Thursday, 18 December 2014

Female and male: Scarcity and the Well Tempered Husband

No, not a post about sexy cross-dressing; rather an observation about how women and men work differently and why it is important to recognize the difference in a wife lead marriage.

There is an ancient cliche that women think about sex a couple of times a month and men are always on. Like most cliches it contains a grain or two of truth. Men certainly think a lot about sex. They are easily aroused and are pretty much willing to have sex any time. Yes, there are some men who have lower libidos and some men who have been well trained; but the general observation is true.

It is even truer of high performance, alpha males. Whether it is high levels of testosterone or simply better physical condition, the sort of man a girl wants is going to want her pretty much all the time. Which is great but it also is one of the primary reasons smart women are drawn to female led relationships.

Truth to tell I have never been attracted to beta males. Because the sad truth is that they are just as much work as alphas with far fewer rewards. Plus, quite honestly, I have always had the sneaking suspicion that being beta is a choice and, frankly, not a good one. But, no matter, taming and disciplining an alpha male is much more challenging but endlessly fascinating.

Alpha males tend to be more than a little driven and certainly a bit obsessive. You are not successful without more than a little of each characteristic. They are also often very creative and insightful. Recognizing those traits is the first step towards taming and eventually leading your alpha.

The alpha/beta distinction works less well with women. There are plenty of women who led their relationships but who are the very opposite of the uber gals who are always "leaning in" and demonstrating their competitive capacities. While I can certainly be a tiger I much prefer the more feminine position of a well pampered pussy. What is the point of having an alpha male if you have to go out and do the hunting?

The more salient distinction between women is about confidence: are you confident in yourself or do you look for affirmation from the people, in particular the men, around you. Lack of confidence makes it very difficult for women to take charge in their relationship simply because they rely so heavily on their husbands or boyfriends for that affirmation. (Which, gentlemen, is a huge hint as to what to look for if you want to be the submissive partner in your marriage or relationship - a strong, confident woman. There are lots out there.)

Which, in its own funny way, brings us back around to the topic of sex. Women have a complicated relationship to their own sexuality. On the one hand it is a source of delightful pleasure, on the other it is a everything from pure power to a bone of contention. While the male libido is effectively constant, the female libido fluctuates across the monthly cycle. For confident women this fluctuation is something to be embraced, but for their less confident sisters it can make the entire spectrum of sexuality a somewhat uncomfortable place.

As a general rule women are happier when they control the sexual dynamic in a relationship. If you begin with the idea that the alpha male you love will be in a pretty constant state of sexual readiness when sex occurs becomes your choice. How do you make that choice? For less than confident women "giving in" to their partner's sexual desires can very quickly become the norm. They can come to see being sexually available to their partner as a huge factor in the success of their relationship. They become pleasers ready for a quickie or a blow job whenever their partner is so inclined.

Economists, the DeBeers Company and the great courtesans will all tell you that the value of something increases with scarcity. but both DeBeers and the courtesans have to deal with a difficult fact: diamonds and willing female sexual partners are not, by their nature, scarce at all. In nature there are lots of diamonds and plenty of fish. The DeBeers' solution was to create artificial scarcity both by restricting supply and by creating the impression of value for essentially meaningless attributes: the four "C's" and the general pooh poohing of any diamond cut prior to 1950 as being "mine cut" are all designed to create the perception of value.

The great courtesans and today's ultra-luxe escorts do much the same thing with female sexuality. They made it very expensive to begin with. But they also created a mystique, a sense of exclusivity and of privilege in the way they presented themselves. To spend time with a really high end escort a man has to have plenty of money and, perhaps more than that, a sense of being entitled to play in that league.

For a dominant wife to take charge in her marriage, in her bedroom and in her own life, she needs to create - in one man at least - that sense of scarcity, of value and of privilege. At its core this creation is sexual. The dominant wife makes the decisions as to the when, where and how of the sexual element of her marriage. But it is also about all the other elements of her marriage. Where she lives, how she dresses, her expectations: men, especially alpha men, are all about goals. Give them something to achieve and they will be like a dog with a bone.

By making sex scarce a dominant wife increases its value. By making the effort to be intensely desirable, more than a little flirtatous and very much the tease, the dominant wife keeps her husband's attention. He does not wander, he tries to please her and, in time, he begins, quite naturally, to obey her. To do what he is told.

Now the marriage is as it should be and the wife can and should introduce all the other delicious bits of discipline and, from time to time, punishment which will bond her husband, imprint him, with the devotion and submission a clever wife enjoys.

Thursday, 11 December 2014

Tokens of Submission: #Corners and #Cock #Cages

Every morning elliot wakes up puts a dressing gown on over his nightie and goes downstairs to put on my kettle. Then he comes back upstairs, strips naked except for his little black cock cage, take my yesterday's panties and, silently, pushes them into his corner with his nose. When he hears the kettle boil he puts his dressing gown back on makes my tea, serves it to me in bed and then, without a word, returns to his corner.

I like elliot to shower daily. While there is no reason he cannot shower in his little black cock cage, I think it is better for him to have it off most days. I keep a key beside me on my night table. When I have finished my first cup of tea I will simply say "Present" and elliot, who I have trained to do this, will put the panties away and stand in front of me with his hands behind his back. I unlock but do not remove his cage and he goes for his shower.

He knows he is to put his cage back on after his shower. Again, I don't have to tell him.

submissive husband, chastity, cock cage
Man's best choice
Looking at our Amazon results there will be three men whose cocks will be caged in the next few weeks. A cock cage is the perfect gift for a woman leading or getting ready to lead her marriage to give her husband. Not because it will keep him chaste and attentive - although it will - but rather as a symbol of his complete capitulation to your authority.

Men are obsessed with their cocks from a very young age. Boys will make four or five messes a day as teens and that sort of masturbatory behaviour will, unless sharply curbed by a wife from the very earliest stages of a marriage, continue. In a wife led marriage, where the husband is expected to be chaste and never comes without his wife's express  permission, the husband gives up control of his cock and, more basically, his sexuality.

A soft, short, cock cage is, like elliot's morning corner time, simply a reminder of his position. He knows that I love him dearly and find him very sexy indeed. I love having him lick my pussy until I come. But I love that in the context of his being sent to his corner while I am coming. I love him pleasuring me without any expectation that he will have any direct sexual pleasure whatsoever.

Issolating his cock in a soft silicon cage simply reminds him that he has surrendered his sexuality to me. When he has to sit down to use the toilet he remembers his vow to "love, honour and obey". And when his morning erection wakes him up with discomfort he remembers how much happier he is now that his little cock is no longer in his control.

Three more men will be discovering the pleasures of having their cocks caged. Even the most Alpha male is far better off without the distraction having control of his cock will cause. In fact, surrendering that control will make him all the more formidable in the rest of his life. Men are easily distracted - taking control of their cocks removes many a distraction.

Thursday, 4 December 2014

Wife in Charge

I have had several emails and social media messages from both men and women asking how elliot and I have come to our female led marriage. elliot has written a bit about it at his blog, here and here and that is a good start.

From my own perspective I am not naturally dominant in the sense of wanting to boss people around. Instead, I like to have people, particularly my husband, work very hard to please me. Which is not, I must say, all that difficult to do.

At the same time, very early on in our marriage I made it clear to elliot that, at least in the bedroom, I was in charge. Too many women put up with mediocre sex too often. I was more experienced than my lovely alpha man and I knew he needed training. So, I began by cutting him off entirely after about six months. No sex for a month focuses a man's attention. Then I began our current regime where he is allowed to have sex when I want the greater pleasure his little cock can sometimes bring.

What this did was put him on my sexual cycle. The only time he had any hope of ejaculating was when I was on heat. The rest of the time, while I would have him pleasure me with his tongue and fingers from time to time, his cockette was entirely irrelevant. (Caging him has only underscored my control.) A man allowed to ejaculate only a few times a year is a very attentive man.

It was a natural progression to both punishing him and whipping him to remind him of his place and he learned to accept his whippings as a near substitute for the sexual satisfaction he was denied. He actually gets quite broody when he's not been whipped for a week. Over a year, while he might ejaculate a dozen times, he'll be whipped at least forty. Whipping makes a huge improvement in elliot's attitude and puts a bounce in his step.

Humiliations like corner time, his little black cock cage and having to wear a girdle during the day or a nightie to bed, simply re-enforce the fact that I am in complete charge in our marriage. Special attention like nipple clips or having to push his steel rod up his backdoor add a bit of surprise to the mix.

The wonderful thing about a wife led marriage is that elliot is completely focused on me and what I require. And, of course, I pay strict attention to elliot. At the most basic level after years of marriage, we each are devoted to each other. The femdom element and the fact elliot is chaste means that we both live on a bit of sexual edge which many of our contemporaries' marriages seem to have lost.

When a wife is in charge of her marriage she has no choice but to pay close attention to her own desires while ruthlessly curbing her husband's. More than once I have whipped elliot simply because he was getting all hot and bothered and I was not in the mood. A well whipped man standing in his corner with his nose pressed in your panties is actually a pretty sexy sight and, I have to admit, I have occasionally whipped elliot just so I could take myself in hand for my own pleasure as he stood so obediently. Which is, of course, my perfect right and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Wednesday, 3 December 2014

Must be Strict #femdom

One of the more interesting difficulties in a female led relationship is that, eventually, your husband is very well trained indeed. He does as he is told without question almost all the time. He accepts his chastity and understands that only your sexual needs matter in your marriage. He cleans the bathroom, puts away the dishes, rinses your lingerie without being told to.

Of course, once in a while, he might be a little moody or slightly disobedient; but not often. While there is much to be said for maintenance whippings and daily naked corner time for him to remember his place, the fact is that unless you make new demands he will, slowly, cease to be on his toes. You don't want that and, just as importantly, neither does your husband. Men do best when they have goals.

I very much enjoy having elliot get up, turn on the heat, put on my tea kettle and take my yesterdays' panties to his corner. It is especially cute now that his little cock is in his soft black silicone cage so he can't play with it. It also gives me a chance to give him his instructions for the day.

I very much enjoy having him build our Amazon books - the series of 1950's Mens Magazine Covers - is actually going to be an archive which I'll use for some of my retro outfits. And I love how our last bout of exercise and nearly full time girdling slimmed elliot down. So, from now until Christmas he's to make a magazine a day and do exercises twice a day before and after he puts on his daily wear girdle. I'm a little on heat at the moment which is an excellent time for elliot to be very much locked up. He can lick very effectively while his little cock is straining in its short cage.

Being a dominant wife is all about focus. Which, fortunately, I have.