Saturday, 2 June 2018

12 Rules of Nature

I have been very interested in, and impressed by, Canadian clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson's recent book, 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote for Chaos. If you have not read it get over to Amazon right now and buy the book. Peterson is, however, largely attacking the symptoms of chaos rather than its causes. In fact, the causes are rooted in Nature and the denial of Nature by legions of confused, often well-meaning, egalitarians who want to pretend that there are no real differences between men and Women. This egalitarian impulse has led, directly, to the psychological chaos Peterson so intelligently outlines and prescribes against.

So, slightly tongue in cheek, but also with a very real point to make, here are my own 12 Rules of Nature.

1. Men and Women are fundamentally different. Mentally, emotionally, physically we are not the same and the idea of equality between the sexes is a basic and dangerous illusion.

2. Women are primary in the construction of any sort of civilized world. From this Primacy flows virtually all of the social, cultural, sexual and political norms of a well-ordered world.

3. Women are sexual creatures but their sexual triggers are more subtle and more complex than the rude and primitive sexuality of men. Part of civility is bringing men's base urges under the control of whichever woman is in charge of them at the time: mother, mistress, wife.

4. Civilization and civil society arise when men accept that women are in charge of the sexual world and that their male urges and fetishes and needs are best met in subordination to the requirements of an intelligent, aware, woman.

5. Men have no right to sexual expression. Part of the process of maturation for men is to have their sexual lives channelled and controlled from puberty onward. It is a mark of a civilized society that men are only allowed a sexual outlet inside the bounds of matrimony or in the context of a paid relationship with a willing and dominant mistress or courtesan. Outside those two situations, a man has not earned the right to any form of sexual gratification and should be shamed if he, as it were, takes matters into his own hands. Within those situations, however, a man's sexual release remains a privilege to be earned. In a properly understood marriage, the husband is chaste unless and until his wife will enjoy his attentions. Not every husband has his cock in a cage, but many do and it is a growing phenomenon. And more than a few professional mistresses have chastity requirements for their clients.

6. Because of her Primacy in Nature, a woman should be given choices. The decision whether or not to work outside the home should be a choice and, generally, a woman will find it more rewarding to be supported by the work of a man. Prior to marriage, a young lady often enjoys the support of a patron. In both cases, women have the perfect right to demand and receive complete and generous support. In fact, in a proper marriage, a man will tend to turn over all of his earning to his wife and be put on a weekly allowance.

7. When a woman is ready to be supported she may initially opt to provide companionship to a variety of men in exchange for that support but, in the longer run, she will almost always want the stability of a marriage to the best male she can attract.

8. It is entirely Natural for a woman to be hypergamous. Hypergamy is most easily thought of as "marrying up". But that is a very shallow version. A better version is that women naturally want to spend time with and, eventually, marry men who will be good providers, faithful, good fathers and the best men they can be. "Rich" or "good-looking" are passing conditions, but dumb is forever. Women are looking for two very important male traits: intelligence and submission.

9. Standing up Straight, Cleaning Your Room and a number of other items mentioned in Peterson's book are the minimum requirements a woman should have for a man she is considering either spending time with pre-maritally in a paid role, or marrying. The last thing a woman wants or needs is a weak, ineffectual, emotionally challenged little boy dressed up in a suit. And, in fact, the suit may be a social marker which is less important than being a man of real skill in a torn t-shirt.

10. In a civilized world where the Natural order is observed, women will expect, as of right, good manners, deference and a respectful attitude from every man they meet. They will also conduct themselves according to certain basic rules - for example, a single or married woman will never find herself alone with a man who is not either her husband or client. And, yes, this does limit dating quite a bit. Which is alright because, unless there is a professional relationship, a woman will tend to impose the strictest chastity on any prospective spouse from the first date onwards. She will want to see how obedient he is and what level of control he can manage over his baser urges before even considering marriage.

11. As part of her Primacy, a woman will make the effort to be as attractive as she can be. Women are not all supermodels, but good skin care, a reasonable diet, exercise and an attention to clothes and makeup will go a long way towards ensuring that a woman's Primacy is unmistakable. Dressing in a feminine and understated way, avoiding excess, and enjoying the pleasure of being the object of the male gaze are all part of a woman accepting and revelling in her Primacy.

12. In Nature, in a civilized and civil society, women are in charge. A woman should take her natural place at the centre of attention. In situations where her Primacy is not acknowledged, a woman always has the option of leaving, or, perhaps more to the point, of calling a man to order. A woman receives the Primacy she demands.

Sunday, 20 May 2018

Is a Female Led Relationship "Natural"?

Here is another question I am asked a lot,

Is a Female Led Relationship "Natural"?

It is but understanding why and how is actually pretty important to having a successful FLR.

The actual dynamic in an FLR is powered by a couple of facts which have fallen out of the popular conversation about male/female relationships. The first fact is that men and women are significantly different. Physically, psychologically and, for want of a better term, hormonally there is simply no comparison between a man and a woman. The second fact is that men and women think very differently. 

Camille Paglia, a cultural critic for whom I have a lot of time, controversially said, "If civilization had been left in female hands we would still be living in grass huts." And a friend of mine added, "with really nice curtains". Here is the thing, women want extremely simple things: a home, nice clothes, security, a bit of luxury and a sense of being valued. Men want different things, here again Paglia, "Men know they are sexual exiles. They wander the earth seeking satisfaction, craving and despising, never content. There is nothing in that anguished motion for women to envy."

According to Paglia, and on my own observation, men generally, and especially alpha men, tend to be on a permanent hunt for something they are sure they want but can't quite identify. What, in fact, they are looking for is a woman who will take them in hand, put an end to the hunt and redirect all that wasted energy. 

To end the male "hunt" a woman has to combine three or four elements of control and discipline. Approached head on, there is simply no way a woman can control, much less discipline a man. She cannot physically subdue him and asking him to comply takes away her authority because it means her authority is contingent on his consent. Consent which may be withdrawn at any time. (I suspect one of the reasons why FLRs often end after a couple of months or a year is because they have been based on consent rather than surrender.)

A dominant woman is not dominant because she is bossy or bitchy - in fact, many dominant wives enjoy being the quiet "power behind the throne". A dominant woman is, however, in charge. She makes the decisions in her marriage or relationship. But how does she get there?

In a very basic way a woman leads a relationship because she has provided her man with the answer to the questions which lead to Paglia's "sexual exile". Male sexuality, especially alpha male sexuality, begins with the adolescent's inchoate horniness. The need to get laid, somehow, overwhelms almost everything else in the adolescent male brain. And this is a need which, unless put under control, will drive men well into their sixties. 

In my research for my books on high end escorting (Avails: Escorting for the Elegant Woman and 
Money Sex: tales from the luxury lives of high end escorts, mistresses and courtesans) I interviewed literally hundreds of women who, quite rightly in my view, make excellent money catering to the unresolved needs and urges of well to do men. Escorts and mistresses wouldn't have clients and patrons if men were able to actually find what they so desperately need. The fact is, however, that these highly skilled, highly paid, women don't end men's sexual exile, they simply make the prison more comfortable.

The one thing which stood out in my conversations with sexual professionals was the fact that, to really be a great escort or mistress, a woman has to be able to "take charge" of her date or her patron's visits. While her client may think he is setting the agenda, the escort is, in fact guiding him and using his eagerness to suit her own ends. The mistress does much the same thing but over repeated encounters. Yes, the clients and patrons are looking for secual release, but the higher end girls and the beautifully dressed mistresses are well aware that this is only one of the things their clients need.

Men tend to confuse their sexuality with their much broader set of needs. A wonderful encounter with a highly skilled escort is almost never about the sex. Rather it is about men being given permission to drop a whole set of masks and illusions and come directly to the point with a woman who has also dropped the pretences of the social construction of sexuality. The escort or mistress almost always takes charge of the date and almost never is coy about asking for and getting what she wants. Over and over, the girls told me that the real trick to their tricks was to convince their client that he had fulfilled her desires.

Which brings me to the "natural" question. In point of fact, men are in sexual exile because they think that their pleasure, their release, is important to their completion and fulfilment. They are released from exile when they are given and accept another goal: a woman's pleasure and completion.

For a wife or girlfriend the issue is not making her man a better or more considerate lover - save that for the self-help books. Rather the issue is re-aligning his perception so that he begins to understand that he is happier and more complete when he is able to meet the goals she sets for him. Men are terrifically competitive and goal driven. 

Once a woman understands how men generally, and her man in particular, work. What their needs really are and how much they want and need a woman to take charge, it is a very simple and very natural progression. Taking sexual possession of a man is no more complicated than giving him exactly what he wants, enthusiastically, and then setting boundaries and requirements for "more". And they always want more. If a man knows that he will have his fantasy sexual encounter in a week, if he locks up his cock in his chastity device and if he pleasures his wife just right during that week, he'll lock himself in. If he knows that his girlfriend will throw herself at him if he works hard and well, but cane him if he's lazy, you can bet he'll work very hard indeed. 

At the outset of a relationship or a marriage, a smart woman will use her sexuality to first enthrall and then control her man. As part of that she'll introduce the idea of discipline and punishment for his lapses. As he accepts each of these steps he will, gradually and willingly, surrender to the woman he loves. That surrender is the most natural thing in the world. 


Tuesday, 15 May 2018

Another way to read our books

As many of you know, elliot and I have published a number of books and will be publishing more over the summer as he has more time. You can find elliot's collection here

My, much smaller collection including a femdom novel fragment and several books about mistresses and escorts can be found here:

A great way to access all our books is to sign up for a free Kindle Unlimited trial. You get all our books and many more female led marriage, lingerie and beauty books for no cost:

Try it.

Monday, 14 May 2018

FLRs before marriage

Can you have a Female Led Relationship before marriage?

It is a question I am asked quite often and the simple answer is, of course. In fact there are a wide variety of female superior relationships which are a very long way from marriage indeed. But let's begin with the simplist: a couple who are heading towards matrimony.

In gentler times couples would often date for a year and then become formally engaged and then get married. This gave each partner a chance to really get to know the other. This custom continues to this day in more conservative communities and, frankly, makes a lot of sense. Implicit in this "slow and steady" approach is mutual chastity. A girl might "save herself" for marriage and, while a man might be expected to have had a bit more experience, being openly promiscuous is frowned upon. If you have been reading these questions so far you will know where this is going. In this conservative, courting style relationship, the woman holds pretty much all the sexual power simply because she is not going to go one step further than a young lady should. Which is not to say she will not tease.

The power relationship, taken straight from the myths of the 1950's, is that the young lady holds all the sexual cards and the young man dances attendance. (I note that this is the very opposite of the female disempowering world of "hook-up culture" and "friends with benefits" and a good thing at that.) Now, on the assumption that most men, especially alpha men, like to be "taken in hand" by a strong woman who know what she requires, how hard will it be for a girl, as she is being courted, to require her swain to accept her control. Once that has happened any lapses will, of course, need to be punished. A good bath brushing for serious offences becomes part of the routine. To make it stick, a young lady might have her soon to be fiance order her bathbrush as an early marker in their relationship.

As the courtship progresses the young lady will want to increase the sexual teasing without actually letting her young gentleman go very far at all. A pretty cupless quarter bra under a tight cashmere sweater will whet his appetite. (Keeping Mady in quarter cup bras seems to keep elliot's cage well filled.) Similarily a pretty skirt and real silk stockings offer lots of teasing possibilities. And yes they are expensive but they are an intimate gift which a man can give a woman with her permission. Of course, to hold up her stockings and protect her virtue, a young lady can reach back to the 50's and purchase a good, sturdy, closed bottom, girdle. Thus armoured, a lady can tease to her heart's content knowing that even if her gentleman's control falters she'll be fine.

At some point the young couple will have to have the "conversation" in which she explains that he will certainly not be having sex with her until they are married but...If they were to become engaged she would feel responsible for attending, occassionally, to his more unbearable urges and might, if he was properly under lock and key, give him more access to her body and its charms. As he buys her ring, she buys him his first male chastity device. Likely in a soft silicon to start, it is, after all, just about controlling his erections and ejaculations. When they are actually married she'll likely opt for a more inflexible solution to the question of newlywed overeagerness. In any event, our modern "old fashioned" girl will make sure her sweetie hands her the key to his chastity along with her ring from the traditional kneeling position. And she'll be good to her word, occasionally giving him hand release when his own hands are handcuffed behind his back. His engagement present, along with a lovely ring, could be a decent set of handcuffs for just this purpose.

So, our clever young lady has managed to convince her gentleman that he should accept her control, authority and discipline as well as her complete control over his sexuality even before the big day. Not that she needs to be in any rush to get to the altar. Training her husband to be in all her little ways and to fulfil all her pleasure needs may take months or even years. But, at some point, he'll be trained and she'll set a date and consider whether she should give him her virginity or take his...

Tuesday, 1 May 2018

Avails: Escorting for the Elegant Woman

Just a quick heads up for my readers. My big book on high end escorting is currently offered for free at Amazon 

As you might guess the book is written from a subtle but very real feminine superiority perspective. After all, there is no greater tribute a man can pay a woman than hard, cold cash. There are several chapters which are about dominant dates and the pleasures of being in charge.

More importantly, Avails: Escorting for the Elegant Woman, takes female empowerment as a given. That tall, glossy girl in her four inch heels and pencil skirt carrying a designer bag striding across a hotel lobby is the very opposite of a victim. Instead, she is a woman in full, ready to enjoy an encounter with a very well paying gentleman who will do exactly what he is told and have a wonderful time doing it.

So it doesn't matter if you are not and never will be an escort or be lucky enough to enjoy an escort's professional services: you should get the book simply to understand the top girl attitude successful escorts bring to the oldest profession.


On another note, I want to thank all my readers for shopping through my Amazon links. Last month seven little cocks had chastity cages bought for them. And four lucky men will be humbled with remote controlled prostate massagers. Lots of sexy punishment wear and many naughty books were purchased by my readers.

But I also deeply appreciate readers who use my Amazon links to purchase everything from diet supplements to a full on cultivator. It is a lovely gesture and gives me a little "mad money" at Amazon.

Thank you!

Thursday, 29 March 2018

Can a Female Led Relationship be public?

A question I am often asked about FLRs is:

Can a Female Led Relationship be public?

It is an interesting question because it begins with the premise that the nature of relationships, in general, is public. If you see a couple walking down the street or in a store how can you tell who is "in charge". Which is the dominant partner? Generally, it is pretty much impossible to tell. In fact, even if you asked many couples, they would not really know how to answer because most couples never consciously make a decision as to which partner will lead.

Even with friends, the nuts and bolts of a marriage are seldom well understood outside that marriage. There is an element of privacy which almost every couple enjoys.

However, there are also assumptions made which may be mildly annoying and which a dominant wife and her adoring husband may wish to contradict. There may also be a bit of fun to be had, and some usefully humbling experience for an obedient husband, when a wife decides to assert her authority in public. Whether it is in a shopping mall or at dinner with friends or at a public event, a well trained husband will accept the fact his wife may make a public display of her dominance and his submission.

In our little town, elliot's position is, I gather, well understood. At least the women know. Oddly, I suspect very few of our male neighbours have any idea. Men don't really pick up the signals and, if they do, they will tend to see elliot's obvious submissiveness in terms of my being "bossy". (Which, of course, I am but that really isn't the point.) However, elliot's obedience is often remarked on as I go about my shopping. I have actually had sales clerks, from quite young girls to older, mature women, comment as elliot stands holding my bag and the clothes I want to try on. "What a lovely man." or "How do you manage to have your husband take such good care of you?" And, if asked, I am perfectly willing to say something like, "He does what he's told...or else."

One delightful girl of about twenty-five who was showing me dresses and asked about elliot, on receiving my stock response, cheekily asked, "Or else, what?" I answered, "Well it depends on what he has done; but he knows he'll be punished. Maybe time in his corner, maybe a good spanking or maybe something a little more pointed."

"You put him in a corner?" the girl asked smiling but incredulously. "Really?"

"Really." I said. "Naked."

"I don't believe you." said the girl.

elliot had been a bit impatient earlier and I was planning corner time for him in any event. There was a spare dressing room and the shop was empty.

"Come with me. You won't be shocked with a little nudity, will you?" I said to the shopgirl who shook her head. "elliot, you were a bit rude back in the grocery store. Come in here."

Fortunately, it was quite a large dressing room.

"Darling, put my bag and those clothes down on the divan. Then undress. You can do your corner time right here." As I said this I reached up under my skirt and slipped off my panties. elliot quickly stripped and was naked save for his cock cage in seconds. Without a word he took my panties and headed to the far corner. He placed my panties in position in the corner and pressed his nose against the gusset. "He'll stay like that until I tell him to stop."

Yes, the shopgirl's eyes were wide as saucers as we closed the curtain on elliot. "That is amazing..." she sputtered.

"Not really, dear. That is years of training and obedience," I said.

"My boyfriend would never do that," said the girl.

"You might be surprised. A firm hand, chastity, a cage and almost any man will learn to obey. But it does take a bit of work and you have to be firm. Spare the rod, spoil the husband." I said with a smile. I spent a happy twenty minutes trying on dresses, selected one, paid for it and said, "Well, let's see how elliot has made out."

We walked back into the dressing room and, of course, elliot was still in his temporary corner.

"You're finished now elliot. Bring me back my panties and get dressed." elliot did what he was told with a flourish. He knelt as he presented me my panties. "Thank you dear. Now hurry up and get dressed...I'd like to get home."

"Yes, Ma'am," said elliot.

"Amazing," said the shopgirl. "Please come back soon."

"Oh, I will. It will be handy to have a place to discipline elliot on the off chance he's naughty."

And I have used that little dress store several times.

So elliot's position is not a secret. In fact, he is a somewhat familiar sight holding my bag and whatever I am looking at or have already purchased. The fact that I tell him, rather than ask him, to do things is also a fairly public manifestation of our relative positions.

However, beyond this sort of quasi-public display, I prefer to be discreet. Frankly, my marriage, home life, bedtime pleasures are all my own business. And for other reasons, in the business world, I give elliot free rein and we present as a very conventional couple albeit one where the husband is unfailingly polite and considerate to his wife - something not all the business couples we deal with quite manage.

In our little church our pastor is entirely aware having taken Mady's private vows of obedience to me. Of course, I lead our party to our pew and elliot waits until Mady and I have seated ourselves. However, I put the offering in the collection plate. In a small community this is noticed. [Not to mention Mady's change in status from maid to maid/companion.]

So, as a rule, while I make no attempt to hide the fact I am in charge, I also don't spend a lot of time advertising that fact. The key part of an FLR is the R. It is a relationship. It has a public face and a private one. It is my decision as to how much to disclose and, frankly, how much is no one's business but my own. As our dress shop encounter illustrates, elliot does what he is told.


If you are thinking of taking control of your marriage or asking your wife to put you in your place, you may want to read a few of our books or buy a cock cage or ball stretching weights:

Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid
Mady's Favourite Book
Dominant Woman 
Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband
Effortless Female Superiority in a Loving Marriage
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE

You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.

There is really nothing more excitingly humiliating than pushing this up into your husband and teasing him with the remote. A
remote controlled, vibrating, butt plug/prostate massager should be in every dominant wife's toy box.

You can order ball stretcher for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recommend starting with a fairly light stretcher. Make sure you measure the ball sack circumference. You want the stretcher to fit snugly just above the testicles. Order here.

Saturday, 24 March 2018

How does sex work in a Female Led Relationship

Female led relationship, dominant wife, submissive husband
Here is another question about female led relationships I am asked a lot:

How does sex work in a Female Led Relationship?

Many of the dominant wives I know and am in correspondence with thoroughly enjoy sex. They love the sensation of being caressed, kissed and made love to. In fact, one reason some women are reluctant to take charge of their marriage or relationship is they are worried that their mostly satisfying sex life will be bent out of shape.

In fact, what tends to happen when a woman takes charge is that she gets a lot more of what she enjoys in the bedroom and nothing she does not want. Better still, she controls the timing and the sort of sex the couple will be having.

Obviously, every couple will be different but the core of a female led relationship is that the wife's authority is absolute. Which can have some wonderful effects in the bedroom. Let me give you an example: while I only want penetrative sex occasionally, when I do I very much enjoy having elliot lick me until I am very close and then slide his lovely little cock into me. But here is the delightful part, I have nipple trained him so he knows he is not allowed to come unless and until I give his nipples a good, firm, nails out, pinch. Which I almost never do because I am not such a big fan of his ejaculating in my pussy. So, I have the delight of a good, hard man slipping in and out and then, when I am satisfied or when I want to push myself over my edge privately all I need to do is say, "Out." and push up on his hips. If I want to finish in private I simply say, "Corner" and elliot will take a pair of my panties and his usually throbbing erection off to his corner to listen, but not look, as I finish. (I'll leave him there until he is soft enough to be locked back in his cock cage.)

Of course, most of the time I leave elliot locked and simply enjoy his oral attentions. I like him to focus entirely on my pleasure. Reducing his distractions was initially accomplished with a blindfold and a set of high quality in ear headphones. The brilliant thing with the headphones is that elliot hears what I want him to hear as he pleasures me. Usually that is just very calming music or even just waves against the shore. Although sometimes I will record my own voice telling him just what to do and what a good little pussy licker he is. Recently, I added a couple of hoods. He still has the headphones in but the leather hood is wonderfully isolating and the latex hood fits incredibly snugly. Whenever elliot sees his blindfold or hood laid out before bed he knows he will be at my service for an hour or two. (And it is particularly fun to have Mady lock him in his hood and lead him to my bed.)

While I am not a huge fan of penetrative sex, Mady thoroughly enjoys feeling full from time to time. Unfortunately, while in fact, elliot is a perfectly normal size, his little cock is not quite what she is looking for on such occasions. So she borrows our pretty strap-on harness and finds a dil that is more to her liking: she often uses the big, black, cock I sometimes peg elliot with. But that is only eight inches and Mady thinks it might be fun to enjoy ten inches. I can't imagine.

The strap-on harness goes right over elliot's caged little cock. He has to lick Mady until she is ready and then, very gently, ease the strap-on into her. She'll often straddle him to get just the right sensation. Or she'll have him on top and use a little riding crop to control his tempo. Again, elliot may enjoy the delights of pleasuring a young woman but he remains securely locked up.

Having a submissive male use a strap-on for your pleasure is fun for you and a very basic reminder to your husband or boyfriend that there really is only one sexuality in your relationship: yours. He is there to give you pleasure and to do what he is told.

That is the key. In a female led relationship, in the bedroom as everywhere else, the male does what he is told. If you want your nipples sucked for an hour, or a back rub for as long as you want it to last, that is exactly what you will get. Once a male has been broken into his submissive position, he will begin to recognize that such sexual pleasure or release he might get is entirely up to you. Most men are more than bright enough to realize that the only way they will have any chance of pleasure is if his lady is entirely satisfied.


If you are thinking of taking control of your marriage or asking your wife to put you in your place, you may want to read a few of our books or buy a cock cage or ball stretching weights:

Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid
Mady's Favourite Book
Dominant Woman 
Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband
Effortless Female Superiority in a Loving Marriage
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE

You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.

You can order ball stretcher for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recommend starting with a fairly light stretcher. Make sure you measure the ball sack circumference. You want the stretcher to fit snugly just above the testicles. Order here.