Being Available

A commentator in the last post wrote:

"How can I earn a life to be spanked and pegged by a strict dominant woman who will make me submit to her rules and regulations?"

It is a question which comes up regularly and I think it is worth answering. I did so in the comments but I want to expand my answer a bit here.

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Assuming that you are serious a couple of points: begin with being a gentleman to all the women in your life and all the women you meet. Good old fashioned manners will go a long way towards attracting an interesting woman.

Meeting women is not terribly difficult. Meeting the right women is. You are very unlikely to meet the right sort of woman in a bar or a club, much more likely to meet one at a book sale or in a vintage clothing shop. A compliment - "what a lovely coat" - gets the ball rolling. Be very polite and very deferential. "Might I join you for a coffee when you have a bit of spare time?" leave the decision with the woman where it belongs. 

Now, a real gentleman will have a personal - not business - card with just his name, email address and phone number. Making a nice presentation, with a little bow, to give a lady your card will, I will virtually guarantee, be something which has never happened to her before and therefore make you more interesting than most of the men she meets. Plus, your bow will already, suggest your submissiveness. Not a bad way to begin. 

Second, in your interactions with women generally and eligible women in particular, go out of your way to demonstrate your obedience and submission. No, don't fall to your knees...but do as you are told and saying "Yes, Miss." will surprise and delight most women.

Again, as you are meeting women, look for opportunities to serve. For example, if you have struck up a conversation in a vintage clothing shop, there is no reason not to offer to hold the clothes she is going to try on while she is in the changing room. (On a second visit, when you know each other a little and she realizes she can trust you, offering to carry her bag while she goes through the racks and also offering to carry her selections, is a lovely way to introduce any woman to the pleasures of a submissive, obedient man.)

Third, while you will likely ask any number of unsuitable women out understand that it is a submissive male's duty to make the effort. After all, unsuitable or not, girls need nice breaks whether it is for coffee or lunch or dinner. And you always pay. If she demurs, well, wait to be told what to do. But make sure you make the first move. It is the only first move a submissive man should make. Everything else, from whether to see each other again to physical intimacy to which movie to see is up to the woman. Of course, you can suggest going to dinner or to a movie but she decides where or what to see.

Fourth, if, as dates sometimes do, a woman seems interested in intimacy, make sure you let her take the lead. Especially if you are lucky enough to be invited to her bed. Your only reason to be there is her pleasure so do as you are told. Your pleasures and urges simply do not matter. (Note: if you have pleasured a woman properly and she suggests reciprocation, you need to make it clear that she has no obligation at all to attend to your needs. If she suggests a blow job after you have licked her to completion, suggest giving her a nice backrub instead.) 

Some women will love being in charge in the bedroom and that is a very good sign as to their eventual willingness to take charge of the relationship. At the same time, many women are very used to the man taking the initiative. A good way to get past this is to explain that, in these #metoo days it is very important to you to know that any physical intimacy is at her initiation. "You tell me what you want me to do."

After a few encounters, she'll realize that you are really there entirely for her pleasure and at her direction. If she is comfortable with that you are ready to move on to the hard part.

Finally, with her permission, tell her about your desires. Be prepared for her to be a little shocked, or not, but you need to be totally honest. But you do not have to be all that blunt. For example, when something goes a little bit wrong, saying something like, "I really deserve a good spanking for forgetting to put water in with the flowers" opens up the whole spanking question. Pegging is a little different as you'll have to open up the question, "I wish I could feel you in me" and then actually get all the apparatus.

Women are generally caregivers and once she understands that you need a good whipping from time to time and that you feel more comfortable and secure having been taken anally, you would be amazed at how willing many women are to meet your needs. 

Of course, and this should go without saying, you need to be all the man you can be. Working hard, earning, staying in shape and alive to the world. Part of finding the woman you want and need is being the man she will want and need. It sounds basic, but good grooming, nice clothes, good shoes and an elegant - but not needlessly expensive - watch. 

Remember, long before the discipline and the pegging and whatever else you need, the reality is that you have to enjoy the woman who will be in charge and, more importantly, she must enjoy you.

Good luck!!

City Husband, Country Wife

One of the best parts of running this blog has been the correspondence I have had with other dominant wives. Every female-led relationship evolves in its own way and it is fascinating to see how other women create the blend of discipline, chastity, obedience and nurture which can bring out their submissive husband's best self.

Cara and her husband Terry have worked out a wonderful way to balance a need for discretion with a wonderful transformation. But I will let Cara tell her own story.

Dear Miss Jay,

I adore your blog and your books - not just A Man in My Position and the other dominant wife material - but also your wonderfully detailed and open minded exploration of how powerful women can maximize their potential as escorts, or, my favorite, mistresses. (The retro smut you have elliot publish I give to my Terry as a special treat.)

I suspect I was drawn to your work on the interesting nexus between sex and money because I met Terry when he was my escorting client. Though I use "escorting" in a very loose way. I had a small business catering to cross-dressers and transvestites (and if you can tell me the difference my hat is off to you, but it was very important to the men I saw.)

Believe it or not, I got into the business when I was a make-up and special effects artist. I spent my days making pretty girls prettier and, from time to time, making them scary. It was a good living and a lot of the sets I worked on paid a cash bonus. On one of these shoots a model I knew slightly asked if I could do a friend of hers make up for a party. I said sure and thought nothing of it. We arranged to meet her and her "friend" at her apartment the next day. Well, like more than a few models I knew, this girl supplemented her modelling income with pay to play encounters and her "friend" was a client who wanted to "Walk on the Wild Side". It took a little doing but I managed to create a passable impression of a woman - but he walked like a trucker. I spoke to my friend who agreed and then I suggested that, if he wanted to, I could offer him some "training" as well as the make-up and clothes. He jumped at the chance and my model friend told me later she had two other clients who wanted this sort of feminization and it was not her thing. And she had friends in the business for whom crossdressing clients were actually a problem. I was launched.

I would only see three or four clients a week, charge a high fee and make a "best efforts" attempt to let them appear and behave as women. I say best efforts because, realistically, very few men have much hope of "passing" for a woman but they seemed to have fun trying. My sessions were quite long, two hours minimum, often four.

Most of my clients were very regular and, once they had done their introductory appointments, I laid on a program of deportment, skirt management, high heels training and so on. There was no "sex" of course. However, at the end of the appointment, if they had been very good, I would tell them to go to the little girl's room and make a mess in their panties which they then had to lick clean before hand washing.

The key insight I had into these men was that they all were, to some degree, ashamed of their need to dress as women. And, here was the thing, they enjoyed the shame and humiliation of having to put on lingerie, foundation wear, wigs, breast forms, false eyelashes and so on. If I didn't tease them, demand instant obedience and tell, not ask, them to put on their "pretty" clothes they would be disappointed in the session. They wanted to be "forced". And yes, I did threaten to spank my naughty boys and, occasionally, it would be necessary as part of a session to paddle or cane a client quite severely. Of course, "quite severely" was a very relative term. The objective was to create a reason for the client to comply with his own humbling - which was the very thing he wanted.

Men! What can you do?

In my case, I charged a lot of money, built up a remarkable collection of plus sized lingerie and outfits - my clients, as part of their training, were required to purchase these items and bring them to their sessions. This all took place several years ago but even then you could get everything from side zip girdles to breast forms to plus size high heels at Amazon. You could even get the correct "gaff" panties to keep every little thing in its place.

It was all part of the ritual and the ritual was very important to my clients. For a few hours, they were going to be "forced" to be female. In a couple of years, I actually had a waiting list.

Terry was a referral from one of my model/escort friends and I saw him really as a favour. He was pretty run of the mill as clients went and I was just going through the motions as I corseted down his waist and put on the breast forms. For cross dressing, Terry was lucky. Not only did he have a gender neutral name - Terry swings both ways but he was almost hairless and was small boned if a little plump in places. The very opposite of "buff". With the corset giving his already quite tight waist a lttle shape and the "C" cup breast forms in place in a lacy black I had him slip on a pair of black satin tap panties. He was a natural blond with a rather nice full head of gently wavy hair. Rather than put him in a wig, I put in hair extensions I happened to have. Light make-up, really just a very transparent foundation, mascara and eye shadow plus a light pink lip and he was done. I clipped semi sheer compression stockings to his garter tabs. (Pro-tip, compression stockings help shape a man's leg and hide any hair which a first timer is likely to have. Plus they feel as if you are actually a naughty boy wearing stockings.)

A simple pencil skirt and sheer blouse and a pair of modest two inch heels and Teri was done. By this point I had done transformations for a fair number of men. A few, a very few, could pass after several sessions. Teri stood up and walked over to my three way mirror. He was a little awkward in his heels but, honestly, with a bit of practice, it would be very had to tell. He had delicate wrists and his Adam's apple was inconspicuous and could be made more so with a bit of reverse contouring.

"Wow," was all he said as he looked at himself in the mirror. "I never thought I would be this pretty."

He was not wrong. Unlike many men Teri suited the longer hair, the makeup, the clothes. We practised walking in heels for a little while and then I had him make and serve me a cup of tea and one for himself. It all seemed perfectly natural. As Teri he was quite feminine, funny in a slightly exaggerated girlish way and rather flirtatious. It was quite a long session and I had him change into a shorter skirt at one point. He was naturally rather modest and went behind my screen rather than showing off his lingerie. Eventually I said I had another appointment and Teri went behind the screen and undressed and came out in the lacy ruffled lilac robe I kept for clients; makeup and hair still intact.

"Come here," I said, "Open your robe."

He did as he was told and stood in front of me his little cock - and it was quite small - naked and erect. I reached out and took it in my hand.

"You enjoyed dressing up as a girl didn't you," I said gently pumping his cock.

"Yes, Miss," he said.

"And you'd like to do it again wouldn't you Terry?" I said pumping a little faster.

"Oh yes Miss."

I could feel him coming very close and I let go of his cock.

"Good. I will see you next week. Now get dressed."

He was, I suspect, a bit disappointed that I had not taken him to completion but I had other plans.

He arrived the next week and we did much the same thing. I was a bit more prepared with sizes and I had a surprise for him at the end of the session. I had him, once again, undress from his girl clothes behind the screen and came out in the peach robe I had bought him.

"Terry, when you left last week did you go home and ejaculate?" I asked holding his hard little cock firmly.

"Yes, Miss, twice that night and two or three times a day since. I can't help it," said Terry.

"I thought so," I said. "That won't do at all. Girls don't masturbate the same way as boys so we're going to have to make sure you behave. Now, here's a tissue. Jack yourself off for me."

"Yes, Miss," said Terry as he began to pull on his cock.

"Faster, I don't have all day," I said which was all it took to send plumes of sperm out of his purplish cock head. "Now, go over to that corner with my panties (I am a huge fan of corner time for men.) and hold them in the corner with your nose."

Terry did what he was told and ten minutes later I called him back. As I suspected he would be he was just as hard.

"Now, I could whip that erection away or put that naughty little cock in ice water until you get soft; but instead, jerk it again. Quickly," I said handing him a dish. "Every drop in the dish."

It took a little longer this time but in a couple of minutes there was a nice dollop of cum and several drops and strands decorating the china dish.

"You know what you have to do, Terry," I said looking at the dish. "Lick up your mess."

It was a test he passed eagerly.

"Good boy," I said reaching around for the package I had received air express.

"Now, Terry, good girls always ask for permission to masturbate. Which I know is hard for girly-bois so I have bought you a little gift. Turn around and put your hands behind your back," I said. I took a pair of handcuffs and clicked them locked. "Turn around."

Terry obeyed and I opened the box the male chastity device came in. "Do you know what this is, Terry?"

"No Miss."

"It's a cock cage. You'll be wearing it when you are not in lady's clothes," I said putting the pink silicone ring around and behind his balls. Then, using my fairly long but nicely squared fingernails, I reached under the head of his cock and pushed it into the silicone cage. He was soft enough that it was easy to get most of his cock in the cage and push the holes over the pegs. I reached through the little slot in the end and grabbed the head of his cock with my nails to pull it all into the cage. Then I slipped the padlock through the short peg and clicked it shut.

"There you go," I said. "All tucked away and I have the key. Now you can get dressed and I want you to pick me up for dinner on Thursday. Seven o'clock. Dress nicely as I am taking you somewhere special.

Two months later we were married in a civil ceremony. I wore a lovely 40's suit, seamed stocking and a pretty, veiled hat. Teri was dressed in a light linen jacket, a pair of side zippered linen trousers, cute loafers, his cock cage for lingerie and his now longer hair pulled off his face with two butterfly barrettes.

I took him back to my apartment, had him put on his nightie for bed and then gave him a good hairbrushing to set the tone of what has been a long and happy marriage. As you can imagine, having been kept in his cage for the three weeks before our wedding night, he was very anxious to perform his marital duties. I, on the other hand, thought that could wait for our honeymoon and enjoyed Teri's girlish tongue on my throbbing clit.

We were honeymooning at a small country house I owned about forty miles from the city we live in. I drove. Teri had changed into her going away outfit. Nothing elaborate, a day dress in a fine grey cotton with a little, to the waist, black jacket. Corset, girdle, bra and breast forms, hair extensions in and nice day make-up as I had instructed her to.

"In the country, Teri, you are always going to be en femme. Most weekends, two or three weeks a summer. Will you like that?" I asked when he had agreed to marry me.

"More than anything," said Terry.

"In the city you have your job so you can't really be who you like to be. Or, at least, not yet. But you'll be a country wife which will be fun for you and fun for me."

"Yes, Miss Cara," said Teri.

"After we're married you will not have to call me miss anymore," I said. "And in the country, you'll wear your pretty gaff panties rather than that nasty old cock cage."

Which was exactly what happened.

Teri has taken to the world of a 1950's housewife with a vengeance. She's always beautifully dressed, her hair is perfect and she is wonderfully obedient. She was, I must admit, a little taken aback when she discovered that I was going to give her the whole experience by having intercourse with her every Saturday night with a strap-on.

"Do I have to?" she asked?

"Of course you have to," I said. "But unlike those poor girls in the fifties with just the one cock, I have a number of dildos which will fit my harness. We'll start you off like a virgin with something small but hard and work your pretty back pussy up to big cocks."

Which is exactly what we did.

During the week, while Terry is wonderfully submissive and attentive, other than his panties and camisole and his cock cage, he is allowed to present as a slightly effeminate man. As soon as he comes home from work on Friday he showers, is let out of his cock cage, gaffed and then changes into his weekend attire.

Our neighbours in the country think we may be lesbians but we simply keep them guessing.

We've lived this way for a few years now. I am still a make-up artist and I still have a select cross dressing clientele. Terry is not in the least jealous. Even if he was, a good wife, and Teri is a very good wife, knows when to keep quiet.

A Huge Change

Good things can be delivered

As many of you will have figured out by now, elliot and I are a somewhat older couple. Old enough that we actually remember the world when there was no internet. No, really.

Before the internet, while there were certainly lots of couples in which the wife was in charge, there was little or nothing to support FLRs. Next to no information was available. And not just about the wonderful world of Female Led Relationships, the entire world of even slightly exotic sexuality was very much under the counter. Now, virtually any interest has its own blog universe, very possibly social media (under the radar slightly) and you can buy virtually any little item you want from...Amazon.

The ability to buy discreetly has been a huge bonus for elliot, Mady and myself. We are coming up to Amazon Prime Days (and yes you really should try Prime for free for 30 days if for no other reason than you will be able to read all of both elliot's and my books for free.)

A lot of websites will be doing Prime Days promotions. I will not but I thought it might be fun for dominant wives and their submissive husbands to have a look at what is actually available at Amazon.

Start with male chastity devices. Even ten years ago putting your husband into chastity was an expensive proposition with proper cock cages running several hundred dollars. Now you can put your husband under lock and key for less than $30. And the selection is amazing.

I keep elliot in a soft chastity cage like this one. It is comfortable and he can wear it easily for weeks at a time. The overall effect is that he not only cannot touch his own penis, he cannot become fully erect and, he tells me, that he has virtually no external stimulation when he is in his cock cage.

We got out first silicone cock cage from Amazon. Like the one pictured, it cost less than $20 and with Prime it shipped free.

For a slightly more severe experience and one which can be more than a little noisy, a metal cock cage may be in order. There is nothing discreet about putting your husband's cock in a steel cage and keeping the key.

This is also an excellent option for men who, at present, are not in obedience to a particular woman. Putting your cock in a steel cage and making access to your key difficult is an excellent way for men to remind themselves of their essential submissiveness.

The other good thing about a metal cage is that it is often fairly obvious that a man is wearing one. Certainly to a discerning eye. Wives who want to subtly demonstrate their husband's status or single men who would like to make their submission more obvious to the women they encounter may want a metal cock cage.

Now, if a cock cage demonstrates a dominant wife's total control over her husband's sexuality or a single man's willingness to sacrifice his sexuality in the hope of finding his superior woman, the general subordinating effect of forcing a man to wear women's lingerie and nightwear can't be discounted.

A number of ladies who read this blog have purchased these amazing, Slimming Underwear Tummy Control Panties. One lady wrote me and said, "Since I have had Paul wearing these over his cage daily he has been even more docile and willing to please. Plus, they have already improved his figure. I call them belly busters."

Keeping your husband in panties is a good first step. But for real control and humiliation, a long legged, side zipped, pantie girdle is perfect. Where the high waisted panties have a little control, a good girdle will literally change his figure. He'll have a more defined waist and a nicely curved bottom. (Between ourselves, I love the feel of a side zipped open bottom girdle holding my stockings up.)

A submissive husband needs practical foundations. There is no point in getting him pretty lingerie. He's a man, he'll look silly in frills (which can be fun too). So a plain, white, lycra bomb is all he deserves.

Caged and girdled by day, what about when a submissive husband is sent to bed? Well, of course the cock cage stays on and his morning wood will be uncomfortable enough that he'll wake up and get started making you coffee in bed, running your bath, doing any hand washing you have left for him. elliot has to wash out my yesterday's panties after he has his corner time. There are some things it is better for a submissive husband to do himself even though we have a maid.

I prefer nice, feminine cotton nighties for elliot. You may have other preferences. And for single men, wearing a cotton nightie to bed every night will remind you of your place and where you would like to be. After a few days or weeks putting on a pretty nightie will just be part of your bedtime routine.

Now the great advantage of a fairly full coverage nightie is that it gives a wife the opportunity to experiment with a few more feminizing humiliations.
I am not a huge fan of making men wear bras during the day when they are out of the home. It can work in very limited circumstances but, usually, it simply leads to awkwardness in a workplace or a social situation.

However, in bed, in a nightie, there is absolutely no reason why a wife can't tell her husband to wear a bra and the breast forms which go with it.

Having experimented with elliot, while it might be fun to see your husband having to deal with DD cup breasts, a nice B to start and then work up to a C or D. The point is that when your husband is getting ready for bed and is in bed and when he wakes up and sets about serving you he will look different and feel different. There is nothing more feminizing than the weight of breasts and the more modern breast forms and a good bra will give your husband a real sense of that. And, of course, for a single man to make breasts a part of his evening ritual is excellent training for his eventual female led marriage.

One thing I would strongly suggest, and other wives have confirmed this, is that you require your husband to wear a well made, very supportive but very utilitarian sports bra. Pretty lingerie is for you (and your maid if you are lucky enough to have one), your husband is supposed to feel the full weight of his breasts and that's where a good sports bra makes all the difference.

And remember, in a well-run female led marriage, your husband is almost always sent to get ready for bed sometime before you retire. This means he can put on his breast forms, sports bra and nightie without you really having to see anything but the pleasing curves under his nightie.

Of course, some husbands need more discipline than others and Amazon is there to help. When you

are first training a husband or boyfriend it is a good idea to be able to restrain him. While I no longer need restraints for elliot, I still have a wonderful set of police grade handcuffs I purchased a decade ago. The nice thing about serious handcuffs is they will fit in your purse so you can restrain and correct your submissive male where ever you happen to be. In our early days, elliot learned the hard way that dressing rooms and washrooms offered the privacy, if not the sound proofing required for a gentleman's correction.

There are many occasions when a gentleman needs to be restrained for some time or under some tension. Handcuffs are the wrong tool. Well made, lined, leather wrist and ankle restraints are the obvious solution. But, for Heaven's Sake, buy high quality restraints. You want your submissive husband to be mindful of his correction or your pleasure, not worrying about how his wrists are chaffing.

As to corrections themselves, a dominant wife should recognize that her hand alone is not going to do the job. The fact is that a lady's hand is too small and too soft to make much of an impression. Using a hair brush helps a lot. And a lady, with a reasonably sized bag, can carry a hairbrush entirely innocently and deploy it as needed. As I mentioned, there are any number of usefully private locations available if your husband or boyfriend is rude or inattentive. This little brush will leave a lasting impression.

For more serious infractions, principally disobedience or resistance, but also having what I refer to as an obnoxious attitude, sterner measures and a lot more leverage will be required. As I have often written, in a serious FLR, punishment is a very real thing. Faced with a recalcitrant husband or boyfriend, a lady needs to be willing to inflict serious pain and, in many cases, leave bruises or welts. You are doing your submissive no favours by holding back when they need correction.

elliot's least favourite implement is also one which you can see any time you go into a bathroom

equipped with a shower or bath in our house. The simple, long handled, shower brush can be kept in plain sight as a reminder to your husband or boyfriend of the consequences of any disobedience. In the early stages of an FLR this sort of everyday implement is going to see a lot of use. It takes a while to train any man worth training. This beechwood shower brush has a 17 and 3/4 inch handle. As the copy says, good for reaching those "hard to reach" areas - in our case psychological rather than physical.



Some disciplinary wives swear by the paddle for their husband's correction. I have to take their word for it as I have never used a paddle on elliot. There is an amazing selection of paddles at Amazon ranging from a rather nasty looking hardwood paddle:

on through to a selection of bamboo paddles. I have to say I am seriously considering getting this wide bamboo paddle, not for elliot but for Mady. Her skin is a little too delicate for the cane and the shower brush seems to give me too much leverage when my naughty little maid needs correction. This is obviously a light duty paddle and correcting Mady is all about repetition, not force.

I have been correcting elliot with a rattan cane (go to your local garden shop or China town, but use rattan, not bamboo which tends to splinter) and a dozen strokes will certainly call him to order. But, I have to admit, I am also becoming fond of an item which is called a heel stick. Just under three feet with a very solid, rubber, handle. It weighs a little more than a rattan cane and leaves welts a little faster with less effort on my part. elliot hates it almost as much as the shower brush.

Until we met Mady and she became my maid, I was not really familiar with the varieties of anal humiliation a submissive husband can undergo. Yes, I did know about prostate milking and I thoroughly approved of the idea of restraining elliot, pushing a vibrator into his bottom and leaving him to make a non-orgasmic mess he would have to lick up later.  In fact, we wrote a book about it, A Ladies Guide to Prostate Milking. However, Mady opened up a whole other dimension.

Coming from a certain corner of the lesbian world, Mady just loved strap ons. While strap ons do nothing for me, Mady thoroughly enjoys “pegging” elliot as a preliminary to his paying her oral attention. But, Mady being Mady, she has evolved this into a bit of a ritual and the first part of the ritual is that Elliot has to go to her room, strip naked and present his bottom for an enema. “I like to peg a clean bottom,” says Mady. And good for her.

To that end she had me order this rather simple but effective enema kit:

"Two bags and he's clean if a little shaky," explained Mady. "I'll often have him stand in his corner for a few minutes before allowing him to release. Once the second bag has gone in, I will stand in front of him and put on my strap on. I use dils which have a nice end for the lady and a rather larger end for the gentlemen. I let elliot release and then he knows he has to assume his position for pegging. I lube him up a bit and then push in. He's used to it now and he knows I am going to fuck him until I come. When I'm done I leave the dil in him, unclip the harness and leave him to clean up."

Mady's strap on is very similar to this one although she has a couple of different sized dils, one a little bigger and one a little smaller.

The extraordinary thing is that all of these items and thousands more are available at Amazon at quite reasonable prices. With a Free Prime Trial you don't have to pay for shipping and, while you are waiting for your order to arrive, you can read all my books and elliot's books free.

Summer Pleasures

One of the great things about summer is that my regular round of shopping, social events, committee meetings and church eases off a bit. We like to have an easy lunch - maybe shrimp on toast with home made mayonaise and a glass of Chablis - and my darling elliot, liberated from his cock cage for a few weeks, loves to BBQ our dinner and I must say he looks very attractive in his Dad shorts and a loose cotton shirt. Mady's fitness training has really paid off.

Mady, of course, looks lovely in the sheer dresses and tops I prefer her to wear at home. She is a beautiful girl and why shouldn't she show off her nearly perfect body. It has the delightful effect of making elliot hard as a rock which, in turn makes him very attentive.

I am still working away on my book about Female Led Marriage. As ever, the trouble I have finishing it is that my views of FLR continue to change and to mature. When I first began I was hesitant on the question of male chastity devices, now I think a cock cage is essential. Not only to control the cock and a submissive husband's access to his own sexuality, but also as a symbol of superiority. Which is also why I think letting elliot spend the summer with his cock free is important: it reminds him of what he has surrendered, what he has lost, in his obedience to me.

I am also quite certain that the rituals of submission, elliot's ten or fifteen minutes standing naked in his corner with his nose pressed into the gusset of my yesterday's panties, instant caning for lapses of manners, his having to wear a pretty nightie to bed, have become a part of the fabric of our lives.

Beginning a female led relationship is all about exploration and imagination. But a long term relationship is very much about routine and ritual and then, from time to time, excursions from that routine. While I am not very interested in pegging elliot, it is Mady's favourite thing and she has built a little collection of dils and harnesses. Having elliot serve on special occasions, in nothing but a waiter's apron and kitten heels is a treat. My friend Amy, who stayed with us as I interviewed her for Only on a Tuesday: The Courtesan's Way was struck by the way that elliot simply accepts his position in my house.

I want to get all of this into my book. Which will take a while and, right now, it is time to go to the beach.

Only On A Tuesday - The Courtesan's Way

I have been working on a book about a lovely girl I call Amy Jenkins - Investment Banker by day, Courtesan in Training by night. It is actually based on a visit from a young American lady who had been following this blog and who had read both A Man in My Position and Avails: Escorting for the Elegant Woman.

What a delightful girl Amy was. She stayed for three nights and Mady, elliot and I all had a wonderful time. I spent several hours with her recording her wonderful stories of how, more or less by accident, she went from being a lower level analyst in an out of the way investment bank in a small, southern, coastal city in the US to being, first, a courtesan in training and then having her first night in the trade sold to the highest bidder.

What makes Amy so special is how open she is to entirely new experiences: which is apparent in Only on a Tuesday as she is displayed for wealthy potential bidders and, along the way, finds herself disciplining her Nordic Amazon of a secretary and her all-American girl maid, Jessica. Her guide, her Virgil, in the Courtesan Inferno, is the lovely and talented Charlotte Corday, a courtesan of long standing and a beauty in her own right.

While Amy stayed with us she had great fun putting elliot through his paces and was deeply intrigued with his more or less permanent chastity. Amy was also fascinated with Mady's role in our household. Mady, by the same token was delighted to be disciplined by a girl about her own age. On the Saturday evening we had a marvellous time being served by elliot and Mady. First dinner and then our two submissives gave us their undivided oral attentions. As a night cap, and at Amy's suggestion, Mady gave elliot a good pegging until he made his little mess in a saucer. Of course the poor man was never out of his cock cage and had to lick it all up before bringing Mady to her own, well deserved orgasm. The girls went off to Mady's room together and I took elliot to bed.

I published the fourth volume of Only On a Tuesday today and it will be free on Kindle at around midnight Pacific tonight. I hope you enjoy Amy's story so far as much as I enjoyed Amy. There are about five books to go.

Only On A Tuesday
The Courtesan's Way - Book 1

Amy Jenkins decides to explore the Courtesan's Way guided by Miss Charlotte Corday the leading lady of the night in a small, rather wealthy, East Coast city. In Book One Amy is introduced to the pleasures of making a lot of money for simply letting a gentleman enjoy her charms.

Amazon link

Only On A Tuesday
The Courtesan's Way - Book 2

Amy Jenkins continues her journey on The Courtesan's Way and her investment banking career gets a huge boost. Along the way she acquires a delightfully masochistic lesbian secretary and this week Charlotte introduces Amy to a very rich man whose wife sends him to serve.

Amy learns a little more about the wonderfully strange compulsions men (and women) have.

Little did she realize that The Courtesan's Way would have her tying a man down for a whipping...but here she goes.

Amazon link

Only On A Tuesday
The Courtesan's Way - Book 3

Amy Jenkins, investment banker by day, courtesan in training by night, finds that her secretary comes with benefits. Then, shopping for an outfit for her visit to The Porpoise, meets a girl who wants to be her lady's maid and has exactly the right submissive attitude.

Amy's adventures continue as she prepares for "The Boys" on The Porpoise.

Amazon link

Interesting

Last month my delightful readers bought many canes and floggers. Apparently, someone needs more than a little discipline. I was delighted to see that a couple of dozen men are going to be locked up in male chastity devices.

A year or two ago I was astonished and delighted that these sorts of things, along with girdles - so useful for keeping that little cock in control - frilly panties  - ideal for male humiliation - and strap-ons were available at Amazon. Good for you Jeff Bezos!

Thirty years ago the sorts of thing which can make an FLR fun and interesting were barely available at all. Nor was there a way for people to write about their FLR - now there is: A Man in My Position.

Ours is a fairly small but growing community. That we can find what we need in a little Amazon box or a download is wonderful.

I am late in saying this but "Happy New Year". We live in amazing times.

Can't wait.

Do Dominant Wives Need Whips and Chains?

This question stands in for a lot of questions women ask about Female Led Relationships:

Do Dominant Wives Need Whips and Chains?

Well, a nice whip or two can be useful. But the real question here is whether FLRs have much to do with the BDSM world. And like most questions, this one has a variety of answers.

My FLR has very few of the leather and chains elements. We don't have a dungeon. We do have a bit of bondage gear and I am partial to having a couple of sets of police-grade handcuffs close to hand if I want elliot, and occasionally Mady, to be reminded of their positions in my household.

However, in actual fact, the BDSM world, both amateur and professional is very different from the world of FLRs and dominant wives. The essential difference is that BDSM is about a scene or series of scenes which can be very intense but from which the participants emerge and resume their daily lives. (And, yes, I am aware that there can be situations where one person makes a permanent commitment to a Mistress/slave relationship but even here the day to day intrudes.)

In FLRs there may be moments of great intensity - just ask elliot when he is silly enough to be cheeky, much less rude - and punishment can be quite severe. However, those moments fit into a full time commitment of obedience, deference and submission. Part of that commitment is sexual. A man's acceptance of chastity as his natural and permanent state, the re-enforcement of that chastity with a cock cage or other, more elaborate, chastity belt. Most of all, the husband's or boyfriend's recognition that a woman's sexual gratification is his real sexual objective and that his little messes are of no great interest means that the woman is firmly in charge of the couple's sexuality.

So the "whips and chains" question really comes down to what a dominant wife enjoys. And here is a hint, very few women, dominant or otherwise, find much interesting about the theatrical elements of BDSM. It is a conversation I have had online with many women and directly with a few close female friends - it turns out that some of the reluctance that many women have about assuming the dominant role turns on the fact they don't find pulling on thigh-high leather boots and a fantasy land leather corset very appealing. Sure, they might act the role of dominatrix for fun on date night or Halloween, but it is not a common lifestyle choice.

As you might expect, there can be a real disconnect between what a submissive man is expecting in a FLR and what his wife or girlfriend actually does. The elaborate rituals of BDSM may be fantastically erotic for a man and leave his wife wondering what the fuss is about. However, a clever wife can use the erotic cliches of the BDSM world as wonderful teases for her chaste husband. If she wants to.

As I discussed below, men have the most particular fetishes. These can be obsessive and, if left in the closet, can actually impair an otherwise solid marriage, female led or not. Yet very few male fetishes are particularly revolting or, for that matter, difficult to indulge.

Men also are remarkable in their ability to construct elaborate fantasies. "Whips and Chains" are usually part of a larger concept of genuine helplessness in the face of a dominant woman. (And, yes we can speculate where that comes from; but origin is less important than intensity.) While an untrained husband might procrastinate about building you raised vegetable beds, he will be more than willing to turn out the whipping rail of his dreams. Or buy dual purpose furniture which can double as a spanking bench. Weight bearing eye hooks can sprout in the most unlikely places and one wife I know has a beautiful dressing room which artfully conceals a full toy chest - lots of different sized dildos adapted for pegging - a cabinet for her collection of dog sticks, riding crops and dressage whips. It has several nicely concealed fixed points for bondage and a lovely chaise with a single, high, round and padded arm. But her pride and joy is a large dog crate. She owns a large dog but he's never been inside the crate.

"tom has always been deeply into the idea of close confinement," said my friend. "Another friend of mine was "crate training" her dog. Well, I put two and two together and when I had tom build my dressing room, I ordered a large, rather nicely made, furniture really, dog crate. Now, when tom gets on my nerves, or I want to have a nice read in bed or really for any reason at all, I have him strip to his cock cage. Then all I say is "Crate" and in he goes. It has a cute little lock but I had him add a real padlock hasp. Once he's in I go in and snap the lock shut. Then I just forget he's there. It isn't punishment exactly. And my dressing room is hardly a dungeon, but tom knows if he is sent to my dressing room he is entirely at my command. Usually, I will just crate him; but if he needs a whipping or I feel like pegging him, well everything I need is close to hand. And I got a wonderful, very girly, dressing room out of it."

Dominant wives are all about training their husbands. Sometimes that is a matter of punishment, sometimes reward. And sometimes the rewards look an awful lot like punishments. But for both a dominant wife and her submissive husband, the whips and chains are all about working towards creating an obedient, attentive and loving man.

Do submissive husbands need maintenance?

Another question I am asked a lot:

Do submissive husbands need maintenance?

In some of the domwife literature wives routinely spank or whip their husbands once a week or so just to remind them of their place. At the beginning of an FLR this might make some sense and the expression, "Spare the rod, spoil the husband." is certainly true. The trouble is that "routine" can quickly become pretty boring.

There is no question that husbands do need to be reminded of their place, their submission and the fact that they have surrendered to their wives. A routine spanking is a good reminder but it is important to "mix it up" a bit. A man who knows that of a Saturday evening he will be put through his paces before kneeling to orally pleasure his wife is a happy man. Just how he is put through those paces is where a dominant wife needs to use her imagination.

A good, brisk hair brushing is always an excellent reminder for a husband. Having a "special" hair brush, preferably wooden and fairly heavy which you can leave out on the dresser on "maintenance days" will create the anticipation which is so important for a submissive's focus.

There is, of course, much debate as to which particular hairbrush to use. Oval or square? In one sense it does not matter because the real event is not the spanking itself but rather the fact your husband is prepared to accept that he has to pull down his pants and lie across your lap. However, being able to pick the oval for more intensity or the square for an overall warming is bound to keep your husband guessing as to his fate. Best of all, unlike many of the other dominant wife tools, you can leave a hairbrush lying around the house with no one the wiser.

Thinking beyond the quick spanking and you are done for the week scenario - and frankly, every dominant wife should be thinking about this - what can a wife do to remind her husband of his place. Of course you can have him do the household chores - men are actually quite capable of vacuuming, doing the laundry, cleaning the toilet and dusting generally. However, these days, many men see that as just part of a marriage between equals. Not quite the message you want.

Some dominant wives will dress their husbands in elaborate maids outfits
when it is time for those husbands to get the housework done. Which, while it is great for reminding him of his place, can get in the way of actually getting the housework done to your satisfaction. Elaborate satin maid's outfits with clever corseting and high heels might be fun but it isn't very practical.

On the other hand, dressing your husband in a more practical, feminine outfit as he undertakes traditionally female tasks can be an excellent bit of humiliation. But what to have him wear? While a pretty pink set of shorts and cami top is great when he is rinsing out your hand washing or dusting your make-up table - and so very sexy, especially if he is in his cock cage - you may want a bit more coverage when you have him vacuuming or running loads of laundry. A simple, cheap, full coverage dress with the white cuffs and collar of a ladies maid can be a practical solution for your husband's attire when he is doing his housework.

Now, you want him working, not primping which means making sure his under fashions are nothing exciting. A good pair of high waisted control panties in plain beige will give his hips a little feminine shape and keep his cock - caged or uncaged - out of the way.  On top? Well a nice padded sports bra, in beige again, will fill out the bodice without getting in the way of his work. If you want him a bit fuller on top, a couple of ziplock bags filled with a bit of warm water will add a bit of shape to his bra. (Yes you can buy him breast forms but, honestly, until you have decided what size he should be when he's doing the housework, that is more of an investment than you really need to make.)

A good deal of reminding him of his place is about not having to tell him to do things but rather putting him into a position where he knows what he is supposed to do. If he sees his little shorts and cami outfit laid out, he knows he will be doing your hand washing and dusting, polishing, and generally cleaning your vanity, your bathroom and such like. Dress and functional underwear means an hour or three of housework. You can pin his list to the sleeve.

Critically, as soon as he sees one of his housework outfits laid out he knows that, until he has completed whatever tasks you've set, he'll be in his pretty outfit.

I've talked about cock cages more than enough. They are certainly a very desirable element to a FLR and a man whose cock is locked up is reminded pretty much every minute that his wife is very much in charge. But a cock cage is, ideally, something of a constant in a wife led marriage. A baseline as it were. What if you want to give him another reminder which is not so "every day"?

I will be writing about the pleasures of pegging in another post but, in anticipation of that, I have to say one of the most satisfactory toys I have ever bought for elliot's continued training is a remote controlled, vibrating, butt plug/prostate massager. elliot knows he will be dribbling when he see this on his dressing table and Mady arrives with a bit of lube.

It takes a bit of work to get this all the way into elliots little hole but, once it is there it is not going anywhere. Then the fun begins. First off, once he gets used to it, elliot can walk around, do his work, take care of his chores and generally get on with his day. But, every once in a while I will turn the vibrations on. If I want elliot to dribble I leave it on a fairly low setting for ten or fifteen minutes. He'll make a mess in his cage. But you can also turn up the vibes which produces an entirely different sensation.

For a submissive husband, having a vibrating butt plug pushed up his bottom and then having to put on pretty, but functional under wear and a cute dress to get on with the house cleaning knowing that he's seen a hairbrush in a strategic location leaves no doubt as to his position. Which is perfect and just the way it should be.

Is it maintenance? Of a sort. But it is also a great deal of fun.

Long Term Dominance

Many a couple has had a fling with dominance and submission: a wife may like to be spanked occasionaly or a virile young husband may have the secret desire to be forced to wear panties. What fun!And many long term female led relationships start just this way.

However, when a wife takes charge of her marriage she is taking on a role which, to some degree will last a lifetime. Which means thinking about how she is going to manage her position and keep her husband in his. This is not as easy as it might look simply because a dominant wife has to know what she wants and make her rules so that is what she gets.

Long term dominance involves at least three levels: what I call background submission, maintenance and, from time to time, demonstration.

Background dominance is day to day. Regular readers will know that I have kept elliot chaste for years. As part of his submission he has given sexual control of our relationship to me. Part of that is that he is not allowed to come without my express permission. That is just how it is because that is how I like it. But the maintenance element of that is more interesting. For several years, when he was getting frisky I would make him put on and sleep with tight panti girdle on. That ensured his chastity without my having to do much. Recently, I decided to underline his chastity and my complete control of his sexuality, by caging his cute little cock. Now instead of having to deal with his horniness when he's frisky, I can forget all about his cock until I want it or want to reward him.

Demonstration is not really applicable to chastity per se; however, pegging elliot or pushing a vibrator up his backdoor to milk him reminds him of his complete sexual surrender. So does pinching his nipples very hard every time he is allowed to come.

All of these measures, active and passive, have evolved from my initial decision to take control of elliot's sexuality. He has accepted each of them as necessary for my satisfaction. And he has recognized that I will not change my mind on any of them. Elliot knows that any whining or pleading for release will be ignored and, if he persists, he knows he'll be whipped for being annoying.

As you might guess, once you have taken charge of a man's sexual life his obedience in all other areas of married life soon follows.

Books you might like:

The Art of the Maid Dominant Woman  Feminine Superiority in Art Obedient Husband  Female Led Marriage for Loving Couples

See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE

Is Masturbation Cheating

Over at the always amusing Denying Thumper blog there is a lively discussion of whether or not masturbation, in the context of a female led relationship, is "cheating". Thumper himself has his cock caged by his wife, an expedient I have considered but decided against with Elliot. It is an interesting discussion. Here's my contribution.

While I don’t keep Elliot locked up he is certainly not allowed to touch himself without my express permission. As for his bottom, I save that for special occasions and milking. Pegging him is not something which I particularly enjoy though he seems to.

If we ever get another maid I suspect I will pass the pegging off to her.

The question of whether masturbation is cheating does not arise in our house. Elliot is supposed to do what he is told. If I have not told him to pull his little cockette into his cup and he does he is being disobedient and will be whipped. I have expressly forbidden him to act on any of his sexual desires. At my house there is only one sexually active partner, me. He has no sex and never will again. He has embraced this as part of his submission. Elliot knows that even asking violates his sexual submission and will earn him a quick and serious correction.

His natural erections are controlled most of the month by a good, stiff, panti-girdle. He may get them but I never have to see them. On the rare occasions I want penetrative sex I will give him a little tablet to ensure he can perform as I require.

I have to say it is wonderful fun to see his eyes light up when I leave his tablet beside his wine at dinner. But even that is no guarantee. Sometimes I will simply have him lick me to orgasm and have him put his girdle right back on over his pretty, hard, little cock. He never knows. He just does what he is told.