Can a FLR save my marriage?

Another question which comes to me a lot is:

Can a FLR save my marriage?

Wouldn't that be great. Just put the wife in charge of the marriage and all will be well. Unfortunately, it is a bit of wishful thinking.

What a FLR can do and do very well is ensure that a marriage will not need saving. When you look at the common causes of marriages breaking down they tend to be, in no particular order, money, sex, unpleasant personal habits and infidelity. To which I will add the self-silencing of wives. More on that below.

As you might expect, if you put your husband in a good, sturdy, cock cage (and I am going to try this one with the cute little electric shock feature for elliot's next chastity device) the infidelity issue tend to disappear. Practically, it is more than a little difficult to persuade Gillian from HR to have a quickie if the required equipment is under lock and key. However, far more importantly, a good cock cage deadens the sensations which keep men on high alert for sexual opportunity. Plus, the fact a man has given his wife control of his "little brain" means that the slight discomfort the chastity device causes occasionally is a reminder of his submission.

Keeping a man chaste also goes a long way to addressing the "sex issue". In vanilla marriages, sex is an issue because of the differing libidos and desires of the partners. Many men seem to feel entitled to sex of some sort when and where they want it. Other men are unwilling to please their wives orally or will insist on ejaculating or pressuring their wives to pretend to enjoy "porn star" penetration. In an FLR, there is only one sexuality in the marriage: the wife's. And, of course, there can also be the issue of a husband's lack of desire. Especially as men get older they can lose interest.

I believe that the cornerstone of a female led relationship is the woman's total control over her husband or boyfriend's sexuality. A cock cage is best but even absent a cage, a man needs to understand that his sexual desires are to conform to his wife's needs. Period. If you don't want to cage your male then the next best thing is to punish, quite strictly, any suggestive language or uncalled for erections. A good long handled wooden bathbrush sitting innocently in the shower can be employed quickly and effectively. The words "hit the shower" will take on new meaning when your husband knows he will be spanked until his erection goes away with a few extra strokes as a reminder. In fact, the firm application of the bathbrush over a few weeks will have him begging for a cock cage.

The longer a man is denied any release the more frustrated and anxious to please he becomes. elliot was just back from a trip last night and, for fun, this morning I had him spend a happy half hour using his clever tongue. Then I sent him to his corner with a pair of perfectly juicy panties. I came, he got as hard as his cage would let him. I was delightfully satisfied. He was deeply grateful to have been allowed to lick me.

The sex issue is not an issue; it is a matter of a woman taking charge of her own sexual enjoyment and, frankly, rationing very strictly her husbands orgasms - if she lets him have any at all they have to be earned.

Which leads to the third and fourth issues. Properly disciplined a submissive husband will never have any odious habits. He'll be showed and shaved on the schedule you set. He will ask permission before having a beer or a glass of wine. He will stay at the weight you decide is best for him and exercise to ensure he avoids the dreaded Dad bod. A dominant wife with a fat husband is a contradiction in terms. Most women enjoy being enfolded in good, strong arms. In this day and age, that means working out. Not too hard, but regularly. Part of his training is to keep himself desirable for you even if you rarely allow him the pleasure of sex. He needs to know that you are proud of him, see him as your arm candy with all that implies.

As to money, in an FLR, the wife sets goals and expects those goals to be met. The money your husband earns should be automatically deposited to an account which only you control. Of course it makes sense for him to have a small allowance and a credit card for emergencies. But every week, when he comes to you for his allowance it is very important that he account for every penny. (I like to have elliot either naked or in a pretty bum baring girdle when he makes his financial report. Sometimes I invite Mady.) If you, as the Lady of the House, control the money there will be no arguments.

I use much the same method to set realistic goals on a quarterly basis. How much he needs to earn, how much to be saved or invested (in my name of course) and how much we will have to spend. These are important decisions and in an FLR they are my decisions. And of course, with the goal setting meeting comes either a reward - usually an ejaculation, sometimes a little more - or a punishment. A good cane can ensure better results next quarter. I keep a suede handled rattan cane by the fireplace in elliot's office for these performance reviews. It is a little heavier than my normal cane and elliot hates underperforming.

Last but not least, self silence. Biting your tongue. Putting up with things to keep the marriage going. The number of women I meet at church or at parties who will tell me about this or that character flaw in their husbands but will never tell their husbands is staggering. I am often tempted to carry an inexpensive wooden hairbrush in my bag and simply hand it to the poor things and say, "This will change everything." And it will.

In an FLR the wife has the last word. When she says, "Not another word." she can back it up with anything from a brief timeout in his corner to a full scale whipping with multiple instruments with her husband tied down. A well trained, well-disciplined husband learns to listen, carefully, to whatever his wife says. He learns to do exactly what he is told and to do nice things without being asked. It takes a while, but with a firm focus, any wife or girlfriend can train her man to first obey and then, as his life improves, surrender.

The time to save your marriage is long before it needs saving.

Tease

If you decide to lock your husband in a cock cage as I have done you need to remember that his humiliation will be all the more complete and his obedience more ingrained if you remind him of his position.

As elliot relates at his blog, this morning I was in the mood for a little penetrative pleasure before I enjoyed myself. If there is one thing I can count on it is that first thing in the morning elliot's small, but perfectly adequate, cock will be ready. More than ready really.

It was delightful to unlock him, watch his cock spring to attention and have him lie with his hands behind his back while I enjoyed the delightful feeling of having a cock in me. elliot knows that he is allowed to rise to meet my thrusts but he is not allowed to thrust on his own. We call these strokes and I like to give them to him ten at a time. I left his ball stretcher on as I like the look of the stainless steel cuff. He's been locked up for a few days so, not wanting him to come, I gave him twenty strokes and sent him to his corner with my moist panties while I finished what I had started. Bliss.

All the more so because, unless I pinch his nipples, elliot knows he is not allowed to come. As I played with myself I could see his rather firm butt cheeks clenching as his little cock tried for relief. He knows he is not allowed to touch himself so there was no chance he'd come.

In fact, when I rang for Mady to lock him back in his cage his erection had subsided.

As Mady led him to his cold shower I motioned him over to my side of the bed and gave him a very deep kiss.

"Later." was all I said.

Morning Pleasures

One of the most delightful moments in my day is when, having woken up, had Mady serve coffee in bed and having sent elliot to his corner, I contemplate what I would enjoy. Most mornings a second cup of coffee and a relaxing bath before dressing is exactly what I want. But some mornings, like today, I am in the mood for a my dear elliot's oral attentions.

Even in his cock cage elliot is a remarkably sexual creature and, for the past couple of years, I have directed almost all his sexual attention to becoming really, really good orally. As any woman will tell you, it is difficult to teach a man how to lick and suck well because, I am afraid, most men are in too much of a hurry to get to what they regard as the main event.

Here, of course, is where a long term female led relationship is so perfect. elliot knows his sexual urges don't matter at all. He knows that is not changing. He knows that his little cock is going to stay in its cage for months on end because I don't want him distracted. (I had thought Mady might ask for his key but she tells me she is quite content without...poor elliot. And speaking of Mady, she complimented me a few days ago on the fact that elliot's oral technique with her is proof practice makes perfect. She is such a clever girl to compliment me and not elliot. She knows it's the trainer who deserves the credit.)

For a man in elliot's position being allowed to lick my pussy and, delicately, suck on my hard little clitty is nearly always the closest thing to sex he'll have. He almost always gets a really agonizing hard on when he is licking me. This morning I wanted to lie back and watch his head bobbing up and down as he moved me towards orgasm. Some days I prefer to kneel over him so I can lower my pussy over his face, but this morning I was delciously wet and I wanted him to concentrate on my clitoris which is easier to do when I am on my back.

For many women asking for sex is complicated by the fact that their boyfriend or husband has to be in the mood as well. I have no such complications. I just, conversationally, said to my humble husband "That's enough time in your corner, come here and lick my pussy." I spread my legs and he got to work. This morning I had him lick me right to orgasm which happens about a third of the time. The rest of the time, once he has obediently brought me close I send him back to his corner and finish in privacy. Often with my hand. However, some mornings, I will tell elliot to warm up my favorite vibrator while he is licking me. Then, when I send him back to his corner he will hear a pleasing hum.

Whether I come in his mouth or with my hand or vibe, I have trained elliot to be ready to lick me clean and then dry when I am done. I love to watch him taking the moisutre from my clit and lips and swallowing as he goes. I make sure to praise him for giving me my pleasure and, if he is very lucky, I will squeeze his big, full balls or pinch his nipples a little to remind him of his place. A place he loves.

Spring is Around the Corner

What fun! Cocktails on the deck under the umbrella. (Served by elliot until we manage to find a maid.) Pretty dresses and play suits. Bare legs.

Giving elliot a really severe whipping has made all the difference in the world. It has cleared the air and reminded him of his place. And it reminded me not to neglect his discipline.

I was amused to see in February clever wives and obedient husbands bought more than a dozen cock cages through our link. I suspect a number of wives will be in for a very pleasant surprise once their husbands have accepted that their cocks have "disappeared" except when the lady of their house might have some use for them.

I have been looking at getting a strap-on for elliot to use when I want my greater pleasure but don't want to let him out of his cage. It would be deliciously humiliating to send him to his corner while I finished myself off and telling him to strap on a good big cock to pleasure me with. What fun...

Wife in Charge

I have had several emails and social media messages from both men and women asking how elliot and I have come to our female led marriage. elliot has written a bit about it at his blog, here and here and that is a good start.

From my own perspective I am not naturally dominant in the sense of wanting to boss people around. Instead, I like to have people, particularly my husband, work very hard to please me. Which is not, I must say, all that difficult to do.

At the same time, very early on in our marriage I made it clear to elliot that, at least in the bedroom, I was in charge. Too many women put up with mediocre sex too often. I was more experienced than my lovely alpha man and I knew he needed training. So, I began by cutting him off entirely after about six months. No sex for a month focuses a man's attention. Then I began our current regime where he is allowed to have sex when I want the greater pleasure his little cock can sometimes bring.

What this did was put him on my sexual cycle. The only time he had any hope of ejaculating was when I was on heat. The rest of the time, while I would have him pleasure me with his tongue and fingers from time to time, his cockette was entirely irrelevant. (Caging him has only underscored my control.) A man allowed to ejaculate only a few times a year is a very attentive man.

It was a natural progression to both punishing him and whipping him to remind him of his place and he learned to accept his whippings as a near substitute for the sexual satisfaction he was denied. He actually gets quite broody when he's not been whipped for a week. Over a year, while he might ejaculate a dozen times, he'll be whipped at least forty. Whipping makes a huge improvement in elliot's attitude and puts a bounce in his step.

Humiliations like corner time, his little black cock cage and having to wear a girdle during the day or a nightie to bed, simply re-enforce the fact that I am in complete charge in our marriage. Special attention like nipple clips or having to push his steel rod up his backdoor add a bit of surprise to the mix.

The wonderful thing about a wife led marriage is that elliot is completely focused on me and what I require. And, of course, I pay strict attention to elliot. At the most basic level after years of marriage, we each are devoted to each other. The femdom element and the fact elliot is chaste means that we both live on a bit of sexual edge which many of our contemporaries' marriages seem to have lost.

When a wife is in charge of her marriage she has no choice but to pay close attention to her own desires while ruthlessly curbing her husband's. More than once I have whipped elliot simply because he was getting all hot and bothered and I was not in the mood. A well whipped man standing in his corner with his nose pressed in your panties is actually a pretty sexy sight and, I have to admit, I have occasionally whipped elliot just so I could take myself in hand for my own pleasure as he stood so obediently. Which is, of course, my perfect right and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Much better

It is really true that a man locked in chastity is a lot more attentive and obedient. In fact, elliot is positively looking for ways to please me.

I have been a bit distracted recently but this morning I was in the mood for a lovely submissive husband bringing me tea in bed, cleaning up the kitchen, spending time with a nice moist pair of my panties in his corner and then pleasuring me until I was ready to have a glorious orgasm.

I've taken to having him retreat to his corner when I am close. I love watching him push his nose in my panties and, if not for his cock cage, get harder and harder as he hears me coming to the edge and falling over. So that is exactly what happened.

After I had throughly enjoyed his very skillful tongue - he just gets better at licking and sucking my pussy, not to mention sliding a couple of very clean fingers right into me - off he went in his adorable little cage. It didn't take me long to come and when I had I lay back and sipped my tea.

"You can get into position now." He knelt on the bed and I took my time bringing my medium rattan cane down hard against his ass. I wanted welts and I got them. When I was done I sent him back downstairs to freshen my tea. He was very grateful.

Calm and then a bit of Amusement

A little later I am going to sink into the lovely hot bath Elliot will draw for me. I have this month's big thick Vogue Magazine and by that point a glass of bubbly wine will be a delight.

I suspect I'll send Elliot to his corner while I am in my bath. It will, I'll bet, be a welcome relief to peel off the girdle he's been wearing since the beginning of the month. Next week, until he loses those pesky last five pounds he'll have to wear the firm girdle during the day and a lighter girdle to bed. Those last few pounds are always the hardest to lose and Elliot needs incentive.

I am leaving the question of locking his little cockette up to my readers. I have this rather elegant cock cage on my wishlist at Amazon. If you want Elliot to be locked in chastity under his girdle all you need to do is click on the link. I don't think he'll like being locked up but I think it is something I would like to try on him. Needless to say he has no choice in the matter and I will be instructing him to post this on his blog as well.

So now, another couple of hours of work and then the bliss of a bath and then, if he's lucky, I suspect I will indulge myself before cocktails with his very clever tongue and my stylish vibrator. (By the way, I cannot say enough nice things about this vibe. It is simple, elegant, powerful and sleek. I've had it for years and while I have other toys this is the one I require Elliot to bring to me most often. As a piece of humiliation magic, having your husband bring you your vibrator and then have to go and stand, naked, with his back towards you, hard as a rock in his corner listening to the purr of the vibe where his tongue has just been is fabulous.)

Once he has got me wet I'll have him put his girdle back on and fix hors d'oeurves. He has not come for ages and I think I might let him over the weekend. But not before cocktails.

Well Finally....

Obedient Husband: Elegant Female Led Marriage

I hate the type on the cover....Elliot is going to have to redesign it but now this will be the rare, first state, version of the second volume of our journey into a female led marriage. I hope you enjoy reading about it as much as I have enjoyed living it.

You don't need a Kindle to read Kindle books. You can go here to download a reader for a PC or here for Macs.

I had a lovely time earlier this morning. Elliot was very clever with his tongue and quite meek about going to his new corner with my panties while I finished. I like him to listen but not watch. I think he was a little disappointed that I was not in the mood for greater pleasure and simply finished by myself and got on with my day. As it should be I think. Going three or four weeks without ejaculating is very good for him. Especially as he is taking low dose Viagra and is hard half the day.

A Reward?

Silly Boy.

My Darling has been especially good these past few weeks. So good that, despite the fact that only a few days ago, after I had him lick me nearly to completion, then sent him to his corner while I finished and then let him come in me, I told him he was going to get "A Reward".

And he has been panting after me ever since. Which is sweet but also a bit annoying. He thinks he might get a blow job....as if. What I am thinking of is letting him pull himself off into his cup after his maintenance whipping this afternoon.

We'll see. But if he asks one more time he'll be getting 18 strokes rather than the usual dozen for maintenance.

Silly Man

I see from my darling's blog that he is hoping I will need his little cock soon...As if.

But I am certainly looking forward to his talented tongue. What he seems to be unaware of is that I just got this wonderful little vibe from Amazon.

Once in a while I like to feel him inside me. But a little goes a very long way. Much better to have him pleasure me orally and then go to his corner with my nice wet panties while I come properly without all that mess.

I love watching the look on his face when, after he has kissed and licked me for half an hour I say, "Beautiful, darling, now go to your corner and I'll finish." Loving disappointment and complete obedience: what more could a wife want?

Even after his whipping and my letting him come, my darling husband is still very eager for sex. I'm not.

Like many women I have a cycle of desire; but unlike my girlfriends who feel they have to "service" their husbands even when they are not at their sexual peak, as a dominant wife I can just ignore my darling's urges until I am ready.

Over the years I have taught him to accept his chastity as his natural state. He has been trained to only come when his nipples are clamped tight between my fingernails and to regard his maintenance whippings as essentially the closest he gets to sex three weeks a month.

But during the one week I am in the mood he knows my satisfaction, my pleasure, always trumps any chance he might have at completion. If he pleases me, is completely obedient, then, for my greater pleasure and after I have come, I sometimes let him take strokes in my pussy. And, once in a while, I will pinch his dear little nipples and let him make his mess inside me.

But not often. It has taken quite a while to train him to accept the fact that in our marriage only my sexual feelings matter. I don't want to ruin his training so he'll just have to wait. But I might grant him his wish and send him to his corner with my wonderfully scented panties.

Punishment and then Pleasure

I have been having great fun with my sweetie licking my pussy every morning and flirting with him all day. He really is getting very good at pleasing me.

But I have also been enjoying the entirely platonic attentions of my landlord, a delightful older gentleman who enjoys the company of a pretty, much younger, woman. He has a lovely old Jaguar and enjoys driving me where ever I tell him to go. His reward is to take me for a glass of wine and, if I am feeling a bit naughty, I'll model a negligee or pretty bra for him. It drives my poor husband crazy and, I am sorry to say, he forgot his place and was quite angry with me last night.

I should have sent him to his corner immediately and given him a whipping then and there but, unfortunately, circumstances did not permit. I sent him to bed.

This morning he was contrite; but contrite was not going to let him escape his whipping. I had him lie over the end of our tall bed. "Darling, I will not be kept in a golden cage. For me love is freedom and freedom love. You need to remember that. It is not your place to respond to my behaviour, much less get angry."

I did not warm him up at all. First I gave him a round dozen medium strokes with my wonderful plastic wand. He was vocalizing a bit by the last three or four. I then stopped.

"Just so we're clear darling, I enjoy the attentions of our landlord. He is a lovely man. And one of the reasons I am so wet for you is that he makes me feel very desirable. In this case I am quite certain nothing will happen; however, that is my choice. You have nothing to say about it. Now, just to remind you..."

I swung the cane a long way back and brought it down on his already red bottom with a hiss. As it struck the flesh a white line appeared and, as I drew the wand back for the second stroke a welt began to form. I was determined to make my point and I swung, hard, five more times. He squirmed hard and groaned with each stroke. When I was done his bottom showed six, clear, red welts across a field of crimson.

"Now, get up on the bed and lie on your back." He hastened to comply.

I straddled him with my bottom towards his obedient little tongue. I didn't say a word. I just lifted the hem of my long dressing gown and sat my already dripping wet cunt on his eager face. I felt his tongue get to work and I adjusted my position to ensure his nose was pressing on my backdoor rose. He licked and kissed and sucked as he has been trained to and, in a very few minutes, waves of pleasure shot down my thighs. I came long and hard and, as I did, I could feel his tongue pushing up into my pulsing cunt. I sat hard on my lovely husband's handsome face and, when the final wave had passed, lifted myself so he could lick me dry.

What a dear, dear man.

Well, Get Down There

I have been feeling wonderfully, sexually, alive these past couple of days. One of the perfect things about a female led marriage is that we only have sex when I want sex. And we only have sex the way I want to have sex.

These past few days I have wanted to be licked. I have trained my sweet, submissive, husband to lick my pussy just the way I like it. I rarely let him finish of course. When I come I prefer to use my own hand after he has kissed and moistened me. He loves to watch. And then, if he is lucky, I allow him to slip into my wet, throbbing, pussy. Maybe to come, usually not.

But yesterday morning, after he had pleasured me for a while with his obedient and skillful tongue I decided I wanted my privacy.

"Take these panties and go to your corner...make sure you are hard when I am finished."

I have to admit that the sheer power of sending my husband to his corner to press my wet panties with his nose pushed me over the edge. I left him in his corner, hard, longing for me. I had to get on with my day.

"You can let your little cock go soft now, Dear. I won't be needing it. But stay in your corner until I am done in the bathroom."

pleasure and punishment

The silly man knew he had to be punished. He was disobedient last night. And he was needlessly jealous of a man I enjoy flirting with. He begged me to let him lick me this morning. I was not goingbto let him but he is so very good at it and I was wet thinking about caning him. I said yes and, in an instant, he was between my legs licking and sucking my pussy. Eventually, I finished myself off. I love how he licks me but usually finish because I am in charge even at the height of my pleasure.

I thought about letting him have some strokes but I think the thought of his caning kept his lttle cock soft.

I lay in his arms as he made his confession and asked for his punishment.

"Yes, darling, you were very silly and disobedient. So stretch out over the bed. I will see if I can leave you few reminder welts."

Naturally he obeyed and I took a couple of practice swings with the new, clear plastic, cane he found for me. Very nice. A bit denser and heavier than the rattan I usually use. Perfect for a quick but severe punishment session.

I only gave him eight strokes but three raised gorgeous red welts. He will be wearing thse when I send him to bed tonight. I will tease him a little about his well whipped bottom and then have him get back to work on my pussy. But tonight he better be hard or he'll get an even dozen strokes.

Pleasure

What fun. My daring husband is back in chastity for a few weeks. But I was feeling a little frisky. "Turn off the light, I'm having an orgasm." Of couse he obeyed and lay beside me. Hard, longing, as I fingered myself to completion. "All done. I'd like a glass of ice water with a little lime." He looked so cute with his little, hard, cockette pushing against the sheer cotton of his nightie. I'll have to have him start wearing his panti girdle to bed soon. Don't want any accidents. A husband needs to know his place.