Wednesday, 15 May 2019

The Escort Connundrum

escorting, courtesan, sex and money
One of my books on Escorting is free at Amazon:

I am often asked why, as a dominant wife, I have written so extensively about escorting and mistresshood. People seem to think that there is some sort of contradiction between female superiority and sex work.

I don't think there is.

There is certainly a contradiction between female superiority and the abased lives of women forced by circumstance to prostitute themselves. No woman should ever have no choice but to sell sex in order to survive.

The women I have interviewed for first Avails: Escorting for the Elegant Woman and then Modern Mistress: Lead the Luxury Life you Deserve are all "volunteers". They have come to the sex/money nexus because the life and the money appeals to them.

There is a lot of nonsense out there about "female empowerment" which usually comes down to the desire of women to compete as equals in a man's world. I can't imagine anything duller. When I was younger, much younger, and long before I met elliot, I had a job in retail for about a week. Essentially, I was a sweater folding machine. It was badly paid and the woman I worked for was a shrew and she was very jealous of my youth and, if I may say so, my beauty. On the last Friday of my retail working life a rather distinguished looking older gentleman came in to buy a sweater for his daughter. He was unsure of her size but was fairly sure she was very much my size. Which was to say a size four dress and a small in a sweater.

The shrew had left early and we had a delightful time with me, very modestly, slipping into the changing room and then modelling an assortment of styles and fabrics. I was flirting and I suggested that he touch the cashmere or angora I was wearing. Things progressed and I slipped off my bra and came out wearing a particularly thin, pink, cashmere sweater set. "And this is what these look like without a bra," I said boldly.

He was intrigued, we had dinner and my life in retail drew to an abrupt close.

The key thing I learned was that I was in charge. I flirted with him, I decided to take it up a level and then another level. Over dinner, I suggested that I would be delighted to see him regularly and to do that I would need an allowance. In a matter of a couple of hours I had gone from clerk to courtesan. Not at all bad for a twenty-two-year-old fresh from an Arts degree.

He was delighted. He loved his wife but they had stopped having sex or even the suggestion of sex when she was in her late fifties. They had common interests but sex was not one of them. As my readers know, I am not terrifically interested in penetrative sex myself; but once a week was no problem and there are many other ways for a pretty young girl to keep a gentleman interested.

Now, here was the thing, with my allowance, I suddenly had all the time in the world - I embarked on some independent research, swam laps four days a week, began writing for publication and started to explore the world of dominant women. It turned out that my patron had a pronounced submissive side - which he had used professional dominas to address - and I was more than willing to attend to those needs. But I had to learn how and, in those pre-Internet days, that information was hard to find.

What I learned as a mistress was that successful mistresses and the higher end of the escorting world take for granted that the woman is always "in charge" in all the ways that matter. She negotiates the terms of the exchange, sets the time, makes the arrangements, dresses to please her patron but, more importantly, herself. The great gift a mistress or high-end escort gives a man is not sex, men who can afford either can always find sex, it is a few hours away from the stresses and decisions of an alpha life.

There is a clarity to the mistress or escort transaction: it is business. But it is the business of pleasure and of fantasy and, to a large degree, of escape.

When I was a mistress I always had Joni Mitchell's lyric playing in my head,

I was a free man in Paris
I felt unfettered and alive
There was nobody calling me up for favours
And no one's future to decide
That was what my gentlemen callers were looking for and, as I interviewed the girls in my books, I realized that was what they were selling as well.
So enjoy Questions and if you want to read more about mistresses, escorts and the money/sex connection take a look at my other books on the subject, (Remember you can read all our books free on any device for 30 days if you sign up for a free trial of Kindle Unlimited.)
The book about escorting, sugar babies, mistresses and more for the elegant woman and the lovely young lady who wishes to enter or excel at the world's oldest profession.

Avails: Escorting for the Elegant Woman

A complete guide for the Modern Mistress. How to advertise. How to negotiate your monthly allowance. Treats and gifts. 

How to look glamorous and very expensive. Sex tips - enthusiasm, technique and a nice pair of stockings. The Modern Mistress's apartment, wardrobe, lingerie, sheets and refrigerator: a complete guide.

Plus a guide for patrons to avoid getting caught and why the Modern Mistress is a wife's best friend.

Modern Mistress: Lead the Luxury Life You Deserve

Take a peek behind the gossamer curtain at the luxury lives and style of some of America’s highest paid escorts. 

Meet “Martine” who constructs fantasy worlds in her Charleston private theatre. “Charlie” whose private dances are the spice in some of Texas’ most luxurious man caves. “Annie”, “Tonya” and “Kelly” who each provides a delicious variant on the “college girl experience.

Tuesday, 14 May 2019

Can we "come out" Femdom?

I get all sorts of forms of this question:

Can we "come out" Femdom?

Like so many questions about female led relationships, this one is all about context. Which means that to answer it we have to look at context. 

When you think about it very few married couples spend a lot of their time announcing that they are heterosexual. Nor, when you have a few friends in for drinks or dinner, does the conversation tend to veer towards oral sex techniques or how much Cheryl loves/hates anal. Even if you just have girlfriends over, the intimate details of their marriages are rarely, if ever, discussed. 

As to public displays? Well, if you are in a nice restaurant or at Home Depot, you can amuse yourself by watching how couples make their way in the world. Who is in charge? Who is actually in charge? Do they flirt? Do they look as if they enjoy each other's company?

But it is very, very rare to see any overt signs of sexual interests or fetishes or even good old fashioned lust. Which, quite frankly, is all to the good as far as I am concerned. I don't want and don't need to know what Candace and Bob get up to in the privacy of their own bedroom.

The idea of  "coming out" is rooted in the homosexual community's long battle for acceptance. As a sexual minority, gay people were discriminated against and there were all manner of social and legal penalties inflicted on gay men in particular. By "coming out" homosexuals were able to create the conditions for social acceptance and that led to legal equality. Still lots of work to do, but by "coming out" gay people were able to make their social and political points.

Now, there is no question that femdom couples are a sexual minority. However, so far as I can see, short of arguing for outright matriarchy (which is fun but, frankly, already exists) there really is no political dimension to female-led marriages. Which eliminates the political argument for "coming out".

Which brings the question back to the personal: do you want or need to tell family, friends and the world in general that you keep your husband in a chastity cage or that he's wearing his girdle and stockings under that nice suit?

Here we arrive at a question of style. Part of my own view of female led relationships is that they are actually a reflection of how men and women are happiest together. Men, even the most alpha men, are most content and productive when they are enthralled with and serving their wife or girlfriend. While I certainly think there is lots of fun to be had by integrating femdom, male chastity and discipline into the bedroom, those are private manifestations of a much larger picture.

I don't try to hide the fact elliot is completely submissive to me and, in certain circumstances, I enjoy showing that off either implicitly or explicitly Little gestures such as giving him my purse to carry when we're shopping or telling him to sit somewhere in a shop while I try things on are broad hints to people paying attention. However, most people are not paying attention and unless you literally have your husband on a leash (which might be fun but not subtle) they will not notice his obedience.

At the same time, there is no reason for a dominant wife to behave differently in public than she does in private. Perhaps the key difference between dominant wives and vanilla wives is that a dominant wife tells her husband what to do whereas a vanilla wife tends to ask. "Bring my purse" is very different from "Would you please bring my purse?"

While I have no doubt that there are happy female led relationships where the dominant nature of the wife is given greater emphasis and the submissiveness of the husband is more public, there is no real need for that. If a couple enjoys being more overt, great; but it is not at all required nor will it be without consequence.

Which brings me to a final point. The fact that I think female leadership in marriage is best all round does not mean I want to crusade for it. The fact that I have come to the conclusion that men are better being permanently in chastity does not mean I want to march with a sign saying "Lock him up."

In the here and now the idea of a submissive male is still more than a little transgressive. And it becomes more transgressive the further from large, anonymous, cities you are. In my little part of the world, where there really is a market town and we really do go to church every Sunday, people are very happy to assume that my marriage is like their marriage. Frankly, they are more curious about Mady, my maid, than why elliot sometimes squirms in the hard wooden pew.

Which brings me back to the beginning. A couple in a female led relationship may want to share that fact with the world, but there is no political dimension to The Lady of the House having a cane in her dressing room, a wooden clothes brush in her purse and her husband in a nightie. So there is no reason to be any more forthcoming about how you run your marriage than other wives.

On the other hand, it can be quite a lot of fun to have a few close girlfriends in on your secret. Again, very much up to you. Whether you keep your FLR strictly private or make it discreetly - or indiscreetly - public is your call. But I will note, the first time you have your girlfriends over and your husband is dressed in nothing more than his cock cage and a waiter's apron to serve the Chablis your secret will be out and there is no getting it back. In a big city that might not matter, in a little town like ours....well, discretion seems to be the better part of valor.

Monday, 15 April 2019

Just for Fun

erotica, 50's sexy comics, sexy, spanking, sexy cartoons
One of my secret vices - and I have many - is that I love the "sexy" cartoons of the 50's and 60's. So silly. So pretty and so wonderfully idealized.

I've had elliot collect a few for a couple of ebooks. Here is one for free. (Get the ebook)

Sunday, 7 April 2019

A Female Led Relationship: Is an FLR Normal

I often get letters like this one from Ashley in Seattle which poses the question:

Is an FLR Normal?

Dear Miss Jay,

I am twenty-five and I've been married for nearly a year. My husband, gerry, is a little older, in his early thirties. I love being married and I love my husband but, even when we were engaged I was in charge. In fact, I asked him to marry me rather than vice versa - but I did have him go down on bended knee while I was asking.

I work for a pretty big company, you'll have heard of it, and I was recruited right out of college. My husband is a designer at another company and we met on a project. He's very good looking and very creative and, when I met him, he was just a little bit more feminine than most of the men I meet. I honestly thought he was probably gay but he's very definitely not.

I asked him out for coffee a couple of times while we were working together and then, when the project ended, told him I was taking him for dinner and to dress nicely because I wanted to go somewhere a bit special. I also told him to pick me up at my condo at exactly 7:30. He was right on time and dressed beautifully. I've read that you don't particularly like men pretending to be women but you do like a certain feminine edge in elliot's outfits. Well, you would have loved his outfit. A pair of Italian wool pleated dress pants, with a dark grey V-neck cashmere sweater, what looked to be and was a black cashmere/silk jacket and these really gorgeous patent leather loafers with a cute ribbon detail and no socks. Everything was loose and flowing with no real edges. He was wonderfully clean, fresh out of the shower with his longish hair still damp and, unless I was mistaken, just a little lip gloss.

I was in a pretty little black dress and four inch heels which meant I was three and a half inches taller than gerry which was fun. I am five nine and a bit and I stay in pretty good shape swimming three mornings a week and doing light weight training three mornings - on Sunday I sleep in. I have a nice figure and the combination of the slightly above the knee dress and a wonderful, long, duster coat, and pretty stockings seemed to work well.

It was a lovely evening and gerry was a wonderfully attentive and amusing date. But, perhaps most importantly, he intuited that I liked to have the wait staff take their direction from me. He perhaps got the hint when, just for fun, I did that horrible thing and said to our waiter, "I'll order for both of us." I wanted to see his reaction to a power move I'd had pulled on me more than once by men I never dated again.

He was great fun to talk to. We agreed on how girls my age seemed a bit lost in a woke world. And he agreed that men of his age usually needed more direction than they were given. It was an intriguing conversation and, after dinner, I decided I would have him up to my condo for the proverbial nightcap. I paid for dinner - I'd asked him after all - and said, "Now, I am going to take you home and, if you enjoyed this evening and would like to do this more often, when we get there you are going to be the perfect gentleman you are and do what you are told."

"Yes, Miss," he said. Perfect answer.

A lady, much less a wife, never tells, but I can assure you that gerry did exactly what he was told and I had a lovely evening, virginity intact. (I didn't mention this but I had decided when I was about twelve that I was going to be a virgin bride and I had stuck with that. But there are lots of things a man can do, with proper instruction, which provide pleasure without any sort of penetration.) I sent him home about one. I expect he was a bit frustrated. I didn't care. But the next morning, I sent him a lovely bouquet and a quick note, "Perfect Night, Perfect Gentleman, I will call on Sunday."

It was not a long courtship. Three months until I had him kneel and asked him to marry me. Another three to organize a small wedding. I wish I had read your advice to young brides about pre-marital discipline and the possibility of putting your future husband in a cock cage. But I really had no idea. I did know that my playful swats at gerry's naked bum when I sent him to fetch a glass of wine after he'd been licking me produced a remarkable erection and I worked with that and, long before we were actually married, I had taken him over my knee several times for offences real or made up. He also accepted the fact that we had what sex we had entirely for my pleasure. "I'm saving you for my wedding night," I would say digging my long nails into the head of his very erect cock.

The first night he slept over was a surprise to him - it was raining too hard to send him home - and he had nothing to actually sleep in. (On our first date he had not worn underwear which I really liked and so I told him that when he saw me he was always to go commando.) I fixed that with a pretty cotton nightie I'd had since I was in college. I was pretty sure it would fit because gerry has quite narrow shoulders for a man and mine are quite broad. He looked adorable, if a bit embarrassed, as he tucked in beside me. I took full advantage. I had him put his hands under his bottom and then teased his cock and played with his nipples for a little while before rolling over and turning the light out.

As you can guess, gerry was very ready for his wedding day. I'd made him promise not to masturbate for a month before the wedding and he only confessed to disobeying me once - which meant a good hard spanking with a hairbrush I found online and bought just for gerry's spankings.

We had agreed on our vows and, yes, gerry did say, loudly, that he would "Love, honour and obey." Needless to say, I promised to love and to honour. It was a perfect ceremony, really just work friends, and a mercifully short reception. We were staying in the honeymoon suite of a lovely old hotel in downtown Seattle and it was great fun to be newlyweds. I had been up in the suite to change for the wedding and, while I was there, I laid out a very pretty, longish, silk nightie for gerry. 

After he had poured me a glass of champagne I said, "So now, darling, you go and have a nice long shower and put on your honeymoon nightie and tuck into bed. Before your shower take that nice little blue pill I have left out for you.  Lie on your back with your hands under your bum."

A gratifying "Yes, Miss," and he went into the en suite.

I had been thinking about this night for years but now I knew I was ready and with the right man. I changed into my own silk pajamas and walked in to see my wonderful, obedient, husband stretched out in his pretty nightie. His rock hard, Viagra enhanced, cock made quite the sight under the silk. I sat down beside him and lifted up the hem of his nightie.

"Now darling," I said taking his cock between my thumb and forefinger and using the long nail on my left hand little finger to stroke his little slit and spread his pre-cum, "my sweet boy is going to cum for Miss so he can last longer when she fucks him. So let's have a big spurt because I can't wait."

That may have been the quickest handjob in recorded history. As I expected, gerry was very ready indeed and no more than five or six tugs were required to make him shoot his long pent up load. I had the honeymoon tissue at the ready. We snuggled for a little while and let the blue pill work its magic. Soon he was nice and hard.

"Okay Darling, now I am going to fuck my darling husband and he's not going to come until I tell he he can. We have all night," I said. "Now dear, you lie on your back and get those hands under your bum. Don't push. I want my first time to be very, very special."

gerry assumed his position and I slipped off my pajama bottoms. I was already wet but I swivelled around and spread my legs over gerry's face. "Get me ready, darling," I said lowering my pussy onto his well trained tongue. He got to work and I quickly went from wet to soaking.

Now I was ready. I eased his lovely, not too big, cock into my cunt and lowered myself down his shaft. There was a little pinch as my hymen tore but nothing major. It was wonderful, slipping and sliding up and down my cock. My husband lay perfectly still, perhaps thinking of England. It didn't matter, I was fucking him and it was glorious. It did not take long before I felt myself coming very close and I slide a finger in to tumble my clit. Over I went and then I lay down, gerry's cock still in me, and kissed my darling husband.

"Good boy. All nice and hard, right where you should be," I said. "Do you like being my little, obedient housewife and letting me fuck you?"

"Very much dear," he gasped. "But I am not sure how much longer I can hold it with my cock in you."

"Then I will slip off and you can lick me for a little while," I said.

It was a wonderful night and it established how we do sex. I am in total control, gerry sometimes is allowed to ejaculate and is almost never allowed to ejaculate in me. If he does he knows he has to clean up my messy pussy.

So that is how it started and we continue exploring our marriage. gerry could not be happier and I am delighted to be in charge and neither of wants to change a thing. At the same time, we've been going deeper. gerry has taken my 50's housewife remark to heart and I am greeted at the door when I get home from work with a very well made dry martini. He cooks dinner, does all the laundry and the cleaning and still holds down his job as a designer. Working with creatives, the fact that his style and hair have moved further out the feminine spectrum pretty unremarkable. And yes he was wearing lip gloss on that first date, now he wears real lipstick, in a subtle shade, all the time and, at home I expect him to wear mascara as well. And if he is wearing underwear at all under his soft, unstructured, very androgynous clothes, it will be tap panties and a cute little cami. And, yes, for those who are curious, along with fucking gerry's rigid cock I also regularly peg him which took him some getting used to but now he understands that its just part of his role as my 50's housewife husband. 

Of course, he is regularly spanked. I like spanking him and he is now pretty well trained so that even if I decide to cane him I don't have to tie him up. He'll just take his punishment and then look for hugs which I always give him.

All of which is a long way around to asking you, is all this normal? Normal as in normal for a female led relationship but also "normal" as in are we pervs and do we need help?

Here's why I ask. A couple of weeks ago a very old friend of mine, Marcy, from all the way back to high school visited from out of town. She had not been able to come to the wedding and had never met gerry. We put her up in our guest room and gerry was just wonderful. He served cocktails and then went off to the kitchen to see to dinner.

"He's gorgeous," said Marcy when gerry was out of earshot. "And so nice to cook us dinner."

"He is lovely isn't he. But this is not a special occasion, gerry takes care of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, you name it," I said.

"Lucky you," said Marcy. "I wish I could find a guy like that. Cute clothes too. And is that mascara?"

"I hope so," I said. "I like gerry to look his best for guests."

"How is he..." asked Marcy letting the question hang.

"Perfect, and very well trained," I said not really noticing what I had said.

"So, skilled," said Marcy with a twinkle in her big blue eyes.

"Very," I said.

We moved on to other things and a little later dinner was served. And I say served because gerry is a brilliant server. The plates were beautiful, the wine first class - he chooses the wine because he knows a lot about it - and the dessert, homemade mango ice cream with dark chocolate shavings, was perfect. When we were done gerry accepted our compliments and said, "Now I have a very nice ice wine and some cheese for you to enjoy in the living room."

Marcy immediately got up and started clearing.

"No, Marcy, that's gerry's job," I said, "Let's go and enjoy a bit of cheese."

Marcy looked a little baffled but came with me and we were sitting in front of the fire when gerry came in with the wine and the cheese.


"Wow," said Marcy. "I don't think I have ever seen such a role reversal. It's like you are the worst sort of 1950's husband expecting his little wifey to do everything."

"Something like that," I said. "But like that 50's housewife, he loves it."

"Even the kitten heels?" said our Marcy who was always observant.

"Especially those, especially if I have a pretty guest."

"So what's that all about?" asked Marcy.

gerry came in. "Is there anything else, Miss?"

"No dear, you run up to bed. Marcy and I will be up for a little while," I said. "Marcy, anything you really want for breakfast?"

"Just coffee and toast if you have it," said Marcy.

"Toast, croissants, muffins or gerry will run out early and get what you'd like," I said.

"Well a croissant would be brilliant," said Marcy.

"I'll have the same gerry. Now come here. Let's get you ready for bed," I said.

gerry came over to where I was sitting. He undid the button and side zipper of his trousers and I let them fall. By this point I had caged gerry's cock because I didn't like even the possibility that he might have an unsupervised ejaculation and it kept him focused.

"Oh, darling you are hard. You've obviously enjoyed serving," I said reaching up to take his balls in the palm of my hand. I began to squeeze lightly. "Now dear, go and kiss Marcy's pretty toes and, maybe, I'll let you lick me when I come up. Off you go."

Without doing up his pants, gerry went to where Marcy was sitting with her shoes off and knelt down, "Miss Marcy, may I kiss your pretty feet good night?"

Marcy looked across the coffee table at me with an eyebrow raised.

"Only if you want to gerry, only if you want to," she said.

gerry proceeded to kiss and suck every one of Marcy's travel soiled toes. She leaned back and enjoyed the attention. Aboout five minutes later I said, "I think Marcy has enjoyed you enough for tonight. Off to bed, gerry."

gerry stood up, "Thank you Miss Marcy," he said and came and kneeled in front of me. I gave him a hard kiss on his pretty lips. "Now off you go."

"Really?" said Marcy.

"Really," I replied. "My gerry is a very happy man tonight."

"I'll bet but I am not sure it's, well, normal," said Marcy.

"I'm not sure," I said. "It is pretty normal for gerry and I am getting used to it. I guess, the thing is, well, he really needs this level of attention and submission to be totally productive. Kissing your toes will probably lead to nine new logo designs by Monday."

"I like a good toe sucking as much as the next girl but, well..." said Marcy.

"Of course, if you would like," I said. "Now you've seen he's in a cage and that is not coming off; but anything else you'd like is totally fine with me. Let's see how it goes tomorrow but if you want a bit of oral attention he is very, very good. Just tell him what you want. And he should get used to other girls. I have lots of girlfriends who are between boyfriends but don't like the buzzy plastic."

"Something to think about," said Marcy.

We went up to bed and my sweetie looked so lovely in his nightie that I had him gently finger me to an orgasm and then to sleep.

We have a thing we do on a Sunday morning. gerry gets up, has a shower, puts his pretty nightie and a shortie housecoat on and brings me breakfast in bed. As I was falling asleep I mumbled, "Take Marcey her croissant first. And do just what she says."

I woke up about 9:30 and gerry was waiting with my croissant and coffee.


"So I delivered Marcy's croissant," said gerry.


"She's lovely," said gerry. "I went in and gave her her tray. She said to wait and I did. Then she told me to take off my house coat and said, "Cute" when she saw my nightie. Then she told me to take that off too. So I stood there, in my cage, as she had her coffee and croissant. When she was done she told me to put the tray on the floor. She pulled back the sheets and pointed at her pussy and said, "I gather you are quite good at this." So, of course, Miss, down I went. I licked and licked and sucked her clit and in a few minutes I was drowning. Then she told me to lie on my back and she did just what you do. Sat right on my face and made me stretch my tongue to her clit. She liked that position a lot and she came twice. Then she said, "Perfect, time for a shower."

"That's my Marcy," I said amused at my friend's willingness to take full advantage of the situation. "Of course, I will have to whip you for your "infidelity" but Marcy will like that too."

"Yes, Miss."

"But not right this moment....There is another pussy which needs your attention and I am sure Marcy will want to watch your whipping."

gerry got to work and was picture perfect. No more than five or six minutes before he got another face full of pussy juice. Lucky boy.

gerry had a second shower and then I did and we all went downstairs for more croissant and coffee. Then off to explore Pike Street market and the fun of downtown Seattle on a rare sunny day. gerry was great, getting our lattes and then a glass or two of wine. About four he left us to go home and make dinner.

"Dinner at seven, I have to shop," said gerry. "I'm thinking something simple with steak and frites and a really good Caeser."

"Suits me," said Marcy. And off he went.

"Okay, I admit it, serious skills. You lucky girl," said Marcy. "But so, well, gay."

"Not gay I assure you," I said. "Just more comfortable androgenously. If I let him I am sure he'd pick new pronouns. But I don't so that's that."

"And you knew?"

"No, I told him to do what he was told," I said. "That's all it takes. If you'd like to sample his other skills I'll give you the key. Just remember that if he comes he has to clean up."

"Ewww!" said Marcy.

"House rules. But he won't come unless you tell him to," I said. "But he is fun to fuck. But ladies are always on top. Another house rule."

"You'd be ok with that?" asked Marcy.

"Sure, after all, it's only a cock," I said surprising myself. "Why shouldn't gerry have a little bit of spice in his life? See what watching him be whipped tonight does for you and if you like you can take him upstairs. But send him to my bed when you're done."

"Ash, this is so strange. I mean I'd love to fuck your husband," said Marcy. "But you just got married, what's up with that?"

"You know Marcy, I realized when I married gerry that our marriage was going to be different. I am just exploring how different it will be," I said. "You are a great test case. A dear friend, currently single, obviously attracted to my housewife husband. Why not? Why shouldn't you fuck him? He'll enjoy it, I can't possibly be jealous of you, but I want to see how I feel about it when I know you are fucking him right upstairs."

Which is exactly what happened. We had a wonderful dinner and then I gave gerry a fairly vigorous caning for "infidelity". Marcy watched as I laid on the stripes. When I was done she said, "Oh, I would like that key now." and I gave it to her. "Remember to lock him back up when you're done."

"gerry, make sure Marcy has a wonderful time and do exactly what she tells you," I said. "Now scoot."

Judging from the noise, Marcy had a very good time, at least twice. A bit later I heard gerry walk down the upstairs hall and the shower go on. I gave him some time and then went up. He was in his nightie in our bed looking wonderful.

"So, darling, how did you like being fucked by another girl?" I asked as I undressed.

"Honestly, I don't really know. I liked obeying and being a good boy for Miss Marcy," said gerry. "And if that's what you want me to do I'll do it, of course. But, if you are interested in my own preferences, I would rather stay in my cage and pleasure your friends with my tongue. It just didn't feel right letting Marcy fuck me."

"Did you come?" I asked climbing into bed.

"No. Marcy wanted me to but I really couldn't," said gerry. "I know that gets me in trouble but that is just how I feel. I don't think I should come with anyone but you."

"Neither do I, sweet man," I said rolling over and drifting off to sleep.

Marcy left the next morning as planned and everything was pretty cool. But, as we were having coffee, she leaned over and said, "That was lots of fun but I don't think what you guys are doing is all that healthy or normal. And not just having your husband perform as a fuck toy for an old friend. The whole thing. There's no balance. You have all the power and gerry has none. I think you need to fix this."

All of which is a very long way around to asking, Are we normal? Do we have things to fix? Or is what we are up to pretty standard for a relationship in which the woman is in charge.

Sorry to take up so much of your time...


* * * * *

Here's what I wrote back.

Dear Ashley,

What a lovely courtship story and what an interesting marriage you have. Right up until Marcy turned up you and gerry seem to me to have a great marriage based on a lot of love and respect.

gerry sounds like an ideal submissive male. You are very lucky to have found him. Hazarding a guess he'll soon be wearing a skirt around the house which can be excellent training for a man. I very much like the 50's submissive housewife thing you have going and I think your FLR seems to be evolving in directions you both enjoy.

Now, your friend Marcy triggered a few things. First, how far are you comfortable sharing your husband. I am happy to let Mady, my maid, have elliot's key because she is a young girl who enjoys penetrative sex and while elliot is not over-endowed, he certainly can provide her with a bit of entertainment. But that takes place in a much larger context. Letting your friend "fuck" your husband didn't seem to go all that well.

I suspect I know the reason. If you go back to the 1950's there were plenty of husbands who liked to share their wives with their friends. But, remember, back in the 1950's there were no really fail-safe methods of birth control. The upshot of which was that when wife was being shared it was almost always in the sense that she would give the friend a blow job or two. From a power dynamic perspective, being required to suck off her husband's friend was certainly as submissive as spreading her legs. But it didn't lead to pregnancy.

My strong suggestion, and frankly what your letter suggests you are inclined to do anyway, is to be more than happy to have your husband bring your friends to orgasm with his tongue or fingers but keep his cock under lock and key. It is very good for men to assume the handmaiden role from time to time and be used for a woman's pleasure; but even the best-trained husband may lose control in a new pussy. So don't bother. Keep his cock for your exclusive use but let your friends enjoy his oral skills, with your permission, of course whenever they want.

As to "normal", why worry? You run your marriage the way you want to run your marriage. gerry seems very content. Normal is a very subjective thing, especially when it comes to marriages. There are women who are most content really being 1950's housewives with 1950's Lord and Master husbands, and there are other women who want some vague sort of equality, and then there are women like us who enjoy being The Lady of the House with all that entails.

I am more than a little bit older than you are and I have seen any number of happy marriages and more than a few unhappy ones: the happy marriages are all about both partners working hard to meet the needs of each other. Your gerry, who sounds like the sort of man I enjoy, needs a strong female at the head of his household. You seem more than capable of fulfilling that need and enjoying yourself while you do it.

Good for you! "Normal" has nothing to do with it. You are happy, gerry is content, keep doing what you are doing and all will be well.



Monday, 18 March 2019

Dominant Wife Vacation

I got the most amusing letter a few days ago and, with the writer's permission, thought I would share it with you,

Dear Hannah,

I very much enjoy how you cover all aspects of the female led relationship world. I have been head of our household pretty much since the beginning of our marriage. Most of the time we keep everything low key. I agree with you that a man is much better off in a chastity device and I locked up Tim's rather large cock years ago. And I do agree that sparing the rod (in our case, paddle) spoils the husband.

I liked your idea of putting your husband in a playsuit to do his chores. Tim is lovely and slim so he actually looks quite pretty in a nice, loose fitting, off the shoulder playsuit.

However, most of the time, unless you really knew what you were looking for, you would not see us as very different from any other married couple. Which is just how I like it.

However, a couple of times a year, on our anniversary and on my birthday, I like to kick it all up several notches. So, apparently, does Tim. Or at least he has not complained.

I like to go away. Not terribly far. Usually to a larger city somewhere where we know no one. We used to stay in hotels but now we try to find a nice AirBnB. In fact, if you look around, there are actually "kink friendly" B&B's.

There are three elements to our "vacations".

First, Tim is forced to dress en femme from the time we arrive at our destination until we leave. In practice this means a firm high waisted girdle, a bra and breast forms and a pretty, quite short, wig. He's required to wear a little make-up, mascarra and lipstick during the day, eye shadow and a little contouring in the evenings. We are usually out and about and I let him wear ladies trousers and sweaters during the day. However, in the evening, he knows he needs to put on stockings and a skirt.

Now, the important thing about Tim dressing en femme is that I don't have to tell him. He knows that if we are on vacation he is wearing women's clothes and is expected to try to be as feminine as possible. He tells me he enjoys the break.

The second, important, element to our vacations is that I let Tim out of his cock cage. Day to day I don't want to have to think about what that little head is thinking. Instead, I want Tim striving to be allowed a little relief as it makes him ever so much more attentive to my needs. But on vacation, I like to fuck Tim regularly. In our house "fucking Tim" has two meanings. Usually it means sending him up to our room to lube his bottom so I can fuck him with my strap on. I have a nice "big, black, cock" when I just want him to be fucked, and I also have an insertable if I want to have fun too.

But on vacation, I also like to fuck Tim the old fashioned way. I had Tim get a Viagra prescription a few years ago and there is nothing more fun than making him lie on his back like a good little housewife while I fuck him good and hard. He's well trained and can go for a long time without coming. On vacation I like to fuck him like that a couple of times a day.

The final element of our vacation is that Tim is caned and paddled far more than he is at home. He has to pack my narrow paddle, my wide bamboo paddle and as a special treat, a rattan cane which I only use on vacation. Tim knows he'll have a sore bottom the entire time we're away.

The big difference between being on vacation and being at home is that Tim is paddled and caned because I enjoy reddening his bottom before fucking him. It has nothing to do with his behaviour and there is nothing he can do to reduce his whippings. I'll paddle him when he comes back from his shower and then have him lick me, or I will give him six of the best before lunch. If I am going to fuck him in the afternoon I will get him warmed up with a good, hard paddling so that when he is lying on his back being fucked he remembers his place.

Yes, I am afraid I do have a little sadistic streak and, happily, Tim loves taking his submissiveness to the next level.

I don't think we could live like that day to day. We are both busy people and this takes real concentration and connection. But for a few days every six months or so we are both delighted to take our female led marriage to the next level.


What fun! And lucky Tim. I suspect elliot would enjoy that sort of vacation. But I am a homebody so I suspect Mady and I will have to think of a "staycation" on similar lines.

Thursday, 7 March 2019

Locked for Lent

Only 40 Days Until Easter
If you are a practising Christian or were raised in a Christian household you will understand the nature of Lent. It is the period leading to the celebration of Easter. It lasts for forty days beginning today which is Ash Wednesday.

Traditionally Christians make some sort of "sacrifice" during Lent. This often takes the form of giving up sweets or chocolate or alcohol. However, there is no specific requirement - it is up to each individual to decide what to give up for Lent, if anything.

In our incredibly sped up world a stretch of forty days is quite a long time. A period long enough to really mean something.

For couples where the husband is in chastity one of the challenges is to increase the time between ejaculations. Many men start by being locked in their chastity devices for only a day or two at a time. Eventually, as their wives begin to enjoy taking their pleasure without any need to reciprocate, those days can stretch to weeks or even a monthly cycle in the cock cage.

For younger husbands especially, moving to longer periods of lock down can be challenging. Which should not deter a dominant wife in the slightest. The benefits of male chastity for a marriage, for a wife and, though he may not realize it initially, for a husband far out weigh the minor discomforts of long stretches in a chastity device.

Lent offers a chastity couple a "stretch goal". Forty days is a long time for a man to go without an ejaculation much less an orgasm. But with a good cock cage, silicone or steel, he won't have any choice.

Now some wives may be concerned that there may be negative health effects if their husbands are not allowed to come for forty days. Frankly, this is unlikely. The fact is that a man in a cock cage can still experience a nocturnal emission or wet dream if the pressure becomes too much. Or, if a wife is really concerned she can use a prostate massager from time to time. Regular milking will eliminate any worries about too much sperm building up while ensuring that no actual orgasm occurs.

One critical thing for the Locked for Lent process to work is that the decision to put her husband on a long lockdown must be entirely the wife's. Too often dominant wives want to discuss their husband's discipline. This is almost always a mistake. Simply telling your husband that he will be in chastity for Lent re-enforces the right attitude.

Wednesday, 20 February 2019

Male Masturbation: a threat or a menace

In different ways I am often asked,

Should men be allowed to masturbate?

The short answer is no. The longer answer is that no male, whether under the supervision of a dominant woman or not, should be allowed to touch himself, much less ejaculate without a woman's permission and, ideally, supervision. 

Now, that is a rather obviously unrealistic standard but it is really a guide to conduct rooted in a very basic understanding of the correct male female relationship. Far too many men are unwilling to make the sacrifices required to attract and keep the woman they need in their lives. There are many reasons for that failure and one of them is that men are allowed, even tacitly encouraged, to relieve their sexual urges by themselves. While most men have the humility to make their little messes in private, many of them will not recognize what a failure each unsupervised ejaculation actually is.

While the highest and best state a man can hope to attain is chastity in a female-led marriage, on the way to that proper position, there is no reason why an intelligent man cannot ensure that his sexual life is under strict supervision. But this requires a man to look at his sexuality very differently. That shift in point of view is actually even more basic than the simple question of masturbation and it prepares a man for his proper role as his wife or girlfriend's obedient servant.

The key to this shift is for a man to accept that his natural instinct to masturbate is base and very shameful. In our modern age we don't talk about shame very much. Which is too bad because being ashamed is a very important element of being social, being civilized and being well mannered. Interestingly, shame is a tool of control for most dominant women (and many women who do not see themselves as dominant.) Most men are physically much stronger than most women but, somehow, we have evolved social norms and practices which allow women to be safe and, in many cases, equal. That did not happen by accident. It happened because smart women have always known that they could get what they needed by a combination of praise and belittlement. You praise a man when he does what he is told, you shame him when he misbehaves.

Remember that I believe all men are happier when they are submissive? I base this view on the fact that we actually live in a civilized, social and safe society. If men were not at least unwittingly submissive none of that would be possible because there would be no way to control and channel all that wonderful, vibrant but often dangerous and destructive male energy. Which may seem a long way from male masturbation but, oddly, it all ties in.

Well brought up men - an increasingly rare item I note - are given basic rules from a very early age. Basic hygiene, watching their language, and, as they get older, manners almost all of which are about respecting women and authority, usually in that order. Along the way, men learn a degree of personal modesty and a generalized respect for women. Part of that training will include a very strong injunction that masturbation is anything from inappropriate to a sin to something only to be done in private. It varies from family to family. Interestingly, it is extremely rare for there to be a route for a boy or young man to gain permission to masturbate. Even in extremely progressive households - from which Lord preserve me - while male masturbation may be discussed it is almost always in terms of "health" and with the objective of alleviating any guilt a boy may feel. But express permission, particularly from a mother, is pretty much unheard of. (In deeply religious homes the Sin of Onan may come up indicating that God himself enjoins male masturbation.)

All of which adds up to the fact that each time a man masturbates without permission and or supervision he is transgressing against a long cultural and religious tradition. More important, decently brought up men accept, at least tacitly, that the act itself is shameful and does induce a sense of guilt. They may rationalize this shame and guilt away but it remains as part of their consciousness.

The reason why male masturbation is freighted with shame lies in the uneasy biological facts of men and women. Men, as any girl or woman knows, are ready for sex pretty much any time. Women are cyclical and only come on heat a few days a month. Which means that women, over the centuries have had to find ways to keep male sexuality under control. They begin by making masturbation at least a little taboo for young men and they extend their control through everything from dating rituals to marriage.

The objective of this control is to tame the male sexual impulse. To channel it, to domesticate it and to make men conform to their eventual partner's cycle of sexual desire. Obviously, this does not always work. One of the reasons why it does not always work is that a man's sexual desire may overwhelm his early training and sense of shame.

The civilized condition for a man is to be chaste unless and until a woman gives him permission to become erect and, perhaps, to ejaculate. If he does not have that permission and he ejaculates he should, properly, feel ashamed of himself. (And if he is lucky enough to have a dominant wife or girlfriend, he should be humiliated and punished for his animalistic behaviour.) Maintaining his chastity is a gift a man gives women in general, the women he loves and himself.

Of course, chastity is hard to maintain. Masturbatory temptations are as near as your smart phone. Which is why it makes a great deal of sense for a wife or girlfriend to lock her sweetie's cock in a chasitity cage for his own good.

But what about men who do not have a wife or girlfriend to take control of their sexuality. The solution here is actually quite straightforward, a properly tempered man will find a woman to supervise his chastity. Essentially act as his keyholder. It is not at all a difficult position. After practising with his cock cage for a few months and learning, on his own how to take care of the caged cock and how long he can stay in his particular cage, a man can approach a woman he knows and ask her to hold an envelope for him. Of course, if she asks what's in the envelope, it is his obligation to tell her truthfully. Now, she may simply give him the keys when he requests them and that will work because it reduces the impulse ejaculations so many men treat themselves to. Or she may get into the spirit of the chastity experience and extend his confinement. However, once the keys have been given, the chaste man will experience the great relief of no longer having to fight his baser instincts.

Keyholding can be done remotely, I have several keys on my desk as I write this, or it can be done by a close female friend or a man can advertise for a keyholder. One solution a gentleman I know developed was that he left his key with a friendly barmaid at a pub near his home. He was very much a regular and, from time to time, she would bring him his key along with his pint. He would humble himself in the restroom and return the key. Those nights she could count on a surprisingly good tip.

The point of chastity for a single man is to encourage him to find the right woman to submit to on a long term basis. A self-imposed, strict, chastity regime will make that search much more urgent and, importantly, will give a man a real sense of the importance of women in his life. Of course, it will also ensure that when he does find a woman who he feels he can submit to, his submissive nature will be very clear from the beginning. I would think a man in a chastity device would like wait until the fourth or fifth date before handing his date the key and explaining his commitment to chastity both before and after marriage. She might walk out of the restaurant or she might want to learn more about her chaste date.