Thursday, 28 January 2016

Remote Control

dominant wife, dominant woman, online dominantion
I have been having a little fun with a couple of men on Facebook. Each has decided to experiment with male chastity and obedience albeit at a distance.

My own evolution as a dominant woman began back when elliot and I were first moving into our own female led marriage. I am not at all sure that I am a natural dominant - it turns out that my maid Mady is much closer to that temperament - but over the past years I have reached the conclusion that while I may not be a natural dominant, most men, given the chance, are remarkably submissive.

Now I wanted to try out that theory. Where to find such men? We live in a Facebook world so....

I put a very simple post up on a Facebook group promising bratty young ladies for submissive men. I am certainly not in the least bit bratty nor am I terribly young but I put up this ad:

Who wants to be locked up?

You can see it here.

I was not sure what to expect and I received around 20 responses.

My general theory was that if I was going to enforce chastity at a distance I wanted to deal with men who genuinely wanted the experience, were somewhat articulate and were willing to send me gifts of tribute for the privilege. Of the twenty or so responses three have met my criteria. I have not set any particular dollar amount for gifts or tribute: I actually want to see what my bois think the experience is worth.

So far the men I have been training have had their own cock cages which is useful. Obviously they have to lock themselves in but, realistically, unless I have Mady do that, elliot always has to place the cock cage on himself. I click the lock closed and that is the extent of my involvement. One of my online trainees was a bit sceptical that I could manage to control his keys at a distance. A coffee can, water and a freezer cured him of that.

My regular readers know that I am a great proponent of the mindfulness spending time naked in a corner gives a man and my online bois are enjoying plenty of mindfulness training. I am also convinced that a submissive male needs incentives. Each of my online trainees will, if they are very good, eventually have a pair of my panties to enjoy in their corner.

Punishment? A couple of minutes of total cock and ball immersion in ice water is an excellent corrective.

However, as I expected, what my online bois really enjoy is the opportunity to serve a demanding, but amusing, woman in a way they have only dreamed of. A few months online training and, I suspect, they will be ready to accept the superiority of a real life dominant wife or girlfriend. In a sense, like many men, they are ready right now but they have to understand and accept their own need for submission before they will have the courage to find the woman they want and need.

Saturday, 16 January 2016


Dominant Wife, Submissive Husband, male chastity
If you decide to lock your husband in a cock cage as I have done you need to remember that his humiliation will be all the more complete and his obedience more ingrained if you remind him of his position.

As elliot relates at his blog, this morning I was in the mood for a little penetrative pleasure before I enjoyed myself. If there is one thing I can count on it is that first thing in the morning elliot's small, but perfectly adequate, cock will be ready. More than ready really.

It was delightful to unlock him, watch his cock spring to attention and have him lie with his hands behind his back while I enjoyed the delightful feeling of having a cock in me. elliot knows that he is allowed to rise to meet my thrusts but he is not allowed to thrust on his own. We call these strokes and I like to give them to him ten at a time. I left his ball stretcher on as I like the look of the stainless steel cuff. He's been locked up for a few days so, not wanting him to come, I gave him twenty strokes and sent him to his corner with my moist panties while I finished what I had started. Bliss.

All the more so because, unless I pinch his nipples, elliot knows he is not allowed to come. As I played with myself I could see his rather firm butt cheeks clenching as his little cock tried for relief. He knows he is not allowed to touch himself so there was no chance he'd come.

In fact, when I rang for Mady to lock him back in his cage his erection had subsided.

As Mady led him to his cold shower I motioned him over to my side of the bed and gave him a very deep kiss.

"Later." was all I said.

Friday, 15 January 2016

More Advice for Young Wives

dominant wife, female led relationship, submissive husband
I was looking for something to watch on Netflix the other night and came across "The Duke of Burgundy" a rather quirky tale of lesbian dominance and submission. Well, elliot was downstairs working and Mady had gone to bed so...why not.

While the film was more than a little slow and not in the least explicit, it raised a basic and I think important element of the whole dominance and submission world. The slightly older woman who was, in theory, dominant spent most of the movie catering to her "submissive's" desires. To the point where she was reading an index card with a script on it. Even her submissive lover's safe word was used to "direct the action" as it were.

My own sense is that there are many more submissives - male and female - in the world than there are natural dominants. Those submissives, and elliot is a good example, tend to like some things and dislike others. elliot, for example, prefers the cane to the bathbrush, long term chastity to forced orgasm, being sent to bed in a nightie rather than being made to sleep on the floor; so the question is what a dominant wife is to do with her supposedly submissive husband's desires.

When a girl is just starting a female led marriage she will, naturally, be inclined to pay attention to her husband's preferences. Especially if she herself is not particularly experienced. Her new husband may have a fairly elaborate submissive fantasy and it is tempting to go with that at least at the outset. It is much the same in pure vanilla marriages where a wife will have meat and potatoes sex with her new husband regularly but save blow jobs for date night and refuse anal sex either altogether or reserve it for extra special occasions. (And notice that even in a vanilla marriage it is the wife who decides about sex. This tends to emerge over a few months after the ceremony when even the mousiest wife will begin to take control of when what and where marital sex occurs. There is a lesson there.)

Part of the problem with The Duke of Burgundy is that it assumes a static relationship between the characters. The script does not change. The "maid" forgets a pair of panties to be washed and must be punished. She is taken to the bathroom, the older woman who has been drinking prodigious quantities of water, closes the door and tells the "maid" to lie down and open her mouth. Sexy once; but as a daily routine? Hardly. And, of course, the "maid" eventually gets a bit bored getting exactly what she wants and suggests some form of confinement as an additional punishment.

The actual problem here is that the older woman has never really been brave enough to risk understanding what her lover/maid really wants. Possibly because, at root, the older woman is not willing to take on the responsibility of actually loving a submissive girl as she needs and craves to be loved. The distance created by the scripts lets the older woman play a part sufficient to gain her access to the love the younger women might give her.

At a guess, and despite the film's ending, neither of the couple will be satisfied and the already crippled relationship will collapse. And the reason, which a young wife should heed, is that the submissive maid is entirely sincere in her need but the dominant old woman is simply playing along as a means to her own ends and she is not even doing that very well.

To be a successful, dominant, wife a woman has to elegantly accept how the male psyche (and submissive female psyche) is constructed. While there are some men who don't have a submissive bone in their bodies, most do. Whether you begin your marriage as a female led relationship or come to the dominant position over time, you need to go much deeper than a script if your dominance is to be anything more than a Saturday night bit of fun (and nothing wrong with that.)

The "maid" in The Duke of Burgundy wants to obey and be punished when she does not. Rather than stick to the script, the older woman could easily have taken the essence of the script - be given orders, obey, be punished for disobedience - and elaborated.

The dance of dominance in a marriage begins when the wife begins to regulate her husband's sexuality. A process which women almost universally understand from girlhood. As I said above, sex, particularly mildly variant sex, is used as a reward from the earliest days of many marriages. So, in a sense, many ostensibly vanilla marriages have a significant element of female control built right in. For a woman to extend her control over the sexual life of a couple into other elements of a marriage makes sense as a husband learns that things go rather better for him if he does what he is told.

Now, while most women have sexual control in their marriages, women who lead their marriages are a small minority simply because most men are very closed about their more submissive tendencies. Part of being a dominant wife is giving your husband lots of room to be submissive without having his sense of self compromised. Talking to him about his fantasies, taking it as given that he will do as he is told, imposing punishments when he misbehaves: all of this creates a sustainable dynamic.

Female led marriages (and relationships but an elegant woman usually requires marriage) come in many forms; but in every form both the dominant wife and her husband get what they really want from the marriage rather than play-acting their way through it. Start as you mean to finish is good advice at any time, it is particularly good when a young wife is taking charge of her marriage.

Friday, 8 January 2016

Surprise Emission

forced ejaculation, femdom, submissive husband, dominant wife
Men being the funny creatures they are they can be humiliated very easily while they have fun.

I had elliot ejaculate in front of our lovely maid Mady. He had been in his cage for rather a long time, I don't actually remember how long, and when I told him I would let him out to fill his cup he was delighted.

I have to admit I can be entirely clinical about the ejaculatory habits of men. There is really nothing so very complex and most men have been playing with themselves since they were young teenagers. If a man has not come for a while and you tell him to make a splash he'll get his business done in no time. Which was the point I wanted to make to Mady.

elliot, of course, is nipple trained. I am not saying he can't ejaculate without having his nipples pinched, but it takes much longer. So I pinched his nipples, he stroked his little cock, made his mess, drank it, licked the cup and was back in his cock cage all of 9o seconds after I unlocked him.

As I explained to Mady before I put on this little demonstration, it is important that a submissive man never be allowed to come without supervision and without a degree of humiliation. Setting up the situation, taking a very matter of fact approach, pinching the nipple hard, making sure to make a little fun of his little cock, belittling him a bit as he reaches climax - it is the little things which make a forced ejaculation a wonderfully pleasurable but completely humbling experience. Having Mady there to watch just added a little frisson to elliot's enjoyable subjugation.

I am very much enjoying teach Mady a few of the things I have learned in my own journey to female dominance. It is always going to be up to her as to whether, when she is ready, she will want a submissive husband; but she will certainly know how to command if she does.

elliot was ever so grateful for his surprise humbling. Quite wonderful really.

You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.
Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid
Dominant Woman 
Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband 
Female Led Marriage for Loving Couples
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE

Thursday, 7 January 2016


elliot is chatting about his complete acceptance of my dominance and his submission over at his blog today. I am pretty sure what he means to say is that he has entirely surrendered to my authority. Unconditionally.

His cock cage and now ball spreader and the girdle he doesn't even remember he is wearing are all tokens of this surrender. But they are just tokens. I hold the keys to rather more than his silly little cock.

A much more basic indication of his capitulation is his daily morning date with my panties in his corner. I don't tell him to go, he gets out of bed, brushes his teeth, picks up my pretty panties and stands naked in his corner until I tell him he can come out. It has become a part of him.

In a long-term female led relationship a well trained husband goes from trying to compromise or trim or negotiate with his wife to accepting her commands, demands and decisions to genuinely craving her authority. elliot is never happier than when I tell him I want my boots polished or my back rubbed. I think he might be a little resentful that Mady now rinses out my lingerie; but she tells me she has him do hers so it all balances.

Obeying me without question or hesitation fills a need in elliot. And, as that need has been filled he has become more attentive, productive and wonderfully loving. He is, delightfully, a surrendered husband and I take very good care of him.

You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.
Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid
Dominant Woman 
Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband 
Female Led Marriage for Loving Couples
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE

Wednesday, 6 January 2016

Disrupting the Male Cycle - Enforced Chastity

male chastity, dominant wife
Women understand and accept their cycles and the physical, sexual and emotional changes which many women experience during the course of a lunar month. What is less understood or accepted is the possibility that men have a similar cycle. The science on this is inconclusive. But there are strong suggestions that there is a daily, monthly and even seasonal fluctuation in the main male hormone, testosterone.

My own observation of elliot over the years strongly suggests a daily cycle with the standard early morning surge and a dramatic tailing off by about four in the afternoon. Sexually this means if I want a delicious, rough, ride I uncage the tiger before breakfast and if I want my own pleasure after lunch or, even better, after dinner is ideal.

I have never seen much seasonal variation in elliot. He is friskier and less alert in summer but I am not sure that isn't just the heat.

The question of a monthly cycle is interesting because, before I began to led our marriage and for some years after there was a distinct cycle which I could measure against my own. Once we had been together for a few years I found that elliot was at peak "irritability" (one possible measure of testosterone levels) right as I was ovulating. Do men "synch" up with the women they love? I have no idea but the whole issue of my husband having "monthly peak irritability" was one of the reasons I took charge of our marriage and elliot's discipline and training.

I wanted to channel that "irritability" into increased work performance and more useful attention to me and our marriage. Now, along with that irritability there was no question that at that time of the month elliot's sexual urges peaked as well. In fact I had to whip him several times for either coming without permission or simply pestering me for sex too often.

Now, as it happens, my own sexual interest peaks when I ovulate so it was no bad thing for elliot to be interested; but that interest needed to be controlled. A man in his position does not demand sex or even ask for it, he is given the privilege of seeing to his wife's sexual needs which may, from time to time, involve his sexual participation. But usually not.

While a good stiff whipping will certainly keep even the most amorous husband in his place it is not really a good long term solution. Especially when a dominant wife wants her obedient husband to be full of testosterone so he can thrive in the business world and bring her the rewards of his success.

It is early days yet because elliot has only been in his cock cage full time for a few months but I am beginning to see an unanticipated benefit to strictly limiting a man's orgasms and even erections: his cycle is disrupted. And in a quite interesting way. Rather than shaving the peaks of his testosterone production, caging elliot and keeping him chaste but on sexual edge seems to have "filled the valleys".

No, that does not mean my sweet elliot is irritable all the time; instead it means that he is really very horny indeed all the time. He is much more attentive to me but, and this is important, he is much more focused on his work in the hopes of pleasing me. Elliot realizes that his only chance of sexual relief is when I am very much in the mood and, truth to tell, my mood is, as often as not, a product of how pampered and secure I feel.

Yes, I suspect we are all just cave men and women at heart. But a full larder and a few vintage handbags are a powerful aphrodisiac as they have been through history. A really well trained submissive husband knows he will only be released from his cage when the Lady of the House wants him so he does all he can to create the right mood.

Not, of course, that elliot has any choice in the matter. I want him chaste, I have him in a chastity cage and I have the keys. He has agreed to submit to my authority and, if he is foolish enough to object or, worse, beg to be let out he knows I will whip him hard and often until he remembers his obedience.

Controlling your husband's hormone cycle is just one more way a dominant wife is able to enjoy her life while enhancing her husband's. I strongly recommend it.

You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.
Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid
Dominant Woman 
Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband 
Female Led Marriage for Loving Couples
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE

Tuesday, 5 January 2016

Portrait of a Marriage

dominant wife, submissive husband
I was watching a documentary last night about the marvelous Iris Apfel. While her style is not my style I enjoyed the sheer performance of the woman.

I also could not help but notice the position her beloved husband of 67 years had occupied in her life. She was a force of nature. Carl was, apparently, entirely content to follow in her wake. He photographed her, helped her run her business, arranged their hotels and homes.

Said Iris of Carl "I figured he was cool, and he was cuddly, and he cooked Chinese". Carl lived to be 100.

Understanding the dynamics of female led relationships can sometimes confuse people. There is an assumption that the male must be a bit dweeby to accept the primacy of his wife. In fact, an elegant, stylish woman wants an elegant, stylish man who, if she is the dominant partner, accepts his position willingly and gratefully.

I can keep elliot's little cock in its cage, have him wear panty girdles and a nighty to bed each night but I want him to be a man I can show off when I choose. I see no contradiction. That I keep him chaste most of the time does not diminish his sexual allure and the fact I whip him does not break his wonderful, male, spirit. When he reads in Church only I know that his cock is caged and that he has a teddy on under his sweater. He gives his submission to me and, unless I decide I want to reveal it, it is our private life.

On occassion I will humiliate elliot in public or humble him in private; but, what I love about elliot is that he accepts his humiliations and punishments without losing his personality. He is better behaved but never broken.

Just as I want him.

Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid
Dominant Woman 
Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband 
Female Led Marriage for Loving Couples
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE

Monday, 4 January 2016

#Elegant #Discipline

Every so often I go on a little hunt for interesting art to illustrate this blog with. I have a broad sense of what I am looking for. I like femdom art which is suggestive not explicit. I very nearly ruled out elliot's picture today but decided that it was a pretty good representation of what Mady had him do in order to become aroused.

I suspect my difficulty stems from the fact I don't see female domination as a particular "fetish"; rather it is one way for an elegant woman to organize the pleasures of a good marriage. As I have written before, the fact elliot is obedient and submissive is, to my mind, very much how I want my world to be. But I also want him all strong and alpha anywhere other than our home or when we are out as a couple. In return I make sure his needs are, if not taken care of, then rigorously controlled. His real need is to be surrounded with forbidden sexual pleasures so he stays on that delicious edge which make men so much more considerate and empathic.

I also make sure that he always has a beautiful, well dressed, polished woman to love and cherish. That he is not allowed to actually have me very often makes the tension all the more real and all the more effective. He stays locked up in his little cock cage but he watches as I dress and undress, he sees my pretty lingerie, my stockings, my panties. And, if he is very lucky, he catches a glimpse of my body; but just a glimpse because I am with the French women who never let their husbands see them fully naked.

So, grrrr, why can't I find drawings and photos of elegant women being worshiped by handsome, submissive, strong, obedient men? If you have some send them along.

Sunday, 3 January 2016

Male Chastity and Discipline

I am in the middle of writing and compiling a book on male chastity based on my posts here and elliot's over at his blog. Reading through the old posts I am struck by how infrequently, since I caged elliot, I have had to discipline him.

Yes, of course he is still whipped regularly - if not by me then by our delightful and increasingly dominant maid Mady; but the fact is that a combination of earlier training, strict chastity and a more or less permanent cock cage had really improved elliot's behaviour.

Which leads me to the question: are men actually better behaved whan they have very little hope of sexual activity? I've read various accounts of men who are in chastity worshiping their wives in the hope of being allowed some sexual relief. But that seems very instrumental. What happens to men when you take that hope away almost entirely?

Men are, as I often point out, funny creatures. They spend far too much of their time thinking about sex. If you, as a strict and loving wife, take sex largely out of the equation - save your own pleasure of course - my sense is that, after a period of adjustment, they will rechannel all that sexual energy into more productive uses.

Which is not to say that you want to remove sexual excitement. After all, you have to have energy to rechannel. (Mady's perky little nipples under her sheer day blouses seem to be doing an excellent job.) But, by keeping a man in a constant state of hopeless sexual frustration and by removing any sexual agency, I think many wives might find that their husbands are far more ready to accept the direction they so desperately need without the necessity of frequent whippings.

In any event, that is my plan for 2016.

Saturday, 2 January 2016

A bit of a Stretch

As my darling elliot relates on his blog, today was the first day he has been locked into a scrotum stretcher.

I have to admit I was more than a little sceptical when I first came across these chunks of heavy stainless steel on Amazon. But their shiny finish and uncompromising humbling of the precious male equipment struck me as just the thing for my sweetie.

Keeping elliot in his little cock cage 24/7 has its appeal but, of course, the novelty has worn off a bit. For elliot and for me (I still think Mady is just a tiny bit shocked). But the idea of stretching his silly ball sack seems to promise a bit of fun, and mild discomfort, for the cold winter months. The trade name of the device is "Ball Stretcher" but that is incorrect. The device fits snugly above the little orbs and, I gather, the weight stretches the skin.

We're starting with the smallest, 10mm with a weight of 4.3 ounces. You can buy them up to 50mm and nearly 2 pounds...Yikes! In fact, because of elliot's cage I doubt we will be able to go much more than 30mm.

Apparently, at exercise today, Mady could see that the single ring was causing some discomfort but nothing that a little constant wear will not fix. Look at how well elliot adjusted to having his cock permanently caged. Men are odd but they are also very stoic.

Friday, 1 January 2016

The Elegant Escort

Happy New Year!

For a limited time my book Questions for Miss Jay  is free at Amazon. It is a set of questions about escorting, mistresshood and the courtesan life. With this book and my much longer and more detailed book on escorting Avails: Escorting for the Elegant Woman, while I am writing for escorts I am also writing for women who like style, elegance and the pleasures of male attention.

However, I have received a few emails asking how a woman who has embraced her dominant nature can maintain an interest in the often exploitive world of sex for money. The answer is that throughout I take the view that a smart, elegant, young woman is never exploited; rather the equation should run the other way. Gentlemen compliment women and the most sincere compliment is cash.

As I gain more experience in the world I am increasingly convinced that most young women would be far better off if they spent a few years in their twenties as a wealthy man's mistress or - to take an example closer to home - an older couple's maid. Many women are genuinely bewildered by the sexual choices they confront at 19 or 20. Unfortunately, many young women make bad choices at that age. By becoming a mistress or an eyes wide open escort, a girl can build a solid nest egg, have time to educate herself and be ready for a more serious relationship in her mid to late twenties when she has matured.

For an elegant woman or a girl who is learning to be elegant, being kept or having gentlemen pay for one's favours, can be a marvelous rather than sordid experience. And, done well, it is often a woman's first inkling of the joys of domination and control. She sets her terms, she decides who to see, she can be capricious or strict or whatever suits her adopted persona. Rather than dealing with boys her own age who usually know less than she does, a girl in business is usually seeing men a decade or two older. How she manages them, how she dresses, makes up, decorates her apartment, chooses her dates are all within her control.

I see escorting or being a mistress as an essentially empowering decision for a young girl or older woman to make. So long as it is her decision and hers alone, an elegant woman can escort or be kept easily and comfortably for a few months or a few years and be all the better for the experience.