Monday, 18 August 2014

Training: Denial? Or Control

One Sexuality in Marriage - Wife's choice
Another set of notes towards my guide book In Charge: Domination for the Elegant Woman

Denying sex to your husband or boyfriend is a bit more complicated than simply crossing your legs and saying no. This because a dominant wife wants much more than every woman's right to, from time to time, decide not to have sex. In fact, sexual control in a female led relationship is a fundamental mark of the husband's submission and when it becomes an integrated part of the submissive husband's psyche it is no longer denial but simple, humble, obedience. He will still long for you but, at the most basic level, he'll have learned that his sexuality has been entirely subsumed to yours.

Which is where we start. Take it as read that male sexuality is pretty continuous at whatever libido level a particular man happens to have. Some men want sex all the time, others just most of the time. However, exogenous events can have remarkable effects on a man's desire. Success raises his libido, stress or failure depresses it.

Now, an elegant woman is never going to marry a man with the sexual continence of a bonobo monkey - which is to say none at all. During her dating years and courtship she'll have determined if a man has odious sexual habits and eliminated him from contention. But a sexually continent man is not the same as a sexually submissive or obedient man. That is a matter of training.

Training should always have a clear objective and, in this case, a dominant wife aims for complete sexual subordination.

A few years ago I came across a wonderful letter in Petticoated,

I am not allowed to masturbate. She believes that male self-gratification is a form of infidelity that robs the relationship of its essence and robs the male of his energy and desire to serve the lady of the house. It is different for the female as they have self-control and, therefore, she enjoys all forms of sexual pleasuring within our relationship. Typically, I am allowed a release no sooner than every 7 to 10 days and often I must wait 14 to 21 days. She notices that I become much more docile, respectful and subservient after 5 to 7 days following my last release. Often after pleasuring her, she simply tells me that it would be good for me to wait and that it would make her happy for me to save my sexual energy. Well, the days go on and on but not without my hope and anticipation and she always says "maybe tomorrow, if you are good." She believes that prolonged sexual frustration of the male is a positive attribute for a husband. A denied husband is an obedient husband. petticoated

For a while I thought that this was the goal - my sweet husband doing what he was told even at the cost of his own sexual frustration. But, in time, I realized that actually missed the point.

I realized that in an elegant female led marriage there can really only be one sexuality - the wife's. To talk about the submissive husband's frustration is to acknowledge the importance of the submissive husband's sexual desires even if the dominant wife choses to do nothing to relieve them. This is profoundly distasteful.

While men may have what they think are sexual needs, when they marry a dominant the very first thing they give to their marriage is any right to have those needs considered. The elegant domina does not want to have to spend her time saying "No" when her husband is begging for release. And an elegant husband never begs for anything. He accepts that only his wife's sexual needs count or matter. He is on her cycle and at her command. This is not a matter of negotiation.

When an elegant dominant wife makes that clear to her husband is a matter of choice. If I was advising a bride to be I would tell her that she owed to herself and the man that she loved to be completely frank before their wedding night. I would tell her that if she wanted to have sex on her wedding night she should set her wedding day when she would be on heat.

At the same time, many marriages evolve into female led situations. Here, one of the marks of the husband's submission should be a period of rigid chastity - either honour bound or in a cage - and that period should be repeated until the submissive husband realizes that all that his pleading does is ensure punishment.

Both newlywed dominant wives and wives who are taking on a new role should not be the least bit shy about enforcing the single sexuality in their marriage with the whip or cane. Each woman will be different but in every case the husband has to be taught and to learn that his sexuality is over except as an extension of his wife's.

It is a hard lesson but if woman wants to run her female led marriage with the sort of elegance and grace she would like to be accustomed to there can be no room for any hint of male sexual energy.


  1. I just discovered your blog. Thanks for the post. In many ways I agree with you but in our situation, I know that my wife appreciates my 'attention'. By attention I mean she enjoys me fondling..... foreplay if you will. Yes, she often goes no further than allowing me to touch, kiss and show her affection for a few minutes but she enjoys seeing my desire expressed toward her. I don't beg for sex. In fact I never ask at all but I do desire her all the time. And she loves seeing my increased dependence as the days between orgasm mount. (Currently it's been over two months since the 'last' time.)

    I agree that my sex life is now an extension of hers and in the process she has taught me to be a better love and a more giving sex partner. I enjoy sex much more than I did as a non-submissive. I got the sense that your post had a negative tone to the new role of a trained submissive but for me it has been nothing but a positive experience. I look forward to reading future posts!

  2. I just discovered this site: I was asked before my husband came home from the navy to help control him after he came home, keep him from using seniority rights he had accrued on his UAW transmission plant job he was coming back to. I was told his return was already disruptive enough that the community did not need him coming home with more seniority than 60 percent of the 7500 person workforce. and disrupting every ones life with what he wanted, in shifts, holidays off, jobs, vacation slots, the weekends others needed off. Things became insane over the next 25 years with everytime we suggested he take his vacations in January February time frame. It even became violent in 2009 when his father took his reservations on the orient express and went in as my husbands agent, cancelled them and he even made up the cancelation fee out of his own pocket. I knerw that the cancelation of the first time off in 24 years was going to be hell to pay when he found out so to replace the vacation to Europe I started setting up the January second to February sixth time for a nice one in St. Croix for five weeks. we were planning he could replace that years Christmas shut down with 15 days of personal time on top of his five weeks I wanted instead of handing him a ten and two sandwiches at his work gate on christmas to give him the St Croix vacation at his work gate instead of the usual ten on Christmas evening. I was going to say that evening he was getting the vacation he had wanted since 1985. just a seven month wait from that may and seven days from Christmas, We would be in a romantic tropical place to sort through the last 24 years, just be patient a few more months. He dislocated my shoulder getting the Cancelation check and it took 7 men to drag him off his father strangling him to death getting his passport returned right then. It was the most pain filled two weeks for both me and his father in Europe and my husband had us jailed when we returned, illegal action of agency was the main charge, In other words we were commiting grand theft.

    By January he's in isolation for seven months after MRSA takes his spinal cord out and 2 more years of rehab after that. He came home with no intention to try and make a peace three years latter. I know what we tried was not the right way to treat my husband but somehow things could have been worked through. he did not have to start hurting people to get what he wanted out of life, if he could have just found some joy in work that might have been the best. Instead he dose not talk his beats people into none interference, and as for me he came home from rehab with no intention of taking his return in baby steps, He forced me into sex the first night home when I had other plans for the evening. He would not even wait for four hours and meet everyone latter to try and work out solutions for the grievances he had for 31 years, He has beaten several men into nearly dying when all we were trying was to slow things down.

  3. There's nothing wrong with sex between two loving people !
    Sometimes this denial process is pure cruelty .
    Husbands denied intercourse completely while their Wife's have sex with other Men.
    Total nonsense and that's certainly not s loving relationship .
    Female lead Relationships are really wonderful and putting s Women first in terms of your sex life is beautiful .
    It's just this often goes too far !
    Total denial , cuckholdary etc.
    What's wrong with making love together , after a period of male orgasm denial ?
    Nothing it's wonderful !