Wife on Top

Regular readers on this blog will have noticed that I have published a number of letters from women who have taken charge of their marriage.

Wife on Top is a collection of those letters in one Kindle ebook published today.

Publication of Wife on Top clears the deck for my own book on how to have a female led relationship, how to be a dominant wife and how best to subjugate and discipline a boyfriend or husband.

What I have been finding as I read and spend time on the internet is that the basic concepts of female leadership in marriage, the need to discipline and correct husbands, the desirability of male chastity and ejaculation control, are all becoming more mainstream. It is subtle but many women have realized that mere equality does not work for them, at least no in marriage. Instead, the overt submission of a fiance or eventual husband has become the new gold standard.

This is particularly true in the bedroom where more and more women are demanding their right to sexual gratification in preference to their husband's base urges. More and more women are locking down their husband's cocks  and adopting the principles of a single, female, cycle driven, sexuality for their marriage.

The stories in Wife on Top are meant to guide and inspire wives as they asset their feminine authority and husbands as they accept their need to submit and obey.

Ending the sexual barter system

A number of people wrote me to ask about "Locked-In Love" a book I recommended in my last post and, particularly, about what the author identified as the sexual barter system which underlay his marriage.

Here's how the author described it:

"Through chastity and communication, they identified a sexual trade-off that existed in their marriage, a 'barter system' wherein every action he engaged in had an undercurrent of sexual pressure, a literal tat-for-tit. Freed from it through a chastity device, they were able to enjoy each other on a more meaningful and trusting level. And in lowering the quantity of sex, they raised the quality."

The book is well worth reading for couples curious about male chastity but, of course, it is written from the male perspective. I thought a note on the female perspective might be interesting.

Sexual barter is as old as the hills and rests on a singular fact about the world: men are ready and eager to "go" all the time and women are sexually cyclical. Obviously, this is a generalization but it underlies everything from long term vanilla marriages through to the thriving escort industry. The discreet world of the kept woman, the wealthy man's mistress, is driven by this sexual mismatch. It is also the basis for the vast number of female led relationships and wifedom marriages. 

The idea of sexual barter is, in fact, at the heart of a great deal of what passes for romantic life. A man woos a woman and, if he is successful, she falls in love and becomes sexually available to him. Do they live happily ever after? Well, that depends.

Wives and girlfriends want their men to do certain things, behave in certain ways and, generally (though not often overtly) do what they are told. In even the most vanilla marriage wives will devise rewards and punishments to encourage certain behaviours and discourage others. More than one young wife has given her husband a quick blow job when he's cleaned up the yard or slipped into his favourite stockings and heels to signal her availability when he gets that promotion.

Men quickly learn that if they do what they are told they may receive treats. The trouble is that men will also quickly begin to take those treats for granted. If fact, unless a wife takes charge, most men will simply assume their efforts will always be rewarded. 

Now, the whole sexual barter mistake is often layered on top of a male belief that they also have the right to sex generally and that a wife has to accommodate their desires. Whether it is once a night or once a week, men somehow have the idea their rather instinctive sexuality should be deferred to. The fact this instinctual sexuality is driven by their baser natures and animal urges does not seem to bother them a bit.

Worse, from the time they are little girls, many women are taught that on the one hand, they need to be in control of the sexual situation and on the other, that they need to accept at least the sexual importunings of their husbands. What they are not taught and what is actually transgressive is the idea that their sexuality is cyclical, the very opposite of masculine and that within a successful relationship it is always the woman whose sexuality matters. 

Sexual bartering takes place when a woman satisfies a man when she, herself, is not at all in the mood. While it can be portrayed as "fun" or "spontaneous" it is actually a denial of how female sexuality works.

Now an escort or a mistress takes advantage of the fact men have unbearable urges and charges cash money to take care of those urges. While "decent women" are shocked by this sort of cash transaction I am inclined to think most girls should spend a bit of time as a mistress in their early twenties - if only there were enough wealthy men to go around.

In a marriage the cash nexus is, well, awkward. Your sweet husband may be supporting you or you may both work, but when he wants a blow job handing you a couple of hundred dollars, or even a couple of thousand, is not really how a marriage can or should work. 

So, how do you end the whole sexual barter game?

Whether a woman decides to lead her marriage or simply that her husband needs boundaries, sexual barter ends when she decides to put her needs first. It really is that simple. A single decision.

In practice, this means that for the few days a month a woman is very interested indeed her husband will be required to pleasure her. And she should put it exactly that way. She sets the pace, she enjoys her orgasms, she may or may not let him finish. Every woman is different and many enjoy some sex on the shoulders of the few days a month they are on heat. Which is wonderful and a bonus for their husband. However, for the rest of the month, sex is more a chore than a pleasure and a wise woman makes it very clear to her husband he is to stay well away.

It is upon this biological rock that the church of female supremacy and male subordination is founded. Now, how a woman constructs her marital sexual life is very much up to her.

Some women require their husband's chastity - either caged or on the honour system - when she is not interested in sex. This can work well with older husbands. With younger, randier, men it is not a bad idea to include supervised masturbation during that part of the month when sex is out of the question. The fact is that a younger man, unless firmly locked up, is going to masturbate. Far better that a wife keeps track of this habit and sets aside a few minutes every few days for her husband to humble himself in her presence. Not too often of course.

As I have written before discussing cocks,

"Men are remarkably proud of their ability to make little messes and if a wife can make her husband's masturbation something she controls - and this is easy as having him soil a tissue before he goes to work a couple of times a week becomes a ritual of control which he'll enjoy - then she is taking away his power to play with his cock as he feels like it. [Note: for men who would like their wives to be more dominant, proposing to your wife that you not be allowed to masturbate unsupervised will speed that process along without worrying your wife too much about the broader implications.)

Once a wife has taken control over her husband's ejaculations she has, for all intents and purposes, become the sexually dominant partner. The cock in the marriage has surrendered its autonomy. Where a wife goes from there is entirely up to her. She may want to leave the dynamic right there and enjoy the fruits of her acknowledged sexual superiority or she may want to extend the scope of her dominion."

Sexual barter only occurs where women allow it to. In a wife led marriage, both partners acknowledge that it is only her sexual needs, her pleasure, which matter. There is no room for "barter" because a well trained husband knows and accepts that he has no sexual rights at all. His erections, his ejaculations, are at her pleasure and at her direction.

Of course, it takes a little while for a husband to accept that his cock is no longer his own and here a chastity cage may prove an essential reminder. After all, a man in a chastity device is focused on his wife, not his cock, and that is how it should be.

Wifedom Books, Mistresses, Escorts, Smut and More

As many of you know, elliot and I have published a number of books. Over the years it has grown into quite a substantial

You can find elliot's collection here https://amzn.to/2wIiej4.

My, much smaller collection including a femdom novel fragment and several books about mistresses and escorts can be found here: https://amzn.to/2IlVDOU.

A great way to access all our books is to sign up for a free 30 Prime trial. You get all our books and many more female led marriage, lingerie and beauty books for no cost:
https://amzn.to/2WtF1bE


While I keep trying to finish my own guide to female led relationships, here are a few guides I have found helpful. They are not quite elliot's and my relationship, but they are interesting and cover some of the essentials:

The Dominant Wife Rulebook

This is an interesting approach for couples who want the wife to lead but are not quite sure how to make that happen. 

It really is a list of suggested rules the husband has to obey along with punishments for infractions.

I would describe this as a beginner's book and it is very popular. 

You can buy it here or try Prime for Free

Femdom for Nice Girls: A Self-Guided Manual for the Caring Mistress

This manual is much more my cup of tea. 

It is nicely written and takes on the question of how a "nice girl" can also lead her relationship, discipline her man and have a wonderful time doing it.

Most importantly, it assumes that its reader is very hesitant about assuming the dominant role in her relationship. So, if you are a wife who has been asked to explore taking charge or if you are a husband who wants a way to ask his wife to become the head of household this is an excellent place to start.

You can order it here or try Prime for Free

Locked-In Love: How two weeks in chastity can end the barter system, renew courtship and make a better husband

A lovely book about the positive effects of enforced male chastity.

There is no question at all that a man in a chastity device is more attentive, obedient and, in time, grateful. This book is about one couple's exploration of male chastity.

Nicely written from the male perspective, this is a story of how a marriage was transformed from a "barter system" where the husband constantly tried to manipulate his wife into a more pleasant, and I would say, correct situation simply by locking up the husband's cock.

You can order it here try Prime for Free 

Locktober

elliot has been in chastity since Labour Day and is all the better and more attentive for it. I have allowed him one ejaculation and Mady tells me she has had him out twice to enjoy a little penetration. Of course he knows he is never to ejaculate when Mady is using him and he also knows that if he does he'll be whipped severely and locked down in his "meditation" room for several days. He's very careful. So, at our house "Locktober" is not really all that big a deal.

Other marriages have different routines and I was delighted to get this letter from a dominant wife in Oregon a few days ago.

----

Dear Miss Jay,

I love reading your blog. You have such a wonderful, matter of fact, way of leading your marriage.

My husband, roy, accepted my leadership in our marriage a couple of years after we were first married five years ago. For the most part that has involved roy doing what he is told and accepting the fact that if he is disobedient or talks back he is in for a paddling. I have a light 14 inch bamboo paddle for quick corrections, a cute 8 inch hairbrush which I keep in my bag and am happy to use if roy gets stroppy when we're out and, on your recommendation, a 17 3/4 inch wooden shower brush which roy hates and I use only sparingly. Just having the shower brush in the shower reminds roy not to masturbate without my permission.

Rather like you, I am not especially fond of penetrative sex. I would much rather have roy pay me oral attention and I have trained him to pleasure me and then accept the fact it is my choice as to whether or not he will be allowed to pleasure himself. Which is fine but in the last year I have wanted a bit more control and I have been putting roy in a chastity device. This has been an occasional thing until the last couple of months where I have been leaving him locked up for a few days at a time.

He has responded very well to fairly short periods of chastity - yes, it really is true that a man in chastity will do almost anything to be released - but now I would like to extend those periods.

My thought was that "Locktober" might be a good test run for roy's chastity to become his default position. Rather like elliot. So, I am going to lock him in on October 1 and, no matter how much he begs, I am not letting him out until Halloween.

My thought is that I will do a weekly clean up with a face cloth with roy's hands handcuffed behind his back. I was also thinking that, around the 15th, I might masturbate him to relive the pressure.

What do you think of my plans?

Yours sincerely,

Cecily

----
I wrote back.

Dear Cecily,

What a lucky man roy is to have found an intelligent woman to obey. Good for you.

I think your plan to lock roy up for thirty-one days is excellent. Extended chastity changes the whole dynamic in a female-led relationship. I know the shower brush impresses the seriousness of your dominion on roy's posterior but having his cock locked up for a month will add a whole new dimension to your marriage.

So I think, overall, your plans for Locktober are nearly perfect. Two quibbles, first, you write about locking roy up but you don't mention upping his oral service requirements. Locktober is not just about going cock free for a month, it is also about the lady of the house enjoying lavish oral sex, massages, foot baths and all sorts of other delightful things a chaste male will be only too happy to do.

My second quibble is more serious. A man in chastity should, in my view, be chaste for the duration of the time you set. If you are locking him up for October he should not come at all in October. Strict, I know, but for long term chastity to have its desired effect, orgasm denial needs to be part of it.

Now, if you really think you need to "relieve the pressure" (and I note there is no proper medical evidence that prolonged chastity is harmful), might I suggest, mid-month, that you push a vibrator up his bum and let his prostate cause him to dribble without any hint of orgasm. (I wrote a short book on the benefits of prostate milking in female led relationship: A Ladies Guide to Prostate Milking.) A good remote control anal vibrator and you can pretty much handcuff him, lie him on the bed, push the vibe up his backdoor and flick the vibe to a medium setting. Twenty minutes later he'd be drained but, in this is the key thing, he will not lose the edge you have been building. Men who orgasm undergo physio and psychological changes and it takes them sometime to rebuild the sexual tension which keeps them so attentive. Prostate milking avoids that altogether.

So, enjoy Locktober! I know roy will. And, remember, if Locktober goes well, there is always NOvember.

Enjoy!

Hannah










 

Fall

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City Husband, Country Wife

One of the best parts of running this blog has been the correspondence I have had with other dominant wives. Every female-led relationship evolves in its own way and it is fascinating to see how other women create the blend of discipline, chastity, obedience and nurture which can bring out their submissive husband's best self.

Cara and her husband Terry have worked out a wonderful way to balance a need for discretion with a wonderful transformation. But I will let Cara tell her own story.

Dear Miss Jay,

I adore your blog and your books - not just A Man in My Position and the other dominant wife material - but also your wonderfully detailed and open minded exploration of how powerful women can maximize their potential as escorts, or, my favorite, mistresses. (The retro smut you have elliot publish I give to my Terry as a special treat.)

I suspect I was drawn to your work on the interesting nexus between sex and money because I met Terry when he was my escorting client. Though I use "escorting" in a very loose way. I had a small business catering to cross-dressers and transvestites (and if you can tell me the difference my hat is off to you, but it was very important to the men I saw.)

Believe it or not, I got into the business when I was a make-up and special effects artist. I spent my days making pretty girls prettier and, from time to time, making them scary. It was a good living and a lot of the sets I worked on paid a cash bonus. On one of these shoots a model I knew slightly asked if I could do a friend of hers make up for a party. I said sure and thought nothing of it. We arranged to meet her and her "friend" at her apartment the next day. Well, like more than a few models I knew, this girl supplemented her modelling income with pay to play encounters and her "friend" was a client who wanted to "Walk on the Wild Side". It took a little doing but I managed to create a passable impression of a woman - but he walked like a trucker. I spoke to my friend who agreed and then I suggested that, if he wanted to, I could offer him some "training" as well as the make-up and clothes. He jumped at the chance and my model friend told me later she had two other clients who wanted this sort of feminization and it was not her thing. And she had friends in the business for whom crossdressing clients were actually a problem. I was launched.

I would only see three or four clients a week, charge a high fee and make a "best efforts" attempt to let them appear and behave as women. I say best efforts because, realistically, very few men have much hope of "passing" for a woman but they seemed to have fun trying. My sessions were quite long, two hours minimum, often four.

Most of my clients were very regular and, once they had done their introductory appointments, I laid on a program of deportment, skirt management, high heels training and so on. There was no "sex" of course. However, at the end of the appointment, if they had been very good, I would tell them to go to the little girl's room and make a mess in their panties which they then had to lick clean before hand washing.

The key insight I had into these men was that they all were, to some degree, ashamed of their need to dress as women. And, here was the thing, they enjoyed the shame and humiliation of having to put on lingerie, foundation wear, wigs, breast forms, false eyelashes and so on. If I didn't tease them, demand instant obedience and tell, not ask, them to put on their "pretty" clothes they would be disappointed in the session. They wanted to be "forced". And yes, I did threaten to spank my naughty boys and, occasionally, it would be necessary as part of a session to paddle or cane a client quite severely. Of course, "quite severely" was a very relative term. The objective was to create a reason for the client to comply with his own humbling - which was the very thing he wanted.

Men! What can you do?

In my case, I charged a lot of money, built up a remarkable collection of plus sized lingerie and outfits - my clients, as part of their training, were required to purchase these items and bring them to their sessions. This all took place several years ago but even then you could get everything from side zip girdles to breast forms to plus size high heels at Amazon. You could even get the correct "gaff" panties to keep every little thing in its place.

It was all part of the ritual and the ritual was very important to my clients. For a few hours, they were going to be "forced" to be female. In a couple of years, I actually had a waiting list.

Terry was a referral from one of my model/escort friends and I saw him really as a favour. He was pretty run of the mill as clients went and I was just going through the motions as I corseted down his waist and put on the breast forms. For cross dressing, Terry was lucky. Not only did he have a gender neutral name - Terry swings both ways but he was almost hairless and was small boned if a little plump in places. The very opposite of "buff". With the corset giving his already quite tight waist a lttle shape and the "C" cup breast forms in place in a lacy black I had him slip on a pair of black satin tap panties. He was a natural blond with a rather nice full head of gently wavy hair. Rather than put him in a wig, I put in hair extensions I happened to have. Light make-up, really just a very transparent foundation, mascara and eye shadow plus a light pink lip and he was done. I clipped semi sheer compression stockings to his garter tabs. (Pro-tip, compression stockings help shape a man's leg and hide any hair which a first timer is likely to have. Plus they feel as if you are actually a naughty boy wearing stockings.)

A simple pencil skirt and sheer blouse and a pair of modest two inch heels and Teri was done. By this point I had done transformations for a fair number of men. A few, a very few, could pass after several sessions. Teri stood up and walked over to my three way mirror. He was a little awkward in his heels but, honestly, with a bit of practice, it would be very had to tell. He had delicate wrists and his Adam's apple was inconspicuous and could be made more so with a bit of reverse contouring.

"Wow," was all he said as he looked at himself in the mirror. "I never thought I would be this pretty."

He was not wrong. Unlike many men Teri suited the longer hair, the makeup, the clothes. We practised walking in heels for a little while and then I had him make and serve me a cup of tea and one for himself. It all seemed perfectly natural. As Teri he was quite feminine, funny in a slightly exaggerated girlish way and rather flirtatious. It was quite a long session and I had him change into a shorter skirt at one point. He was naturally rather modest and went behind my screen rather than showing off his lingerie. Eventually I said I had another appointment and Teri went behind the screen and undressed and came out in the lacy ruffled lilac robe I kept for clients; makeup and hair still intact.

"Come here," I said, "Open your robe."

He did as he was told and stood in front of me his little cock - and it was quite small - naked and erect. I reached out and took it in my hand.

"You enjoyed dressing up as a girl didn't you," I said gently pumping his cock.

"Yes, Miss," he said.

"And you'd like to do it again wouldn't you Terry?" I said pumping a little faster.

"Oh yes Miss."

I could feel him coming very close and I let go of his cock.

"Good. I will see you next week. Now get dressed."

He was, I suspect, a bit disappointed that I had not taken him to completion but I had other plans.

He arrived the next week and we did much the same thing. I was a bit more prepared with sizes and I had a surprise for him at the end of the session. I had him, once again, undress from his girl clothes behind the screen and came out in the peach robe I had bought him.

"Terry, when you left last week did you go home and ejaculate?" I asked holding his hard little cock firmly.

"Yes, Miss, twice that night and two or three times a day since. I can't help it," said Terry.

"I thought so," I said. "That won't do at all. Girls don't masturbate the same way as boys so we're going to have to make sure you behave. Now, here's a tissue. Jack yourself off for me."

"Yes, Miss," said Terry as he began to pull on his cock.

"Faster, I don't have all day," I said which was all it took to send plumes of sperm out of his purplish cock head. "Now, go over to that corner with my panties (I am a huge fan of corner time for men.) and hold them in the corner with your nose."

Terry did what he was told and ten minutes later I called him back. As I suspected he would be he was just as hard.

"Now, I could whip that erection away or put that naughty little cock in ice water until you get soft; but instead, jerk it again. Quickly," I said handing him a dish. "Every drop in the dish."

It took a little longer this time but in a couple of minutes there was a nice dollop of cum and several drops and strands decorating the china dish.

"You know what you have to do, Terry," I said looking at the dish. "Lick up your mess."

It was a test he passed eagerly.

"Good boy," I said reaching around for the package I had received air express.

"Now, Terry, good girls always ask for permission to masturbate. Which I know is hard for girly-bois so I have bought you a little gift. Turn around and put your hands behind your back," I said. I took a pair of handcuffs and clicked them locked. "Turn around."

Terry obeyed and I opened the box the male chastity device came in. "Do you know what this is, Terry?"

"No Miss."

"It's a cock cage. You'll be wearing it when you are not in lady's clothes," I said putting the pink silicone ring around and behind his balls. Then, using my fairly long but nicely squared fingernails, I reached under the head of his cock and pushed it into the silicone cage. He was soft enough that it was easy to get most of his cock in the cage and push the holes over the pegs. I reached through the little slot in the end and grabbed the head of his cock with my nails to pull it all into the cage. Then I slipped the padlock through the short peg and clicked it shut.

"There you go," I said. "All tucked away and I have the key. Now you can get dressed and I want you to pick me up for dinner on Thursday. Seven o'clock. Dress nicely as I am taking you somewhere special.

Two months later we were married in a civil ceremony. I wore a lovely 40's suit, seamed stocking and a pretty, veiled hat. Teri was dressed in a light linen jacket, a pair of side zippered linen trousers, cute loafers, his cock cage for lingerie and his now longer hair pulled off his face with two butterfly barrettes.

I took him back to my apartment, had him put on his nightie for bed and then gave him a good hairbrushing to set the tone of what has been a long and happy marriage. As you can imagine, having been kept in his cage for the three weeks before our wedding night, he was very anxious to perform his marital duties. I, on the other hand, thought that could wait for our honeymoon and enjoyed Teri's girlish tongue on my throbbing clit.

We were honeymooning at a small country house I owned about forty miles from the city we live in. I drove. Teri had changed into her going away outfit. Nothing elaborate, a day dress in a fine grey cotton with a little, to the waist, black jacket. Corset, girdle, bra and breast forms, hair extensions in and nice day make-up as I had instructed her to.

"In the country, Teri, you are always going to be en femme. Most weekends, two or three weeks a summer. Will you like that?" I asked when he had agreed to marry me.

"More than anything," said Terry.

"In the city you have your job so you can't really be who you like to be. Or, at least, not yet. But you'll be a country wife which will be fun for you and fun for me."

"Yes, Miss Cara," said Teri.

"After we're married you will not have to call me miss anymore," I said. "And in the country, you'll wear your pretty gaff panties rather than that nasty old cock cage."

Which was exactly what happened.

Teri has taken to the world of a 1950's housewife with a vengeance. She's always beautifully dressed, her hair is perfect and she is wonderfully obedient. She was, I must admit, a little taken aback when she discovered that I was going to give her the whole experience by having intercourse with her every Saturday night with a strap-on.

"Do I have to?" she asked?

"Of course you have to," I said. "But unlike those poor girls in the fifties with just the one cock, I have a number of dildos which will fit my harness. We'll start you off like a virgin with something small but hard and work your pretty back pussy up to big cocks."

Which is exactly what we did.

During the week, while Terry is wonderfully submissive and attentive, other than his panties and camisole and his cock cage, he is allowed to present as a slightly effeminate man. As soon as he comes home from work on Friday he showers, is let out of his cock cage, gaffed and then changes into his weekend attire.

Our neighbours in the country think we may be lesbians but we simply keep them guessing.

We've lived this way for a few years now. I am still a make-up artist and I still have a select cross dressing clientele. Terry is not in the least jealous. Even if he was, a good wife, and Teri is a very good wife, knows when to keep quiet.

A bit of Tinkering and a mid summer correction

I just love how men insist on improving things. Now you would think that a silicone cock cage  would offer little in the way of chances for improvement. Not elliot.

While he has been enjoying his summer freedom - I let him out around June 1st and lock him back down on Labour Day - he has been thinking about how to actually reduce the "play" in the two posts on either side of the lock. I suspect these are designed with men with substantially larger cocks than my elliot's in mind but for him the various pieces of his chastity would gap and then, painfully, pinch some very tender skin. I don't keep elliot in chastity for his discomfort, although elliot being a little uncomfortable does not worry me at all, so when he asked permission to modify his cage I agreed.

It was hardly a major change: he removed the plastic side pegs and replaced them with one inch stove bolts with washers and nuts. This allows him to tighten the silicone pieces and eliminate the gapping.

Good for him and nicely timed. He was getting a bit, if you will excuse the word, cocky, and there is only one sure fire cure for that. First I gave him a good whipping. The heel stick raised lovely welts. I had Mady observe his punishment and listen as I lectured him.

"It is not enough that you are polite to me. You need to be humble and you need to remember your place." I said punctuating my sentences with a stroke of the heel stick. "The fact is you have been a bit too cocksure. I let you out of your cock cage for your comfort. I don't expect backchat. I don't expect you to look at pretty young girls at the beach. You keep your eyes down. Do you understand."

"Yes, Miss," he said.

I went on in this vein for a few minutes with each period emphasized with a stroke. I think he got the message.

"Now, before you go to your corner, turn around," I said. "Your cock is going back in its cage until I see a real improvement in your attitude. Now stuff it in. Hurry up."

The modifications to the silicone cage meant that elliot had to fiddle a bit more but his cock was so tiny after his whipping that everything went quite quickly.

"Mady, why don't you lock down elliot's tiny little cock," I said. "You can hold on to the key. We'll see if he improves."

Mady slipped the lock on and shut it.

"I expect you to behave, elliot," I said when he was locked and I had slipped off my rather moist panties (I often find myself getting a bit excited when I correct elliot or Mady) and sent elliot to his corner.

"Mady," I said sitting down and lifting my skirt. "I seem to need some oral attention."

"Yes, Miss."

Mady got on her knees and began licking my pussy. Girls just know.

Should be a fun summer.

A Huge Change

Good things can be delivered

As many of you will have figured out by now, elliot and I are a somewhat older couple. Old enough that we actually remember the world when there was no internet. No, really.

Before the internet, while there were certainly lots of couples in which the wife was in charge, there was little or nothing to support FLRs. Next to no information was available. And not just about the wonderful world of Female Led Relationships, the entire world of even slightly exotic sexuality was very much under the counter. Now, virtually any interest has its own blog universe, very possibly social media (under the radar slightly) and you can buy virtually any little item you want from...Amazon.

The ability to buy discreetly has been a huge bonus for elliot, Mady and myself. We are coming up to Amazon Prime Days (and yes you really should try Prime for free for 30 days if for no other reason than you will be able to read all of both elliot's and my books for free.)

A lot of websites will be doing Prime Days promotions. I will not but I thought it might be fun for dominant wives and their submissive husbands to have a look at what is actually available at Amazon.

Start with male chastity devices. Even ten years ago putting your husband into chastity was an expensive proposition with proper cock cages running several hundred dollars. Now you can put your husband under lock and key for less than $30. And the selection is amazing.

I keep elliot in a soft chastity cage like this one. It is comfortable and he can wear it easily for weeks at a time. The overall effect is that he not only cannot touch his own penis, he cannot become fully erect and, he tells me, that he has virtually no external stimulation when he is in his cock cage.

We got out first silicone cock cage from Amazon. Like the one pictured, it cost less than $20 and with Prime it shipped free.

For a slightly more severe experience and one which can be more than a little noisy, a metal cock cage may be in order. There is nothing discreet about putting your husband's cock in a steel cage and keeping the key.

This is also an excellent option for men who, at present, are not in obedience to a particular woman. Putting your cock in a steel cage and making access to your key difficult is an excellent way for men to remind themselves of their essential submissiveness.

The other good thing about a metal cage is that it is often fairly obvious that a man is wearing one. Certainly to a discerning eye. Wives who want to subtly demonstrate their husband's status or single men who would like to make their submission more obvious to the women they encounter may want a metal cock cage.

Now, if a cock cage demonstrates a dominant wife's total control over her husband's sexuality or a single man's willingness to sacrifice his sexuality in the hope of finding his superior woman, the general subordinating effect of forcing a man to wear women's lingerie and nightwear can't be discounted.

A number of ladies who read this blog have purchased these amazing, Slimming Underwear Tummy Control Panties. One lady wrote me and said, "Since I have had Paul wearing these over his cage daily he has been even more docile and willing to please. Plus, they have already improved his figure. I call them belly busters."

Keeping your husband in panties is a good first step. But for real control and humiliation, a long legged, side zipped, pantie girdle is perfect. Where the high waisted panties have a little control, a good girdle will literally change his figure. He'll have a more defined waist and a nicely curved bottom. (Between ourselves, I love the feel of a side zipped open bottom girdle holding my stockings up.)

A submissive husband needs practical foundations. There is no point in getting him pretty lingerie. He's a man, he'll look silly in frills (which can be fun too). So a plain, white, lycra bomb is all he deserves.

Caged and girdled by day, what about when a submissive husband is sent to bed? Well, of course the cock cage stays on and his morning wood will be uncomfortable enough that he'll wake up and get started making you coffee in bed, running your bath, doing any hand washing you have left for him. elliot has to wash out my yesterday's panties after he has his corner time. There are some things it is better for a submissive husband to do himself even though we have a maid.

I prefer nice, feminine cotton nighties for elliot. You may have other preferences. And for single men, wearing a cotton nightie to bed every night will remind you of your place and where you would like to be. After a few days or weeks putting on a pretty nightie will just be part of your bedtime routine.

Now the great advantage of a fairly full coverage nightie is that it gives a wife the opportunity to experiment with a few more feminizing humiliations.
I am not a huge fan of making men wear bras during the day when they are out of the home. It can work in very limited circumstances but, usually, it simply leads to awkwardness in a workplace or a social situation.

However, in bed, in a nightie, there is absolutely no reason why a wife can't tell her husband to wear a bra and the breast forms which go with it.

Having experimented with elliot, while it might be fun to see your husband having to deal with DD cup breasts, a nice B to start and then work up to a C or D. The point is that when your husband is getting ready for bed and is in bed and when he wakes up and sets about serving you he will look different and feel different. There is nothing more feminizing than the weight of breasts and the more modern breast forms and a good bra will give your husband a real sense of that. And, of course, for a single man to make breasts a part of his evening ritual is excellent training for his eventual female led marriage.

One thing I would strongly suggest, and other wives have confirmed this, is that you require your husband to wear a well made, very supportive but very utilitarian sports bra. Pretty lingerie is for you (and your maid if you are lucky enough to have one), your husband is supposed to feel the full weight of his breasts and that's where a good sports bra makes all the difference.

And remember, in a well-run female led marriage, your husband is almost always sent to get ready for bed sometime before you retire. This means he can put on his breast forms, sports bra and nightie without you really having to see anything but the pleasing curves under his nightie.

Of course, some husbands need more discipline than others and Amazon is there to help. When you

are first training a husband or boyfriend it is a good idea to be able to restrain him. While I no longer need restraints for elliot, I still have a wonderful set of police grade handcuffs I purchased a decade ago. The nice thing about serious handcuffs is they will fit in your purse so you can restrain and correct your submissive male where ever you happen to be. In our early days, elliot learned the hard way that dressing rooms and washrooms offered the privacy, if not the sound proofing required for a gentleman's correction.

There are many occasions when a gentleman needs to be restrained for some time or under some tension. Handcuffs are the wrong tool. Well made, lined, leather wrist and ankle restraints are the obvious solution. But, for Heaven's Sake, buy high quality restraints. You want your submissive husband to be mindful of his correction or your pleasure, not worrying about how his wrists are chaffing.

As to corrections themselves, a dominant wife should recognize that her hand alone is not going to do the job. The fact is that a lady's hand is too small and too soft to make much of an impression. Using a hair brush helps a lot. And a lady, with a reasonably sized bag, can carry a hairbrush entirely innocently and deploy it as needed. As I mentioned, there are any number of usefully private locations available if your husband or boyfriend is rude or inattentive. This little brush will leave a lasting impression.

For more serious infractions, principally disobedience or resistance, but also having what I refer to as an obnoxious attitude, sterner measures and a lot more leverage will be required. As I have often written, in a serious FLR, punishment is a very real thing. Faced with a recalcitrant husband or boyfriend, a lady needs to be willing to inflict serious pain and, in many cases, leave bruises or welts. You are doing your submissive no favours by holding back when they need correction.

elliot's least favourite implement is also one which you can see any time you go into a bathroom

equipped with a shower or bath in our house. The simple, long handled, shower brush can be kept in plain sight as a reminder to your husband or boyfriend of the consequences of any disobedience. In the early stages of an FLR this sort of everyday implement is going to see a lot of use. It takes a while to train any man worth training. This beechwood shower brush has a 17 and 3/4 inch handle. As the copy says, good for reaching those "hard to reach" areas - in our case psychological rather than physical.



Some disciplinary wives swear by the paddle for their husband's correction. I have to take their word for it as I have never used a paddle on elliot. There is an amazing selection of paddles at Amazon ranging from a rather nasty looking hardwood paddle:

on through to a selection of bamboo paddles. I have to say I am seriously considering getting this wide bamboo paddle, not for elliot but for Mady. Her skin is a little too delicate for the cane and the shower brush seems to give me too much leverage when my naughty little maid needs correction. This is obviously a light duty paddle and correcting Mady is all about repetition, not force.

I have been correcting elliot with a rattan cane (go to your local garden shop or China town, but use rattan, not bamboo which tends to splinter) and a dozen strokes will certainly call him to order. But, I have to admit, I am also becoming fond of an item which is called a heel stick. Just under three feet with a very solid, rubber, handle. It weighs a little more than a rattan cane and leaves welts a little faster with less effort on my part. elliot hates it almost as much as the shower brush.

Until we met Mady and she became my maid, I was not really familiar with the varieties of anal humiliation a submissive husband can undergo. Yes, I did know about prostate milking and I thoroughly approved of the idea of restraining elliot, pushing a vibrator into his bottom and leaving him to make a non-orgasmic mess he would have to lick up later.  In fact, we wrote a book about it, A Ladies Guide to Prostate Milking. However, Mady opened up a whole other dimension.

Coming from a certain corner of the lesbian world, Mady just loved strap ons. While strap ons do nothing for me, Mady thoroughly enjoys “pegging” elliot as a preliminary to his paying her oral attention. But, Mady being Mady, she has evolved this into a bit of a ritual and the first part of the ritual is that Elliot has to go to her room, strip naked and present his bottom for an enema. “I like to peg a clean bottom,” says Mady. And good for her.

To that end she had me order this rather simple but effective enema kit:

"Two bags and he's clean if a little shaky," explained Mady. "I'll often have him stand in his corner for a few minutes before allowing him to release. Once the second bag has gone in, I will stand in front of him and put on my strap on. I use dils which have a nice end for the lady and a rather larger end for the gentlemen. I let elliot release and then he knows he has to assume his position for pegging. I lube him up a bit and then push in. He's used to it now and he knows I am going to fuck him until I come. When I'm done I leave the dil in him, unclip the harness and leave him to clean up."

Mady's strap on is very similar to this one although she has a couple of different sized dils, one a little bigger and one a little smaller.

The extraordinary thing is that all of these items and thousands more are available at Amazon at quite reasonable prices. With a Free Prime Trial you don't have to pay for shipping and, while you are waiting for your order to arrive, you can read all my books and elliot's books free.

Summer Pleasures

One of the great things about summer is that my regular round of shopping, social events, committee meetings and church eases off a bit. We like to have an easy lunch - maybe shrimp on toast with home made mayonaise and a glass of Chablis - and my darling elliot, liberated from his cock cage for a few weeks, loves to BBQ our dinner and I must say he looks very attractive in his Dad shorts and a loose cotton shirt. Mady's fitness training has really paid off.

Mady, of course, looks lovely in the sheer dresses and tops I prefer her to wear at home. She is a beautiful girl and why shouldn't she show off her nearly perfect body. It has the delightful effect of making elliot hard as a rock which, in turn makes him very attentive.

I am still working away on my book about Female Led Marriage. As ever, the trouble I have finishing it is that my views of FLR continue to change and to mature. When I first began I was hesitant on the question of male chastity devices, now I think a cock cage is essential. Not only to control the cock and a submissive husband's access to his own sexuality, but also as a symbol of superiority. Which is also why I think letting elliot spend the summer with his cock free is important: it reminds him of what he has surrendered, what he has lost, in his obedience to me.

I am also quite certain that the rituals of submission, elliot's ten or fifteen minutes standing naked in his corner with his nose pressed into the gusset of my yesterday's panties, instant caning for lapses of manners, his having to wear a pretty nightie to bed, have become a part of the fabric of our lives.

Beginning a female led relationship is all about exploration and imagination. But a long term relationship is very much about routine and ritual and then, from time to time, excursions from that routine. While I am not very interested in pegging elliot, it is Mady's favourite thing and she has built a little collection of dils and harnesses. Having elliot serve on special occasions, in nothing but a waiter's apron and kitten heels is a treat. My friend Amy, who stayed with us as I interviewed her for Only on a Tuesday: The Courtesan's Way was struck by the way that elliot simply accepts his position in my house.

I want to get all of this into my book. Which will take a while and, right now, it is time to go to the beach.

A Question about Cocks

I have had a lot of questions of the form,

What is the role of the cock in a female led relationship?

Tempting as it is to say that the very point of a female led relationship is that the cock has no role, the facts are quite otherwise. In fact, it is the training and subjugation of the cock and the man attached to it which is the focus of a dominant wife. How this is accomplished is a matter of style more than anything else but some basic concepts need to be top of the mind.

There are certainly some female led relationships in which a husband is turned into a fully feminized slave and while this does not appeal to me, it certainly has its advocates.  The whole gendre of transvestite transformation stories, Husband to Sissy for example have a wide readership. And there are plenty of tales of husbands who become slaves to their wives, I enjoyed Molly Sands trilogy, Stern. But here is the thing, most women, especially dominant women, do not want their husbands to be sissys or slaves; rather they want to have control over strong, masculine, admirable men.

It is a bit of a paradox. To dominate a soy boi, beta male might be fun for a day or two but it is not really challenging nor is it going to be very satisfying to bend a wimp to your will. At least I don't think so. When I tell elliot he has to wear a bra and girdle for a few days I know that he is torn between his masculine identity and his obedience to me. Over the years he has learned that submission is always better for him but that does not mean he likes having to wear pretty lingerie or lip gloss.

Which brings us around to the role of the cock in a female led relationship. A man's cock and the sexual desire it embodies is the key to controlling his attention, affection and sense of submission.  There is a saying, "I have the pussy so I make the rules," but, in fact, those rules are all predicated on a man's endless desire to gain some sort of access, no matter how indirect, to that pussy. If he is not interested he is not going to follow any of the rules.

Dominant women - and, really all women - are often astonished to discover how much time men spend pre-occupied with sex. Younger men will spend hours on porn sites, in bars, in clubs and online trying to find a girl or a fantasy, but older men are just as preoccupied even if they are not actually leaking sperm half the time. If a woman is able to control and then redirect that pre-occupation she is well on the way to leading her marriage or relationship.

Men are very basic. From the time they were little they were able to first play with and latter masturbate their cocks. As young men they had few restraints on the momentary pleasure their cocks could give whether with the delighted co-operation of a young lady or by taking matters into their own hands. I've know young, intelligent men who ejaculated five or six times a day. Bonobo monkeys and twenty two year old men have about the same sex drive.

An argument can be made that the arc of human history has been determined by the fact that female sexuality is cyclical with only a few days a month of peak sexual desire while male sexuality is continuous, always on and if a civil society is the objective, in need of firm control.

In the mythology of the Old West the saloon girls and whores advanced with the frontier but it was the school marm and the wives who closed that same frontier. (This, by the way, is why I have an abiding interest in Money Sex (a book which is free at Amazon at the moment).) What the wives and school marms actually did was change the dynamic so that, instead of paying for sex on a transactional basis, men who married could have sex in exchange for "providing" and for being decent members of their community.

In a sense, women have been making that bargain since the beginning of time and in every instance, a wife or girlfriend uses her sexuality to gain at least nominal control over her husband or boyfriend's sexuality. The pussy engulfs the cock and the cock's owner becomes, at least marginally, submissive to her needs and desires.

In even the most vanilla marriages wives will often reward their husbands with a quick blow job or a bit of bedroom dress up in return for a job well done or a promotion at work. But note the dynamic, the wife controls the blow job. She decides the reward. Implicitly, if a wife is making those sorts of decisions she is beginning to take charge of her marriage overall.

Taming and training a cock could stop right at the "reward" blow job and for many couples it does. However, for some couples, the next step in cock control is no more complicated than a wife refusing to have sex with her husband except when she is "in the mood".  Again, not a huge step but one which changes the whole male, cock driven, sexual dynamic.

At the same time, a clever wife "suggests" to her husband that he should "save" his ejaculations so they can enjoy them together. This is the thin end of the chastity wedge. Men are remarkably proud of their ability to make little messes and if a wife can make her husband's masturbation something she controls - and this is easy as having him soil a tissue before he goes to work a couple of times a week becomes a ritual of control which he'll enjoy - then she is taking away his power to play with his cock as he feels like it. [Note: for men who would like their wives to be more dominant, proposing to your wife that you not be allowed to masturbate unsupervised will speed that process along without worrying your wife too much about the broader implications.)

Once a wife has taken control over her husband's ejaculations she has, for all intents and purposes, become the sexually dominant partner. The cock in the marriage has surrendered its autonomy. Where a wife goes from there is entirely up to her. She may want to leave the dynamic right there and enjoy the fruits of her acknowledged sexual superiority or she may want to extend the scope of her dominion.

While the honour system is lovely for chaste husbands, the temptation to "cheat" is significant. Putting the cock in a cage and keeping the key will confirm a cock's obedience. I have come around to the view that a female led marriage without a chastity cage is possible but that the ongoing symbolism of a locked cock reminds a man of his place.

My own sense is that a female led marriage or relationship works best when a man has had his sexual autonomy entirely eliminated. It is great fun to watch elliot in the summertime, when he is not required to wear his cock cage, and has theoretical control over his own little cock. He is so well conditioned and trained that even when Mady or I tease him - which we do a lot - he will come and stay erect for hours and never think of actually touching his cock without my permission. He is, indeed, a well tempered husband.

Only On A Tuesday - The Courtesan's Way

I have been working on a book about a lovely girl I call Amy Jenkins - Investment Banker by day, Courtesan in Training by night. It is actually based on a visit from a young American lady who had been following this blog and who had read both A Man in My Position and Avails: Escorting for the Elegant Woman.

What a delightful girl Amy was. She stayed for three nights and Mady, elliot and I all had a wonderful time. I spent several hours with her recording her wonderful stories of how, more or less by accident, she went from being a lower level analyst in an out of the way investment bank in a small, southern, coastal city in the US to being, first, a courtesan in training and then having her first night in the trade sold to the highest bidder.

What makes Amy so special is how open she is to entirely new experiences: which is apparent in Only on a Tuesday as she is displayed for wealthy potential bidders and, along the way, finds herself disciplining her Nordic Amazon of a secretary and her all-American girl maid, Jessica. Her guide, her Virgil, in the Courtesan Inferno, is the lovely and talented Charlotte Corday, a courtesan of long standing and a beauty in her own right.

While Amy stayed with us she had great fun putting elliot through his paces and was deeply intrigued with his more or less permanent chastity. Amy was also fascinated with Mady's role in our household. Mady, by the same token was delighted to be disciplined by a girl about her own age. On the Saturday evening we had a marvellous time being served by elliot and Mady. First dinner and then our two submissives gave us their undivided oral attentions. As a night cap, and at Amy's suggestion, Mady gave elliot a good pegging until he made his little mess in a saucer. Of course the poor man was never out of his cock cage and had to lick it all up before bringing Mady to her own, well deserved orgasm. The girls went off to Mady's room together and I took elliot to bed.

I published the fourth volume of Only On a Tuesday today and it will be free on Kindle at around midnight Pacific tonight. I hope you enjoy Amy's story so far as much as I enjoyed Amy. There are about five books to go.

Only On A Tuesday
The Courtesan's Way - Book 1

Amy Jenkins decides to explore the Courtesan's Way guided by Miss Charlotte Corday the leading lady of the night in a small, rather wealthy, East Coast city. In Book One Amy is introduced to the pleasures of making a lot of money for simply letting a gentleman enjoy her charms.

Amazon link

Only On A Tuesday
The Courtesan's Way - Book 2

Amy Jenkins continues her journey on The Courtesan's Way and her investment banking career gets a huge boost. Along the way she acquires a delightfully masochistic lesbian secretary and this week Charlotte introduces Amy to a very rich man whose wife sends him to serve.

Amy learns a little more about the wonderfully strange compulsions men (and women) have.

Little did she realize that The Courtesan's Way would have her tying a man down for a whipping...but here she goes.

Amazon link

Only On A Tuesday
The Courtesan's Way - Book 3

Amy Jenkins, investment banker by day, courtesan in training by night, finds that her secretary comes with benefits. Then, shopping for an outfit for her visit to The Porpoise, meets a girl who wants to be her lady's maid and has exactly the right submissive attitude.

Amy's adventures continue as she prepares for "The Boys" on The Porpoise.

Amazon link