Training: Denial? Or Control

One Sexuality in Marriage - Wife's choice

Another set of notes towards my guide book In Charge: Domination for the Elegant Woman

Denying sex to your husband or boyfriend is a bit more complicated than simply crossing your legs and saying no. This because a dominant wife wants much more than every woman's right to, from time to time, decide not to have sex. In fact, sexual control in a female led relationship is a fundamental mark of the husband's submission and when it becomes an integrated part of the submissive husband's psyche it is no longer denial but simple, humble, obedience. He will still long for you but, at the most basic level, he'll have learned that his sexuality has been entirely subsumed to yours.

Which is where we start. Take it as read that male sexuality is pretty continuous at whatever libido level a particular man happens to have. Some men want sex all the time, others just most of the time. However, exogenous events can have remarkable effects on a man's desire. Success raises his libido, stress or failure depresses it.

Now, an elegant woman is never going to marry a man with the sexual continence of a bonobo monkey - which is to say none at all. During her dating years and courtship she'll have determined if a man has odious sexual habits and eliminated him from contention. But a sexually continent man is not the same as a sexually submissive or obedient man. That is a matter of training.

Training should always have a clear objective and, in this case, a dominant wife aims for complete sexual subordination.

A few years ago I came across a wonderful letter in Petticoated,

I am not allowed to masturbate. She believes that male self-gratification is a form of infidelity that robs the relationship of its essence and robs the male of his energy and desire to serve the lady of the house. It is different for the female as they have self-control and, therefore, she enjoys all forms of sexual pleasuring within our relationship. Typically, I am allowed a release no sooner than every 7 to 10 days and often I must wait 14 to 21 days. She notices that I become much more docile, respectful and subservient after 5 to 7 days following my last release. Often after pleasuring her, she simply tells me that it would be good for me to wait and that it would make her happy for me to save my sexual energy. Well, the days go on and on but not without my hope and anticipation and she always says "maybe tomorrow, if you are good." She believes that prolonged sexual frustration of the male is a positive attribute for a husband. A denied husband is an obedient husband. petticoated

For a while I thought that this was the goal - my sweet husband doing what he was told even at the cost of his own sexual frustration. But, in time, I realized that actually missed the point.

I realized that in an elegant female led marriage there can really only be one sexuality - the wife's. To talk about the submissive husband's frustration is to acknowledge the importance of the submissive husband's sexual desires even if the dominant wife choses to do nothing to relieve them. This is profoundly distasteful.

While men may have what they think are sexual needs, when they marry a dominant the very first thing they give to their marriage is any right to have those needs considered. The elegant domina does not want to have to spend her time saying "No" when her husband is begging for release. And an elegant husband never begs for anything. He accepts that only his wife's sexual needs count or matter. He is on her cycle and at her command. This is not a matter of negotiation.

When an elegant dominant wife makes that clear to her husband is a matter of choice. If I was advising a bride to be I would tell her that she owed to herself and the man that she loved to be completely frank before their wedding night. I would tell her that if she wanted to have sex on her wedding night she should set her wedding day when she would be on heat.

At the same time, many marriages evolve into female led situations. Here, one of the marks of the husband's submission should be a period of rigid chastity - either honour bound or in a cage - and that period should be repeated until the submissive husband realizes that all that his pleading does is ensure punishment.

Both newlywed dominant wives and wives who are taking on a new role should not be the least bit shy about enforcing the single sexuality in their marriage with the whip or cane. Each woman will be different but in every case the husband has to be taught and to learn that his sexuality is over except as an extension of his wife's.

It is a hard lesson but if woman wants to run her female led marriage with the sort of elegance and grace she would like to be accustomed to there can be no room for any hint of male sexual energy.