Is there a fetish element to FLRs?

A question which has come up a few times from my email is:

Is there a fetish element to FLRs?

The fact is that men have the most amazing fetishes and obsessions: from open-toed high heels (a fashion favourite of mine) to leather corsets to bondage and dozens more, a particular man will often have a deep, highly sexual, interest in objects or behaviours.

Women, on the other hand, while they may enjoy pretty shoes or the wonderfully compressed feeling of a well-fitted corset, do not tend to be sexually interested in "stuff" or particular activities. Which poses some challenges in a FLR where the essential rule is that it is the dominant wife's sexual preferences which matter.

Here all the decisions are the wife's and a well-trained husband needs to accept those decisions. He may love latex dresses, she may find them too hot. And, realistically, in a well-run FLR, that is an end to the discussion. Or it may not be.

A great deal of the discussion around FLR's revolves around disciplining and punishing submissive husbands as this is the essence of training a man. Spare the rod, spoil the husband and all that. Which is to miss the other side of the relationship. The prizes, the treats which a clever dominant wife will often use to reward her husband's good behaviour.

In even the most conventional, vanilla, relationship wives have long used sexual treats to say "Atta boy" to their husbands. Everything from a quick pat on the bum to a spontaneous hand job or a long, pleasing, blow job are in most wive's arsenals.

Of course, those tips and tricks are available to the dominant wife as well; but if a couple is committed to chastity training and the husband is used to being locked in his cock cage and resigned to very infrequent ejaculation, a wife may be reluctant to break training no matter how well her husband has behaved.

Which is where a particular fetish or obsession may be the perfect reward. After all, if your husband gets terrifically excited by peep-toe shoes, why not slip on a pair and let him worship your feet? He'll get hot and bothered, you'll have rewarded a job well done without breaking his chastity.

It is easy enough to find out if your submissive husband has particular fetishes: you ask him. Most submissive men will have one or two secret obsessions and the fact they have accepted their submissive position is a strong indication there is more going on.

For example, elliot has a wonderfully deep obsession with retro or vintage lingerie: particularly girdles and stockings. (Which is fine by me as I rather like them myself.) Interestingly, he loves seeing me wear them but he, secretly, likes being zipped into a pretty open bottom girdle and having to shave his leg so he can wear lovely seamed stockings. I used to use a very strict girdle to remind him to eat carefully and exercise, since Mady has taken his exercise in hand this is no longer necessary. But, from time to time, as a treat, I will have Mady put out a nice, firm, panti-girdle and stockings. He knows what he has to do and you can see his little cockette straining against the bars of his cock cage.

A dominant wife can and, in my view, should use her submissive husband's secret desires to reward her man. The truth is that men invest their fetishes with a great deal of shame and power. They tend to be very grateful to be allowed to make their fantasies real, if only for a few minutes a few times a year.