Summer Fun

elliot always looks forward to summer as I let him out of his chastity device most of the time. While comfort is a consideration, I also think it reminds him of his position. So, of course, does his testicle weight which remains firmly in place.

Mady, my maid, also enjoys the relative informality of summer. She is allowed to wear lighter, summer weight, corsets and I encourage her to dress in pretty summer dresses. She is a lovely young girl and there is no reason at all that she should not enjoy the male attention a pretty dress usually brings.

While I thoroughly enjoy cocktails on our patio and my own array of light, well tailored linens and cottons, I also see summer as a great time to finish projects. Yes, my book on Female Led Marriages is coming together. Taking far too long but that is largely because my own thinking has evolved as I have written.

When elliot and I embarked on our female led marriage I was not at all certain that being a dominant wife was something which would extend much beyond the bedroom. Now I know that the bedroom is only a small part of a female led marriage. I was also more than a little skeptical about people claiming that feminine superiority was, in fact, a very natural ordering of the relations between women and men.

It is an ordering which, while I had not realized it before embarking on my work on courtesans, high end escorts and mistresses, naturally emerges whenever women are sexually empowered. All of the women I interviewed were either explicitly in charge of the men who were paying them for sex or exercised that control implicitly. It is the essential difference between the poor girls who are sexually exploited and the young ladies who are happy to spend time with gentlemen in exchange for generous allowances or high fees.

Marriage and long term relationships remove the transactional effect but the principle remains the same. Men surrender some or all of their sexual (and often, their financial) autonomy so that their real needs are met. A dominant wife takes her husband in hand, often well before the marriage ceremony, and creates the balance and the calm he needs to reach his best self.

The theory that men remain immature well into adulthood explains the need most men have for a firm female hand to guide them. Simply controlling a man's ejaculations is a huge step towards his acceptance of his proper place in your marriage and in the world. Once a woman is in charge, her husband will be more affectionate, responsive and eager to please.

So, this summer, while elliot enjoys having his little cock out of its cage and Mady attracts all sorts of male attention, I will try to get my book finished.

But, just for fun, here is another short "Mistress Matrix" book. It will be downloadable free from about midnight Pacific time.

Backdoor Birkin

Chris becomes the mistress of a very nice man with a tiny problem.

She solves the tiny problem and brings home the Birkin.

The pleasures of a kept woman in Book 2 of the Mistress Matrix

Available at this Amazon link.

Is there a fetish element to FLRs?

A question which has come up a few times from my email is:

Is there a fetish element to FLRs?

The fact is that men have the most amazing fetishes and obsessions: from open-toed high heels (a fashion favourite of mine) to leather corsets to bondage and dozens more, a particular man will often have a deep, highly sexual, interest in objects or behaviours.

Women, on the other hand, while they may enjoy pretty shoes or the wonderfully compressed feeling of a well-fitted corset, do not tend to be sexually interested in "stuff" or particular activities. Which poses some challenges in a FLR where the essential rule is that it is the dominant wife's sexual preferences which matter.

Here all the decisions are the wife's and a well-trained husband needs to accept those decisions. He may love latex dresses, she may find them too hot. And, realistically, in a well-run FLR, that is an end to the discussion. Or it may not be.

A great deal of the discussion around FLR's revolves around disciplining and punishing submissive husbands as this is the essence of training a man. Spare the rod, spoil the husband and all that. Which is to miss the other side of the relationship. The prizes, the treats which a clever dominant wife will often use to reward her husband's good behaviour.

In even the most conventional, vanilla, relationship wives have long used sexual treats to say "Atta boy" to their husbands. Everything from a quick pat on the bum to a spontaneous hand job or a long, pleasing, blow job are in most wive's arsenals.

Of course, those tips and tricks are available to the dominant wife as well; but if a couple is committed to chastity training and the husband is used to being locked in his cock cage and resigned to very infrequent ejaculation, a wife may be reluctant to break training no matter how well her husband has behaved.

Which is where a particular fetish or obsession may be the perfect reward. After all, if your husband gets terrifically excited by peep-toe shoes, why not slip on a pair and let him worship your feet? He'll get hot and bothered, you'll have rewarded a job well done without breaking his chastity.

It is easy enough to find out if your submissive husband has particular fetishes: you ask him. Most submissive men will have one or two secret obsessions and the fact they have accepted their submissive position is a strong indication there is more going on.

For example, elliot has a wonderfully deep obsession with retro or vintage lingerie: particularly girdles and stockings. (Which is fine by me as I rather like them myself.) Interestingly, he loves seeing me wear them but he, secretly, likes being zipped into a pretty open bottom girdle and having to shave his leg so he can wear lovely seamed stockings. I used to use a very strict girdle to remind him to eat carefully and exercise, since Mady has taken his exercise in hand this is no longer necessary. But, from time to time, as a treat, I will have Mady put out a nice, firm, panti-girdle and stockings. He knows what he has to do and you can see his little cockette straining against the bars of his cock cage.

A dominant wife can and, in my view, should use her submissive husband's secret desires to reward her man. The truth is that men invest their fetishes with a great deal of shame and power. They tend to be very grateful to be allowed to make their fantasies real, if only for a few minutes a few times a year. 

Retro Fetish

At our house the 1950's are never really over. I like a nice firm corset and I require Mady my maid to be corseted during the day and tight-laced for evening service.

I am less enthusiastic about high heeled, tall, lace up leather boots but I think they can look very pretty.

elliot finds vintage fetish and lingerie magazines and turns them into Kindle ebooks. We run free promotions from time to time and this weekend we have an interesting little magazine called Fantastique on promotion. It certainly stiffened elliot in his little cage when he first found it.

You can get your copy here amzn.to/2DAZXTa 

Thinking about a Dominant Wife Guide Book

I have been thinking about putting together a book with the working title "Dominant Wife/Alpha Husband".

The thought came to me as I was instructing one of Mady's friends on the feminine art of caning. Needless to say, elliot was in position and Mady was holding his arms as I showed her friend, Emily, the difference between a maintenance stroke and a punishment stroke. For the former it is really just a flick of the wrist, the later means you swing with your whole arm and follow through. elliot does not like punishment strokes at all. Emily was getting the hang of it and, after a dozen maintenance and half a dozen punishment strokes elliot was kicking up his heels and looking very chastened indeed. We could have gone on but I thought elliot had suffered enough.

"Take him upstairs for a shower Mady." I said putting down my dog stick (which is a nasty instrument I rarely use on elliot, or Mady for that matter.) elliot was naked except for his new stainless steel short cock cage and ball stretchers and he trotted along behind Mady enjoying her short little skirt and the fact his whipping was over. Emily and I adjourned to my sitting room and I poured us each a glass of nicely chilled chablis.

"So, what did you think of that Emily." I asked. She was a close friend of Mady's and had been curious as to Mady's remarkable transformation as she served first as my maid and, now, as my handmaid/companion. In particular, she was very interested in the entire idea of training a boyfriend or husband. I offered to let her come for a few days to see how I ran our house.

"That was so intense, ma'am." said Emily.

"What was Emily? Using a cane for the first time?" I asked.

"Well that was exciting but what was so intense is how your husband just accepted the fact he was going to be whipped." said Emily.

"I suppose it was. Truth to tell I really don't notice his obedience these days. He simply does what he is told." I said quite honestly. It had been a long time since elliot talked back or didn't obey. A very long time.

"But it is such a contrast. When I arrived yesterday there he was in his office making calls, striding up and down, doing business. And, looking at this house, a very good business. He was so "in charge". And, at supper, unless I knew what I was looking for you two seem like a somewhat formal but very loving couple. But today all that had changed." said Emily.

"Actually, Emily, nothing changed today. Which is really the point. Both modes are who elliot is. He is not pretending to be the big swinging dick business guy, he actually is, albeit with his not terribly big cock in its little cage as a reminder of his position. In fact, his complete submission actually makes him a better and more confident business man." I said.

"I guess it might ma'am, but I don't quite see how you go about turning that sort of man into a well trained boyfriend, much less a submissive husband."

"It is not obvious, is it? And I suspect it is not obvious because you are seeing it as "turning" a man into something he was not. I don't think that is the way it works. Some men, and my research on Mistresses and on Escorts, tells me that "some" is really quite a few, have a submissive streak. Of course, the more alpha they are the more reluctant they are to admit it; but a clever girl can usually figure it out. And that submissive streak is fully integrated - if deeply suppressed - in their personality. So that is the raw material and, as I did with elliot, you have to look hard to see what a man actually wants, actually needs." I said pondering whether or not to tell Emily that at the beginning of our marriage I was the one who went over elliot's lap.

"And how do you find a man with that temperament?" asked Emily.

"Well, you are a pretty girl, smart, nicely put together: I suspect you are asked out regularly." I said.

"I am. But not by a lot of men I see as alphas. Lots and lots of betas." said Emily with a laugh.

"I won't start giving dating advice but if you are looking for salmon don't fish a trout stream. Having an integrated personality tends to correlate with intelligence and that means you are more likely to meet a real alpha in a bookstore than in a night club." I said. "And the nice thing about bookstores is that you can see what a man is looking at and gather quite a lot of information. Same with things like public lectures. But not the New Agey sorts of lectures - just by showing up to a lecture on getting in touch with your inner self a man has already admitted he is not well integrated - look for things like urban planning or science. Or work on a political campaign. Lots of smart ambitious men will put in time in the "back rooms" of political organizations."

"But where ever you are, stand a bit aloof. Be a bit unreachable. There is nothing wrong with a woman being a bit stand offish. Dress, make-up, shoes...they all matter and they all signal. You want to look very, very, expensive. Which is really about natural fibres, simple, modest design and really working on your posture - a corset, as Mady shows so wonderfully, helps a lot. Mady might lend you one for dinner this evening."

"That would be lovely. I love her's."

"Mady turns out to be a girl who loves the security being tight laced brings. Other girls find corsets suffocating. We'll see this evening which sort of girl you are." I said lightly.

"So there I am, looking very expensive and the proverbial tall, dark and handsome stranger looms on my horizon...what then?" asked Emily.

"He'll likely make a bit of conversation and, if you are interested, you wait until he suggests drinks, dinner and such like. At which point you run a little test." I said.

"A test?"

"Yes, and I have to admit I did not come with this on my own but a very dear and dominant friend of mine swears it sets just the right tone. Once he asks, you tell him which day, what time and where you will be going. Note the word "tell". Right from the beginning, you are telling this man what he is to do. It will seperate the sheep from the goats rather quickly. My friend ended up marrying a lovely man who, when she gave him his instructions on first meeting, said "Yes ma'am." and has been saying it ever since." I said and Mady and elliot rejoined us. I asked them both to sit down which Mady did at once, heedless of the fact her little maid's skirt rode up over her stockings tops. It must have been a very stimulating shower as her pretty pink nipples were quite visibly erect under her sheer blouse. elliot said, "If it is all the same to you, dear, I think I stand for a little while longer. Emily is a quick learner."

We all laughed and passed on to other things.

But I realized that what I had been discussing with Emily and have discussed previously with Mady, might make a rather useful source book for ladies, young or not, who wanted to take the lead in their relationships with men. We'll see what I come up with.

-----

If you are thinking of taking control of your marriage or asking your wife to put you in your place, you may want to read a few of our books or buy a cock cage or ball stretching weights:

	You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.
	You can order ball stretcher for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recommend starting with a fairly light stretcher. Make sure you measure the ball sack circumference. You want the stretcher to fit snugly just above the testicles. Order here.
Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid Mady's Favourite Book
Dominant Woman  Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband Effortless Female Superiority in a Loving Marriage
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE

On Corsets

Malin James wrote a wonderful piece On Corsets last week, here's an except but you should read the whole thing.

The thing I’d been taught to think of as a torture tool of the patriarchy had, very ironically, given me access to the social autonomy that my young, insecure self so desperately craved. If I could find strength in something that had, historically, been seen as an oppression, maybe my love of red lipstick and high heels wasn’t such a cop-out either. Maybe real power came from pleasing myself, rather than worrying about the male gaze and what my fellow feminists thought.

A woman’s relationships with make-up, lingerie, high heels – all those things we think of as commercially “feminine” – are intensely personal; it’s too easy to dismiss them as simple bids for sex appeal. While it’s true, corsets have been fetishized, there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, so long as the woman wearing it feels genuinely happy. Corsets are sexy, and I feel sexy when I wear them, but the reason I feel sexy is very specific to me. malin james

I replied,

I loved corsets from the first moment I laced into a little white Vollers waspie (the link is purple, the white is prettier). I have two, wonderful, long line custom corsets I wear for special occasions and they really do make me somehow feel like the grand Edwardian lady I am sure I was meant to have been. But I also have a couple of more practical, underbust corsets that give me that quiet carapace and just slightly weird waist.

I wear my corsets often enough that I don’t really pay all that much attention. Normally I have on a coat or jacket so the interestingly feminine things they do are not obvious. But it is fun to wear a well fitted skirt, a nice blouse or sweater and a belt. I am pretty fit so the three inch waist compression looks “almost” right. But a lot of people notice and I see women especially mentally doing the calculations and coming up with impossible numbers.

Perfect!

On of the nicest things about being a dominant wife is that I wear what I want. When I want to corset, which is quite often, it is not a big deal. Nor is it a big deal that elliot is required to lace me up. Judging from the strain on his cock cage as he does, it is a bigger deal for him.

But wearing a corset reminds me of the most feminine elements of my personality. In a busy life it is easy to lose sight of the small things which elegant women do. Sitting straight, breathing carefully, moving gracefully and deliberately. Wearing a corset, whether full Edwardian or just a little cincher, reminds me of the grace and deliberateness elegant women bring to all they do.