Thursday, 9 August 2018

A bit of fun...

As faithful readers will remember, my maid/companion Mady has been exercising elliot for a couple of years. Until we got his little dog cart, Mady's preferred exercise was to have elliot piggy back her. He became very proficient at this and, from time to time, Mady will leave the dog cart in its shed and have put elliot through his paces mounted on his back of shoulders. His little cock is in its cage and Mady has a pretty dressage whip we gave her for Christmas. In the Spring and Fall, when it is not too hot, she will often wear black leather riding gloves.

All of which made the first part of this naughty video more than a little amusing. In fact neither of the participants look at all like Mady or elliot, but the girl is of similar size. (Thankfully, under Mady's strict exercise regime elliot is rather better built than the gentleman in this video.) In any case, from time to time, if I look out my window, I see a scene like the beginning of this video played out on out back lawn. We'll see if this video works...

Thursday, 26 July 2018


Yes, I have been rather lax on this blog. Partly we've been busy, partly we've been enjoying one of the best summer of the decade, warm days, cool nights.

But mainly I have been working on two books: the first is a collection of pieces from this blog about Female Led Relationships. But, of course, when you look over old blog posts there are things to add, to change, to expand upon. So that is taking some time.

The second project comes out of my writing on high end escorts: many of you will have read Avails:Escorting for the Elegant Woman or my book about mistresses: Modern Mistress: Lead the Luxury Life You Deserve. Well, as a consequence of these books I ended up having a very interesting young woman get in touch. We've been writing back and forth and I am, essentially, ghost writing her story, Only on a Tuesday: The Courtesan's Way. Amy is a really interesting girl. Sharp, more than a little decadent and wonderfully able to adapt to the great things life throws at her. She reminded me a bit of me at her age. Both books should be published this summer.

So while Mady and elliot are enjoying the freedoms of summer, I am tied to my desk...well, not actually but I have been thinking of putting elliot or Mady under my desk for rest and relief.

More soon, enjoy the summer!

Friday, 6 July 2018

Pretty Maid For Summer

I have not written much about my maid Mady lately. I suspect because she is so very much part of my household that I am totally used to having her around. Whether she is exercising elliot or helping me dress or serving cocktails and dinner, Mady has become indispensable.

She is also a lot of fun and a much younger woman who I can play with in a way I can't with elliot. For one thing, she loves clothes as much as I do. Several hours a day she is, of course, in uniform; but in the summer her uniform is really very easy.

During the day I love her in this long, linen, button up the back dress. It's easy, not in the least "sexy" and can go over her swimsuit or exercise gear or a pretty little mesh corset and gorgeous lace tap panties.

Summer is all about comfort. elliot is out of his cock cage for the summer. Mady is in summer weight corsets and rarely required to wear stockings. I like her to enjoy the summer's freedom knowing that she will be in more serious service as we go into Fall and Winter.

What I especially enjoy is that she wears exactly what I tell her to wear. Which, of course, extends to continuing her waist training throughout the summer. Now, truth to tell, a full-on waist training corset which Mady wears most of the day during the rest of the year is a heavy and hot garment. Especially when it is laced down to the point where it is actually doing its job and compressing Mady's already tiny waist. But we are resolved that she will marry at 18 inches and there are still an inch and a half to go. Were she to go corsetless in the summer we would likely lose at least an inch, more likely two.

Our compromise is the lighter weight, mesh, corsets Mady normally sleeps in. Here is an example.

Unlike Mady's regular corsets these are bought, ridiculously cheaply ($15-$20) right from Amazon. I would certainly never recommend them for strict waist training - they would fall apart in a few wearings - but for retention and simple beauty they really cannot be matched. For Mady we order the XS which laces down to 20" out of the box. With a few minor alterations, we can bring a couple of them to 19.5". As it happens, the cups fit Mady's pretty little breasts almost perfectly with just a little easing.

When I feel Mady needs a bit more shaping or if we decide to give the good ladies of our little village a hint at how we maintain our figures, I will put Mady in this more heavily constructed, but still mesh, underbust corset.

It is a bit more expensive and, unfortunately, does not come in white; but it can work very well as outerwear over a dress or a skirt and top combination. Mady is more than a little of an exhibitionist so she loves letting the good ladies see the underpinnings she wears under her uniforms most of the time. The good ladies' husbands seem to enjoy Mady's tiny waist as well and, I suspect, our short shopping trips lead to all sorts of fun when our neighbours get home.

At the same time, I always have to remember that Mady is a very beautiful, very fit, young lady and, to be fair, she should have a few deliciously skimpy outfits to gain a little attention with. Nothing says "Hello" like a barely there cotton sundress with little girl flowers and no support whatsoever. You really do have to be in your early twenties to wear this dress with style. Mady does.

 Of course, in our little village and in the bigger world there are many summer events - the July 1 Canada Day Celebrations, the Annual Summer Tea at our Church, the August Regatta at the Lake and so on. When Mady was simply my maid she would not attend these events but, as my maid/companion it is elliot's and my pleasure to bring her along. But for these sorts of events I want her to be a bit elegant, a bit stylish, while still perfectly girlish.

I love Mady in a pretty polka dotted, boatneck dress with the cute little belt drawn extra tight to show
off her deliciously tiny, corseted, waist. No bra, seeing her pretty breasts running free under the thin fabric of the bodice is a treat and much appreciated by the gentlemen at these events. She knows I am showing her off and enjoys the attention. And, once again, these dresses, while well made, are ridiculously cheap. We do a little hand sewing to ensure a perfect fit but, truth to tell, I've bought Mady half a dozen of this pattern in different fabrications which lets her look different, yet the same, at each of the summer occasions.

And, yes, there is something just a little naughty about having my own, living, doll to dress just like playing Barbies. All the more fun when we all go home and I stand elliot in his corner and undress my sweet Mady and let her slip under my dress...Bliss, in fact.

Friday, 29 June 2018

Quick Correction

Even the best trained, most obedient husband, from time to time, does something thoughtless.

In a house with dozens of towels and bath mats, elliot used my special hair towel as a bathmat as he had his shower this morning. With dirty feet I might add.

Well, I had just found a lovely, vintage, shoe horn/clothing brush (somewhat like this wooden shoe horn but with a nice heavy brush and flat side at the end). There is no time like the present when it is time to correct a husband.

I had elliot bend over the end of our bed and pull his pants and panties down. No warm up. Just a quick scolding and a dozen good solid swats. His bottom turned a lovely pink and I could see that with a little more force, my new purchase could leave quite an impression.

I think my darling will have received the message. Now back to my new book on Female Led Relationships. I am hoping to publish it on Kindle in the next few days.

Wednesday, 27 June 2018

Can a FLR save my marriage?

FLR, Female Led Relationship, dominant wife, submissive husband
Another question which comes to me a lot is:

Can a FLR save my marriage?

Wouldn't that be great. Just put the wife in charge of the marriage and all will be well. Unfortunately, it is a bit of wishful thinking.

What a FLR can do and do very well is ensure that a marriage will not need saving. When you look at the common causes of marriages breaking down they tend to be, in no particular order, money, sex, unpleasant personal habits and infidelity. To which I will add the self-silencing of wives. More on that below.

As you might expect, if you put your husband in a good, sturdy, cock cage (and I am going to try this one with the cute little electric shock feature for elliot's next chastity device) the infidelity issue tend to disappear. Practically, it is more than a little difficult to persuade Gillian from HR to have a quickie if the required equipment is under lock and key. However, far more importantly, a good cock cage deadens the sensations which keep men on high alert for sexual opportunity. Plus, the fact a man has given his wife control of his "little brain" means that the slight discomfort the chastity device causes occasionally is a reminder of his submission.

Keeping a man chaste also goes a long way to addressing the "sex issue". In vanilla marriages, sex is an issue because of the differing libidos and desires of the partners. Many men seem to feel entitled to sex of some sort when and where they want it. Other men are unwilling to please their wives orally or will insist on ejaculating or pressuring their wives to pretend to enjoy "porn star" penetration. In an FLR, there is only one sexuality in the marriage: the wife's. And, of course, there can also be the issue of a husband's lack of desire. Especially as men get older they can lose interest.

I believe that the cornerstone of a female led relationship is the woman's total control over her husband or boyfriend's sexuality. A cock cage is best but even absent a cage, a man needs to understand that his sexual desires are to conform to his wife's needs. Period. If you don't want to cage your male then the next best thing is to punish, quite strictly, any suggestive language or uncalled for erections. A good long handled wooden bathbrush sitting innocently in the shower can be employed quickly and effectively. The words "hit the shower" will take on new meaning when your husband knows he will be spanked until his erection goes away with a few extra strokes as a reminder. In fact, the firm application of the bathbrush over a few weeks will have him begging for a cock cage.

The longer a man is denied any release the more frustrated and anxious to please he becomes. elliot was just back from a trip last night and, for fun, this morning I had him spend a happy half hour using his clever tongue. Then I sent him to his corner with a pair of perfectly juicy panties. I came, he got as hard as his cage would let him. I was delightfully satisfied. He was deeply grateful to have been allowed to lick me.

The sex issue is not an issue; it is a matter of a woman taking charge of her own sexual enjoyment and, frankly, rationing very strictly her husbands orgasms - if she lets him have any at all they have to be earned.

Which leads to the third and fourth issues. Properly disciplined a submissive husband will never have any odious habits. He'll be showed and shaved on the schedule you set. He will ask permission before having a beer or a glass of wine. He will stay at the weight you decide is best for him and exercise to ensure he avoids the dreaded Dad bod. A dominant wife with a fat husband is a contradiction in terms. Most women enjoy being enfolded in good, strong arms. In this day and age, that means working out. Not too hard, but regularly. Part of his training is to keep himself desirable for you even if you rarely allow him the pleasure of sex. He needs to know that you are proud of him, see him as your arm candy with all that implies.

As to money, in an FLR, the wife sets goals and expects those goals to be met. The money your husband earns should be automatically deposited to an account which only you control. Of course it makes sense for him to have a small allowance and a credit card for emergencies. But every week, when he comes to you for his allowance it is very important that he account for every penny. (I like to have elliot either naked or in a pretty bum baring girdle when he makes his financial report. Sometimes I invite Mady.) If you, as the Lady of the House, control the money there will be no arguments.

I use much the same method to set realistic goals on a quarterly basis. How much he needs to earn, how much to be saved or invested (in my name of course) and how much we will have to spend. These are important decisions and in an FLR they are my decisions. And of course, with the goal setting meeting comes either a reward - usually an ejaculation, sometimes a little more - or a punishment. A good cane can ensure better results next quarter. I keep a suede handled rattan cane by the fireplace in elliot's office for these performance reviews. It is a little heavier than my normal cane and elliot hates underperforming.

Last but not least, self silence. Biting your tongue. Putting up with things to keep the marriage going. The number of women I meet at church or at parties who will tell me about this or that character flaw in their husbands but will never tell their husbands is staggering. I am often tempted to carry an inexpensive wooden hairbrush in my bag and simply hand it to the poor things and say, "This will change everything." And it will.

In an FLR the wife has the last word. When she says, "Not another word." she can back it up with anything from a brief timeout in his corner to a full scale whipping with multiple instruments with her husband tied down. A well trained, well-disciplined husband learns to listen, carefully, to whatever his wife says. He learns to do exactly what he is told and to do nice things without being asked. It takes a while, but with a firm focus, any wife or girlfriend can train her man to first obey and then, as his life improves, surrender.

The time to save your marriage is long before it needs saving.

Saturday, 2 June 2018

12 Rules of Nature

I have been very interested in, and impressed by, Canadian clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson's recent book, 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote for Chaos. If you have not read it get over to Amazon right now and buy the book. Peterson is, however, largely attacking the symptoms of chaos rather than its causes. In fact, the causes are rooted in Nature and the denial of Nature by legions of confused, often well-meaning, egalitarians who want to pretend that there are no real differences between men and Women. This egalitarian impulse has led, directly, to the psychological chaos Peterson so intelligently outlines and prescribes against.

So, slightly tongue in cheek, but also with a very real point to make, here are my own 12 Rules of Nature.

1. Men and Women are fundamentally different. Mentally, emotionally, physically we are not the same and the idea of equality between the sexes is a basic and dangerous illusion.

2. Women are primary in the construction of any sort of civilized world. From this Primacy flows virtually all of the social, cultural, sexual and political norms of a well-ordered world.

3. Women are sexual creatures but their sexual triggers are more subtle and more complex than the rude and primitive sexuality of men. Part of civility is bringing men's base urges under the control of whichever woman is in charge of them at the time: mother, mistress, wife.

4. Civilization and civil society arise when men accept that women are in charge of the sexual world and that their male urges and fetishes and needs are best met in subordination to the requirements of an intelligent, aware, woman.

5. Men have no right to sexual expression. Part of the process of maturation for men is to have their sexual lives channelled and controlled from puberty onward. It is a mark of a civilized society that men are only allowed a sexual outlet inside the bounds of matrimony or in the context of a paid relationship with a willing and dominant mistress or courtesan. Outside those two situations, a man has not earned the right to any form of sexual gratification and should be shamed if he, as it were, takes matters into his own hands. Within those situations, however, a man's sexual release remains a privilege to be earned. In a properly understood marriage, the husband is chaste unless and until his wife will enjoy his attentions. Not every husband has his cock in a cage, but many do and it is a growing phenomenon. And more than a few professional mistresses have chastity requirements for their clients.

6. Because of her Primacy in Nature, a woman should be given choices. The decision whether or not to work outside the home should be a choice and, generally, a woman will find it more rewarding to be supported by the work of a man. Prior to marriage, a young lady often enjoys the support of a patron. In both cases, women have the perfect right to demand and receive complete and generous support. In fact, in a proper marriage, a man will tend to turn over all of his earning to his wife and be put on a weekly allowance.

7. When a woman is ready to be supported she may initially opt to provide companionship to a variety of men in exchange for that support but, in the longer run, she will almost always want the stability of a marriage to the best male she can attract.

8. It is entirely Natural for a woman to be hypergamous. Hypergamy is most easily thought of as "marrying up". But that is a very shallow version. A better version is that women naturally want to spend time with and, eventually, marry men who will be good providers, faithful, good fathers and the best men they can be. "Rich" or "good-looking" are passing conditions, but dumb is forever. Women are looking for two very important male traits: intelligence and submission.

9. Standing up Straight, Cleaning Your Room and a number of other items mentioned in Peterson's book are the minimum requirements a woman should have for a man she is considering either spending time with pre-maritally in a paid role, or marrying. The last thing a woman wants or needs is a weak, ineffectual, emotionally challenged little boy dressed up in a suit. And, in fact, the suit may be a social marker which is less important than being a man of real skill in a torn t-shirt.

10. In a civilized world where the Natural order is observed, women will expect, as of right, good manners, deference and a respectful attitude from every man they meet. They will also conduct themselves according to certain basic rules - for example, a single or married woman will never find herself alone with a man who is not either her husband or client. And, yes, this does limit dating quite a bit. Which is alright because, unless there is a professional relationship, a woman will tend to impose the strictest chastity on any prospective spouse from the first date onwards. She will want to see how obedient he is and what level of control he can manage over his baser urges before even considering marriage.

11. As part of her Primacy, a woman will make the effort to be as attractive as she can be. Women are not all supermodels, but good skin care, a reasonable diet, exercise and an attention to clothes and makeup will go a long way towards ensuring that a woman's Primacy is unmistakable. Dressing in a feminine and understated way, avoiding excess, and enjoying the pleasure of being the object of the male gaze are all part of a woman accepting and revelling in her Primacy.

12. In Nature, in a civilized and civil society, women are in charge. A woman should take her natural place at the centre of attention. In situations where her Primacy is not acknowledged, a woman always has the option of leaving, or, perhaps more to the point, of calling a man to order. A woman receives the Primacy she demands.

Sunday, 20 May 2018

Is a Female Led Relationship "Natural"?

Here is another question I am asked a lot,

Is a Female Led Relationship "Natural"?

It is but understanding why and how is actually pretty important to having a successful FLR.

The actual dynamic in an FLR is powered by a couple of facts which have fallen out of the popular conversation about male/female relationships. The first fact is that men and women are significantly different. Physically, psychologically and, for want of a better term, hormonally there is simply no comparison between a man and a woman. The second fact is that men and women think very differently. 

Camille Paglia, a cultural critic for whom I have a lot of time, controversially said, "If civilization had been left in female hands we would still be living in grass huts." And a friend of mine added, "with really nice curtains". Here is the thing, women want extremely simple things: a home, nice clothes, security, a bit of luxury and a sense of being valued. Men want different things, here again Paglia, "Men know they are sexual exiles. They wander the earth seeking satisfaction, craving and despising, never content. There is nothing in that anguished motion for women to envy."

According to Paglia, and on my own observation, men generally, and especially alpha men, tend to be on a permanent hunt for something they are sure they want but can't quite identify. What, in fact, they are looking for is a woman who will take them in hand, put an end to the hunt and redirect all that wasted energy. 

To end the male "hunt" a woman has to combine three or four elements of control and discipline. Approached head on, there is simply no way a woman can control, much less discipline a man. She cannot physically subdue him and asking him to comply takes away her authority because it means her authority is contingent on his consent. Consent which may be withdrawn at any time. (I suspect one of the reasons why FLRs often end after a couple of months or a year is because they have been based on consent rather than surrender.)

A dominant woman is not dominant because she is bossy or bitchy - in fact, many dominant wives enjoy being the quiet "power behind the throne". A dominant woman is, however, in charge. She makes the decisions in her marriage or relationship. But how does she get there?

In a very basic way a woman leads a relationship because she has provided her man with the answer to the questions which lead to Paglia's "sexual exile". Male sexuality, especially alpha male sexuality, begins with the adolescent's inchoate horniness. The need to get laid, somehow, overwhelms almost everything else in the adolescent male brain. And this is a need which, unless put under control, will drive men well into their sixties. 

In my research for my books on high end escorting (Avails: Escorting for the Elegant Woman and 
Money Sex: tales from the luxury lives of high end escorts, mistresses and courtesans) I interviewed literally hundreds of women who, quite rightly in my view, make excellent money catering to the unresolved needs and urges of well to do men. Escorts and mistresses wouldn't have clients and patrons if men were able to actually find what they so desperately need. The fact is, however, that these highly skilled, highly paid, women don't end men's sexual exile, they simply make the prison more comfortable.

The one thing which stood out in my conversations with sexual professionals was the fact that, to really be a great escort or mistress, a woman has to be able to "take charge" of her date or her patron's visits. While her client may think he is setting the agenda, the escort is, in fact guiding him and using his eagerness to suit her own ends. The mistress does much the same thing but over repeated encounters. Yes, the clients and patrons are looking for secual release, but the higher end girls and the beautifully dressed mistresses are well aware that this is only one of the things their clients need.

Men tend to confuse their sexuality with their much broader set of needs. A wonderful encounter with a highly skilled escort is almost never about the sex. Rather it is about men being given permission to drop a whole set of masks and illusions and come directly to the point with a woman who has also dropped the pretences of the social construction of sexuality. The escort or mistress almost always takes charge of the date and almost never is coy about asking for and getting what she wants. Over and over, the girls told me that the real trick to their tricks was to convince their client that he had fulfilled her desires.

Which brings me to the "natural" question. In point of fact, men are in sexual exile because they think that their pleasure, their release, is important to their completion and fulfilment. They are released from exile when they are given and accept another goal: a woman's pleasure and completion.

For a wife or girlfriend the issue is not making her man a better or more considerate lover - save that for the self-help books. Rather the issue is re-aligning his perception so that he begins to understand that he is happier and more complete when he is able to meet the goals she sets for him. Men are terrifically competitive and goal driven. 

Once a woman understands how men generally, and her man in particular, work. What their needs really are and how much they want and need a woman to take charge, it is a very simple and very natural progression. Taking sexual possession of a man is no more complicated than giving him exactly what he wants, enthusiastically, and then setting boundaries and requirements for "more". And they always want more. If a man knows that he will have his fantasy sexual encounter in a week, if he locks up his cock in his chastity device and if he pleasures his wife just right during that week, he'll lock himself in. If he knows that his girlfriend will throw herself at him if he works hard and well, but cane him if he's lazy, you can bet he'll work very hard indeed. 

At the outset of a relationship or a marriage, a smart woman will use her sexuality to first enthrall and then control her man. As part of that she'll introduce the idea of discipline and punishment for his lapses. As he accepts each of these steps he will, gradually and willingly, surrender to the woman he loves. That surrender is the most natural thing in the world.