Monday, 7 January 2019

Zoey's First Night - My new book

As many readers know I have a long abiding interest in the various ways women use their feminine power. From this blog and the books elliot and I have written about Female Led Relationships (and yes my guide is coming) to high end escorting (Avails: Escorting for the Elegant Woman) and to what I think is an essential to an intelligent young woman's education, being a mistress to a wealthy, older man (Modern Mistress: Lead the Luxury Life You Deserve).

In the process of writing my books on escorting and the pleasures of being kept I have interviews many delightful young women and kept recordings or notes of those interviews. And in some cases, girls who have read one of those books have got in touch to tell their stories.

I just published and am making available to my blog readers free (but please leave a review) the first of what I hope will be several books based on interviews with successful mistresses. Zoey read Modern Mistress and in this book she describes her first night with Nick, her rather covetable, patron.

You can download the book at no cost for the next couple of days here.


Sunday, 6 January 2019

Mady's Magazine Project

That naughty girl has been very slack about posting our collection of retro smut magazines to our Patreon account. I gently explained to her that if she did not get at least three posted today she would be getting a good spanking and then some time in the closet. Just like elliot, she hates the closet.

So she has posted. So far five delightfully smutty magazines from the early 60's:

Pepper magazine link

Spree Magazine link

 Smooth Satin Magazine link

 Mood Magazine link

 Magnifique Magazing link

So I am letting her off being locked in the narrow closet...but I am still debating whether or not to give her a good spanking for neglecting this project for far too long.

It is actually quite a fascinating project simply because so many of the fetish tropes of the 60's have become mainstays of today's fashion. Mady puts up the whole magazine in a variety of formats PDF, ZIP, MOBI and ePub.

So take a look and consider becoming Mady's magazine Patreon.

Friday, 4 January 2019


Last month my delightful readers bought many canes and floggers. Apparently, someone needs more than a little discipline. I was delighted to see that a couple of dozen men are going to be locked up in male chastity devices.

A year or two ago I was astonished and delighted that these sorts of things, along with girdles - so useful for keeping that little cock in control - frilly panties  - ideal for male humiliation - and strap-ons were available at Amazon. Good for you Jeff Bezos!

Thirty years ago the sorts of thing which can make an FLR fun and interesting were barely available at all. Nor was there a way for people to write about their FLR - now there is: A Man in My Position.

Ours is a fairly small but growing community. That we can find what we need in a little Amazon box or a download is wonderful.

I am late in saying this but "Happy New Year". We live in amazing times.

Can't wait.

Wednesday, 12 December 2018

Is Male Chastity Punishment?

Here is a question I had not really considered in the context of an FLR:

Is Male Chastity Punishment?

I had not considered it because I keep elliot in his chastity device pretty much full time from Labour Day until either the May 24th or July 1st Long Weekend. If he needs punishment I have my handy wooden shower brush or a number of canes and whips which I can deploy with great effect.

For me, elliot's chastity is a gift I insist he gives me (and Mady). It is not a punishment so much as a constant reminder of his place in my household and the fact he has no control over his sexual existence. I hold the key and whether he is required to humiliate himself by masturbating or to service Mady or, very rarely, to bring me greater pleasure, his little cock is under my total control.

However, many women who lead their marriages may not want to keep their husbands locked up. After all, there are many women who thoroughly enjoy spontaneous, penetrative sex and don't want to be bothered unlocking their husbands when they are "in the mood". Or a woman might well want to keep her husband on the honour system while she considers whether to lock that little cock down. It is, obviously, entirely up to her.

Now, if a man remains unrestrained the cock cage could well serve as a punishment. Even elliot's soft silicone cage is a bit uncomfortable when, as he often does, he becomes erect at the sight of Mady's pretty breasts or as the result of my teasing him. 

However, if I were using a cock cage as punishment I would want something a little bit more disciplinary. I am thinking of getting this gently spiked cage for elliot simply as a change of pace. But, as you can see, the "spikes" are really more nubs and while they will produce a bit of sensation, I very much doubt that even a raging erection would reach a disciplinary level.

If you are going to use a chastity as a punishment device then you will want something which is well past uncomfortable. This device has a spiked scrotal ring and, while it will not punish erections, it will certainly be unpleasant to be forced to wear for any length of time. However, my sense looking at this device is that the little "spikes" would really just create chafing rather than the real sensation of pain which is critical to punishment.

Not a choice I would make but if someone does decide to try this I would love to hear about your experiences.

remote control electro shock male chastity device
I have to admit I have wanted an electro shock chastity device for elliot for some time. However, I have wanted one with a remote control and there have been very few offerings. But this year, under our Christmas tree, elliot is going to find this beauty. A gorgeous, remote control, hard shell, red electro shock device for his little cock. It will be great fun for Mady and I to calibrate it.

So the general answer to the question of a chastity device as a tool for male punishment, is, of course. Locking up your husband's cock will put him in his place. Better still, you can tell him how long he'll be locked up and why he is being punished. Men, especially younger men, tend to behave themselves much better, be more attentive and generally remember their place if you have the key to their cock.

But, and here's the thing, you may find you simply prefer to keep your husband locked pretty much full time. It puts all the sexual control where it should be, in your hands and you'll be able to gradually train him to take his pleasure from giving you pleasure. Once that happens, keeping your husband locked in chastity will simply make sense for both of you. In which case you'll have to find new and inventive ways to punish him. Which can be fun in itself.

Monday, 10 December 2018

FemDom Art Free

Quick alert for my dear readers.

A small collection of Dominant Female Art for your Kindle or other ebook device - or your computer or phone - is available free at Amazon.


Free #FemDom Art Book

And remember, if you do your Christmas shopping through one of my Amazon links you'll help buy me something wonderful for Christmas

Monday, 3 December 2018

What is Leading in an FLR?

It may seem obvious, but a question which comes up is:

What is Leading in an FLR?

When a couple commits to a female led relationship the gentleman is simply accepting his position and agreeing to do what he is told. Usually he will also be accepting his wife or girlfriend's right to discipline him and, in many cases, her complete control over his sexual life (whether he's put in a cock cage or not). But what is the wife's commitment?

In a very real sense, before a woman decides she wants a FLR she needs to consider what she expects and how she expects to get it. Every woman will have different goals for her marriage. And every woman will have different expectations for her husband. There are, however, some common themes which run through the FLR world. For a woman to lead in her marriage she should consider at least a few of these themes as she develops as the head of her household.

The first of these themes is a view of men in general and her man in particular. Submissive men range from the very weak, differential, often effeminate, sissy boy types all the way through to the strong, hyper-masculine, take charge alphas. Different women like different types of man and a dominant woman is just as likely to find an alpha with submissive tendencies as she is to deal with the needs of a sissy boy. However, sissy, beta or alpha, submissive men share one trait in common; they are happiest in the service of a strong, demanding, dominant woman.

When a woman takes charge of her marriage (or of her boyfriend before marriage) she is essentially taking on the responsibility of guiding, training and conditioning her particular man to fulfil her desires and cater to her tastes. Genuinely submissive men - as any dominant woman will tell you - out number dominant women by at least a factor of ten (likely a factor of a hundred). Which means a woman who accepts her dominant nature is spoilt for choice. However, my impression is that many, if not most, FLR's evolve from essentially vanilla marriages in which a wife finds herself married to a man who is submissive but whose submissiveness was not a part of the original marriage bargain.

For every formal FLR, there are dozens of marriages in which a naturally dominant woman "wears the pants" and there is a rich tradition of the "hen-pecked" or "pussy whipped" husband. Women exercise a natural dominance in the home and men have usually been conditioned by their mothers to accept the female voice as the authoritative voice as soon as they come through the front door. These, informal, Female Led Relationships can work very well and can last for years without any express male submission. In fact, in my experience, in the majority of seemingly conventional marriages the actual head of household is the wife. "Honey Do" lists reflect the natural order of conventional marriages.

When a woman decides to take explicit charge of her marriage she'll often find her life is a good deal easier. Getting men to do as they are told when there is a pretense of equality in a marriage is often difficult and women often find themselves resorting to psychology, sexual bribery and plain old scolding simply to get their man to do what he obviously should do. Even the most submissive man, in a supposedly "equal" marriage will baulk at taking orders from his wife which, in turn, means, that the wife has to phrase her instructions in the form of requests or suggestions. "I think it would be a good idea for you to lose ten pounds," creates all sorts of opportunities for backchat. It is so much easier to say, "With the holidays coming up you're going to lose ten pounds. We'll start right now. You can take yourself and the dog for an hour long walk." No suggestion, no request, no negotiation and no backchat.

Men, generally, respond better to clear instructions. Orders if you like. But women are socialized away from the idea that they can give orders. Especially to men they love. One of the first steps towards leading in an FLR is for a dominant woman to tell her husband what to do and to expect him to do what he is told.

It can be a little strange at first, but the best way to approach it is to recognize that submissive men, even well trained ones, are essentially little boys at heart. They want to be told what to do by a strong, assertive woman and they want to know that there will be consequences if they do not do exactly what they are told immediately. 

Consequences are as important as clear instructions. Disobedience must be punished...either immediately or when it is convenient for the wife. I carry a rather lovely, men's wooden backed, hairbrush in my handbag. If elliot steps out of line I am quite capable of finding a convenient ladies room or dressing room and walloping him. It is quite a narrow brush so less noisy and more painful than a broader brush would be. But I am not at all worried about the sound. I prefer privacy, not for elliot's sake but for the poor women who might walk in on my sweet man with his trousers around his ankles. 

While punishment for behaviour is important, and even more important element of leadership in an FLR, is what I call conditioning. A man has to be taught his place and he must be reminded of it constantly. Whether you make your alpha hubby wear a bra and girdle under his suit or put a bit of weight on his testicles, or dress your sissy hubby up as a maid to serve you, submissive men need and like to be reminded of their position. The more they are reminded to more they realize their submission is what they have been looking for - in many cases, all their lives.

Finally, there is training. For a dominant wife "training" can take many forms. However, in my view, training is as essential as chastity for a loving, submissive, husband. This is because when you are training a man you are paying attention to him and, like a puppy, a husband loves attention. 

Taking leadership in your marriage or relationship means setting goals and standards and then using a mixture of instruction, punishment and reward to ensure that your man meets your expectations. To take a simple example, a man can and perhaps should be trained to pamper his wife. Telling him to run you a bath after dinner is easy. Of course you have to teach him how you like your bath, the temperature, bath oils or bubbles, which soap you prefer, how he is expected to rinse out the tub when you are done, where to put your damp towel and where to hang your robe. But once you have shown him once the next time you want a bath you simply tell him. Then you pay attention to how well he does. The first bath you have after he has been taught there may be a few issues but, seriously, how hard can it be? So, from that point forward, he'll be expected to get it all exactly right. The wrong soap? Water temperature incorrect, towel not neatly hung to dry? Well that is why we have shower brushes conveniently located very near the bath.

Men can and should be trained to do everything from the vacuuming to the dishes to your hand washing and your manicure. Needless to say, the same high standards and immediate punishment for failure to follow instructions are just as important in other routine tasks. And, of course, your husband needs to be trained to provide you with your own private sexual pleasure. As with anything, practice will make perfect and you should give him plenty of practice. However, even when he is between your legs, he needs to be very aware that his performance is being held to a high standard. If you feel he has not done his best, there is nothing at all wrong with sending him to his corner for a while or giving him a good caning to demonstrate your displeasure. He'll do better. Much better.

At the same time, rewarding your husband for a job well done is also a part of training him. If he is in chastity you might set up a little system where he can accumulate points and is allowed to ejaculate when he reaches a target. Putting up a chart on the fridge door with gold stars but without any labels might be fun. I enjoyed one couple's system using nothing fancier than "Go" pieces. He got a three black stones for every mistake or transgression and he got one white stone for each "reward" including any really excellent orgasms she decided were worthy. But the brilliance of the system was that it dictated both his punishments and his rewards. When he had accumulated twenty black stones would get that number of strokes from her cane or paddle that day. Twenty white stones and he was let out of his chastity and allowed three minutes to masturbate. However, she had really made it nicely balanced with two additional rules: once he reached twenty black stones he could postpone his whipping by paying a white piece a day and he could reduce the number of strokes he'd be given by paying a white stone for each forgone stroke. Good could redeem evil.

Saturday, 1 December 2018

Do Dominant Wives Need Whips and Chains?

This question stands in for a lot of questions women ask about Female Led Relationships:

Do Dominant Wives Need Whips and Chains?

Well, a nice whip or two can be useful. But the real question here is whether FLRs have much to do with the BDSM world. And like most questions, this one has a variety of answers.

My FLR has very few of the leather and chains elements. We don't have a dungeon. We do have a bit of bondage gear and I am partial to having a couple of sets of police-grade handcuffs close to hand if I want elliot, and occasionally Mady, to be reminded of their positions in my household.

However, in actual fact, the BDSM world, both amateur and professional is very different from the world of FLRs and dominant wives. The essential difference is that BDSM is about a scene or series of scenes which can be very intense but from which the participants emerge and resume their daily lives. (And, yes, I am aware that there can be situations where one person makes a permanent commitment to a Mistress/slave relationship but even here the day to day intrudes.)

In FLRs there may be moments of great intensity - just ask elliot when he is silly enough to be cheeky, much less rude - and punishment can be quite severe. However, those moments fit into a full time commitment of obedience, deference and submission. Part of that commitment is sexual. A man's acceptance of chastity as his natural and permanent state, the re-enforcement of that chastity with a cock cage or other, more elaborate, chastity belt. Most of all, the husband's or boyfriend's recognition that a woman's sexual gratification is his real sexual objective and that his little messes are of no great interest means that the woman is firmly in charge of the couple's sexuality.

So the "whips and chains" question really comes down to what a dominant wife enjoys. And here is a hint, very few women, dominant or otherwise, find much interesting about the theatrical elements of BDSM. It is a conversation I have had online with many women and directly with a few close female friends - it turns out that some of the reluctance that many women have about assuming the dominant role turns on the fact they don't find pulling on thigh-high leather boots and a fantasy land leather corset very appealing. Sure, they might act the role of dominatrix for fun on date night or Halloween, but it is not a common lifestyle choice.

As you might expect, there can be a real disconnect between what a submissive man is expecting in a FLR and what his wife or girlfriend actually does. The elaborate rituals of BDSM may be fantastically erotic for a man and leave his wife wondering what the fuss is about. However, a clever wife can use the erotic cliches of the BDSM world as wonderful teases for her chaste husband. If she wants to.

As I discussed below, men have the most particular fetishes. These can be obsessive and, if left in the closet, can actually impair an otherwise solid marriage, female led or not. Yet very few male fetishes are particularly revolting or, for that matter, difficult to indulge.

Men also are remarkable in their ability to construct elaborate fantasies. "Whips and Chains" are usually part of a larger concept of genuine helplessness in the face of a dominant woman. (And, yes we can speculate where that comes from; but origin is less important than intensity.) While an untrained husband might procrastinate about building you raised vegetable beds, he will be more than willing to turn out the whipping rail of his dreams. Or buy dual purpose furniture which can double as a spanking bench. Weight bearing eye hooks can sprout in the most unlikely places and one wife I know has a beautiful dressing room which artfully conceals a full toy chest - lots of different sized dildos adapted for pegging - a cabinet for her collection of dog sticks, riding crops and dressage whips. It has several nicely concealed fixed points for bondage and a lovely chaise with a single, high, round and padded arm. But her pride and joy is a large dog crate. She owns a large dog but he's never been inside the crate.

"tom has always been deeply into the idea of close confinement," said my friend. "Another friend of mine was "crate training" her dog. Well, I put two and two together and when I had tom build my dressing room, I ordered a large, rather nicely made, furniture really, dog crate. Now, when tom gets on my nerves, or I want to have a nice read in bed or really for any reason at all, I have him strip to his cock cage. Then all I say is "Crate" and in he goes. It has a cute little lock but I had him add a real padlock hasp. Once he's in I go in and snap the lock shut. Then I just forget he's there. It isn't punishment exactly. And my dressing room is hardly a dungeon, but tom knows if he is sent to my dressing room he is entirely at my command. Usually, I will just crate him; but if he needs a whipping or I feel like pegging him, well everything I need is close to hand. And I got a wonderful, very girly, dressing room out of it."

Dominant wives are all about training their husbands. Sometimes that is a matter of punishment, sometimes reward. And sometimes the rewards look an awful lot like punishments. But for both a dominant wife and her submissive husband, the whips and chains are all about working towards creating an obedient, attentive and loving man.