Fall

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

elliot's cell

What do you give a man who has everything for Christmas?

My dear elliot has pretty much everything a man could want. His business, his library, a pretty maid who wears corsets and quarter cup bras under her nearly sheer uniform blouse and doubles as a strict personal trainer and, of course, me. His loving dominant wife and disciplinarian.

He is, of course, in his cock cage pretty much full time and his ball stretchers put that little bit of pressure on his testicles to remind him of his place. But those are minor impositions compared to the pleasure he gets from being exercised by Mady and giving me the oral attentions I so enjoy. In fact, he is entirely reconciled to a life of chastity if not celibacy - no, very definitely not celibacy. I want him erotically charged pretty much all the time.

So what to get him for Christmas? I always get him books which he loves. I suspect he would be completely happy if all he did was read in his strange trove of English literary biography and the vast garden of "uncle" books - usually history books you would give to your uncle.

Mady had asked several weeks before Christmas what we should get him and I had not really come up with an answer. But then I remembered the note I wrote about the wife who confined her husband,

"tom has always been deeply into the idea of close confinement," said my friend. "Another friend of mine was "crate training" her dog. Well, I put two and two together and when I had tom build my dressing room, I ordered a large, rather nicely made, furniture really, dog crate. Now, when tom gets on my nerves, or I want to have a nice read in bed or really for any reason at all, I have him strip to his cock cage. Then all I say is "Crate" and in he goes. It has a cute little lock but I had him add a real padlock hasp. Once he's in I go in and snap the lock shut. Then I just forget he's there. It isn't punishment exactly. And my dressing room is hardly a dungeon, but tom knows if he is sent to my dressing room he is entirely at my command. Usually, I will just crate him; but if he needs a whipping or I feel like pegging him, well everything I need is close to hand. And I got a wonderful, very girly, dressing room out of it." 

I mentioned this to Mady.

"I don't think elliot likes being confined. He hates being locked in the closet as much as I do," said Mady.

(The closet is pretty much my most severe punishment. Very simple. It is just what looks for all the world like a broom closet which has been lined with sound absorbent material and finished in red velvet tufting. There are ingenious ways to make the tufting conform quite closely to either elliot or Mady's rather different shapes. It is very dark and very silent with the door closed and locked. If elliot or Mady have been particularly bad I will have a good big, remote-controlled dildo inserted in up their bottom. If they have been extra naughty, they are also required to put a tiny, and I do mean tiny, bit of BenGay cream on their nipples and, if I am feeling mean, elliot has to do his scrotum and Mady her mound. And then in they go. The door locks and I set a timer. True to its advertising the BenGay can last for a couple of hours and I will remotely pulse the butt plug from time to time. They both hate the closet and I use it sparingly.)

"Not quite what I had in mind, Mady. I was thinking more along the lines of converting elliot's dressing room into a celibate's cell. Just a bed. No decoration. Perhaps, if he's lucky, a book I think he should read, mainly the same mindfulness he finds in the corner with my panties or yours," I said.

"That sounds like a great idea and a wonderful gift," said Mady.

"It does, doesn't it," I said. "I love elliot dearly but there are times when I would just like to be on my own - or with you between my legs and not a thought of elliot. I am sure you would like the occasional day off as well," I said.

"If we put a slot in the door for food we could leave him in his cell for a couple of days," said Mady.

"We could," I said.

"But, if I may, ma'am, I would not put his cell in his dressing room. There is a quite large box room I think you would call it in the hall which would be just the right size. It would fit a cot nicely and it is right beside a bathroom so the plumbing would not be a problem. And there is even a little window. It would be far enough from your bedroom that you would not need to pay any attention at all once you locked the door," said Mady. "And then I could give my mistress the pleasures only girls are really good at."

"Oh, elliot is pretty good, Mady," I said, "As you know."

So that is what elliot got for Christmas. We told the carpenter that it was a meditation room.

While I would have prefered a genuine single bed in true monastery style, the reality was that I also like clean and modern and made of steel - plus this bed frame allows me to easily have Mady chain elliot's ball stretcher to the foot of the bed. The chain is just long enough that he can get to the toilet or the door for his food.

He spent his first night in his cell a couple of days ago. There is, of course, a ritual. He showers and when he is done Mady slides a long hasped combination padlock through his ball stretcher rings and then through a piece of perfectly ordinary link chain. Mady walked elliot, in his dressing gown, to the door of his cell where I was waiting. She handed me his chain and took his dressing gown. Then she took a very pretty, short, cotton nightie  and put it over his head. It came just below his bottom and his poor caged cock was barely covered.

I walked him over to the bed where there was another length of chain wrapped around the central support.

"Darling, I've decided you need a little room of your own. Merry Christmas. Your meals will come through the slot in the door. Good Night," I said kissing him lightly on the cheek and locking the second padlock which held the chains.

There was a bolt on the outside of the door which Mady drew closed.

"I hope he likes his present," said Mady.

"So do I. Now, you, young lady have my bath to attend to and, much as I hate to say it, locking elliot away has made me very wet indeed...which you can attend to as my bath is running," I said with a big smile.

"Yes ma'am. No fear of interuption," said Mady.

"None."

Update: In comments and emails a number of my readers have asked for elliot's reaction to his cell. I let him out after a little more than 36 hours. Really just two nights and a day. But he was chained the entire time and, of course, with the soundproofing, was entirely isolated. How did it go? Here's what he said.

"Once I realized that you planned to lock me into a small room and chain me to the bed I had to assume that the Lady of the House had her reasons. I didn't feel like I was being punished, exactly. More reminded of the very fulfilling life I am allowed to lead on the other side of my cell door.

"Just as having my cock in its cage is a constant reminder that you are in complete control of my erections and what ejaculations I am permitted, being locked in the cell reminded me that the rest of my life is your gift as well."

"I quickly got used to being chained to the bed. It was surprising to feel the effect of the extra weight. Not painful, just uncomfortable. So I spent most of my time sitting on my bed. I slept and I thought about how wonderful it would be to be allowed to see you and Mady. I was silent."

"It would be nice if you could see your way to leaving a pair of your panties with me when you confine me. A reminder."

So, no ill effects. Just mindfullness. elliot is very well trained.

What is Leading in an FLR?

It may seem obvious, but a question which comes up is:

What is Leading in an FLR?

When a couple commits to a female led relationship the gentleman is simply accepting his position and agreeing to do what he is told. Usually he will also be accepting his wife or girlfriend's right to discipline him and, in many cases, her complete control over his sexual life (whether he's put in a cock cage or not). But what is the wife's commitment?

In a very real sense, before a woman decides she wants a FLR she needs to consider what she expects and how she expects to get it. Every woman will have different goals for her marriage. And every woman will have different expectations for her husband. There are, however, some common themes which run through the FLR world. For a woman to lead in her marriage she should consider at least a few of these themes as she develops as the head of her household.

The first of these themes is a view of men in general and her man in particular. Submissive men range from the very weak, differential, often effeminate, sissy boy types all the way through to the strong, hyper-masculine, take charge alphas. Different women like different types of man and a dominant woman is just as likely to find an alpha with submissive tendencies as she is to deal with the needs of a sissy boy. However, sissy, beta or alpha, submissive men share one trait in common; they are happiest in the service of a strong, demanding, dominant woman.

When a woman takes charge of her marriage (or of her boyfriend before marriage) she is essentially taking on the responsibility of guiding, training and conditioning her particular man to fulfil her desires and cater to her tastes. Genuinely submissive men - as any dominant woman will tell you - out number dominant women by at least a factor of ten (likely a factor of a hundred). Which means a woman who accepts her dominant nature is spoilt for choice. However, my impression is that many, if not most, FLR's evolve from essentially vanilla marriages in which a wife finds herself married to a man who is submissive but whose submissiveness was not a part of the original marriage bargain.

For every formal FLR, there are dozens of marriages in which a naturally dominant woman "wears the pants" and there is a rich tradition of the "hen-pecked" or "pussy whipped" husband. Women exercise a natural dominance in the home and men have usually been conditioned by their mothers to accept the female voice as the authoritative voice as soon as they come through the front door. These, informal, Female Led Relationships can work very well and can last for years without any express male submission. In fact, in my experience, in the majority of seemingly conventional marriages the actual head of household is the wife. "Honey Do" lists reflect the natural order of conventional marriages.

When a woman decides to take explicit charge of her marriage she'll often find her life is a good deal easier. Getting men to do as they are told when there is a pretense of equality in a marriage is often difficult and women often find themselves resorting to psychology, sexual bribery and plain old scolding simply to get their man to do what he obviously should do. Even the most submissive man, in a supposedly "equal" marriage will baulk at taking orders from his wife which, in turn, means, that the wife has to phrase her instructions in the form of requests or suggestions. "I think it would be a good idea for you to lose ten pounds," creates all sorts of opportunities for backchat. It is so much easier to say, "With the holidays coming up you're going to lose ten pounds. We'll start right now. You can take yourself and the dog for an hour long walk." No suggestion, no request, no negotiation and no backchat.

Men, generally, respond better to clear instructions. Orders if you like. But women are socialized away from the idea that they can give orders. Especially to men they love. One of the first steps towards leading in an FLR is for a dominant woman to tell her husband what to do and to expect him to do what he is told.

It can be a little strange at first, but the best way to approach it is to recognize that submissive men, even well trained ones, are essentially little boys at heart. They want to be told what to do by a strong, assertive woman and they want to know that there will be consequences if they do not do exactly what they are told immediately. 

Consequences are as important as clear instructions. Disobedience must be punished...either immediately or when it is convenient for the wife. I carry a rather lovely, men's wooden backed, hairbrush in my handbag. If elliot steps out of line I am quite capable of finding a convenient ladies room or dressing room and walloping him. It is quite a narrow brush so less noisy and more painful than a broader brush would be. But I am not at all worried about the sound. I prefer privacy, not for elliot's sake but for the poor women who might walk in on my sweet man with his trousers around his ankles. 

While punishment for behaviour is important, and even more important element of leadership in an FLR, is what I call conditioning. A man has to be taught his place and he must be reminded of it constantly. Whether you make your alpha hubby wear a bra and girdle under his suit or put a bit of weight on his testicles, or dress your sissy hubby up as a maid to serve you, submissive men need and like to be reminded of their position. The more they are reminded to more they realize their submission is what they have been looking for - in many cases, all their lives.

Finally, there is training. For a dominant wife "training" can take many forms. However, in my view, training is as essential as chastity for a loving, submissive, husband. This is because when you are training a man you are paying attention to him and, like a puppy, a husband loves attention. 

Taking leadership in your marriage or relationship means setting goals and standards and then using a mixture of instruction, punishment and reward to ensure that your man meets your expectations. To take a simple example, a man can and perhaps should be trained to pamper his wife. Telling him to run you a bath after dinner is easy. Of course you have to teach him how you like your bath, the temperature, bath oils or bubbles, which soap you prefer, how he is expected to rinse out the tub when you are done, where to put your damp towel and where to hang your robe. But once you have shown him once the next time you want a bath you simply tell him. Then you pay attention to how well he does. The first bath you have after he has been taught there may be a few issues but, seriously, how hard can it be? So, from that point forward, he'll be expected to get it all exactly right. The wrong soap? Water temperature incorrect, towel not neatly hung to dry? Well that is why we have shower brushes conveniently located very near the bath.

Men can and should be trained to do everything from the vacuuming to the dishes to your hand washing and your manicure. Needless to say, the same high standards and immediate punishment for failure to follow instructions are just as important in other routine tasks. And, of course, your husband needs to be trained to provide you with your own private sexual pleasure. As with anything, practice will make perfect and you should give him plenty of practice. However, even when he is between your legs, he needs to be very aware that his performance is being held to a high standard. If you feel he has not done his best, there is nothing at all wrong with sending him to his corner for a while or giving him a good caning to demonstrate your displeasure. He'll do better. Much better.

At the same time, rewarding your husband for a job well done is also a part of training him. If he is in chastity you might set up a little system where he can accumulate points and is allowed to ejaculate when he reaches a target. Putting up a chart on the fridge door with gold stars but without any labels might be fun. I enjoyed one couple's system using nothing fancier than "Go" pieces. He got a three black stones for every mistake or transgression and he got one white stone for each "reward" including any really excellent orgasms she decided were worthy. But the brilliance of the system was that it dictated both his punishments and his rewards. When he had accumulated twenty black stones would get that number of strokes from her cane or paddle that day. Twenty white stones and he was let out of his chastity and allowed three minutes to masturbate. However, she had really made it nicely balanced with two additional rules: once he reached twenty black stones he could postpone his whipping by paying a white piece a day and he could reduce the number of strokes he'd be given by paying a white stone for each forgone stroke. Good could redeem evil.

Is a Chastity Cage Essential to a successful Female Led Relationship?

Here is another question I am often asked about female led relationships:

Is a Chastity Cage Essential to a successful Female Led Relationship?

I talked about male chastity itself in an earlier answer. The fact is that one of the key elements of a female led relationship is the control of the male's sexuality. In all its forms. The dominant wife or girlfriend takes charge of her partner's sexuality as both proof of her dominant position and, just as importantly, because it is the most powerful tool she has to shape, discipline and refine her lovingly submissive man.

Ah, but do you have to lock up his little cock?

A few years ago I would have said no. But since I got elliot's first cock cage and then made the decision to keep him caged nearly all the time, I have changed my thinking a lot on the question.

I certainly think the honour system of male chastity can work for couples but the physical reality of putting your husband's cock under lock and key changes the dynamic in quite profound ways. All to the better I might add.

Restricting and controlling the male orgasm is a key element to ensuring that a man is paying close attention to the needs and desires of his wife. However, actually locking up your partner's cock and leaving him locked up for significant periods of time, alters his perspective in very important ways.

Remember, from puberty onward, your husband or boyfriend has been able to masturbate at will and to become erect for any number of reasons. A well-fitted cock cage takes away his right to masturbate and makes erections, without permission, either impossible or acutely uncomfortable. The honour system for male chastity leaves control of your husband's cock in his hands. Locking his cock up, puts the keys and the control where they belong, in your hands.

Symbolically, a cock cage is huge for the obvious reasons. However, practically, your man's submission is re-enforced every minute of every day. For example, most men prefer to pee standing up. A man in a cock cage will almost always find it easier to sit down. A locked man will still experience his morning erection but it will be a very different experience. Instead of a sort of warm horniness - often leading husbands to want sexual release before you've even brushed your teeth - a cock cage will send an instant morning reminder about who is in charge. If you have a morning routine worked out a painful erection will send your husband off to make coffee, shower and return to your service.

Being required to wear a cock cage is also a humiliating reminder for husbands and boyfriends that they have given up their sexuality to the woman they love. Now, elliot works at home and always has, but when he has to take meetings, his cock cage and ball stretcher are a constant reminder of his submission. Obviously, he is never going to be unfaithful when he is locked in his cage, less obviously, he tries to avoid any sort of sexual response at all because getting hard is not actually an option.

Leaving a submissive man uncaged means he retains at least some control over his sexuality. Men in general, and submissive men in particular need to have very strict limits set on their sexuality. For a dominant wife having her husband put on his cock cage and then locking it puts a hard limit on his sexuality. For as long as she chooses her husband is, effectively, neutered.

And all the better for it.

In fact, even men who are not in female led relationships can benefit from the control and humility a cock cage affords. Simply ordering a cage and locking up your own cock is an excellent first step in accepting your submissive nature. Finding or hiring a woman to hold your keys is the next step. Asking a girl out on a date when your cock is in its cage changes the dynamic of the relationship right from the go. As a submissive male you are not going to initiate sexual activity in any case but if the woman decides she wants to move ahead intimately, you will know you will have to tell her about your cock cage and ask her if you could please her in other ways. It is, of course, her decision but as more women realize they prefer to be the dominant partner you may find that your caged cock is actually very attractive.

Update: A number of people have written to ask if I thought all men should have to wear cock cages all the time. It is a wonderful, if wholly impractical, idea. While I have no doubt it would do men and women the world of good if men were all required to have their cocks locked up that is not going to happen. However, there is no reason at all that men, both inside and outside FLRs cannot voluntarily accept the control and discipline of a cock cage.

And wouldn't it be fun if men who have accepted the demands of a chaste life in the service of women could wear a discrete symbol of their general submission? And, yes, I am thinking of a little key pin. Imagine how delightful it would be to see a gentleman wearing such a pin and knowing that he was locked up and that he has accepted the proper male position. Imagine how delightful it will be to pin your obedient husband knowing his cock is locked up. (I've already ordered elliot's key pin.) And, of course, imagine, as a submissive male, properly locked up wearing your key pin and knowing that a select few women (and, of course, your fellow chaste males) know your actual position.

In an FLR what is the difference between discipline and punishment?

This is actually a great question about Female Led Relationships:

In an FLR what is the difference between discipline and punishment?

As the head of the household a dominant wife is responsible both for setting goals and boundaries and for ensuring that her expectations and directions are met. However, she is also responsible for creating the conditions in which her husband finds it easy to accept and enjoy his submissive position.

For the dominant wife to create those conditions she must be comfortable exercising her authority. Tell, don't ask. Setting standards, requiring respect and obedience. These are all essential to a successful, long term, FLR. However, men are astonishingly literal creatures and a smart woman asks for and receives tokens of her husband's submission. These are the simple disciplines of an FLR and they can range from plain good manners, doors held open, rising when a lady enters a room to more fundamental requirements.

For example, while I keep elliot locked in his cock cage most of the time, I will, occasionally, have Mady lay out a girdle for him to wear during the day or overnight. A good, firm, very utilitarian, long leg panty girdle in nurse's white reminds him exactly of his place. Being forced to wear such a constricting garment is deeply humiliating and "discipline" in its most basic sense. The discipline of doing what he is told and then having to wear something both feminine and somewhat uncomfortable for a few days at a time is very, very good for elliot.

The entire point of disciplining a man is to gradually, but inexorably, break him to his wife's will. While many men may, somewhat reluctantly, submit to their wives, the truly dominant wife will settle for nothing less than complete surrender. A surrender which will include chastity in most cases, the adoption of the wife's sexuality as the only sexuality within the household, and a willingness to do exactly what he is told. It is on this base of a man's unconditional surrender that the new world of a female led relationship is constructed.

In some female led relationships discipline will include regular maintenance spankings, or, more realistically as a woman has quite a difficult time putting enough force into a hand spanking, regular sessions with a hairbrush, or bath brush or even a cane. For many husbands, knowing that they will be whipped once a week whether they deserve it or not, it a key element in achieving and maintaining discipline.

I discussed punishment in an earlier post. There really is a huge difference between discipline and punishment and it is vitally important that a dominant wife understand that difference. Punishment is administered as needed to correct specific disobedience, inconsideration or outright defiance. In my view, even a hint of disobedience needs to be met with immediate and very painful consequences. There is nothing light or restrained about a punishment whipping because, in fairly short order, you want your man to be genuinely afraid of being punished. You have to be prepared to punish your husband or boyfriend for his, and the relationship's, own good.

Where a maintenance session may be quite painful and a bit unpleasant for your husband it will also be somewhat predictable. A couple of dozen swats with the bath brush is quite endurable if more than a little stingy. But when you strap your husband down for punishment he should have no idea at all what he will have to endure and for how long.

In fact, one of the biggest differences between discipline and punishment is that your husband will almost never be restrained for his discipline whereas it is often important for a husband to be restrained for punishment so that he is absolutely clear that he is helpless. Something as simple as a few zip ties (or this double handcuff zip tie) can make your husband's position very clear to him. I am, frankly, not a huge fan of more elaborate bondage in the FLR setting. Too many men have complicated bondage fantasies involving lots of expensive props and leather. If you are restraining your man you are doing it to punish, not please, him.

While a good whipping is often all it takes to correct bad behaviour sometimes you want to set a reminder for a few days or weeks. For example, while I keep elliot in a 20 mm, 340 gm ball stretcher because I like the look, I have a punishment stretcher which is 40 mm and 690 gm. I am now using magnetic versions of these devices. If elliot has to wear both and his cage he has over a kilogram of weight crushing his poor little testicles. A day or two of that and he knows he's been punished.

The point of punishment is to respond to and correct bad behaviour. Which, in turn, keeps a man mindful of his position and the discipline he has accepted in his FLR. Over time most dominant wives find they are only rarely required to punish their husbands. Because their husbands have learned the often painful lesson that there really are consequences for bad behaviour.

Why Do Men Thrive in Female Led Relationships?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Questions for A Dominant Wife

Where have you and elliot and Mady been for the last few months?

The short answer is, busy. Mady has finished her thesis and just passed her final exams. elliot has seen his business get a lot busier and I have been working on my new book about how female led marriage may be a real solution to a lot of the problems couples have.

Do you still read your emails?

We do. And often answer them. Mady is now helping me with some of my correspondence and my book. She really has moved from maid to personal assistant although I still require her to wear her corsets, quarter cup bras, sheer tops, stockings and tight skirts in the afternoons and early evenings when she is "on duty". The glimpse of her pretty nipples or stockings tops keep elliot in a pleasing state of longing arousal.

Is elliot still in his cock cage and ball stretchers?

The ball stretchers are pretty much permanent. Both Mady and I enjoy the effect of ounces of stainless steel on his poor scrotum. It is not actually terribly painful but the constant pressure reminds him of his place. At the same time, I am caging his cock less often. This is mainly for Mady's benefit. Formerly of lesbian inclination, since she has been training elliot she finds she enjoys a good ride on his Viagra stiff cock on nearly a daily basis. While it was lovely to have her come to my morning room, curtsy and ask if she might have the keys it was also rather inconvenient.

Now this does not mean elliot is allowed to come any more frequently. Quite the opposite really. Mady likes the feeling of his cock in her but she is certainly not interested in his little messes. When she rides him it is strictly for her pleasure and elliot knows he'll be severely whipped and locked up if he spills a drop. He really is like that poor 50's housewife letting her husband have her while being clueless as to her own pleasure. He is required to get hard, stay hard and lie back as Mady takes her pleasure. He tells me it is very hard not to come especially when he is required to suck on her nipples for her great enjoyment.

But there it is. Men should not be allowed to come very often and, if they are allowed, it should be in humbling circumstances or by way of prostate milking which avoids the male orgasm altogether. It keeps them on edge and far more eager to do as they are told.

Are you ever jealous of Mady?

No. In our home I lead and what I say and allow is what happens. I very much like the fact Mady puts elliot through his paces. It keeps him fresh and it allows me to focus on my own work and the very deep emotional connection I have with elliot. At the same time, there is nothing I enjoy more than seeing his sweet head bobbing between my thighs as he brings me to orgasm. Or, on other nights, requiring him to watch as Mady's sweet head bobs between my thighs as she has that delightful duty. It is really impossible to be jealous when you have all the power in a relationship. In two relationships really.

I think elliot may be a little jealous of Mady as I will often send him to his corner while Mady and I try on clothes or enjoy touching each other. But that is not, of course, any concern of mine. elliot's sole route to happiness and fulfillment is to do exactly what he is told. And he is very happy and very fulfilled.

More questions later. The nice ladies from Church are coming for tea and I want Mady to look her best.

-----

If you are thinking of taking control of your marriage or asking your wife to put you in your place, you may want to read a few of our books or buy a cock cage or ball stretching weights:

	You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.
	You can order ball stretcher for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recommend starting with a fairly light stretcher. Make sure you measure the ball sack circumference. You want the stretcher to fit snugly just above the testicles. Order here.
Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid Mady's Favourite Book
Dominant Woman  Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband Effortless Female Superiority in a Loving Marriage
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE

Thinking about a Dominant Wife Guide Book

I have been thinking about putting together a book with the working title "Dominant Wife/Alpha Husband".

The thought came to me as I was instructing one of Mady's friends on the feminine art of caning. Needless to say, elliot was in position and Mady was holding his arms as I showed her friend, Emily, the difference between a maintenance stroke and a punishment stroke. For the former it is really just a flick of the wrist, the later means you swing with your whole arm and follow through. elliot does not like punishment strokes at all. Emily was getting the hang of it and, after a dozen maintenance and half a dozen punishment strokes elliot was kicking up his heels and looking very chastened indeed. We could have gone on but I thought elliot had suffered enough.

"Take him upstairs for a shower Mady." I said putting down my dog stick (which is a nasty instrument I rarely use on elliot, or Mady for that matter.) elliot was naked except for his new stainless steel short cock cage and ball stretchers and he trotted along behind Mady enjoying her short little skirt and the fact his whipping was over. Emily and I adjourned to my sitting room and I poured us each a glass of nicely chilled chablis.

"So, what did you think of that Emily." I asked. She was a close friend of Mady's and had been curious as to Mady's remarkable transformation as she served first as my maid and, now, as my handmaid/companion. In particular, she was very interested in the entire idea of training a boyfriend or husband. I offered to let her come for a few days to see how I ran our house.

"That was so intense, ma'am." said Emily.

"What was Emily? Using a cane for the first time?" I asked.

"Well that was exciting but what was so intense is how your husband just accepted the fact he was going to be whipped." said Emily.

"I suppose it was. Truth to tell I really don't notice his obedience these days. He simply does what he is told." I said quite honestly. It had been a long time since elliot talked back or didn't obey. A very long time.

"But it is such a contrast. When I arrived yesterday there he was in his office making calls, striding up and down, doing business. And, looking at this house, a very good business. He was so "in charge". And, at supper, unless I knew what I was looking for you two seem like a somewhat formal but very loving couple. But today all that had changed." said Emily.

"Actually, Emily, nothing changed today. Which is really the point. Both modes are who elliot is. He is not pretending to be the big swinging dick business guy, he actually is, albeit with his not terribly big cock in its little cage as a reminder of his position. In fact, his complete submission actually makes him a better and more confident business man." I said.

"I guess it might ma'am, but I don't quite see how you go about turning that sort of man into a well trained boyfriend, much less a submissive husband."

"It is not obvious, is it? And I suspect it is not obvious because you are seeing it as "turning" a man into something he was not. I don't think that is the way it works. Some men, and my research on Mistresses and on Escorts, tells me that "some" is really quite a few, have a submissive streak. Of course, the more alpha they are the more reluctant they are to admit it; but a clever girl can usually figure it out. And that submissive streak is fully integrated - if deeply suppressed - in their personality. So that is the raw material and, as I did with elliot, you have to look hard to see what a man actually wants, actually needs." I said pondering whether or not to tell Emily that at the beginning of our marriage I was the one who went over elliot's lap.

"And how do you find a man with that temperament?" asked Emily.

"Well, you are a pretty girl, smart, nicely put together: I suspect you are asked out regularly." I said.

"I am. But not by a lot of men I see as alphas. Lots and lots of betas." said Emily with a laugh.

"I won't start giving dating advice but if you are looking for salmon don't fish a trout stream. Having an integrated personality tends to correlate with intelligence and that means you are more likely to meet a real alpha in a bookstore than in a night club." I said. "And the nice thing about bookstores is that you can see what a man is looking at and gather quite a lot of information. Same with things like public lectures. But not the New Agey sorts of lectures - just by showing up to a lecture on getting in touch with your inner self a man has already admitted he is not well integrated - look for things like urban planning or science. Or work on a political campaign. Lots of smart ambitious men will put in time in the "back rooms" of political organizations."

"But where ever you are, stand a bit aloof. Be a bit unreachable. There is nothing wrong with a woman being a bit stand offish. Dress, make-up, shoes...they all matter and they all signal. You want to look very, very, expensive. Which is really about natural fibres, simple, modest design and really working on your posture - a corset, as Mady shows so wonderfully, helps a lot. Mady might lend you one for dinner this evening."

"That would be lovely. I love her's."

"Mady turns out to be a girl who loves the security being tight laced brings. Other girls find corsets suffocating. We'll see this evening which sort of girl you are." I said lightly.

"So there I am, looking very expensive and the proverbial tall, dark and handsome stranger looms on my horizon...what then?" asked Emily.

"He'll likely make a bit of conversation and, if you are interested, you wait until he suggests drinks, dinner and such like. At which point you run a little test." I said.

"A test?"

"Yes, and I have to admit I did not come with this on my own but a very dear and dominant friend of mine swears it sets just the right tone. Once he asks, you tell him which day, what time and where you will be going. Note the word "tell". Right from the beginning, you are telling this man what he is to do. It will seperate the sheep from the goats rather quickly. My friend ended up marrying a lovely man who, when she gave him his instructions on first meeting, said "Yes ma'am." and has been saying it ever since." I said and Mady and elliot rejoined us. I asked them both to sit down which Mady did at once, heedless of the fact her little maid's skirt rode up over her stockings tops. It must have been a very stimulating shower as her pretty pink nipples were quite visibly erect under her sheer blouse. elliot said, "If it is all the same to you, dear, I think I stand for a little while longer. Emily is a quick learner."

We all laughed and passed on to other things.

But I realized that what I had been discussing with Emily and have discussed previously with Mady, might make a rather useful source book for ladies, young or not, who wanted to take the lead in their relationships with men. We'll see what I come up with.

-----

If you are thinking of taking control of your marriage or asking your wife to put you in your place, you may want to read a few of our books or buy a cock cage or ball stretching weights:

	You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.
	You can order ball stretcher for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recommend starting with a fairly light stretcher. Make sure you measure the ball sack circumference. You want the stretcher to fit snugly just above the testicles. Order here.
Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid Mady's Favourite Book
Dominant Woman  Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband Effortless Female Superiority in a Loving Marriage
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE

A Chastity Question

Dear Miss Jay,

I have been married for three years and have "led" our marriage since our honeymoon when I first took my husband over my knee on the second night. My husband is very obedient, trustworthy and understands that, in our marriage, his sexuality is entirely subordinate to mine. I am not a big fan of penetrative sex so he has only been allowed to enter me twice since we married. I allow him to masturbate, in the bathroom, once a month which seems to me to be more than enough.

Recently I have noticed he is becoming erect and, worse, "dribbling" and even having nocturnal emissions. I am quite sure this has effected his behaviour despite knowing he derives no pleasure from these lapses. They still represent unconscious disobedience and I would like to nip this in the bud. The whole point of having a chaste husband is to ensure that what pleasure he gets depends completely on my assessment of his performance in his marital duties.

I read your blog and know that you keep your husband in a cock cage. I have thought of putting my husband in such a device but I wondered if the fact his cock is in a cage might not be making too much of his male member. Drawing attention as it were. What are your thoughts?

A Young Wife

It is an interesting question. Obviously, putting man's cock in a silicon or metal cage, locking it and keeping the key means you are paying more attention to that little cock than you might prefer. However, I find that once elliot is locked up I pretty much forget about his cock after a day or two. Now, from his perspective, between his silicone cock cage and his heavy stainless steel ball stretchers, he never forgets the loss of his cock.

He tells me that the silicone cock cage ensures that his cock feels nothing. None of the normal friction that men, from the time they are little boys, find so enjoyable. When he gets hard - which is quite often as I micro dose him with Viagra - his little cock strains against the cage and can look quite painful if Mady or I tease him. But I have him in a small cage and this makes it impossible for him to have a full erection.

Most importantly, the cage ensures he cannot touch his cock directly. I suspect your husband, perhaps unconsciously, touches his penis dozens of times a day. Most men do. In these permissive times, young men are not corrected for this sort of behaviour and masturbation - to emission or not - is seen as healthy rather than disgusting. As a wife it is your responsibility to teach your husband how a gentleman should behave. You are certainly on the right track. If you do not enjoy penetrative sex then that is, and should be, the end of that story. And you are quite right to confine your husband's emissions to the bathroom. Monthly, for a younger man, is difficult but certainly not impossible. (I do hope you treat his monthly mess as a chore on your list rather than any sort of big thing. A well-trained husband will come to associate ejaculation with humiliation which will increase your control.)

Introducing a cock cage into the discipline of your husband is an excellent idea even if it carries a bit of an initial risk of concentrating too much attention on your husband's obviously redundant cock. That risk has to be weighed against the reward of knowing your husband will no longer have any of the passive male excitements a free cock enjoys. He will be even more dependent upon you for what little direct sexual pleasure he will enjoy in the years ahead.

Now, that said, a cock cage, in itself, does not ensure a husband will behave properly. Restricting your husband's direct sexual pleasure is only a part of the discipline a properly dominant wife deploys. As I am sure you know, a regular course of whippings, humiliations and teasing as well as ensuring he pleasures you as required, will make for a thoroughly docile and loving submissive husband. In time he will understand and cherish his place beneath your heels. Caging his cock is simply a lasting reminder of your husband's complete surrender of his will to yours. It should not be the only reminder.

-----

If you are thinking of taking control of your marriage or asking your wife to put you in your place, you may want to read a few of our books or buy a cock cage or ball stretching weights:

	You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.
	You can order ball stretcher for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recommend starting with a fairly light stretcher. Make sure you measure the ball sack circumference. You want the stretcher to fit snugly just above the testicles. Order here.
Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid Mady's Favourite Book
Dominant Woman  Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband Effortless Female Superiority in a Loving Marriage
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE

Sex and the Chaste Husband

I often chat with Mady as she helps me with my bath. (And, frankly, I had never thought I needed or would enjoy "help" with my bath but it is a total treat to be washed generally and intimately by a pretty young girl in a see-through top, a demi-cup bra and a little pleated skirt which, just to tease elliot, I have her wear at stockings tops length.) And this morning, as she was drying me, she asked, "Don't you like having sex with Sir at all?"

Given that "Sir" has been locked up in his cock cage since Christmas and that he now has two permanent ball stretching stainless steel rings in place, it was not an unreasonable question. But I think I surprised her with my answer.

"I love sex with my sweet husband Mady. He is skilful, attentive, and, as you know, will lick you for as long as you like. But I don't think it is good for a man, any man, to have penetrative sex with a women except under quite unusual circumstances. For example, when you are making or renewing your vows, it is important for you to feel entirely owned, and elliot's little cock in your vagina, your bottom and your mouth is wonderfully symbolic. And, of course, if I decided to breed you, we could do the whole A Handmaid's Tale and I could cradle you while elliot took the necessary strokes. And, come to think of it Mady, that might be fun even if I was not breeding you."

"It might ma'am, if you would enjoy it. But I have never found having a cock in me particularly fun except, as you say, symbolically. For me to be your bondswoman I needed to feel completely surrendered and completely taken. It's too bad elliot is quite small. I have never had a really decent sized cock in me, maybe I would enjoy it more." said Mady on her knees patting my bottom and nether regions dry.

"Well you might, or, speaking from experience, you might not. An obedient, well trained man can give his wife, or her maid, far more pleasure with his tongue than even the best endowed, unbroken, man can. It is really all a matter of the symbolism and, frankly, desire. I will occasionally want to feel a bit full and there is nothing easier than having elliot lie with his hands under his bottom while I give him a good seeing to. You should certainly try it. But it has been years since I have let him get on top of me. That is not his position." I said stepping into my panties and letting Mady draw them up my legs.

"I might try that ma'am. Do you come that way?"

"Rarely. But once I have enjoyed his little cock for a while I just turn around and take full advantage of the female superior position. Have you had him service your backdoor? He is really very good at it and he can make his tongue hard enough to slide right in you. If you haven't tried you should. But once he's been in your backdoor make him rinse before you let him anywhere near your pussy. I usually just send him off to his corner and finish myself. The point being that we have plenty of sex. Or, more exactly, I have plenty of sex which is how a well run female led marriage should be. Sex as often as I want it."

"Isn't it terribly frustrating for Sir?" asked Mady.

"Of course it is, and all the more so with your perky little nipples getting all hard whenever there is a draft. Plus, of course, his little microdose of Viagra to stiffen him up. And that is exactly how it should be. A man in chastity should be reminded of his emasculation regularly. He is not like other men. His cock is under lock and key. He is allowed to long to have sex, be filled with lust, desperately want to come as other men do rather than being milked occasionally or having his wife's maid peg him just for fun. But he can't. And that makes him more obedient, more docile, more attentive and, frankly, much more attractive." I said.

"So you like him to be horny all the time?" said Mady.

"Well, men are aren't they. They waste a good deal of time and attention thinking about sex. But once you lock a man up, whip him regularly and make him pleasure you when you feel like pleasure, instead of thinking about sex, he thinks about you. He thinks about how he might please you enough to be let out of his cage, even if it is just for strokes with no chance of actually coming. It takes a while but, eventually, a really well trained man keeps his sexual interest but understands and accepts that he will never again be allowed to express it. Now he'll be all about his wife and her pleasure."

"He is certainly attentive when he goes down on me." said Mady blushing slightly.

"As he should be. Most men are lucky, as they get older, to have one woman to pleasure. elliot has two. He can't believe his luck. Now let's get those stockings on. We have the altar guild for lunch at noon. You'll be serving and, much as I enjoy your day uniform, I fear you will have to change as well. Can't frighten the horses."

Mady bent to her task of sliding the stockings up my legs and fastening the six garter tabs. She was learning.

-----

If you are thinking of taking control of your marriage or asking your wife to put you in your place, you may want to read a few of our books or buy a cock cage or ball stretching weights:

	You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.
	You can order a ball stretcher for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recommend starting with a fairly light stretcher. Make sure you measure the ball sack circumference. You want the stretcher to fit snugly just above the testicles. Order here.
Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid Mady's Favourite Book
Dominant Woman  Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband Effortless Female Superiority in a Loving Marriage
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE

Basics

As I write my darling husband is standing naked except for his cock cage and ball stretchers in his corner with a pair of my panties being pushed into the corner with his nose. He seems to be very happy in his corner thinking of the woman he loves and obeys.

We had a lovely Christmas and a deliciously decadent New Years. Mady served at Christmas but she joined us for New Years dinner and elliot served. He looked wonderful in nothing but a long black cotton waiter's apron. Mady and I got a bit tipsy and once elliot had served us desert and as we waited to toast the New Year, he spent the evening under the table putting his talented tongue to good use. It is one of the great pleasures of a wife led marriage that I can tell elliot to service me without feeling any obligation to reciprocate. We could see him getting all hard in his cage when we let him join us to toast the New Year. Which is perfect because there is no point in having a man in chasitity who does not actually, desperately, want to use his little cock.

Mady particularly likes elliot's oral attentions and she goes off like a string of firecrackers. It is lovely to see her pretty nipples erecting and then, with a quick cry, she'll come and flush all over her neck and clavicles. But she won't release elliot. She just reaches down, pushes his head back for a moment while she resets and then pulls his mouth towards her pussy for a second or a sixth round. And she loves the fact I am watching. She's a show-off.

You should have seen her outfit: just a semi-sheer black tunic top that barely covered her stockings tops and a well laced underbust corset. No panties and I could easily see her lovely little pussy rings, five a side, and her diamond padlock holding her chastity chain in place. Her pierced and locked cunt gets wonderfully wet and I left her clit hood unlocked on New Years so she could really enjoy herself.

Of course elliot loves his service. Why wouldn't he. As well as seeing to my pleasure, though I am not nearly so uninhibited and my slutty little maid, with my full permission and, indeed instruction, he is allowed to taste and pleasure a young, very beautiful, girl. No, he is not allowed to put his caged cock anywhere near her. But, then again, he really isn't allowed to use his little cock at all so it is not really an issue.

So another year begins. My lovely husband in his corner and my pretty maid downstairs making my tea as my bath runs.

Just the basics.

Perfect.

-----

If you are thinking of taking control of your marriage or asking your wife to put you in your place, you may want to read a few of our books or buy a cock cage or ball stretching weights:

	You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.
	You can order ball stretcher for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recommend starting with a fairly light stretcher. Make sure you measure the ball sack circumference. You want the stretcher to fit snugly just above the testicles. Order here.
Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid Mady's Favourite Book
Dominant Woman  Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband Effortless Female Superiority in a Loving Marriage
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE

And Suddenly It's Christmas

Yes, we have been remiss on the blogging front and, honestly, so much has happened in my little family that it will take several posts to cover our evolutions.

Part of my role as head of our household is to balance elliot's need for discipline and submission against my own particular tastes. Which had been relatively easy because he long ago accepted the fact that just as there is only one sexuality which matters at our house, mine, there is also only one decision maker, me. As long as he remembers his position everything goes smoothly.

To remind him of his place I put him in chastity a year and a half ago. His little cock cage cost all of $20 and has been worth every penny. While I started out locking him up a couple of days or a week at a time, he soon grew used to being denied any sensation at all in his little cock and I decided that being locked up needed to be his normal state. Over the summer, while I thought about releasing him because the heat was uncomfortable, the level of control the cock cage afforded meant I decided to keep him locked up. I have a key and Mady has a key. We very rarely use them.

Quite honestly, I can't imagine a dominant wife not keeping her husband locked up pretty much all the time. For sexual pleasure a girl has vibes, her sweet little maid's tongue and, of course, elliot's remarkably proficient tongue. From time to time I like to have a few strokes from his always hard little cock and it is very easy to unlock him before I take my pleasure and then lock him back up. elliot knows he will be giving me strokes when he sees the bucket of ice water I have Mady put beside my bed. I enjoy the feeling of his little cock all hard and urgent in me but it has been months since I let him actually come in me. No, when I am getting close I have him climb down off the bed and put his hard little cock and his now nicely stretched balls with their stainless steel stretching rings into the ice water to shrink his erection while I am coming. Then it is back in his cage. It is terribly frustrating but it keeps his attention focused where it should be, on my pleasure and his obedience.

I have to admit I was a bit sceptical about the ball stretching weights. Quite honestly I didn't care whether his testicles hung low or high. But I am now a complete convert. Ball stretchers, which you can get from Amazon believe it or not, come in various sizes. I started elliot out with a single, 4.5 ounce, 10mm x 30mm ring. Again, I thought I would have him wear it for a few days. But it turns out that I love the look and, perhaps most importantly, the stretcher works incredibly well with his cock cage. With the stretcher on there is simply no way the cage will come off without my key.

Of course, being more than a little mischievous, I decided that if he could accept 4.5 ounces, another ring of the same weight could not hurt and Mady tightened the hex screw on elliot's second ring at the beginning of August. As a little celebration, I let elliot, once the ring was in place, service Mady. (That's what she like to call it when elliot is allowed to penetrate her. Because of all the training - both shoulder riding and dog cart pulling, she tells me she like to think of elliot as a stallion put out to stud. When I pointed out that this would put her in the position of a "mare" being covered, she smiled and said, "Or a very naughty girl." Mady has a delightfully dirty mind.)

Then, a few weeks ago, I bought a new 20mm x 30mm 9.7 ounce ring. The wonderful thing about these ball stretching rings is that they stack perfectly. Having over a pound of weight on his balls is a bit uncomfortable for elliot just now. He will get used to it but, for the moment, I only have him wear all his rings for church and when we have guests. Between his cock cage and his rings he has quite a package under his nice wool trousers. And, in case you are wondering, his scrotum has indeed stretched.

Christmas is a wonderful time to introduce a man to chastity. A nice cock cage under the "adult" tree is a great way for a dominant wife to make sure her husband know just where he stands going into the New Year. And, with or without a chastity cage, a man who has a gentle but noticeable pressure on his balls will remember exactly who has her ring where it really counts. Quite honestly, I don't know why I didn't put elliot into chastity and stretch his balls long ago.

As I said to Mady, "Men really do prefer doing what they are told, being disciplined and never being allowed to initiate intimacy. It frees up their brain to do their jobs, make money and love the woman who owns them." Mady, of course, agrees. We didn't ask elliot.

-----
If you are thinking of taking control of your marriage or asking your wife to put you in your place, you may want to read a few of our books or buy a cock cage or ball stretching weights:

	You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.
	You can order ball stretcher for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recommend starting with a fairly light stretcher. Make sure you measure the ball sack circumference. You want the stretcher to fit snugly just above the testicles. Order here.
Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid Mady's Favourite Book
Dominant Woman  Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband Effortless Female Superiority in a Loving Marriage
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE