In an FLR what is the difference between discipline and punishment?

This is actually a great question about Female Led Relationships:

In an FLR what is the difference between discipline and punishment?

As the head of the household a dominant wife is responsible both for setting goals and boundaries and for ensuring that her expectations and directions are met. However, she is also responsible for creating the conditions in which her husband finds it easy to accept and enjoy his submissive position.

For the dominant wife to create those conditions she must be comfortable exercising her authority. Tell, don't ask. Setting standards, requiring respect and obedience. These are all essential to a successful, long term, FLR. However, men are astonishingly literal creatures and a smart woman asks for and receives tokens of her husband's submission. These are the simple disciplines of an FLR and they can range from plain good manners, doors held open, rising when a lady enters a room to more fundamental requirements.

For example, while I keep elliot locked in his cock cage most of the time, I will, occasionally, have Mady lay out a girdle for him to wear during the day or overnight. A good, firm, very utilitarian, long leg panty girdle in nurse's white reminds him exactly of his place. Being forced to wear such a constricting garment is deeply humiliating and "discipline" in its most basic sense. The discipline of doing what he is told and then having to wear something both feminine and somewhat uncomfortable for a few days at a time is very, very good for elliot.

The entire point of disciplining a man is to gradually, but inexorably, break him to his wife's will. While many men may, somewhat reluctantly, submit to their wives, the truly dominant wife will settle for nothing less than complete surrender. A surrender which will include chastity in most cases, the adoption of the wife's sexuality as the only sexuality within the household, and a willingness to do exactly what he is told. It is on this base of a man's unconditional surrender that the new world of a female led relationship is constructed.

In some female led relationships discipline will include regular maintenance spankings, or, more realistically as a woman has quite a difficult time putting enough force into a hand spanking, regular sessions with a hairbrush, or bath brush or even a cane. For many husbands, knowing that they will be whipped once a week whether they deserve it or not, it a key element in achieving and maintaining discipline.

I discussed punishment in an earlier post. There really is a huge difference between discipline and punishment and it is vitally important that a dominant wife understand that difference. Punishment is administered as needed to correct specific disobedience, inconsideration or outright defiance. In my view, even a hint of disobedience needs to be met with immediate and very painful consequences. There is nothing light or restrained about a punishment whipping because, in fairly short order, you want your man to be genuinely afraid of being punished. You have to be prepared to punish your husband or boyfriend for his, and the relationship's, own good.

Where a maintenance session may be quite painful and a bit unpleasant for your husband it will also be somewhat predictable. A couple of dozen swats with the bath brush is quite endurable if more than a little stingy. But when you strap your husband down for punishment he should have no idea at all what he will have to endure and for how long.

In fact, one of the biggest differences between discipline and punishment is that your husband will almost never be restrained for his discipline whereas it is often important for a husband to be restrained for punishment so that he is absolutely clear that he is helpless. Something as simple as a few zip ties (or this double handcuff zip tie) can make your husband's position very clear to him. I am, frankly, not a huge fan of more elaborate bondage in the FLR setting. Too many men have complicated bondage fantasies involving lots of expensive props and leather. If you are restraining your man you are doing it to punish, not please, him.

While a good whipping is often all it takes to correct bad behaviour sometimes you want to set a reminder for a few days or weeks. For example, while I keep elliot in a 20 mm, 340 gm ball stretcher because I like the look, I have a punishment stretcher which is 40 mm and 690 gm. I am now using magnetic versions of these devices. If elliot has to wear both and his cage he has over a kilogram of weight crushing his poor little testicles. A day or two of that and he knows he's been punished.

The point of punishment is to respond to and correct bad behaviour. Which, in turn, keeps a man mindful of his position and the discipline he has accepted in his FLR. Over time most dominant wives find they are only rarely required to punish their husbands. Because their husbands have learned the often painful lesson that there really are consequences for bad behaviour.

Mady's Second Patreon Magazine

My lovely maid Mady has her new project up at Patreon. She's posting PDFs, ZIPS, MOBI and ePub versions of vintage erotic magazines from my collection.

Today, High Heels, Vol 1, No 1 from 1961.

These old magazines are terrific. The girls are pretty but they are very real. And, back in the day, heels higher than a couple of inches were the exclusive province of b-girls, tramps and fetishists. Which makes these magazines a wonderful look at a bygone era.

So help Mady have some fun next year, become her

Become a Patron!

Mady's New Project

My lovely maid/companion has finished her academic work and was looking for something to do. We chatted for a while and eventually, she said,

"Ma'am, why don't we figure out something to do with all the vintage smut you and sir have been collecting?"

If was a very good idea. While elliot and I have published several successful Amazon books of vintage material (go here if you want to take a look) we have accumulated literally hundreds of digital files plus boxes of hard copies of some of the wonderful risqué material from the late 40's, 50's and 60's. Right up until the hardcore explosion of the late 70's which doesn't interest me.

But what to do with it all? Well, Mady is saving for a trip to Europe next Spring and I thought it might be fun for her to have a chance to make a little extra money. But Amazon has tightened the rules about republishing old material. Sigh.

"What about Patreon?" said my internet savvy girl as she leafed through a particularly naughty magazine all about girls getting dressed for a date - stockings, corsets, pointy bras.

So, I've set up a Patreon account for her.

Become a Patron!

She is just putting the material up but, and this is a special treat for my readers who enjoy Mady, she is using a lovely picture elliot took of her as her banner. So you can go to https://www.patreon.com/hannah_obeyed and see my pretty maid. I think she may post a few more pictures as she works on her site.

Here is the first magazine: Mistress in Satin

https://www.patreon.com/posts/mistress-in-20986341

Right now Mady is posting a PDF version and a Zipped version. Ebook will follow shortly.

She has also posted a number of pretty pictures of herself in a nicely fitting corset...I know, I never mentioned the tattoos...we try to ignore them but I fear they are growing on me. I'd never get a tattoo but young girls do the silliest things.

Enjoy!

Female Led Relationships and the Single Girl

I don't get this question often but it is an interesting one:

As a young, happily single, woman can I bring elements of female dominance into my dating life?

The answer is, of course, you can. But that raises a host of questions about how? And then questions about "what"? And then, when you think about it for a moment, the question "Why?" is going to really determine how you proceed.

Through Mady I am lucky enough to know several very much younger women. Some of them are lesbian by inclination but four or five prefer, or would prefer, to date men. Sexually, most of these women are experienced but not tremendously so. 

Over the summer we had two "girls weekends" when Mady invited a couple of her friends up to our house and elliot was put to work keeping the wine glasses topped up and the canapes coming. (He has far too much fun serving four women and, as the weekend goes on, serving them in increasingly intimate and somewhat humiliating ways. The girls know we have a female-led household but it takes a little while for them to understand the full implications of this. Mady and I carry on as we usually do. The only significant difference is that while elliot is usually uncaged during the summer, I lock up his little cock in a cute pink cage for the weekend. The girls can ask for the keys as required.)

The conversation often touches on the sheer frustration these girls are experiencing out in the dating world. They find a decent guy, go out a few times, maybe sleep with him and find themselves "ghosted". Or they discover that the perfect gentleman of date two turns into a full-on sexual predator by date four. Or they can't manage to land a date with a particular man they are interested in. It is very much the sort of conversation I had with my girlfriends a generation ago.

If asked, and I always wait to be asked, I am happy to offer advice.

"There are two ways for a woman to present herself in the world," I'd say. "She can try to please that world or she can assume that it is the world's duty to please her. Of course, the third option is to join "Pantsuit Nation" and largely give up on actually being a woman in any interesting sense of the word."

Before the girls come up for the weekend I encourage them to read a couple of my books: Avails: Escorting for the Elegant Woman and Modern Mistress: Lead the Luxury Life You Deserve. For younger women - the Sugar Baby generation - both books are a revelation. The very idea that a woman by dressing elegantly, having very high standards and an enthusiastic approach to sex can make a very good living or be kept in high style is a surprise. And it underscores something I think is very important for women, especially young women, to understand: women hold all the cards. The question is how a particular woman will play them.

For a young woman deciding that she will, implicitly at first, explicitly as her confidence grows, be in charge of her dating life is the crucial first step in developing a female-led relationship strategy. If you take a look at the picture accompanying this note, you see a healthy, strong, slightly remote, young woman who will turn heads where ever she goes. But note how simple her suit is, how plain her clutch is. What makes the outfit, however, are the black leather gloves. If ever there was an outfit which said, "I'm in charge, you'll please me and do what you are told." it's this one.

Everything from a girl's bearing and gait, to her choice in lingerie to how she deploys her makeup will send signals. Her choices, long before she walks into a classroom or an office or a concert, will narrow the range of men who are likely to approach her. 

"The last thing an intelligent, elegant, woman wants is a sub-par man," I tell the girls. "You should be looking for men who excel, who lead interesting lives, who enjoy a degree of success. Dating - which I strongly recommend - is a wonderful dance where a woman has the opportunity to get to know a man, well, men really. And then make a judgement. Is this man worthy of serious attention or should I enjoy his company and his money knowing there is no future?" 

A young lady who embraces her own superiority as a woman will be a refreshing change for most of the alpha males who are confident enough to approach her. And, lucky them, if the young lady likes what she sees, she may encourage that male to get in touch. Or, and this is often best, she may simply ask him for his card and personal number without giving him more than her first name.

At that point she can begin to play a little. Dress well and phone him to tell him to meet her for a drink a block away from his office. Note the word, "tell". A smart girl begins the way she means to finish. This sort of "take charge" attitude will put the girl outside virtually all of her man's previous encounters with dateable women. And when, after a single drink, she says, "You can take me to dinner next Monday. I will meet you here at six," his response will tell her whether he is potentially going to work out as a submissive partner.

Now, as I have always said about elliot, I wanted and have a very alpha man. That he is submissive to me and in our home and, frankly, in public, in no way means he is the least bit wimpy or wishy-washy in business. He would not be a successful as he is were he anything but a pack leader at work. No smart young woman confuses a man's submission to her, his obedience, with any sort of a lack of spine. She wants the man who she will eventually keep in chastity, whip regularly and humiliate routinely, to be worth her attention.

It is usually at about this point that one of my guests will say, as the penny drops, "Well isn't this very much like the way our grandmothers dated in the 1950's?" 

Indeed. Back in the 1950's a girl knew she had a good deal of value and was more than willing to spend a few years enjoying the attentions of suitable young men (and often some rather older ones with a bit more money as well.) These young women did not see hopping into bed at the end of the second date as required or, in fact, as anything other than more than a little slutty. There were plenty of arousing activities which stopped well short of intercourse which would keep a young man dancing attendance. 

So, for a modern young lady who wants to, the first step towards a FLR dating situation is to take charge right from the go. Then, as a possible suitor takes her out on dates, she is able to combine a pleasing degree of strictness with plenty of sexual teasing. What she is trying to do is see if a particular man is, in fact, essentially submissive. While it will be many dates before she takes him over her lap for a good bath brush correction, by the third or fourth date she will certainly be telling her young man that if he misbehaves he will be going over her knee. 

Simply mentioning the prospect of physical correction will often give the girl the information she needs. If her young man brings it up on the next date this is a very good indication that being punished by the girl he loves is interesting.

As I told the girls, there are dozens of things a girl can and should do to see if a man is suitable. One which is always fun is to have him hold and then carry not only your shopping but your handbag. Another, a little further down the road, is to handcuff him - and for heaven's sake use good handcuffs, not toys - slip off your panties and tell him to "Get to work." Some men will baulk, in which case they will not be invited back, but most men in my experience will thoroughly enjoy giving you your pleasure. Of course, they will often expect a girl to "reciprocate". An expectation sensible girls entirely ignore.

So, yes, you most certainly can take the lead in a dating relationship. Best of all, you can make it clear to the men you are dating that you are dating and comparing other men. Men love competition. With your contemporaries, it makes sense to make it very clear that you are, with no particular urgency, planning to marry. 

Now, with older admirers, that is the very last thing they want to hear. Instead, make it clear to them that they exist to ensure you have the nice things like silk chemises, real silk stockings, a really good vibrator and the pampering you deserve. Wonderful food, the occasional short vacation and what Holly Golightly referred to as "Powder Room Money" are all to be expected. Nice things in blue boxes never go amiss.

A girl can be just as in charge with a man old enough to be her father as with a younger man. Those handcuffs will come in handy. But with older men, a girl does not have to be quite as stingy with her favours and good behaviour and really wonderful presents can be the occasion for a controlled ejaculation. The dynamic is very different.

I'll return to the subject another day. But, right now, it is cocktail hour and I'd hate to be late.

A bit of fun...

As faithful readers will remember, my maid/companion Mady has been exercising elliot for a couple of years. Until we got his little dog cart, Mady's preferred exercise was to have elliot piggy back her. He became very proficient at this and, from time to time, Mady will leave the dog cart in its shed and have put elliot through his paces mounted on his back of shoulders. His little cock is in its cage and Mady has a pretty dressage whip we gave her for Christmas. In the Spring and Fall, when it is not too hot, she will often wear black leather riding gloves.

All of which made the first part of this naughty video more than a little amusing. In fact neither of the participants look at all like Mady or elliot, but the girl is of similar size. (Thankfully, under Mady's strict exercise regime elliot is rather better built than the gentleman in this video.) In any case, from time to time, if I look out my window, I see a scene like the beginning of this video played out on out back lawn. We'll see if this video works...

Busy...Summer...Books

Yes, I have been rather lax on this blog. Partly we've been busy, partly we've been enjoying one of the best summer of the decade, warm days, cool nights.

But mainly I have been working on two books: the first is a collection of pieces from this blog about Female Led Relationships. But, of course, when you look over old blog posts there are things to add, to change, to expand upon. So that is taking some time.

The second project comes out of my writing on high end escorts: many of you will have read Avails:Escorting for the Elegant Woman or my book about mistresses: Modern Mistress: Lead the Luxury Life You Deserve. Well, as a consequence of these books I ended up having a very interesting young woman get in touch. We've been writing back and forth and I am, essentially, ghost writing her story, Only on a Tuesday: The Courtesan's Way. Amy is a really interesting girl. Sharp, more than a little decadent and wonderfully able to adapt to the great things life throws at her. She reminded me a bit of me at her age. Both books should be published this summer.

So while Mady and elliot are enjoying the freedoms of summer, I am tied to my desk...well, not actually but I have been thinking of putting elliot or Mady under my desk for rest and relief.

More soon, enjoy the summer!

Pretty Maid For Summer

I have not written much about my maid Mady lately. I suspect because she is so very much part of my household that I am totally used to having her around. Whether she is exercising elliot or helping me dress or serving cocktails and dinner, Mady has become indispensable.

She is also a lot of fun and a much younger woman who I can play with in a way I can't with elliot. For one thing, she loves clothes as much as I do. Several hours a day she is, of course, in uniform; but in the summer her uniform is really very easy.

During the day I love her in this long, linen, button up the back dress. It's easy, not in the least "sexy" and can go over her swimsuit or exercise gear or a pretty little mesh corset and gorgeous lace tap panties.

Summer is all about comfort. elliot is out of his cock cage for the summer. Mady is in summer weight corsets and rarely required to wear stockings. I like her to enjoy the summer's freedom knowing that she will be in more serious service as we go into Fall and Winter.

What I especially enjoy is that she wears exactly what I tell her to wear. Which, of course, extends to continuing her waist training throughout the summer. Now, truth to tell, a full-on waist training corset which Mady wears most of the day during the rest of the year is a heavy and hot garment. Especially when it is laced down to the point where it is actually doing its job and compressing Mady's already tiny waist. But we are resolved that she will marry at 18 inches and there are still an inch and a half to go. Were she to go corsetless in the summer we would likely lose at least an inch, more likely two.

Our compromise is the lighter weight, mesh, corsets Mady normally sleeps in. Here is an example.

Unlike Mady's regular corsets these are bought, ridiculously cheaply ($15-$20) right from Amazon. I would certainly never recommend them for strict waist training - they would fall apart in a few wearings - but for retention and simple beauty they really cannot be matched. For Mady we order the XS which laces down to 20" out of the box. With a few minor alterations, we can bring a couple of them to 19.5". As it happens, the cups fit Mady's pretty little breasts almost perfectly with just a little easing.

When I feel Mady needs a bit more shaping or if we decide to give the good ladies of our little village a hint at how we maintain our figures, I will put Mady in this more heavily constructed, but still mesh, underbust corset.

It is a bit more expensive and, unfortunately, does not come in white; but it can work very well as outerwear over a dress or a skirt and top combination. Mady is more than a little of an exhibitionist so she loves letting the good ladies see the underpinnings she wears under her uniforms most of the time. The good ladies' husbands seem to enjoy Mady's tiny waist as well and, I suspect, our short shopping trips lead to all sorts of fun when our neighbours get home.

At the same time, I always have to remember that Mady is a very beautiful, very fit, young lady and, to be fair, she should have a few deliciously skimpy outfits to gain a little attention with. Nothing says "Hello" like a barely there cotton sundress with little girl flowers and no support whatsoever. You really do have to be in your early twenties to wear this dress with style. Mady does.


 Of course, in our little village and in the bigger world there are many summer events - the July 1 Canada Day Celebrations, the Annual Summer Tea at our Church, the August Regatta at the Lake and so on. When Mady was simply my maid she would not attend these events but, as my maid/companion it is elliot's and my pleasure to bring her along. But for these sorts of events I want her to be a bit elegant, a bit stylish, while still perfectly girlish.

I love Mady in a pretty polka dotted, boatneck dress with the cute little belt drawn extra tight to show

off her deliciously tiny, corseted, waist. No bra, seeing her pretty breasts running free under the thin fabric of the bodice is a treat and much appreciated by the gentlemen at these events. She knows I am showing her off and enjoys the attention. And, once again, these dresses, while well made, are ridiculously cheap. We do a little hand sewing to ensure a perfect fit but, truth to tell, I've bought Mady half a dozen of this pattern in different fabrications which lets her look different, yet the same, at each of the summer occasions.

And, yes, there is something just a little naughty about having my own, living, doll to dress just like playing Barbies. All the more fun when we all go home and I stand elliot in his corner and undress my sweet Mady and let her slip under my dress...Bliss, in fact.