Thursday, 22 February 2018

Why Do Men Thrive in Female Led Relationships?

This is a question I am often asked:

Why Do Men Thrive in Female Led Relationships?


Men thrive in female led relationships because even the most alpha man is most comfortable being submissive to the woman he loves. It may seem odd at first but the fact is that the entire ritual of courting and marriage are based on the subordination of the boyfriend/husband to his girlfriend/wife. Whether this subordination is made explicit is up to the woman, as is virtually everything else.

Females led most relationships simply because we set the expectations and the rules. Plus, and this is critical, after the first fevered weeks, we also set the sexual agenda. Long before my marriage became officially "female led" I was in control of our sexual life. For many women, controlling the sexual activity in a marriage is unconscious; but most women restrict their husband's sexual access from a very early stage. He may want sex three times a day, every day, but very few wives are willing to accommodate this sort of sexual gluttony.

Even young wives begin to shape their husbands' sexual expression. Making sex "special" and not "every day" is a beginning. Using sex as a reward - the blow job for the completion of the honey-do list - and limiting penetration to a few times a month gradually transfers sexual control to the wife. A horny husband is an attentive husband is a very good place to begin a marriage. It is also a very good place to begin training a husband because, and here is a tiny secret, while men may think they want sex all the time, if they are allowed to have sex all the time they quickly lose their edge. So, usually from quite early in a marriage, even a woman who does not think of herself as a dominant wife will take charge in the bedroom.

Now there is a wonderful myth about 50's housewives who were terribly submissive and let their husbands do what they wanted. I say myth because the actual research on sexuality during the period suggested many wives retreated into "frigidity" rather than service their husband's unchecked sexual demands. In fact, many of these so called "frigid" women were simply women whose own sexual needs were suppressed and who, naturally enough, closed down sexually. And many women who were sexually compliant were only giving their husbands what they wanted from a sense of duty or, sadly, fear. It was not a happy situation for wives but it was also not ideal for husbands.

The fact is that it is very stressful for men to constantly feel pressured to be sexually assertive. And it becomes more stressful as they get older. While teenage males, hormones coursing, are capable of erections and ejaculations pretty much on demand and over and over, by the time a man is thirty this is not at all sustainable. However, many men either don't know this or are in denial. Worse, many men have huge ego investments in their sexual potency. If they feel they can't "get it up" they take a huge ego hit.

As women began to understand their sexual needs more clearly and as they became more confident about the actual nuts and bolts of sex many women moved well beyond the "lie back and think of England" approach to sex. Instead of sex being a rather unpleasant "duty" it became fun and a huge source of pleasure. But, and this is one of the springboards for female led marriages, for women to really enjoy sex they had to teach their partners and, in fact, learn to control their partners. All too often a husband took care of his own needs and was done before his wife was anywhere near ready. So, for some women, the first step towards a female led marriage was simply telling their husbands to slow down so both partners could enjoy themselves.

That simple request could be transformative. All of a sudden men found that racing to ejaculate was not at all what pleased their wives. And they discovered that their wives could actually enjoy sex and want sex but sex of a very different sort. Slower, gentler, more aware and more intense. By taking a lead wives were able to get what they wanted and, as importantly, move their husbands away from a purely male perspective on sex. Different women managed this different ways but, as I detailed in my answer on whether male chastity is necessary in a female led marriage, this often entails taking control of a man's ejaculations.

When a man gives up his "right" to ejaculate without his wife's permission and, sometimes, assistance he is, in fact, stepping away from an old conception of the masculine as being deeply independent. He is accepting a new sexual role. A role in which he can relax because he does not have to pretend that he is in charge. As the relationship evolves, ejaculation itself may be separated from the couple's increasingly female focused sexuality. A man's "need" to ejaculate is vastly over estimated and a clever wife can often train her husband to come in a tissue, once a week, under her supervision. The rest of the time, if she desires, his oral attentions and, if she enjoys penetration, his hard but obedient cock are all that are required.

Once a man realizes that he is no longer in charge of the couple's sexuality or, in fact, his own ejaculations, he may be a bit bewildered but he is also relieved of performance anxiety. Other than being hard when his wife wants to fuck him, he becomes the subject of her attentions rather than feeling obliged to initiate sex. And he can focus on how best to please his wife without thinking about his own pleasure because he knows that he will almost never be allowed to ejaculate or orgasm while pleasuring his wife. While this is frustrating at first, men are simple creatures and will soon accept their wife's complete control of the couple's sexuality. Better still, because the now dominant wife only has sex when she wants it and how she wants it the couple will tend to be a lot more sexually content.

Even if female leadership stops at the bedroom door, a man who becomes sexually submissive to his wife will find that his own sexuality, his own sense of his masculinity, will be transformed. Instead of having to carry the weight of conventional male expectations, he simply needs to do as he is told and both he and his wife will be delighted.

Of course, many female led relationships go well past the bedroom door with a husband quickly becoming submissive and obedient to his wife in most or all aspects of the relationship. Which has huge benefits. Too many couples pretend that they are equal partnerships when, in fact, at home and socially, the wife - as she has been pretty much forever - is in charge. But instead of the wife essentially manipulating her husband covertly, in a female led relationship the husband understands he is to do what he is told. If he doesn't? Well every dominant wife has stories about how she has had to correct her husband. Whether she sends him to his corner, puts him in bra and girdle for a few days, locks up his balls in a spiked cage for a week or simply gets out the bath brush, a husband's sweet submission needs to be re-enforced with punishments from time to time. However, over time, a happy husband learns that his life is calmer, more exciting and much easier, if he simply accepts his place at his wife's feet.

Or so elliot tells me.

------

If you are thinking of taking control of your marriage or asking your wife to put you in your place, you may want to read a few of our books or buy a cock cage or ball stretching weights:


Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid
Mady's Favourite Book
Dominant Woman 
Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband
Effortless Female Superiority in a Loving Marriage
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE

You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.








You can order ball stretcher for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recommend starting with a fairly light stretcher. Make sure you measure the ball sack circumference. You want the stretcher to fit snugly just above the testicles. Order here.










Saturday, 3 February 2018

Is male chastity essential in a Female Led Relationship?

Another in a series of questions on Female Led Relationships:

Is male chastity essential in a Female Led Relationship?


Yes. A submissive husband is a chaste husband. His sexual existence is at the whim of his wife or girlfriend. The question is how best to ensure that his chastity is enforced. Whether a dominant wife is content to rely on the honour system or decides to take firmer measures and keep her husband locked in a cock cage will vary in each female led relationship. But the key point, that a submissive man gives up control of his sexual life and serves only at his wife's pleasure is an absolute necessity in a female led relationship.


A female led relationship needs to be built on a solid foundation. While paddling or humiliating your husband can be great fun in the bedroom or in daily life - just for fun hand him your hand bag when you are out shopping - it is not the basis of a solid relationship. So what is?

A submissive male, and most men have a substantial submissive streak, is looking to have a strong woman guide him. Mummy issues? Perhaps. Or perhaps it is simply that men, good men, tend to have high stress jobs and need to be able to relax or, at least, change gears, when they get home. However, for that to happen, a dominant wife needs to be in charge. Where to start?

While many couples progress from a wife taking charge in the bedroom on through taking the lead in every element of a couple's life, a dominant wife needs to know what "taking charge in the bedroom" actually means. And trust me, it is not being on top.

In a very real sense, a female led relationship turns the standard male/female sexual story on its head. The conventional telling of that story is that men want sex all the time and that women want sex less frequently but with greater involvement. Which may be true as far as it goes but to really understand the dynamic you need to dig a little deeper. Why the disparity?

In biological terms, women are creatures of monthly cycles whereas men are pretty much the same throughout the month. A man's hormonal level remains pretty constant (although, after sexual release, there will be an "down period".) A women will have moments in a month where she is wet and ready and other moments where the last thing she is thinking about is sex.

The sexual goal of a female led relationship is to bring the male into sync with his wife. Now, truth to tell, even in the most vanilla of relationships, women manage male sexuality. They may not do it wittingly, but the headache or the feigned sleep when a husband is pestering for sex is very, very normal. So are quickies, blowjobs and handjobs to slack the tension when a wife is not interested in intercourse. A wife might also tacitly accept the fact that her husband is allowed to masturbate. But each of these management styles assumes that a husband (or boyfriend) has some sort of claim to sexual relief more or less "on demand".

Imagine first making that assumption explicit and then, in a firm, but gentle way denying that the male desire for sex on demand will be part of your relationship. Instead, the woman's desires, and only the woman's desires drive the sexual element of the relationship. It is a big step but it is the key step in any FLR.

To take that control over your husband's sexuality you need to recognize that, since he hit puberty, your husband has almost certainly masturbated and spends a remarkable time thinking about and wanting sex. The male brain has a pretty much infinite capacity to imagine sexual scenarios, come up with unlikely sexual activities and, as #Metoo proves, behave in vile and disgusting ways. Your husband is very unlikely to be different. Changing his general, undiferentiated interest in sex, to a very focused, single minded, devotion to your sexual needs and desires is tough. Tough because he is used to being in charge of his own gratification.

Curbing and re-framing his desire is not the work of a day. In fact, it is often difficult, especially for a young wife, to attain control. A young husband may not be terrifically willing to surrender his "right" to rub one out in the shower or take "no" for an answer more than one night running. Which is where a determined, soon to be dominant, wife begins the process.

I mentioned that most men experience a drop in various hormonal levels immediately after ejaculation. For very young men this drop may take a few ejaculations but it will come. And most men, at almost any age, experience a morning erection. Begin there. Taking control of a man's sexuality does not mean saying "no sex", rather it means ensuring that he does not ejaculate without your permission. The easiest way to ensure that his behaviour conforms to your requirements is to begin by forcing him to ejaculate when you think, for your own purposes, he should. So, for example, if you suspect he is masturbating in his morning shower, just wake up a little early and get to work with a bit of lotion and a tissue. If he has the typical "morning wood" it will take all of a couple of minutes because he'll be close in any event. But here is the thing: this is sex but it is not love making. You are taking care of the purely sexual pressure and you should do it in a lovely, efficient and rather clinical way. And when you are done, you tell him to take his mess to the toilet and have his shower quickly.

With a younger husband, morning ejaculation may not be enough. When he comes home from work you may want to take him to the powder room and, again with tissue and lotion, have him ejaculate.

Now, you will notice what you are actually doing. While he may think he has a wonderful and very sexy wife who likes to take care of his "needs", you are, in fact, ensuring that he only ejaculates when you let him. And here the interesting issue of male hormonal balance comes into play. Keeping your husband well "drained" will also keep his hormones in a slightly depressed state. Not ideal in the long term, but - as you are conditioning him - a reduction in hormone levels will tend to make him more compliant and more obedient. Having him ejaculate once or twice a day for a couple of weeks will tend to take the edge off his own sexual desire. And, if you accompany your sessions with a few words about how much you like it when he only ejaculates "for you" he will, pretty quickly, begin to understand that that is now a requirement rather than a request.

All of which does not sound much like chastity but, over time, you can begin to tailor his program to your needs. As you feel yourself coming on heat, you can skip a couple of days telling him that you want him ready for your pleasure and that you want him to have a really big "load" when you take him to bed. The funny thing is that most husbands, masturbated morning and night will barely notice that they are not having actual sex very often. Within a fairly short while you should be able to reduce his ejaculations to every second day with the certainty that he will obey your order not to touch himself at all and only let you bring him off. You will also be able to reduce your sexual activity to only those times where you actually, eagerly, want sex. And, of course, as you are being so diligent in taking care of his needs, you can begin to require him to take care of yours. If you, like me, mainly prefer a skilled tongue and an obedient cock, it is easy enough to tell your husband that you need his oral service and that, perhaps, if he pleases you, you might let him come....but make sure it is up to you. (Which is why many dominant wives, if they have penetrative sex at all, make a point of always being on top and having their husbands put their hands under their bottoms. When you are done you climb off.)

At what point does this program become chastity? Actually, from the point where you are making the decision as to when your husband ejaculates and when he is required to go down on you and when, if ever, he is allowed to penetrate you. Once you have taken the sexual authority in your marriage or relationship, you can use that authority - with its delightful rewards - to gain control over the rest of the relationship.

You may, in time, decide on a chastity cage. But the fact is that putting your little cock in a cage is an assertion of your complete control and a symbol of his complete submission. If you have prepared the ground properly, your husband will be proud to wear his cock cage and give you the keys to your little cock. He'll know he won't be coming out for weeks at a time. And he'll know it is for his own good because, the truth is, as an ambitious, dominant wife, you want his hormones raging and his testosterone up. That way he'll compete fiercely in the workplace and bring you the things to which the Lady of the House shouold be accustomed. In his cage he will be extra attentive to your needs and orders knowing that his only hope of sexual relief is in your hands.

Where it should be.

------

If you are thinking of taking control of your marriage or asking your wife to put you in your place, you may want to read a few of our books or buy a cock cage or ball stretching weights:


Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid
Mady's Favourite Book
Dominant Woman 
Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband
Effortless Female Superiority in a Loving Marriage
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE

You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.








You can order ball stretcher for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recommend starting with a fairly light stretcher. Make sure you measure the ball sack circumference. You want the stretcher to fit snugly just above the testicles. Order here.





Sunday, 28 January 2018

Do you punish your husband in a Female Led Relationship?

Another question which often comes up:

Do you punish your husband in a Female Led Relationship?


A dominant wife has the right and the responsibility to correct her husband. Sometimes correction can be by way of a good scolding, but as the saying goes, "spare the rod, spoil the husband." Physical correction is almost always required. Whether that is an over the knee spanking, a good hair brushing, a paddling, a session with the long handled shower brush or six of the best with a well made cane, your submissive husband will be more content if he is physically corrected on a regular basis.


Leaving aside the question of "maintenance spankings" which I will deal with in a sperate entry, the fact is that a dominant wife's authority must be exercised on a regular basis so that her submissive husband learns his place. Of course, you can scold your husband, demand that he get rid of obnoxious habits, be more attentive, do what he is told; but that rarely actually changes behaviour. And actual behavioural change is the objective. In an FLR a dominant wife is in charge of every aspect of the couple's life. Now, most of the time, she will have little cause for complaint but her husband has to understand that if she does find grounds for complaint he is going to be punished. Critically, for real behavioral change to occur, he has to be certain he will be punished and he needs to know that the punishment will matter.

Needing the punishment to matter is one of the reasons I very rarely use my hand alone to punish elliot. I am simply not strong enough to leave much of an impression and while the humiliation of have to drop his trousers and lie across my lap is useful it needs to be backed up with a bit of intensity. For minor infractions I find a couple of dozen strokes with my wooden hairbrush provides the right level of correction without leaving any lasting marks or bruising.

However, it is difficult to really gain much leverage with a nine-inch hairbrush. No mechanical advantage.

I am of the school that says a real punishment should leave a mark...several actually, and for that my options are either the shower brush with its nineteen and a half inch handle and heavy wooden construction or a good, flexible, cane of which I have several. Both are formidable and I will describe their use in separate posts.

The shower brush is a "thudding" instrument and it will cause bruising with even moderate swats. I tend to limit myself to a dozen strikes at about half force. I have, on very rare occasions either increased the number of strikes or increased my pressure. elliot hates the shower bush. He would rather have 24 hard strokes of the cane than a dozen moderate stroke with the brush. Where the cane creates a sharp line of pain in a focused area, the shower brush stimulates a much larger area. elliot knows I am very, very angry with him on the rare occassions I tell him to get the shower brush and wait for me.

For regular punishments, where elliot has been rude, or less than attentive or has displeased me in some way, I think the princess among punishment instruments is the cane. Her great advantage is that, with practice, you can have very precise control over how much pain you inflict and how the marks will come. Better still, a caning is quite quiet. I have taken elliot upstairs when we have had guests, caned him throughly, and sent him back down with no one the wiser. The cane is also, if necessary, very quick. While professional dominas will stretch six strokes over five minutes, a practical, efficient wife and punish her husband with a dozen strokes in less than a minute.

Regardless of the mode of punishment, a dominant wife never punishes without having a point to make. Nor will she punish when she is angry. Submissive men need a firm hand and practical directions for improvement. The entire concept of punishment within a female led marriage is to make your husband a more obedient, better, man. Physical correction is a part of an over all plan. Ideally, a rather small part.

-----

If you are thinking of taking control of your marriage or asking your wife to put you in your place, you may want to read a few of our books or buy a cock cage or ball stretching weights:



You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.








You can order ball stretcher for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recommend starting with a fairly light stretcher. Make sure you measure the ball sack circumference. You want the stretcher to fit snugly just above the testicles. Order here.

Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid
Mady's Favourite Book
Dominant Woman 
Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband
Effortless Female Superiority in a Loving Marriage
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE





Tuesday, 23 January 2018

What is the Difference between a Dominant Wife and a Professional Dominatrix

A question which I am often asked is:

What is the Difference between a Dominant Wife and a Professional Dominatrix?


In a very real way, while the two roles may look somewhat similar and may involve some of the same activities, there is actually very little overlap. I am a dominant wife and I have dominated men who are not my sweet husband either professionally or within a BDSM community. The roles could not be more different.

A professional domme is all about the theatre of domination and submission, bondage, cross-dressing and a variety of other things. One client may want to be tied up and teased, another needs to be soundly whipped, a third wants to try out wearing a skirt, heels and hose: the professional dominatrix takes her cues from her clients.

As importantly, a professional dominatrix may or may not be dominant in her non-professional life. A friend of mine who is a successful professional dominatrix leads a remarkably ordinary life with her rather macho husband and their two kids in what can only be described as suburban splendor. Not only is she not dominant at home, I rather suspect she is privately very submissive indeed. But it does not matter when she laces up her leather corset and puts on the thigh high boots.

For the professional dominatrix the "power exchange" is entirely transactional. The client pays his money and steps onto the BDSM stage. Most pro dommes will spend some time either online or before a session discussing what the client is looking for. In session, really talented dominatrixes are able to create an environment where the client forgets he ever mentioned what his particular kink happens to be. After a little while disbelief is suspended and he's being strapped down for a caning because that is what the domme wants. He forgets he asked for it only a few minutes before.

Most importantly, a session with a professional dominatrix is just that - a session. When it is over the client walks away with his particular need taken care of for a while. Even very regular clients are essentially given their session and then sent on their way. For some men that is more than enough. An hour or two spent in the control of a woman perceived to be powerful is an edgy, rewarding, experience and can be left in the dungeon or studio.

A dominant wife, on the other hand, tends to be dominant in every aspect of her marriage. There are no "sessions" because the nature of the relationship is one of her dominance and his submission. A submissive husband is not looking for a particular kink to be satisfied or performed. He is looking for his wife to take the lead in their marriage.

Here's an illustration: a professional dominant will "order" her client to perform a certain task, a dominant wife will "tell" her husband to do something. The fact the submissive husband has been trained to accept his wife's authority and knows there will be consequences if he fails to do what he is told, means that he "hears" his wife as issuing orders which he must obey.

Dominant wives will, from time to time, "dress the part" if they feel like it. However, there is no real reason for a wife to pretend to be a dominatrix unless she wants to and unless she thinks it would be a treat for her husband. Nor do FLR's have to have the rituals which are so useful in a professional dominance situation. I send elliot to his corner when I please and when I think he needs a time out. While there is certainly a routine that routine is simply what elliot has been trained to do when sent to his corner. I can say "corner" and he is on automatic pilot, stripping, finding a pair of panties and standing very still until he is told he may come out of his corner. Now I have used this technique professionally, but it requires that the routine be explained and consented to at the beginning of the session. It might look the same, but the underlying obedience I expect from elliot is quite different than I would have expected from a client.

But the biggest difference between a professional dominatrix and a dominant wife is that the dominatrix steps in and out of her role, a dominant wife simply lives her FLR lifestyle. It is a part of who she is and it is a part of who her husband is. A really skillful dominatrix can create the illusion of male subjugation her client craves, a dominant wife subjugates and directs her husband as part of her marriage and her life.

While I have certainly enjoyed the role of a professional domina it always felt a bit like make believe, like a "dress-up" game. My marriage, on the other hand, has evolved into a pure delight with elliot deeply content being a man in his position and a very obedient husband.

[I'll be answering a few questions about sex and the Female Led Marriage in subsequent posts however, with the exception of occassionally letting a client have a humiliating forced ejaculation, sex does not come into the professional dominatrix equation.]

-----

If you are thinking of taking control of your marriage or asking your wife to put you in your place, you may want to read a few of our books or buy a cock cage or ball stretching weights:



You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.








You can order ball stretcher for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recommend starting with a fairly light stretcher. Make sure you measure the ball sack circumference. You want the stretcher to fit snugly just above the testicles. Order here.

Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid
Mady's Favourite Book
Dominant Woman 
Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband
Effortless Female Superiority in a Loving Marriage
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE



Sunday, 21 January 2018

What is a Female Led Relationship?

I get questions in my email all the time. I thought it might be fun to answer a few generally.

What is a Female Led Relationship?


You would think that this question answers itself - a relationship led by a Female. But that is not quite right. A Female Led Relationship is, first and foremost, a relationship. It might be a marriage or an engagement or simply two people who enjoy seeing one another either exclusively or not. In most cases, a Female Led Relationship will involve a woman and a man but it is quite possible that two women might create an FLR. What is critical is that one of the partners submits to the will of the other as a matter of course. Submission is the essence of the relationship although most FLRs have many other dimensions.


For some couples, the husband's submission is purely sexual. He does what he is told in the bedroom, (or anywhere else his partner chooses). But this submission is purely about sex. At its most basic, a sexual FLR can consist of nothing more than a husband accepting the fact that his wife will only have sex "when she is in the mood". However, sexual FLRs can move a long way from the basics. In my own marriage I not only have control over when and where we have sex, I also have full control over elliot's sexuality. Because he is usually in a soft cock cage he cannot become erect or even have much sensation in his little cock without my express permission. Plus, he is required to meet my sexual needs (and Mady's) at my discretion with no expectation of any personal sexual pleasure, much less release.

Going up a level from a purely sexual Female Led Relationship, a couple may choose to have the wife completely in charge outside the bedroom. This can be quite subtle - a wife telling, not asking, her husband to do chores and perform services - to wildly overt with a husband having to wear a specific (and usually humiliating) outfit around the house and being required to kneel when his wife enters or leaves the room. The point being to emphasize the husband's subordinate role in the marriage.

In any Female Led Relationship, the dominant wife or girlfriend has a variety of means to enforce her man's submissive status. In some FLR's physical punishment, spankings, whippings, the cane or the shower brush are deployed to ensure the husband's compliance with the requirements of his dominant. In others, there can be a strong element of sexual discipline where the husband is forced to remain chaste for protracted periods or must submit to anal "pegging" or must wear feminine undergarments and so on. Each dominant wife will work out the right degree of domestic discipline to keep her Female Led Relationship running to her satisfaction.

But in every FLR, the dominant wife or girlfriend takes leadership and responsibility for the sexual and domestic arrangements which make her happy and which keep her male attentive and, ideally, a little on edge. Successful Female Led Relationships are all about a couple's true needs and desires. A clever wife will ensure that her submissive husband has just the right level of humiliation, punishment, enforced chastity and subordination to bring out all the best in his submissive character. She gives him what he desperately needs and, in return, he gives his dominant women his complete and willing obedience.

-----

If you are thinking of taking control of your marriage or asking your wife to put you in your place, you may want to read a few of our books or buy a cock cage or ball stretching weights:



You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.








You can order ball stretcher for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recommend starting with a fairly light stretcher. Make sure you measure the ball sack circumference. You want the stretcher to fit snugly just above the testicles. Order here.

Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid
Mady's Favourite Book
Dominant Woman 
Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband
Effortless Female Superiority in a Loving Marriage
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE


Friday, 29 December 2017

Sexual Economics

I received a note from a long time reader about some of the books I have written:

---
Dear Miss Jay,

Along with your wonderful books on Female Led Marriage, and I especially like Obedient Husband: Female Led Marriage for Loving Couples, I noticed that you have written a number of books on what I can only think of as "sex for sale". In particular, you have written two "guides" for women.

The first, Avails: Escorting for the Elegant Woman is, simply speaking, a guide book for women who decide to charge money for their sexual favours. I have to call that prostitution which, besides being illegal, seems contrary to your message of female superiority and empowerment.

The second, MODERN MISTRESS: LEAD THE LUXURY LIFE YOU DESERVE seems to suggest doing at a wholesale level what your earlier book is about at the retail level.

How can you square this sordid exchange of money for sex with your views on the best way to organize a marriage or relationship? I completely agree with you that men are often happier when they do what they are told, are kept in chastity and punished for even the slightest infraction; but I cannot see how an intelligent, dominant, woman could countenance the female exploitation implicit in escorting or mistresshood. Can you enlighten me?

Respectfully,

Amelia

---
Dear Amelia,

While I see your point I have to disagree: strong, elegant women can exercise their power over men in a variety of ways. Having and training a submissive husband or boyfriend is, in many cases, the ideal end state for a woman to achieve life long happiness but what of those delightful years when a girl is in her twenties and thirties and has little interest in "settling down"?

Many women are just finding their dominant side when they are younger and, frankly, many women are more than a little frightened of the power they actually have. After all, while society talks a good game about female empowerment, the #METOO scandals suggest that the old ways have not gone away. Unfortunately, young women with well developed sexual identities often find themselves devalued by the various, more powerful, men they encounter. In many cases this leads them to retreat into either the conventionally asexual world of the "alt-girl" or the anti-sex world of "pantsuit nation". In both cases, and in all the other asexual or anti-sexual approaches to the world, a young woman is denying what is, in fact, a huge element of her power. While this is always a woman's choice, I think it is important that young women - as well as more experienced women - keep in mind some sexier, more powerful alternatives.

A good deal of the impetus for writing the books were conversations I had with my maid Mady. The poor girl had, before we joined us, been so confused by her sexuality that she had retreated into a lipstick version of college lesbianism. All very pleasant I'm sure, and it did give her certain skills for which I am personally very grateful, but she was, as her continued use of elliot's little cock suggests, a flaming heterosexual. However, she was deeply intimidated by the "anything goes" hook-up culture she encountered in college with boys her own age and had no idea what to do about it.

For many young women "sugar" culture has become an answer. However, in my view, sugaring simply leaves girls in a subservient position while being required to "service" their so called "sugar daddies". Where a mistress dictates the terms of her engagement and expects her patron to honour them, a sugarbaby is in constant danger of replacement. And much of that has to do with the sorts of men who are involved in sugaring. Not to be snobby about it, but sugar daddies tend to be wealthy but not gentlemen.

The quality of the men involved in either a mistress relationship or at the upper end of the escorting world make all the difference. Which I write about at length in both my books. For a young girl starting out or an elegant woman testing the waters, the objective is to find a gentleman or several gentlemen who are prepared to pay a significant sum for the pleasure of her company. (And I note in these #METOO times, for the professional discretion a mistress or an escort offers.)

For a younger woman a patron can also be a mentor and, in the right circumstances, a huge help in her career.

Yes, there is a sexual component obviously. However, a good deal of Avails and Modern Mistress are about the settings, the lingerie, the candles and the music. Of course there are sections on really good oral technique, managing role play and creating the magic of erotic tension; but a successful escort or mistress is about much more than sex.

As you know I believe that most alpha males, and alphas are far more likely to be gentlemen than their weaker, less confident, inferiors, have an often repressed submissive streak. Being taken in hand by a woman twenty or thirty years their junior can be a huge turn on. And, in fact, what a patron or client is usually looking for is a break from their high stress, decision a minute, intense world where they are totally responsible. Having a standing date with a mistress or enjoying an evening with an escort takes them away from the pressure.

Reading my books, a woman will learn a lot about how men are managed, how patrons are relaxed and pampered and how clients become regulars. And it all comes down to a woman using the power of the feminine for her own ends.

Both books have a lot of interviews in them. Girls and women I spent several hours with talking about how they arrange their encounters, how they dress, the mood they try to create. But in almost every case, the key to their success (and these are very successful women) is that they establish that they are in charge right from the moment the client or the patron walks through the door.

My books are, in fact, about another aspect of feminine power. No successful mistress or escort allows herself to be exploited. Quite the opposite. In a kind, giving way, she offers her patron or her client the opportunity to meet her needs as she defines them. While she might begin by catering to her clients' or patron perceived desires, he will soon discover that his encounter is much more satisfying when he does what he's told and is "rewarded".

Very much like a male's place in a female led relationship.

-----

You can buy Modern Mistress at this link. If you have Amazon Prime you can read Modern Mistress free.
You can buy Avails: Escorting for the Elegant Woman at this link.
If you are looking for sexier stories of mistresses and escorts (you naughty boy!) you can buy Money Sex: tales from the luxury lives of high end escorts, mistresses and courtesans here. It is one of Mady's favorite pillow books.






Tuesday, 26 December 2017

Questions for A Dominant Wife

Where have you and elliot and Mady been for the last few months?

The short answer is, busy. Mady has finished her thesis and just passed her final exams. elliot has seen his business get a lot busier and I have been working on my new book about how female led marriage may be a real solution to a lot of the problems couples have.

Do you still read your emails?

We do. And often answer them. Mady is now helping me with some of my correspondence and my book. She really has moved from maid to personal assistant although I still require her to wear her corsets, quarter cup bras, sheer tops, stockings and tight skirts in the afternoons and early evenings when she is "on duty". The glimpse of her pretty nipples or stockings tops keep elliot in a pleasing state of longing arousal.

Is elliot still in his cock cage and ball stretchers?

The ball stretchers are pretty much permanent. Both Mady and I enjoy the effect of ounces of stainless steel on his poor scrotum. It is not actually terribly painful but the constant pressure reminds him of his place. At the same time, I am caging his cock less often. This is mainly for Mady's benefit. Formerly of lesbian inclination, since she has been training elliot she finds she enjoys a good ride on his Viagra stiff cock on nearly a daily basis. While it was lovely to have her come to my morning room, curtsy and ask if she might have the keys it was also rather inconvenient.

Now this does not mean elliot is allowed to come any more frequently. Quite the opposite really. Mady likes the feeling of his cock in her but she is certainly not interested in his little messes. When she rides him it is strictly for her pleasure and elliot knows he'll be severely whipped and locked up if he spills a drop. He really is like that poor 50's housewife letting her husband have her while being clueless as to her own pleasure. He is required to get hard, stay hard and lie back as Mady takes her pleasure. He tells me it is very hard not to come especially when he is required to suck on her nipples for her great enjoyment.

But there it is. Men should not be allowed to come very often and, if they are allowed, it should be in humbling circumstances or by way of prostate milking which avoids the male orgasm altogether. It keeps them on edge and far more eager to do as they are told.

Are you ever jealous of Mady?

No. In our home I lead and what I say and allow is what happens. I very much like the fact Mady puts elliot through his paces. It keeps him fresh and it allows me to focus on my own work and the very deep emotional connection I have with elliot. At the same time, there is nothing I enjoy more than seeing his sweet head bobbing between my thighs as he brings me to orgasm. Or, on other nights, requiring him to watch as Mady's sweet head bobs between my thighs as she has that delightful duty. It is really impossible to be jealous when you have all the power in a relationship. In two relationships really.

I think elliot may be a little jealous of Mady as I will often send him to his corner while Mady and I try on clothes or enjoy touching each other. But that is not, of course, any concern of mine. elliot's sole route to happiness and fulfillment is to do exactly what he is told. And he is very happy and very fulfilled.

More questions later. The nice ladies from Church are coming for tea and I want Mady to look her best.

-----

If you are thinking of taking control of your marriage or asking your wife to put you in your place, you may want to read a few of our books or buy a cock cage or ball stretching weights:



You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.








You can order ball stretcher for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recommend starting with a fairly light stretcher. Make sure you measure the ball sack circumference. You want the stretcher to fit snugly just above the testicles. Order here.

Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid
Mady's Favourite Book
Dominant Woman 
Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband
Effortless Female Superiority in a Loving Marriage
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE