These are nice because if I want to have him I can just tell him to wiggle out of the trousers. I come upstairs when I am ready.

I suspect that one of the reasons I am hesitant about putting a cage on Matt is that I enjoy playing with him and, once in a while, taking him. I am always on top. In two years of marriage Matt has never once taken the top position when we make love. And I have made it very clear that just because I have decided to have him he does not have permission to cum. That's a special treat. He also knows that if he somehow can't control himself our bedroom cane will remind him who is in charge. He's only lost control four or five times but a really sound caning each time has made those slips very rare.

Matt loves all this. So do I. He's told me over and over how lucky he was that I chose him. I think so too.

Kisses,

Kendra

----

Dear Kendra (I wrote back),

What a lovely story. I love the fact you've figured out a house uniform for your husband. Too clever.

But what I really like is that you made a decision about the sort of man you wanted to marry and got to work finding him. All too often young women settle for what they think is available when, with a little effort, they can find a suitable man who will be only too delighted to honour and obey.

I understand your view on chastity cages. I had the same view for years. But, at a certain point, caging a man is a kindness. Self-restraint is a great thing but the poor dears are remarkably penis driven. By locking a man up you are removing temptation.

Enjoy your marriage and keep me posted,

Enjoy!

Hannah

A Huge Change

Good things can be delivered

As many of you will have figured out by now, elliot and I are a somewhat older couple. Old enough that we actually remember the world when there was no internet. No, really.

Before the internet, while there were certainly lots of couples in which the wife was in charge, there was little or nothing to support FLRs. Next to no information was available. And not just about the wonderful world of Female Led Relationships, the entire world of even slightly exotic sexuality was very much under the counter. Now, virtually any interest has its own blog universe, very possibly social media (under the radar slightly) and you can buy virtually any little item you want from...Amazon.

The ability to buy discreetly has been a huge bonus for elliot, Mady and myself. We are coming up to Amazon Prime Days (and yes you really should try Prime for free for 30 days if for no other reason than you will be able to read all of both elliot's and my books for free.)

A lot of websites will be doing Prime Days promotions. I will not but I thought it might be fun for dominant wives and their submissive husbands to have a look at what is actually available at Amazon.

Start with male chastity devices. Even ten years ago putting your husband into chastity was an expensive proposition with proper cock cages running several hundred dollars. Now you can put your husband under lock and key for less than $30. And the selection is amazing.

I keep elliot in a soft chastity cage like this one. It is comfortable and he can wear it easily for weeks at a time. The overall effect is that he not only cannot touch his own penis, he cannot become fully erect and, he tells me, that he has virtually no external stimulation when he is in his cock cage.

We got out first silicone cock cage from Amazon. Like the one pictured, it cost less than $20 and with Prime it shipped free.

For a slightly more severe experience and one which can be more than a little noisy, a metal cock cage may be in order. There is nothing discreet about putting your husband's cock in a steel cage and keeping the key.

This is also an excellent option for men who, at present, are not in obedience to a particular woman. Putting your cock in a steel cage and making access to your key difficult is an excellent way for men to remind themselves of their essential submissiveness.

The other good thing about a metal cage is that it is often fairly obvious that a man is wearing one. Certainly to a discerning eye. Wives who want to subtly demonstrate their husband's status or single men who would like to make their submission more obvious to the women they encounter may want a metal cock cage.

Now, if a cock cage demonstrates a dominant wife's total control over her husband's sexuality or a single man's willingness to sacrifice his sexuality in the hope of finding his superior woman, the general subordinating effect of forcing a man to wear women's lingerie and nightwear can't be discounted.

A number of ladies who read this blog have purchased these amazing, Slimming Underwear Tummy Control Panties. One lady wrote me and said, "Since I have had Paul wearing these over his cage daily he has been even more docile and willing to please. Plus, they have already improved his figure. I call them belly busters."

Keeping your husband in panties is a good first step. But for real control and humiliation, a long legged, side zipped, pantie girdle is perfect. Where the high waisted panties have a little control, a good girdle will literally change his figure. He'll have a more defined waist and a nicely curved bottom. (Between ourselves, I love the feel of a side zipped open bottom girdle holding my stockings up.)

A submissive husband needs practical foundations. There is no point in getting him pretty lingerie. He's a man, he'll look silly in frills (which can be fun too). So a plain, white, lycra bomb is all he deserves.

Caged and girdled by day, what about when a submissive husband is sent to bed? Well, of course the cock cage stays on and his morning wood will be uncomfortable enough that he'll wake up and get started making you coffee in bed, running your bath, doing any hand washing you have left for him. elliot has to wash out my yesterday's panties after he has his corner time. There are some things it is better for a submissive husband to do himself even though we have a maid.

I prefer nice, feminine cotton nighties for elliot. You may have other preferences. And for single men, wearing a cotton nightie to bed every night will remind you of your place and where you would like to be. After a few days or weeks putting on a pretty nightie will just be part of your bedtime routine.

Now the great advantage of a fairly full coverage nightie is that it gives a wife the opportunity to experiment with a few more feminizing humiliations.
I am not a huge fan of making men wear bras during the day when they are out of the home. It can work in very limited circumstances but, usually, it simply leads to awkwardness in a workplace or a social situation.

However, in bed, in a nightie, there is absolutely no reason why a wife can't tell her husband to wear a bra and the breast forms which go with it.

Having experimented with elliot, while it might be fun to see your husband having to deal with DD cup breasts, a nice B to start and then work up to a C or D. The point is that when your husband is getting ready for bed and is in bed and when he wakes up and sets about serving you he will look different and feel different. There is nothing more feminizing than the weight of breasts and the more modern breast forms and a good bra will give your husband a real sense of that. And, of course, for a single man to make breasts a part of his evening ritual is excellent training for his eventual female led marriage.

One thing I would strongly suggest, and other wives have confirmed this, is that you require your husband to wear a well made, very supportive but very utilitarian sports bra. Pretty lingerie is for you (and your maid if you are lucky enough to have one), your husband is supposed to feel the full weight of his breasts and that's where a good sports bra makes all the difference.

And remember, in a well-run female led marriage, your husband is almost always sent to get ready for bed sometime before you retire. This means he can put on his breast forms, sports bra and nightie without you really having to see anything but the pleasing curves under his nightie.

Of course, some husbands need more discipline than others and Amazon is there to help. When you

are first training a husband or boyfriend it is a good idea to be able to restrain him. While I no longer need restraints for elliot, I still have a wonderful set of police grade handcuffs I purchased a decade ago. The nice thing about serious handcuffs is they will fit in your purse so you can restrain and correct your submissive male where ever you happen to be. In our early days, elliot learned the hard way that dressing rooms and washrooms offered the privacy, if not the sound proofing required for a gentleman's correction.

There are many occasions when a gentleman needs to be restrained for some time or under some tension. Handcuffs are the wrong tool. Well made, lined, leather wrist and ankle restraints are the obvious solution. But, for Heaven's Sake, buy high quality restraints. You want your submissive husband to be mindful of his correction or your pleasure, not worrying about how his wrists are chaffing.

As to corrections themselves, a dominant wife should recognize that her hand alone is not going to do the job. The fact is that a lady's hand is too small and too soft to make much of an impression. Using a hair brush helps a lot. And a lady, with a reasonably sized bag, can carry a hairbrush entirely innocently and deploy it as needed. As I mentioned, there are any number of usefully private locations available if your husband or boyfriend is rude or inattentive. This little brush will leave a lasting impression.

For more serious infractions, principally disobedience or resistance, but also having what I refer to as an obnoxious attitude, sterner measures and a lot more leverage will be required. As I have often written, in a serious FLR, punishment is a very real thing. Faced with a recalcitrant husband or boyfriend, a lady needs to be willing to inflict serious pain and, in many cases, leave bruises or welts. You are doing your submissive no favours by holding back when they need correction.

elliot's least favourite implement is also one which you can see any time you go into a bathroom

equipped with a shower or bath in our house. The simple, long handled, shower brush can be kept in plain sight as a reminder to your husband or boyfriend of the consequences of any disobedience. In the early stages of an FLR this sort of everyday implement is going to see a lot of use. It takes a while to train any man worth training. This beechwood shower brush has a 17 and 3/4 inch handle. As the copy says, good for reaching those "hard to reach" areas - in our case psychological rather than physical.



Some disciplinary wives swear by the paddle for their husband's correction. I have to take their word for it as I have never used a paddle on elliot. There is an amazing selection of paddles at Amazon ranging from a rather nasty looking hardwood paddle:

on through to a selection of bamboo paddles. I have to say I am seriously considering getting this wide bamboo paddle, not for elliot but for Mady. Her skin is a little too delicate for the cane and the shower brush seems to give me too much leverage when my naughty little maid needs correction. This is obviously a light duty paddle and correcting Mady is all about repetition, not force.

I have been correcting elliot with a rattan cane (go to your local garden shop or China town, but use rattan, not bamboo which tends to splinter) and a dozen strokes will certainly call him to order. But, I have to admit, I am also becoming fond of an item which is called a heel stick. Just under three feet with a very solid, rubber, handle. It weighs a little more than a rattan cane and leaves welts a little faster with less effort on my part. elliot hates it almost as much as the shower brush.

Until we met Mady and she became my maid, I was not really familiar with the varieties of anal humiliation a submissive husband can undergo. Yes, I did know about prostate milking and I thoroughly approved of the idea of restraining elliot, pushing a vibrator into his bottom and leaving him to make a non-orgasmic mess he would have to lick up later.  In fact, we wrote a book about it, A Ladies Guide to Prostate Milking. However, Mady opened up a whole other dimension.

Coming from a certain corner of the lesbian world, Mady just loved strap ons. While strap ons do nothing for me, Mady thoroughly enjoys “pegging” elliot as a preliminary to his paying her oral attention. But, Mady being Mady, she has evolved this into a bit of a ritual and the first part of the ritual is that Elliot has to go to her room, strip naked and present his bottom for an enema. “I like to peg a clean bottom,” says Mady. And good for her.

To that end she had me order this rather simple but effective enema kit:

"Two bags and he's clean if a little shaky," explained Mady. "I'll often have him stand in his corner for a few minutes before allowing him to release. Once the second bag has gone in, I will stand in front of him and put on my strap on. I use dils which have a nice end for the lady and a rather larger end for the gentlemen. I let elliot release and then he knows he has to assume his position for pegging. I lube him up a bit and then push in. He's used to it now and he knows I am going to fuck him until I come. When I'm done I leave the dil in him, unclip the harness and leave him to clean up."

Mady's strap on is very similar to this one although she has a couple of different sized dils, one a little bigger and one a little smaller.

The extraordinary thing is that all of these items and thousands more are available at Amazon at quite reasonable prices. With a Free Prime Trial you don't have to pay for shipping and, while you are waiting for your order to arrive, you can read all my books and elliot's books free.

elliot's cell

What do you give a man who has everything for Christmas?

My dear elliot has pretty much everything a man could want. His business, his library, a pretty maid who wears corsets and quarter cup bras under her nearly sheer uniform blouse and doubles as a strict personal trainer and, of course, me. His loving dominant wife and disciplinarian.

He is, of course, in his cock cage pretty much full time and his ball stretchers put that little bit of pressure on his testicles to remind him of his place. But those are minor impositions compared to the pleasure he gets from being exercised by Mady and giving me the oral attentions I so enjoy. In fact, he is entirely reconciled to a life of chastity if not celibacy - no, very definitely not celibacy. I want him erotically charged pretty much all the time.

So what to get him for Christmas? I always get him books which he loves. I suspect he would be completely happy if all he did was read in his strange trove of English literary biography and the vast garden of "uncle" books - usually history books you would give to your uncle.

Mady had asked several weeks before Christmas what we should get him and I had not really come up with an answer. But then I remembered the note I wrote about the wife who confined her husband,

"tom has always been deeply into the idea of close confinement," said my friend. "Another friend of mine was "crate training" her dog. Well, I put two and two together and when I had tom build my dressing room, I ordered a large, rather nicely made, furniture really, dog crate. Now, when tom gets on my nerves, or I want to have a nice read in bed or really for any reason at all, I have him strip to his cock cage. Then all I say is "Crate" and in he goes. It has a cute little lock but I had him add a real padlock hasp. Once he's in I go in and snap the lock shut. Then I just forget he's there. It isn't punishment exactly. And my dressing room is hardly a dungeon, but tom knows if he is sent to my dressing room he is entirely at my command. Usually, I will just crate him; but if he needs a whipping or I feel like pegging him, well everything I need is close to hand. And I got a wonderful, very girly, dressing room out of it." 

I mentioned this to Mady.

"I don't think elliot likes being confined. He hates being locked in the closet as much as I do," said Mady.

(The closet is pretty much my most severe punishment. Very simple. It is just what looks for all the world like a broom closet which has been lined with sound absorbent material and finished in red velvet tufting. There are ingenious ways to make the tufting conform quite closely to either elliot or Mady's rather different shapes. It is very dark and very silent with the door closed and locked. If elliot or Mady have been particularly bad I will have a good big, remote-controlled dildo inserted in up their bottom. If they have been extra naughty, they are also required to put a tiny, and I do mean tiny, bit of BenGay cream on their nipples and, if I am feeling mean, elliot has to do his scrotum and Mady her mound. And then in they go. The door locks and I set a timer. True to its advertising the BenGay can last for a couple of hours and I will remotely pulse the butt plug from time to time. They both hate the closet and I use it sparingly.)

"Not quite what I had in mind, Mady. I was thinking more along the lines of converting elliot's dressing room into a celibate's cell. Just a bed. No decoration. Perhaps, if he's lucky, a book I think he should read, mainly the same mindfulness he finds in the corner with my panties or yours," I said.

"That sounds like a great idea and a wonderful gift," said Mady.

"It does, doesn't it," I said. "I love elliot dearly but there are times when I would just like to be on my own - or with you between my legs and not a thought of elliot. I am sure you would like the occasional day off as well," I said.

"If we put a slot in the door for food we could leave him in his cell for a couple of days," said Mady.

"We could," I said.

"But, if I may, ma'am, I would not put his cell in his dressing room. There is a quite large box room I think you would call it in the hall which would be just the right size. It would fit a cot nicely and it is right beside a bathroom so the plumbing would not be a problem. And there is even a little window. It would be far enough from your bedroom that you would not need to pay any attention at all once you locked the door," said Mady. "And then I could give my mistress the pleasures only girls are really good at."

"Oh, elliot is pretty good, Mady," I said, "As you know."

So that is what elliot got for Christmas. We told the carpenter that it was a meditation room.

While I would have prefered a genuine single bed in true monastery style, the reality was that I also like clean and modern and made of steel - plus this bed frame allows me to easily have Mady chain elliot's ball stretcher to the foot of the bed. The chain is just long enough that he can get to the toilet or the door for his food.

He spent his first night in his cell a couple of days ago. There is, of course, a ritual. He showers and when he is done Mady slides a long hasped combination padlock through his ball stretcher rings and then through a piece of perfectly ordinary link chain. Mady walked elliot, in his dressing gown, to the door of his cell where I was waiting. She handed me his chain and took his dressing gown. Then she took a very pretty, short, cotton nightie  and put it over his head. It came just below his bottom and his poor caged cock was barely covered.

I walked him over to the bed where there was another length of chain wrapped around the central support.

"Darling, I've decided you need a little room of your own. Merry Christmas. Your meals will come through the slot in the door. Good Night," I said kissing him lightly on the cheek and locking the second padlock which held the chains.

There was a bolt on the outside of the door which Mady drew closed.

"I hope he likes his present," said Mady.

"So do I. Now, you, young lady have my bath to attend to and, much as I hate to say it, locking elliot away has made me very wet indeed...which you can attend to as my bath is running," I said with a big smile.

"Yes ma'am. No fear of interuption," said Mady.

"None."

Update: In comments and emails a number of my readers have asked for elliot's reaction to his cell. I let him out after a little more than 36 hours. Really just two nights and a day. But he was chained the entire time and, of course, with the soundproofing, was entirely isolated. How did it go? Here's what he said.

"Once I realized that you planned to lock me into a small room and chain me to the bed I had to assume that the Lady of the House had her reasons. I didn't feel like I was being punished, exactly. More reminded of the very fulfilling life I am allowed to lead on the other side of my cell door.

"Just as having my cock in its cage is a constant reminder that you are in complete control of my erections and what ejaculations I am permitted, being locked in the cell reminded me that the rest of my life is your gift as well."

"I quickly got used to being chained to the bed. It was surprising to feel the effect of the extra weight. Not painful, just uncomfortable. So I spent most of my time sitting on my bed. I slept and I thought about how wonderful it would be to be allowed to see you and Mady. I was silent."

"It would be nice if you could see your way to leaving a pair of your panties with me when you confine me. A reminder."

So, no ill effects. Just mindfullness. elliot is very well trained.

Is there any such thing as a part time FLR?

I received a note from a rather nice woman which boiled down to this question:

Is there any such thing as a part time FLR?

Here's the note in full - with her kind permission.

Dear Hannah,

I very much enjoy your blog and look forward to new entries and can't wait for your book.

I suppose I am the leader in my marriage in the sense that my husband does what he is told, accepts my punishments when he is cheeky and is sexually submissive to me. He is chaste although I have not yet put him in a cock cage except to play for a day. 

At the same time we have kids, we both work and, frankly, we simply don't have the time for much of anything. Yes, he is sexually submissive; but, really, we're both mainly sexually and in every other way, exhausted. 

The fact is that I find leading and being a dominant wife great fun and very much how I think marriage should be organized, but I don't think I have the energy to be dominant full time.

Any suggestions?

----

This letter, and several like it, are really about the idea that there is a "right" way to be a dominant wife and head of household. There is no such thing. There is only "your" way.

In fact, in a marriage where the husband does what he is told, accepts his wife's right to correct him and is sexually compliant all of the essentials of an FLR are in place. Enforced chastity is merely the cherry on top.

Perhaps the best way to understand a long term dominant/submissive relationship is to see it as a practice rather than as an event. For example, elliot is often sent to his corner to reflect and be mindful; however, he does not have to be sent there every day at 8:30 AM for this to be effective. In fact, days and even weeks may go by without him having cornertime. The fact he acknowledges my right to use this particular discipline is as important as the discipline itself.

At the same time, the writer is underlining a more troubling aspect to her marriage, and frankly, to the marriages of many of the younger people I know. They do not have enough time to really enjoy their marriages whether FLR or vanilla. And the writer, as head of her household is responsible for fixing that with the help of her husband. 

There are a number of things which are time sinks which a clever, dominant, wife will get to work eliminating. First off, screen time. A properly disciplined husband should have a fixed amount of time he is allowed to waste in front of a screen - TV, computer, video game - half an hour a day for non-work related screens is more than enough in my opinion. You would be astonished at how much time that simple rule will free up. 

Don't guess at the screen time either. I suggest you keep a couple of delightfully old fashioned wind up timers around the house. When your husband wants to watch TV or play a video game make sure he has to come to you and ask for his timer. You set it and it will ring when his time is up. (Timers are also good for corner time or when you want to give him three minutes to ejaculate.)

With his newly free time you can have your husband do more around the house. Spend time with the children, clean up the kitchen after dinner, do the laundry (yes, men can be trained not to mix whites with colours). 

The two of you should also sit down an look at your finances to see where the money is going and how it can be better spent to free up time for you as a couple. I cannot overemphasize how much better a marriage can be with a cleaning lady once a week and a regular babysitter. Yes, that costs money but it will give you both time to actually be with one another.

A third strategy is to set a bedtime for your husband. I like elliot in bed by 10 on weeknights and 11 on the weekends. Setting your husband's bedtime is very much an act of wifely dominance. Tell him you expect him in his pajamas or nightie (if you require it) with his teeth brushed and showered and tucked in ready for his kiss goodnight at 10 on the dot and make a point of giving him that kiss every night. Make sure his bedtime is early enough that it actually changes his schedule.

Of course, the nice thing about having your husband in bed at a set hour is that he is available to service you if you are in the mood. elliot loves it when I tell him to lie back and arrange myself for his oral attentions. It also give you a moment in the day to review his behavior and correct him where required. Having a nice, flexible, cane handy and telling your husband to roll over and raise his hips will ensure he knows his place. With a regular, early, bedtime, discipline and pleasure will have a place in your day. 

By making these, small, adjustments a dominant wife can bring a good deal of order into her household and deepen her FLR. Best of all, these sorts of simple routines actually reduce the energy it takes to be the head of your household. Being the dominant partner in your marriage should actually take less rather than more energy. Remember, it is your husband's position to love, honour and obey you. As it should be.

Submissive Men Considered

elliot was in the shower after his daily work out with Mady and the two of us were having a nice cup of tea before getting on with the rest of our days. With our new arrangement, unless Mady is actually in uniform - which is around four to five hours a day - she is more my young companion than a servant and that lets her learn. And to learn you have to ask questions.

"Why do you think elliot is submissive?" she asked. "I mean it is not as if he is anything but highly effective and even a bit aggressive doing his business. I hear him speaking very sharply when things are not done exactly as he requires. Lots of testosterone."

"Lots. And even more since you have been in charge of his workouts." I said.

"I've noticed. He gets so hard in his cage when I have him lick me. Even standing in his corner he gets hard." said Mady smiling.

"And with me Mady. No elliot has a wonderfully strong sex drive and even when he has to wear a bra and girdle no one would ever mistake him for a woman." I said.

"So where does the submission come from?" asked Mady.

"For the longest time, Mady, I really didn't know. When we first started experimenting with a Female Led Marriage I saw it as more of a sexy game than anything. I mean it was tons of fun to have elliot pay really close attention to what I want. And it was nice to be able to enjoy sex without feeling like I had to always reciprocate. And we could have left it there."

"But you didn't." said Mady sipping her tea.

"No. One day elliot was, I think largely unintentionally, more than a little disrespectful. I honestly forget what it was about. It didn't matter. Right there and then I sent him up to our room and told him to wait for me. I took a few minutes to calm down and then went upstairs. I stopped into the bathroom and got our big bath brush. You know the one."

"I am afraid I do ma'am." said Mady remembering a relatively light spanking she'd received with the brush.

"Well, I wanted to make an impression. I had him lower his pants and lie across my lap and then I got to work. As you know, that bath brush can sting. But it can do more than sting with a little force behind it. I gave him two dozen strokes, the last six about twice as hard as the first six. He was squirming at the beginning and then kicking his legs and then, for the last six strokes he just lay in my lap and accepted his punishment. He was completely surrendered. But the funny thing was, even though he was on the verge of tears, he had the biggest erection I have ever seen him have. When I was done I had him stand up and I slipped off my now quite moist panties. Spur of the moment. I sent him with his red, slightly bruised bum, off to a corner with my panties to press into the corner with his nose and I left him there for fifteen minutes while I freshened up and made a cup of coffee. When I came back he was where I left him and his little cock was just as hard and it was dripping a little pre-cum. I reached around and pulled him a couple of times and then told him to get dressed."

"I had spanked him before but this was transformative. In fifteen minutes elliot went from being a bit edgy and resistive to completely docile and content. In actual fact, when I had spanked him before, while the humiliation of having to lie across his wife's lap was useful, the fact was I am not strong enough to physically correct a man in a way which will leave a lasting impression. The leverage of the bath brush changed that equation completely."

"Did the change last?" asked Mady.

"I think it has lasted 'til this day. But, obviously, the effect can fade which is why I let you cane him and I cane him as well. I read a lot about the physiological effects of corporal punishment and it seems pretty clear that, at a certain point of intensity, a bunch of neurochemicals are released. But there is no point in a light whipping. You have to swing your cane or paddle or bath brush hard enough and long enough that the man really feels it." I said, "But punishment or humiliation are not really at the root of a man's submission. They just make his position clear. I think a lot of men, and certainly elliot, need to have the relief of knowing that when their business day is ended they are to do what they are told. No decisions, no arguments, just obedience and deference to the woman who loves them. It is a "safe place" where they can simply let the intensity of their world go."

"Is it really "a lot of men"?" asked Mady.

"I think so. Now, for a lot of men submissiveness is not on their wive's or girlfriend's menu. At least not officially. But I am often amused by how submissive and deferential men often are to the woman in their life. And if you chat to perfectly ordinary, vanilla, wives it is pretty clear who wears the pants at home and in the bedroom. Nice ladies at church have told me how they "manage" their husbands. And most of those husbands, after the first couple of years of marriage, are effectively chaste and on their wive's sexual schedule. Suits both parties for the wife to take charge. All I have done is made all of that more express, more real, for elliot. Which, as you know, suits us perfectly."

"I can certainly see some of the rather formidable ladies in church running their husband's lives for them; but how do they know?" said Mady.


"In many cases they don't. A wife will give her husband a "honey-do" list and reward him for completing it. The reward might be a good steak dinner or it might be a blow job. But the wife is in control in any case. If you keep an eye out you will see very strong, powerful, men ask their wives for permission to go to the pub or play a round of golf. Why? Because if they don't they will be punished. Usually verbally and almost always with the withdrawal of sex for a little while or for quite a long time. Not to mention just how nasty some women are verbally. Not my thing at all; but I can certainly see why many husbands do as they are told. And once they start doing as they are told, they start to evolve into the submissive men smart women enjoy. Because they don't lose their edge in the more masculine world of work, rather they leave it at the door when they step into the presence of their wives. Watch, you'll see it over and over. All I am doing is taking it to the next, logical level and, in the process, giving elliot reminders of how happy he is in his place."

-----

If you are thinking of taking control of your marriage or asking your wife to put you in your place, you may want to read a few of our books or buy a cock cage or ball stretching weights:

	You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.
	You can order ball stretcher for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recommend starting with a fairly light stretcher. Make sure you measure the ball sack circumference. You want the stretcher to fit snugly just above the testicles. Order here.
Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid Mady's Favourite Book
Dominant Woman  Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband Effortless Female Superiority in a Loving Marriage
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE

Naughty and Corrected

The terrible truth about being a dominant wife is that if you have to whip your husband it is often your own fault. elliot was rude to me last night. Not horribly rude but rude and more than that, when I called him on it, I got back chat. I sent him to bed. But I knew I would have to punish him.

I don't especially like punishing elliot. Especially when I know I am going to have to be quite severe. Like most women, I am pretty warm and nurturing and I would prefer to cuddle than to cane. At the same time, part of my responsibility as head of household at our house is to correct elliot as and when required. And I realized last night, after I sent him up to bed, that I had not been taking my disciplinary duties as seriously as I should have.

It is, frankly, much better to cane a man instantly for bad behaviour rather than letting the behaviour continue. Being strict means that your husband will stay on his toes and pay you the respect and attention you require.

But the other advantage of frequent, immediate punishment is that men understand a good hard whipping right after the infraction far better than if you store up the punishments. Which means their errors will be fewer and the need to correct less urgent. So, in a sense, the severe whipping elliot deserved and got today was really my fault for not having taken things in hand much sooner. Even the best husband, and elliot is wonderful, is made all the better with a weekly or, at minimum bi monthly re-acquaintance with the cane or bath brush. Now, poor elliot, would have to endure both.

He describes his punishment over at his blog. I have little to add except to say that the bath brush is going to be used much more often. It is loud but we are now living in the country and it doesn't matter as much. His bottom looked like two red apples in his punishment panties. The other thing to mention is that while elliot seems to think I am using full strokes with the cane, in fact usually only the first half dozen at delivered with any serious force. Canes are finesse instruments: you can leave lovely, tight welts and perfect crosses without doing too much actual damage. Just make sure that you never "wrap" the cane or strike with the tip. The punishment panties actually give elliot some protection in case of errant strokes.

He asked for and took his punishment very gently and submissively. Sending him to his corner with his scorched bottom and my wet panties for company, I knew that he had learned his lesson and, as I sipped my coffee, I realized I had learned mine. Husbands, especially well trained, obedient, submissive husbands thrive on discipline. Neglect their correction or their maintenance and you are not treating them fairly. Yes, you can whip them hard as I whipped elliot today and hit a reset; but it is your own fault for not fulfilling your responsibility as a dominant wife.

Day 3

What Well Trained
Husbands Are Wearing

My Darling Elliot is upstairs working in his nicely tight girdle. He made it until 2:00PM the first day until he finally had to ask me to let him remove his girdle. I told him that after he had taken the dog for a two mile walk, in his girdle, he could remove it. That meant, on his first day, he wore the delightful garment for just on six hours.

Yesterday, the same routine, shower, girdle, work, walk but I added half an hour after his walk. Today I will add another half hour which will take him through until 4:00 PM when he gets ready for cocktails.

He is being weighed just before bed, in his nightie which is wonderfully humiliating. His walking combined with the fact I have forbidden him wine or beer except on weekends, plus my reducing the size of his portions, has worked a little magic: two and a half of his required ten plus pounds have been shed. Early days.

Meanwhile, according to my Amazon sales, three other husbands will find a girdle in their future. Remember to work your husband up slowly and don't skimp on the exercise or portion control. You should only have to tell him once that he is to wear a girdle every day and make sure he knows he has to ask your permission to remove it. (And do write a comment about your experiences.)

I plan to get Elliot up to the point where he is girdled from the time he gets up until I send him to bed around 9:00. Of course, the one other benefit of a well girdled husband is that he is very chaste indeed. All that elastic keeps even a serious erection tightly confined. 

And, of course, as we know, men love routine no matter how much they protest or how humiliated they are. So be firm, set goals, whip him if he does not comply.

What Fun

Taming the little snake

Every so often I like to have Elliot masturbate into his little cup. This is especially true when I am planning on having him for my greater pleasure in the not too distant future. I could milk him but having him make his little mess himself is all the more humiliating and entertaining.

As he pulls away on my little cockette I play a little with his nipples which gets him wonderfully hard. I was telling him that now that the cooler weather is coming we'll be able to really settle into our routine. Lingerie clips on his nipples for cocktails, our lovely, heavy, nJoy Stainless Steel Wand up his bottom after his bath, his wearing pretty slips to bed...

Then I pinched his nipple, hard, and he came.

"Now Darling, you know what you have to do."

He put the little cup to his lips and licked it clean. It will be a delightful Fall and a wonderful Winter.

A little tease, a little deny

A key element of being a dominant wife is that you need to keep your husband in a state of frustrated sexual optimism. He has to think, in the face of all evidence, contrary to all experience, just to keep things lively, you might want to have sex and you might let him slip into you and you might,as if, let him come in you.

Tonight I wanted a bit of mischief and told Elliot to go upstairs and take his tablet before going to bed. We'd had steak and potatoes for dinner and we have a running joke that this is the cue for a blow job. (If I can judge from Elliot's reaction on the very rare occasions that I do give him a blow job, I am rather good at it. My own view is that technique is less important than enthusiasm and my experience prior to Elliot confirms this. However, I only feel enthusiastic about twice a year so poor Elliot rarely has that pleasure.)

So there he was all tucked in wearing a nice, thin, cotton shift and hard as a rock. I took my time undressing and knew he was watching. In my nightie I got down at the end of the bed and reached up to take his hard little cock in my hand.

"Darling I know you would just love me to suck your little cock until you spurted right in my mouth but.... We'll have to wait until tomorrow at least because I let you come a few days ago and I am very tired."

As I said this I was firmly stroking his throbbing little cock faster and faster. I wasn't worried about his coming, he can't unless I am pinching his nipples. But I was enjoying the pre-cum leaking out.

I stopped. "Now go to sleep Dear and dream about how nice my mouth would have felt if I thought you were ready. Too bad you're not... I was thinking of swallowing...Sweet dreams."

I reached over him, making sure he felt my hard, erect, nipples brush over his chest, and tuned out his light. I wrote this and read.

He's still hard beside me.

Of course...

All excited

One of the funniest things about Elliot, and most of the men I have known, is that if they enjoyed something once they want to do the same thing again almost immediately. Elliot sent me all manner of sweet emails thanking me for his whipping and my using his little cock for my pleasure without letting him come. Which was delightful.

Just for fun, just before he served me cocktails, I bent him over the couch in the living room and tried out a few canes which had been in storage. Not at all hard and I could see it stung more than hurt because his cockette was standing on end at the end.

"You silly man...look at that ridiculous little cock all hard after your whipping. Well there will be none of that sort of thing tonight. Go up an put on a good stiff panti girdle and pour my wine."

He hastened to comply. But all evening he was pestering me for sex even knowing he was not going to be allowed to ejaculate. I am very seriously thinking of getting a little cage for that little cock while still keeping him on the low dose Viagra.

I sent him to bed early and told him he was sleeping in his girdle under his nightie which is a nice way of saying that there would be no activity.

(One note: I have had a couple of notes from readers asking if Elliot's little cock frustrates me for want of length and girth. Two things: first, while I like to humiliate him by demeaning his cock - I think humbling is good for a man - I actually like his perfectly ordinary, if a little small, cock. I have had large cocks and, frankly, most of the time they are more than a little uncomfortable. Second, a slightly smaller than normal cock on a bit of Viagra is a delight. It is more than enough to make me feel full and I can keep Elliot in control so he services me as long as I want. And his little cock is well enough trained that if I don't want him to make a mess he won't. And I usually prefer to have him ejaculate in his cup rather than in me. So it is all good. Better small and obedient than large and messy.)

As If

The micro doses of Viagra I am having Elliot take daily are having a wonderful effect in combination with my enforcing his chastity until we are completely moved in. He is spending his days tumescent at minimum, hard at least five or six times in a day. It makes him very attentive.

There is a lot of debate over whether or not a submissive husband should be kept in a chastity device. Generally I have relied on tight panti-girdles to keep Elliots little cock in order; but the idea of a chastity device is appealing. Especially with the little tastes of Viagra. I know it seems rather silly to both chemically induce an erection and refuse to allow Elliot to touch me or himself; but it keeps him very much on edge which is where I like him.

This morning, before I was even awake, he was kneeling on my side of the bed, naked, erect and hoping for relief. I sent him to his corner and found his panti-girdle. I don't cage him, although I noticed that the cost of the CB6000S ("S" for short because I want his lovely little cockette nicely constrained) male chastity device, has dropped to $20.00 on Amazon You can order one here.

I think I might just cage Elliot and see how that goes.

Pretty Girdles

Unlike many a modern Miss, I happen to love girdles. Not shapewear, not Spanx: real live, zip up the side, attach your stockings open bottom girdles.


Of course my sweet husband has learned to love them too and, as I like to put him to work to earn a little champagne money for me, I had him first, put on one of his tightest, chastity panti girdles and a pair of nice stockings, second, go through the images of girdle advertising he has been collecting for me for several years and make a little Kindle book which I have him flip through in bed.

I like to tease him for a few minutes before drifting off so I play with his nipples, he gets very hard and then I go to sleep. I like him hard and in his girdle when I am sleeping.

You can get the book here.

Relaxing

A chaste man is an attentive man

So, poor e, passed his one month no ejaculation mark. He is getting that hang dog look of a man throughly whipped without actually having the stripes to prove it.

But heavens has he been attentive, particularily the last week where I have kept him in control panties by day and a tight panti girdle for bed. there is nothing he can do except try to please me.

He ran a delightful bubble bath last night and helped me change into my robe. I had him strip to his panties and stand in the corner of the bathroom, nose to my fresh panties, as he waited to soap my back and then dry me. I was not in the mood for anything else so I sent him to change into his panti girdle and white cotton nightie. I gave his cockette a little tease as he was trying to pull up his girdle. It is even more fun when he has to encase an erection under the pink lycra front panel.

"Now, darling, you may read for ten minutes and then lights out."

He gave me a little moan as I bent to kiss him good night and pinched his right nipple, hard, through the thin cotton of his nightie.