The Dominant Mistress

I had a wonderful letter from Christine who lives in a medium-sized American city:

Dear Miss Jay,

What fun it is to read your blog and your books because, in a way, they are about a part of my life which I keep very discreet but enjoy immensely.

A little about me. I just turned thirty have a college degree in history and a good job at a very specialized employment agency. Very 9-5, very conservative, quite well-paid but, honestly, a little boring. I'm single by choice and, while I occasionally date, likely to stay that way for at least a few more years.

I am quite pretty. Brunette with my hair cut into a short bob. Fairly tall at 5' 7" and nicely proportioned. Which is where this discreet part of my life begins. After college, when I was working retail and trying to make ends meet, I did a little modelling. Nothing all that glamourous but the camera likes me and I am a bit of a free spirit. Once I got to know a photographer or a guy with a camera, I was more than willing to make more money doing lingerie shoots and, for even more money, semi-nude work. I was very strict about the fact that my more risque work was not for publication much less for the internet and my photographers have honored my wishes. It was a fun thing to do on a Saturday afternoon and while I didn't make a fortune, it was all in cash. It bridged the gap until I found my current job.

I had thought that I would give up modelling when I got a better paying job but I had a group of regulars and why give up a couple of thousand dollars a month so I kept going. And I began to branch out into the "fetish" world. Corsets and stockings and high black boots. I guess because I am brunette I always seemed to be cast as the "dominant" in these sort of shoots. The blonds were the girls being tied up, I was doing the tying. Which was tons of fun.

I have to admit I never really thought about any sort of dominance in a sexual sense. I knew there was such a thing but really thought it was about sadistic guys in the 50 Shades of Grey sense. But I read a bit, Gloria Brame's Different Loving was a revelation about dominance and submission and that led me to reading quite a bit online and, eventually, to your blog and elliot's first book, A Man In My Position. 

My fetish modelling gave me the chance to play a little with these ideas and I created a bit of a persona, Miss Christina complete with her own black leather corset and fetish outerwear. Some of my photographers were more than a little excited to be giving me expensive kid leather pencil skirts or long black leather gloves. One guy had a bit of a boot fetish and I had two pairs of thigh-high, black leather, high-heeled boots. Plus all sorts of props like riding crops, canes and a cute little leather paddle with a very special handle.

"Miss Christina" was much in demand of a Saturday afternoon because a lot of these photographers were, rather obviously, not so much interested in the "shot" as the fantasy. I was willing to play ball because I liked the money and I enjoyed the persona. While I was not "Miss Christina" she was certainly a part of me.

Miss Christina continued to be booked and one man, in particular, could be counted on for two or three bookings a month. Kevin, obviously not his real name, was a very nice, if timid, man in his fifties. Not bad looking and delightfully generous. He told me he loved buying me nice things and along with a few bits of fetish wear kept me in glamourous silk stockings and pretty cashmere sweaters (which he liked me to wear without a bra).

After a shoot Kevin would often take me out for dinner. Nice restaurants, no expectations. It was interesting because he really wanted to have dinner with Miss Christina but was "settling" for me. Miss Christina only existed in the photo studio. Which we talked about. A lot.

One evening, after a particularly successful shoot where Miss Christina had tied up and lightly caned that week's little blonde submissive, Kevin was very worked up.

"What if I set up a private studio for Miss Christina?" he asked.

"What for?"

"Well, I thought you might accept me as..."

"As what, Kevin?" I asked. "I know you have a lovely wife, children and, frankly, I don't see how having a studio would change that."

"Well it wouldn't," said Kevin. "But, perhaps, you could be Mistress Christina a few hours a week."

"That would be very expensive," I said hoping to kill the idea.

"Oh, that really doesn't matter," said Kevin. "My little company is doing very well."

"Let me think about it," I said. "Could the studio be a loft where I could live?"

"Sure."

"And you do know that mistresses get allowances."

"Yes, Mistress," he said.

"Not yet, you naughty little man," I said laughing. "I said I'd think about it."

"Yes, Miss."

We booked for the following weekend and I thought about it.

Not much to think about really. I would get a nice place to live and an allowance and Kevin? Well, Kevin would find Mistress Christina waiting for him a couple of times a week. I'd need to be a bit creative about which paces to put him through but I was certain I would think of something.

So off I went and I found a very nice loft which had a decent sized, out of the way, space in the back where Mistress Christina could construct her lair. After our shoot the following Saturday, I took Kevin to meet the agent and he signed a two year lease. I got the keys right there and the agent left.

I looked at Kevin.

"Strip. You are never in your street clothes in my domain," I said.

He did what he was told and was soon standing in the middle of the bare, white painted space with a very erect penis of rather modest stature.

"Oh, your poor wife. At least I don't have to pretend to enjoy that little thing. Get down on your knees, chin on the floor, arms stretched ahead of you,"  I said. "I will start as I mean to finish. Will marks be a problem at home."

"Yes Mistress, but there will be times when they won't," he said.

"Then I will try not to leave any," I said bringing the strap down on his pale white bottom. Not terribly hard but with a snap. The slap of the strap echoed off the bare walls. "I am going to need some furniture."

"And a decent allowance. You'll write a number down after your punishment and you better hope I accept it because otherwise, you are going to have a real punishment," I said bring down the strap as punctuation. "You never want a real punishment. Ever."

I want on like this until his bottom was just this side of bruising. His erection never waivered.

"Still hard I see," I said as I finished. "So write down that number."

"Yes Mistress," he said as I handed him a pencil and a piece of paper. He wrote a gratifying number as I was sure he would.

"Done, payment tonight. You can phone transfer it when I am done with you. Now jerk off onto the paper," I said. I had planned that part.

"Thank you Mistress," he said.

"Well, I want to have dinner so jerk that little cock off quickly," I said.

"Where?" said Kevin looking around for what, privacy, a tissue?

"Right here, on the paper," I said. "On your knees. Like every week from now on. Start jerking."

"But..."

"Oh, you're worried about your little mess. That's what your tongue and your mouth are for. Clean up. And, maybe, if you are very good, someday my pleasure," I said.

The power of words is amazing and Kevin shot streams of cum all over the paper and the floor.

"Lick," I said. "And don't miss a drop."

He did. Then he dressed, transferred the money, and then we went to dinner.

I teased him over dinner about his sore bottom and his humiliation on the paper. But I was also very sweet as I negotiated a clothing allowance and hair care and a few other things.

I do wish I had read your Modern Mistress before the conversation but I did pretty well.

That's how it started and, honestly, it has been pretty much the same sort of thing every week for two years. I have him come over and clean my loft in a pretty maid's uniform I had him buy from Amazon. Then a foot massage and then, if he is very lucky, he might be told to lick.

Typically, I give him some sort of physical correction and once a month, when his wife is on her period and unlikely to want his attentions, I will give him a good caning and leave welts.

We've never discussed what he wants. The very point of being a dominant mistress is that, like a dominant wife, what he wants does not matter. It is what I want that counts.

Now, you have to keep it interesting and, for three years, I have been threatening to peg him. He wants that a lot and he'll get it. The last day he is with me which is a while from now but he does not know that.

As a dominant mistress I am exclusive. I have no other submissive men. But I do like men, real men with real cocks and, once in a while, I will tie Kevin and gag him and put him in my bedroom closet when a boy fucks me hard. Something Kevin knows he will never be allowed to do. I leave the door open just a crack so Kevin can see what he will always be missing.

Kevin seems to enjoy our time together. He's renewed the lease, raised my allowances and keeps giving me pretty things. I like being spoilt.

Please keep doing your blog and your books,

Christine

----

I wrote back,

Dear Christine,

Lucky you!

I really do think that every woman should spend a bit of her life being "kept" and pampered and enjoyed. But you combine that with the female dominant role that so many men crave.

Lucky Kevin!

Reading my mail there are so many men who want to submit to a lovely woman but simply cannot find her. Kevin did and, I suspect, could not be happier.

One note, never worry about his wife. You are actually doing her a huge favour. You are not about taking her man away, rather you are giving him what he craves so she can go on with her life.

It is a grand bargain and keep raising your allowance.

Enjoy!

Hannah

Dominant Wife Vacation

I got the most amusing letter a few days ago and, with the writer's permission, thought I would share it with you,

Dear Hannah,

I very much enjoy how you cover all aspects of the female led relationship world. I have been head of our household pretty much since the beginning of our marriage. Most of the time we keep everything low key. I agree with you that a man is much better off in a chastity device and I locked up Tim's rather large cock years ago. And I do agree that sparing the rod (in our case, paddle) spoils the husband.

I liked your idea of putting your husband in a playsuit to do his chores. Tim is lovely and slim so he actually looks quite pretty in a nice, loose fitting, off the shoulder playsuit.

However, most of the time, unless you really knew what you were looking for, you would not see us as very different from any other married couple. Which is just how I like it.

However, a couple of times a year, on our anniversary and on my birthday, I like to kick it all up several notches. So, apparently, does Tim. Or at least he has not complained.

I like to go away. Not terribly far. Usually to a larger city somewhere where we know no one. We used to stay in hotels but now we try to find a nice AirBnB. In fact, if you look around, there are actually "kink friendly" B&B's.

There are three elements to our "vacations".

First, Tim is forced to dress en femme from the time we arrive at our destination until we leave. In practice this means a firm high waisted girdle, a bra and breast forms and a pretty, quite short, wig. He's required to wear a little make-up, mascarra and lipstick during the day, eye shadow and a little contouring in the evenings. We are usually out and about and I let him wear ladies trousers and sweaters during the day. However, in the evening, he knows he needs to put on stockings and a skirt.

Now, the important thing about Tim dressing en femme is that I don't have to tell him. He knows that if we are on vacation he is wearing women's clothes and is expected to try to be as feminine as possible. He tells me he enjoys the break.

The second, important, element to our vacations is that I let Tim out of his cock cage. Day to day I don't want to have to think about what that little head is thinking. Instead, I want Tim striving to be allowed a little relief as it makes him ever so much more attentive to my needs. But on vacation, I like to fuck Tim regularly. In our house "fucking Tim" has two meanings. Usually it means sending him up to our room to lube his bottom so I can fuck him with my strap on. I have a nice "big, black, cock" when I just want him to be fucked, and I also have an insertable if I want to have fun too.

But on vacation, I also like to fuck Tim the old fashioned way. I had Tim get a Viagra prescription a few years ago and there is nothing more fun than making him lie on his back like a good little housewife while I fuck him good and hard. He's well trained and can go for a long time without coming. On vacation I like to fuck him like that a couple of times a day.

The final element of our vacation is that Tim is caned and paddled far more than he is at home. He has to pack my narrow paddle, my wide bamboo paddle and as a special treat, a rattan cane which I only use on vacation. Tim knows he'll have a sore bottom the entire time we're away.

The big difference between being on vacation and being at home is that Tim is paddled and caned because I enjoy reddening his bottom before fucking him. It has nothing to do with his behaviour and there is nothing he can do to reduce his whippings. I'll paddle him when he comes back from his shower and then have him lick me, or I will give him six of the best before lunch. If I am going to fuck him in the afternoon I will get him warmed up with a good, hard paddling so that when he is lying on his back being fucked he remembers his place.

Yes, I am afraid I do have a little sadistic streak and, happily, Tim loves taking his submissiveness to the next level.

I don't think we could live like that day to day. We are both busy people and this takes real concentration and connection. But for a few days every six months or so we are both delighted to take our female led marriage to the next level.

-----

What fun! And lucky Tim. I suspect elliot would enjoy that sort of vacation. But I am a homebody so I suspect Mady and I will have to think of a "staycation" on similar lines.

I love my husband and I don't want to hurt him...Is an FLR for us?

I hear all sorts of versions of this statement:

I love my husband and I don't want to hurt him...Is an FLR for us?

I love elliot. I love him so much that I am quite prepared to cane him or paddle him with my shower brush whenever he misbehaves and, occasionally simply to remind him of his position. I keep him in semi-permanent chastity and have been stretching out his ball sack with weights. I allow Mady to discipline him as well. When I am whipping elliot I know that it hurts and I know that he loves me all the more for taking the time to discipline him.

Female Led Relationships are about many things but they are rooted in the fact that a woman loves a man enough to accept and enforce his submission. Different men thrive in different circumstances but in my experience, a surprisingly large number of men are happiest when they accept and embrace their submissiveness. This is often the "missing" ingredient in a happy marriage.

I see this in otherwise vanilla marriages where it is quite clear that the wife is in charge and that her husband does what he is told. There are no explicit punishments although there may be an element of sexual reward for an obedient husband.

However, at some point, a wife may take the next step. Usually because, either covertly or overtly, her husband indicates a need for a firmer hand. 

(And here is a hint for husbands or wives who want to explore a more physically demanding FLR: simply say to your partner "If you keep doing that you are going to get a good spanking" or, from the husband's perspective, "Well I'd rather you spanked me than yelled at me." You would be surprised at how often all a woman needs to move to the next level is that sort of hint.)

Focus on that word "need". Submissive men, even those who are only slightly aware of their submissive nature, will know that some part of them is unfulfilled. They might not be able to articulate it but it's there. And it is sometimes very deeply hidden because it conflicts with a whole array of beliefs men have about manliness and masculinity. There is a lot of shame associated with male submissiveness. 

A loving wife is usually committed to meeting her husband's needs just as he should be committed to meeting hers. The realization that the man she loves deeply needs her leadership and her discipline can come as a surprise to some women; but many slightly dominant women have, at least unconsciously, been attracted to slightly submissive men since they were first dating. So it is usually not a complete shock that the man they are engaged to or married to will have a submissive streak.

In general, a man with a submissive streak is much happier and more productive when his wife or partner provides an element of discipline. This can be very subtle - simply telling rather than asking is an excellent way to begin. "Darling, I am going out. While I am gone make sure the laundry is folded and the dishes are in the dishwasher." 

Submissive men enjoy being told what to do. They also enjoy the idea that there will be consequences if they are disobedient. Which means that a loving wife, along with giving her husband instructions, will make it clear she expects to be obeyed and that disobedience will be punished. 

There are a lot of ways of punishing a husband and many wives in vanilla marriages use everything from scolding to sexual denial to simply ignoring their husbands. However, frankly, I think those sorts of tactics are actually pretty manipulative and just as likely to cause fractures in the marriage rather than any improvement in a husband's behaviour.

Much better is the explicit, "If you do not do as I tell you I'm going to have to punish you". Now, during an engagement or the early part of a marriage, the most important thing a wife can do is follow through on her promises.

Keeping a hairbrush or, better still, a shower brush handy allows a wife to administer punishment pretty much immediately.

Will it hurt? Yes, yes it will. For a spanking, much less more intense forms of punishment to actually matter, they have to hurt and your husband should not "like" being punished. Loving your husband may mean turning his bottom a rosy shade of red because he needs to feel the sting of your authority in order to actually embrace his own submissiveness.

So, if you love a submissive man you will have to, when he deserves it, punish him and make sure it hurts enough to matter. If you can do that then an FLR is very much a possibility.

In an FLR what is the difference between discipline and punishment?

This is actually a great question about Female Led Relationships:

In an FLR what is the difference between discipline and punishment?

As the head of the household a dominant wife is responsible both for setting goals and boundaries and for ensuring that her expectations and directions are met. However, she is also responsible for creating the conditions in which her husband finds it easy to accept and enjoy his submissive position.

For the dominant wife to create those conditions she must be comfortable exercising her authority. Tell, don't ask. Setting standards, requiring respect and obedience. These are all essential to a successful, long term, FLR. However, men are astonishingly literal creatures and a smart woman asks for and receives tokens of her husband's submission. These are the simple disciplines of an FLR and they can range from plain good manners, doors held open, rising when a lady enters a room to more fundamental requirements.

For example, while I keep elliot locked in his cock cage most of the time, I will, occasionally, have Mady lay out a girdle for him to wear during the day or overnight. A good, firm, very utilitarian, long leg panty girdle in nurse's white reminds him exactly of his place. Being forced to wear such a constricting garment is deeply humiliating and "discipline" in its most basic sense. The discipline of doing what he is told and then having to wear something both feminine and somewhat uncomfortable for a few days at a time is very, very good for elliot.

The entire point of disciplining a man is to gradually, but inexorably, break him to his wife's will. While many men may, somewhat reluctantly, submit to their wives, the truly dominant wife will settle for nothing less than complete surrender. A surrender which will include chastity in most cases, the adoption of the wife's sexuality as the only sexuality within the household, and a willingness to do exactly what he is told. It is on this base of a man's unconditional surrender that the new world of a female led relationship is constructed.

In some female led relationships discipline will include regular maintenance spankings, or, more realistically as a woman has quite a difficult time putting enough force into a hand spanking, regular sessions with a hairbrush, or bath brush or even a cane. For many husbands, knowing that they will be whipped once a week whether they deserve it or not, it a key element in achieving and maintaining discipline.

I discussed punishment in an earlier post. There really is a huge difference between discipline and punishment and it is vitally important that a dominant wife understand that difference. Punishment is administered as needed to correct specific disobedience, inconsideration or outright defiance. In my view, even a hint of disobedience needs to be met with immediate and very painful consequences. There is nothing light or restrained about a punishment whipping because, in fairly short order, you want your man to be genuinely afraid of being punished. You have to be prepared to punish your husband or boyfriend for his, and the relationship's, own good.

Where a maintenance session may be quite painful and a bit unpleasant for your husband it will also be somewhat predictable. A couple of dozen swats with the bath brush is quite endurable if more than a little stingy. But when you strap your husband down for punishment he should have no idea at all what he will have to endure and for how long.

In fact, one of the biggest differences between discipline and punishment is that your husband will almost never be restrained for his discipline whereas it is often important for a husband to be restrained for punishment so that he is absolutely clear that he is helpless. Something as simple as a few zip ties (or this double handcuff zip tie) can make your husband's position very clear to him. I am, frankly, not a huge fan of more elaborate bondage in the FLR setting. Too many men have complicated bondage fantasies involving lots of expensive props and leather. If you are restraining your man you are doing it to punish, not please, him.

While a good whipping is often all it takes to correct bad behaviour sometimes you want to set a reminder for a few days or weeks. For example, while I keep elliot in a 20 mm, 340 gm ball stretcher because I like the look, I have a punishment stretcher which is 40 mm and 690 gm. I am now using magnetic versions of these devices. If elliot has to wear both and his cage he has over a kilogram of weight crushing his poor little testicles. A day or two of that and he knows he's been punished.

The point of punishment is to respond to and correct bad behaviour. Which, in turn, keeps a man mindful of his position and the discipline he has accepted in his FLR. Over time most dominant wives find they are only rarely required to punish their husbands. Because their husbands have learned the often painful lesson that there really are consequences for bad behaviour.

Can a FLR save my marriage?

Another question which comes to me a lot is:

Can a FLR save my marriage?

Wouldn't that be great. Just put the wife in charge of the marriage and all will be well. Unfortunately, it is a bit of wishful thinking.

What a FLR can do and do very well is ensure that a marriage will not need saving. When you look at the common causes of marriages breaking down they tend to be, in no particular order, money, sex, unpleasant personal habits and infidelity. To which I will add the self-silencing of wives. More on that below.

As you might expect, if you put your husband in a good, sturdy, cock cage (and I am going to try this one with the cute little electric shock feature for elliot's next chastity device) the infidelity issue tend to disappear. Practically, it is more than a little difficult to persuade Gillian from HR to have a quickie if the required equipment is under lock and key. However, far more importantly, a good cock cage deadens the sensations which keep men on high alert for sexual opportunity. Plus, the fact a man has given his wife control of his "little brain" means that the slight discomfort the chastity device causes occasionally is a reminder of his submission.

Keeping a man chaste also goes a long way to addressing the "sex issue". In vanilla marriages, sex is an issue because of the differing libidos and desires of the partners. Many men seem to feel entitled to sex of some sort when and where they want it. Other men are unwilling to please their wives orally or will insist on ejaculating or pressuring their wives to pretend to enjoy "porn star" penetration. In an FLR, there is only one sexuality in the marriage: the wife's. And, of course, there can also be the issue of a husband's lack of desire. Especially as men get older they can lose interest.

I believe that the cornerstone of a female led relationship is the woman's total control over her husband or boyfriend's sexuality. A cock cage is best but even absent a cage, a man needs to understand that his sexual desires are to conform to his wife's needs. Period. If you don't want to cage your male then the next best thing is to punish, quite strictly, any suggestive language or uncalled for erections. A good long handled wooden bathbrush sitting innocently in the shower can be employed quickly and effectively. The words "hit the shower" will take on new meaning when your husband knows he will be spanked until his erection goes away with a few extra strokes as a reminder. In fact, the firm application of the bathbrush over a few weeks will have him begging for a cock cage.

The longer a man is denied any release the more frustrated and anxious to please he becomes. elliot was just back from a trip last night and, for fun, this morning I had him spend a happy half hour using his clever tongue. Then I sent him to his corner with a pair of perfectly juicy panties. I came, he got as hard as his cage would let him. I was delightfully satisfied. He was deeply grateful to have been allowed to lick me.

The sex issue is not an issue; it is a matter of a woman taking charge of her own sexual enjoyment and, frankly, rationing very strictly her husbands orgasms - if she lets him have any at all they have to be earned.

Which leads to the third and fourth issues. Properly disciplined a submissive husband will never have any odious habits. He'll be showed and shaved on the schedule you set. He will ask permission before having a beer or a glass of wine. He will stay at the weight you decide is best for him and exercise to ensure he avoids the dreaded Dad bod. A dominant wife with a fat husband is a contradiction in terms. Most women enjoy being enfolded in good, strong arms. In this day and age, that means working out. Not too hard, but regularly. Part of his training is to keep himself desirable for you even if you rarely allow him the pleasure of sex. He needs to know that you are proud of him, see him as your arm candy with all that implies.

As to money, in an FLR, the wife sets goals and expects those goals to be met. The money your husband earns should be automatically deposited to an account which only you control. Of course it makes sense for him to have a small allowance and a credit card for emergencies. But every week, when he comes to you for his allowance it is very important that he account for every penny. (I like to have elliot either naked or in a pretty bum baring girdle when he makes his financial report. Sometimes I invite Mady.) If you, as the Lady of the House, control the money there will be no arguments.

I use much the same method to set realistic goals on a quarterly basis. How much he needs to earn, how much to be saved or invested (in my name of course) and how much we will have to spend. These are important decisions and in an FLR they are my decisions. And of course, with the goal setting meeting comes either a reward - usually an ejaculation, sometimes a little more - or a punishment. A good cane can ensure better results next quarter. I keep a suede handled rattan cane by the fireplace in elliot's office for these performance reviews. It is a little heavier than my normal cane and elliot hates underperforming.

Last but not least, self silence. Biting your tongue. Putting up with things to keep the marriage going. The number of women I meet at church or at parties who will tell me about this or that character flaw in their husbands but will never tell their husbands is staggering. I am often tempted to carry an inexpensive wooden hairbrush in my bag and simply hand it to the poor things and say, "This will change everything." And it will.

In an FLR the wife has the last word. When she says, "Not another word." she can back it up with anything from a brief timeout in his corner to a full scale whipping with multiple instruments with her husband tied down. A well trained, well-disciplined husband learns to listen, carefully, to whatever his wife says. He learns to do exactly what he is told and to do nice things without being asked. It takes a while, but with a firm focus, any wife or girlfriend can train her man to first obey and then, as his life improves, surrender.

The time to save your marriage is long before it needs saving.

Thinking about a Dominant Wife Guide Book

I have been thinking about putting together a book with the working title "Dominant Wife/Alpha Husband".

The thought came to me as I was instructing one of Mady's friends on the feminine art of caning. Needless to say, elliot was in position and Mady was holding his arms as I showed her friend, Emily, the difference between a maintenance stroke and a punishment stroke. For the former it is really just a flick of the wrist, the later means you swing with your whole arm and follow through. elliot does not like punishment strokes at all. Emily was getting the hang of it and, after a dozen maintenance and half a dozen punishment strokes elliot was kicking up his heels and looking very chastened indeed. We could have gone on but I thought elliot had suffered enough.

"Take him upstairs for a shower Mady." I said putting down my dog stick (which is a nasty instrument I rarely use on elliot, or Mady for that matter.) elliot was naked except for his new stainless steel short cock cage and ball stretchers and he trotted along behind Mady enjoying her short little skirt and the fact his whipping was over. Emily and I adjourned to my sitting room and I poured us each a glass of nicely chilled chablis.

"So, what did you think of that Emily." I asked. She was a close friend of Mady's and had been curious as to Mady's remarkable transformation as she served first as my maid and, now, as my handmaid/companion. In particular, she was very interested in the entire idea of training a boyfriend or husband. I offered to let her come for a few days to see how I ran our house.

"That was so intense, ma'am." said Emily.

"What was Emily? Using a cane for the first time?" I asked.

"Well that was exciting but what was so intense is how your husband just accepted the fact he was going to be whipped." said Emily.

"I suppose it was. Truth to tell I really don't notice his obedience these days. He simply does what he is told." I said quite honestly. It had been a long time since elliot talked back or didn't obey. A very long time.

"But it is such a contrast. When I arrived yesterday there he was in his office making calls, striding up and down, doing business. And, looking at this house, a very good business. He was so "in charge". And, at supper, unless I knew what I was looking for you two seem like a somewhat formal but very loving couple. But today all that had changed." said Emily.

"Actually, Emily, nothing changed today. Which is really the point. Both modes are who elliot is. He is not pretending to be the big swinging dick business guy, he actually is, albeit with his not terribly big cock in its little cage as a reminder of his position. In fact, his complete submission actually makes him a better and more confident business man." I said.

"I guess it might ma'am, but I don't quite see how you go about turning that sort of man into a well trained boyfriend, much less a submissive husband."

"It is not obvious, is it? And I suspect it is not obvious because you are seeing it as "turning" a man into something he was not. I don't think that is the way it works. Some men, and my research on Mistresses and on Escorts, tells me that "some" is really quite a few, have a submissive streak. Of course, the more alpha they are the more reluctant they are to admit it; but a clever girl can usually figure it out. And that submissive streak is fully integrated - if deeply suppressed - in their personality. So that is the raw material and, as I did with elliot, you have to look hard to see what a man actually wants, actually needs." I said pondering whether or not to tell Emily that at the beginning of our marriage I was the one who went over elliot's lap.

"And how do you find a man with that temperament?" asked Emily.

"Well, you are a pretty girl, smart, nicely put together: I suspect you are asked out regularly." I said.

"I am. But not by a lot of men I see as alphas. Lots and lots of betas." said Emily with a laugh.

"I won't start giving dating advice but if you are looking for salmon don't fish a trout stream. Having an integrated personality tends to correlate with intelligence and that means you are more likely to meet a real alpha in a bookstore than in a night club." I said. "And the nice thing about bookstores is that you can see what a man is looking at and gather quite a lot of information. Same with things like public lectures. But not the New Agey sorts of lectures - just by showing up to a lecture on getting in touch with your inner self a man has already admitted he is not well integrated - look for things like urban planning or science. Or work on a political campaign. Lots of smart ambitious men will put in time in the "back rooms" of political organizations."

"But where ever you are, stand a bit aloof. Be a bit unreachable. There is nothing wrong with a woman being a bit stand offish. Dress, make-up, shoes...they all matter and they all signal. You want to look very, very, expensive. Which is really about natural fibres, simple, modest design and really working on your posture - a corset, as Mady shows so wonderfully, helps a lot. Mady might lend you one for dinner this evening."

"That would be lovely. I love her's."

"Mady turns out to be a girl who loves the security being tight laced brings. Other girls find corsets suffocating. We'll see this evening which sort of girl you are." I said lightly.

"So there I am, looking very expensive and the proverbial tall, dark and handsome stranger looms on my horizon...what then?" asked Emily.

"He'll likely make a bit of conversation and, if you are interested, you wait until he suggests drinks, dinner and such like. At which point you run a little test." I said.

"A test?"

"Yes, and I have to admit I did not come with this on my own but a very dear and dominant friend of mine swears it sets just the right tone. Once he asks, you tell him which day, what time and where you will be going. Note the word "tell". Right from the beginning, you are telling this man what he is to do. It will seperate the sheep from the goats rather quickly. My friend ended up marrying a lovely man who, when she gave him his instructions on first meeting, said "Yes ma'am." and has been saying it ever since." I said and Mady and elliot rejoined us. I asked them both to sit down which Mady did at once, heedless of the fact her little maid's skirt rode up over her stockings tops. It must have been a very stimulating shower as her pretty pink nipples were quite visibly erect under her sheer blouse. elliot said, "If it is all the same to you, dear, I think I stand for a little while longer. Emily is a quick learner."

We all laughed and passed on to other things.

But I realized that what I had been discussing with Emily and have discussed previously with Mady, might make a rather useful source book for ladies, young or not, who wanted to take the lead in their relationships with men. We'll see what I come up with.

-----

If you are thinking of taking control of your marriage or asking your wife to put you in your place, you may want to read a few of our books or buy a cock cage or ball stretching weights:

	You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.
	You can order ball stretcher for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recommend starting with a fairly light stretcher. Make sure you measure the ball sack circumference. You want the stretcher to fit snugly just above the testicles. Order here.
Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid Mady's Favourite Book
Dominant Woman  Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband Effortless Female Superiority in a Loving Marriage
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE

Disrupting the Male Cycle - Enforced Chastity

Women understand and accept their cycles and the physical, sexual and emotional changes which many women experience during the course of a lunar month. What is less understood or accepted is the possibility that men have a similar cycle. The science on this is inconclusive. But there are strong suggestions that there is a daily, monthly and even seasonal fluctuation in the main male hormone, testosterone.

My own observation of elliot over the years strongly suggests a daily cycle with the standard early morning surge and a dramatic tailing off by about four in the afternoon. Sexually this means if I want a delicious, rough, ride I uncage the tiger before breakfast and if I want my own pleasure after lunch or, even better, after dinner is ideal.

I have never seen much seasonal variation in elliot. He is friskier and less alert in summer but I am not sure that isn't just the heat.

The question of a monthly cycle is interesting because, before I began to led our marriage and for some years after there was a distinct cycle which I could measure against my own. Once we had been together for a few years I found that elliot was at peak "irritability" (one possible measure of testosterone levels) right as I was ovulating. Do men "synch" up with the women they love? I have no idea but the whole issue of my husband having "monthly peak irritability" was one of the reasons I took charge of our marriage and elliot's discipline and training.

I wanted to channel that "irritability" into increased work performance and more useful attention to me and our marriage. Now, along with that irritability there was no question that at that time of the month elliot's sexual urges peaked as well. In fact I had to whip him several times for either coming without permission or simply pestering me for sex too often.

Now, as it happens, my own sexual interest peaks when I ovulate so it was no bad thing for elliot to be interested; but that interest needed to be controlled. A man in his position does not demand sex or even ask for it, he is given the privilege of seeing to his wife's sexual needs which may, from time to time, involve his sexual participation. But usually not.

While a good stiff whipping will certainly keep even the most amorous husband in his place it is not really a good long term solution. Especially when a dominant wife wants her obedient husband to be full of testosterone so he can thrive in the business world and bring her the rewards of his success.

It is early days yet because elliot has only been in his cock cage full time for a few months but I am beginning to see an unanticipated benefit to strictly limiting a man's orgasms and even erections: his cycle is disrupted. And in a quite interesting way. Rather than shaving the peaks of his testosterone production, caging elliot and keeping him chaste but on sexual edge seems to have "filled the valleys".

No, that does not mean my sweet elliot is irritable all the time; instead it means that he is really very horny indeed all the time. He is much more attentive to me but, and this is important, he is much more focused on his work in the hopes of pleasing me. Elliot realizes that his only chance of sexual relief is when I am very much in the mood and, truth to tell, my mood is, as often as not, a product of how pampered and secure I feel.

Yes, I suspect we are all just cave men and women at heart. But a full larder and a few vintage handbags are a powerful aphrodisiac as they have been through history. A really well trained submissive husband knows he will only be released from his cage when the Lady of the House wants him so he does all he can to create the right mood.

Not, of course, that elliot has any choice in the matter. I want him chaste, I have him in a chastity cage and I have the keys. He has agreed to submit to my authority and, if he is foolish enough to object or, worse, beg to be let out he knows I will whip him hard and often until he remembers his obedience.

Controlling your husband's hormone cycle is just one more way a dominant wife is able to enjoy her life while enhancing her husband's. I strongly recommend it.

	You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.
Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid Dominant Woman  Feminine Superiority in Art Obedient Husband  Female Led Marriage for Loving Couples
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE

Advice for FLR/male chastity Beginners

A Wife's Work is Never Done

I received this charming letter a day or two ago.

Good afternoon Miss Hanna,

Hope you're doing well.

We are moving along with our FLR quite well. I've had my lovely wife read a few of your blog post. She is not to keen on spanking/caning me for punishments. She is trying to figure out another type of system. Will see how that progresses.

We received our cock cage we ordered from your Amazon page. Love the softness and lightness of it. I have a couple metal ones and this is much more comfortable.

Couple of questions regarding it.

1. What type of lubricant does he use to slide it on? I've used a lotion and I've tried lube. Any other suggestions?

2. My wife is hesitant to keep me in Mine for long periods. Right now it's on from when I rise till we got to bed. She is concerned that I might effect the size of penis and that there could be a number of other complications.

Appreciate any advice/tips you can provide.

I wrote back,

Dear X,

How lovely of you to write. Specific questions first.

elliot is not allowed to use lubricant for his cage. What we have found works well is to fit the cage after a cold shower or - where I want it on immediately - after immersing his cock - but not testicles - in ice water for a few minutes. (We keep his balls out because they have a nasty tendency to retract right into his body if exposed to ice water very long - something your wife may want to think about by way of punishment.) As well, elliot has found that the slit in the front of the cage will admit two fingers allowing him to pinch his little cock head and pull it up to where it belongs.

I keep elliot locked for weeks at a time. It has had no appreciable effect on his little cock. It was small to begin with and remains small. That is one of the great advantages of the silicone cage, it really can be left on more or less permanently. Of course, hygiene is important but elliot showers and bathes in his device without any difficulty. You may, however, want to upgrade the lock as the cheap Chinese ones which come with the cage can rust. I make a point of never telling elliot how long he will be locked up and he is now reconciled to rarely being allowed out.

I was very much like your wife when I started. I just could not imagine using a cane or a bathbrush on elliot no matter how much he deserved it. What I did not realize then but do now is that a well whipped husband is a happy husband.

When we were first starting I didn't really understand that elliot has a deep need to be obedient and disciplined. He actually gets quite cranky when I have not whipped him for a week or two. And it is important to actually hit a decent level of pain. Two dozen half hearted strokes with the cane really don't scratch elliot's itch. Much better to warm him up a little and then really put my arm into it. A half dozen strokes which produce real welts ensure that he gets the full benefit of his punishments.

Women tend to be very gentle by nature and it does not come naturally to them to properly correct their husbands. All I can say to your wife is that practice makes perfect and you get better at correcting your husband by doing so regularly. A good whipping weekly, whether he deserves it or not, will let you get over your perfectly reasonable reluctance.

And, of course, Tad, as a locked man in loving submission to his wife, you need to ask to be punished. At our house we follow a modified Spencer Spanking Plan. That link will explain it. We have modified it in the sense that only elliot is whipped.

Now, as you know reading out blogs, I am a big believer in corner time as well as whippings as required. It takes just a second to pop off my panties and send elliot to a corner for a little mindfulness time. Best of all, the world is filled with corners and, even at a party or at a neighbour's if I think elliot needs correction I can, discretely send him for a time out in the washroom. Best of all, I can say, right out loud, "If you keep that up you're going to the corner" and no one need be the wiser. Because people never actually think it means what it so clearly does.

Your wife might also consider making you wear panties or a girdle or, indeed, a bra and girdle. Nothing puts a man more firmly in his place than good, firm, foundations. For quick corrections, a set of nipple clips are very handy. If you don't have any try out a few alternatives - clothes pegs will work, the plastic are more intense than the wood - so will bulldog clips but make sure you put plenty of nipple in the clip to spread the force. A little imagination can create all sorts of fun.

And that is a key thing: leading a marriage should be fun both in the bedroom and outside. To tell the truth, once I took control both out lives improved a lot. And, frankly, since elliot has been in his chastity pretty much full time, our sex life - well my sex life really - has been much better. Now I can have elliot get to work for my pleasure without giving a thought to reciprocating. He is grateful to be allowed to rub my feet or massage my back until I tell him to stop. And he really does scoot off to his corner when I want to have an orgasm in private. Which I do, often.

So let you wife read this letter and see how you make out. Keep me posted and if your wife has any questions she is welcome to write.

Enjoy!

Hannah

Secrets

Well my silly husband has finally managed to tear himself away from business and move us along the story of Mady my maid's real introduction to my service. I don't want to give away too much of the story but suffice to say I decided she would indeed make her primary submission to me. I thought it made more sense.

One of the things I find I like best about having a ladies maid is that I finally have someone to tell secrets to. So, for example, when I decided that I would cane her I asked her if she had ever been caned before. It turned out she hadn't and was a bit apprehensive.

"Well Mady, this will not be a disciplinary caning so only a few strokes will be even a little severe." I said one evening before the initiation ceremony as Mady knelt to fasten the back tab of my stocking. "Lift up your skirt and bend over the chaise and I will give you a few strokes so you can know what to expect."

Mady instantly complied and I saw her lovely pink bottom beneath her quite sheer panties.

"Do you require my panties down Madam?" she asked with a little tremble in her voice.

"Oh, I don't think those will provide much protection but they will protect your skin a little. Ready?"

"Yes Ma'am."

I swung the cane with about a quarter my regular force. A little line appeared on her bottom. "Now, Mady, when I cane you during the ceremony it will be much harder but you will have had a through spanking immediately before hand. A good spanking dulls the nerves quite a lot and I suspect my caning will not hurt much more than this next stroke does."

I increased my back swing and put a little wrist into it.

"Oh Madam." said Mady reflexively rubbing her bottom.

"We'll have none of that Mady." I said mentally making a not to have elliot hold her wrists for her real caning. "Can you cry Mady?"

"Sometimes Madam."

"No, I mean can you work yourself up so that you make yourself cry?"

"Well, yes, sort of. I am not very good at it."

"Then practice with this next stroke." I added a bit more force and was rewarded with a yelp.

"No, Mady. Take that vocalization and force it into tears. Try again."

It took too more strokes and Mady was soaking the chaise with her tears. Far more than my whipping had caused.

"Excellent Mady. Dry your eyes. That really was very good and just what I want."

"You like making me cry?" asked Mady a bit taken aback.

"Not at all Mady. But I know my darling husband and when he sees you cry as I whip you he will immediately and permanently want to protect you. Which is exactly how I want him to feel about you."

Recognition glimmered and Mady threw herself at my feet. "Thank you Madam, you really do want what's best for me."

"Very much, Mady, very much."

Books you might like:

The Art of the Maid Dominant Woman  Feminine Superiority in Art Obedient Husband  Female Led Marriage for Loving Couples

See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE