Dominant Wife Vacation

I got the most amusing letter a few days ago and, with the writer's permission, thought I would share it with you,

Dear Hannah,

I very much enjoy how you cover all aspects of the female led relationship world. I have been head of our household pretty much since the beginning of our marriage. Most of the time we keep everything low key. I agree with you that a man is much better off in a chastity device and I locked up Tim's rather large cock years ago. And I do agree that sparing the rod (in our case, paddle) spoils the husband.

I liked your idea of putting your husband in a playsuit to do his chores. Tim is lovely and slim so he actually looks quite pretty in a nice, loose fitting, off the shoulder playsuit.

However, most of the time, unless you really knew what you were looking for, you would not see us as very different from any other married couple. Which is just how I like it.

However, a couple of times a year, on our anniversary and on my birthday, I like to kick it all up several notches. So, apparently, does Tim. Or at least he has not complained.

I like to go away. Not terribly far. Usually to a larger city somewhere where we know no one. We used to stay in hotels but now we try to find a nice AirBnB. In fact, if you look around, there are actually "kink friendly" B&B's.

There are three elements to our "vacations".

First, Tim is forced to dress en femme from the time we arrive at our destination until we leave. In practice this means a firm high waisted girdle, a bra and breast forms and a pretty, quite short, wig. He's required to wear a little make-up, mascarra and lipstick during the day, eye shadow and a little contouring in the evenings. We are usually out and about and I let him wear ladies trousers and sweaters during the day. However, in the evening, he knows he needs to put on stockings and a skirt.

Now, the important thing about Tim dressing en femme is that I don't have to tell him. He knows that if we are on vacation he is wearing women's clothes and is expected to try to be as feminine as possible. He tells me he enjoys the break.

The second, important, element to our vacations is that I let Tim out of his cock cage. Day to day I don't want to have to think about what that little head is thinking. Instead, I want Tim striving to be allowed a little relief as it makes him ever so much more attentive to my needs. But on vacation, I like to fuck Tim regularly. In our house "fucking Tim" has two meanings. Usually it means sending him up to our room to lube his bottom so I can fuck him with my strap on. I have a nice "big, black, cock" when I just want him to be fucked, and I also have an insertable if I want to have fun too.

But on vacation, I also like to fuck Tim the old fashioned way. I had Tim get a Viagra prescription a few years ago and there is nothing more fun than making him lie on his back like a good little housewife while I fuck him good and hard. He's well trained and can go for a long time without coming. On vacation I like to fuck him like that a couple of times a day.

The final element of our vacation is that Tim is caned and paddled far more than he is at home. He has to pack my narrow paddle, my wide bamboo paddle and as a special treat, a rattan cane which I only use on vacation. Tim knows he'll have a sore bottom the entire time we're away.

The big difference between being on vacation and being at home is that Tim is paddled and caned because I enjoy reddening his bottom before fucking him. It has nothing to do with his behaviour and there is nothing he can do to reduce his whippings. I'll paddle him when he comes back from his shower and then have him lick me, or I will give him six of the best before lunch. If I am going to fuck him in the afternoon I will get him warmed up with a good, hard paddling so that when he is lying on his back being fucked he remembers his place.

Yes, I am afraid I do have a little sadistic streak and, happily, Tim loves taking his submissiveness to the next level.

I don't think we could live like that day to day. We are both busy people and this takes real concentration and connection. But for a few days every six months or so we are both delighted to take our female led marriage to the next level.

-----

What fun! And lucky Tim. I suspect elliot would enjoy that sort of vacation. But I am a homebody so I suspect Mady and I will have to think of a "staycation" on similar lines.

Locked for Lent

Only 40 Days Until Easter

If you are a practising Christian or were raised in a Christian household you will understand the nature of Lent. It is the period leading to the celebration of Easter. It lasts for forty days beginning today which is Ash Wednesday.

Traditionally Christians make some sort of "sacrifice" during Lent. This often takes the form of giving up sweets or chocolate or alcohol. However, there is no specific requirement - it is up to each individual to decide what to give up for Lent, if anything.

In our incredibly sped up world a stretch of forty days is quite a long time. A period long enough to really mean something.

For couples where the husband is in chastity one of the challenges is to increase the time between ejaculations. Many men start by being locked in their chastity devices for only a day or two at a time. Eventually, as their wives begin to enjoy taking their pleasure without any need to reciprocate, those days can stretch to weeks or even a monthly cycle in the cock cage.

For younger husbands especially, moving to longer periods of lock down can be challenging. Which should not deter a dominant wife in the slightest. The benefits of male chastity for a marriage, for a wife and, though he may not realize it initially, for a husband far out weigh the minor discomforts of long stretches in a chastity device.

Lent offers a chastity couple a "stretch goal". Forty days is a long time for a man to go without an ejaculation much less an orgasm. But with a good cock cage, silicone or steel, he won't have any choice.

Now some wives may be concerned that there may be negative health effects if their husbands are not allowed to come for forty days. Frankly, this is unlikely. The fact is that a man in a cock cage can still experience a nocturnal emission or wet dream if the pressure becomes too much. Or, if a wife is really concerned she can use a prostate massager from time to time. Regular milking will eliminate any worries about too much sperm building up while ensuring that no actual orgasm occurs.

One critical thing for the Locked for Lent process to work is that the decision to put her husband on a long lockdown must be entirely the wife's. Too often dominant wives want to discuss their husband's discipline. This is almost always a mistake. Simply telling your husband that he will be in chastity for Lent re-enforces the right attitude.

Male Masturbation: a threat or a menace

In different ways I am often asked,

Should men be allowed to masturbate?

The short answer is no. The longer answer is that no male, whether under the supervision of a dominant woman or not, should be allowed to touch himself, much less ejaculate without a woman's permission and, ideally, supervision. 

Now, that is a rather obviously unrealistic standard but it is really a guide to conduct rooted in a very basic understanding of the correct male female relationship. Far too many men are unwilling to make the sacrifices required to attract and keep the woman they need in their lives. There are many reasons for that failure and one of them is that men are allowed, even tacitly encouraged, to relieve their sexual urges by themselves. While most men have the humility to make their little messes in private, many of them will not recognize what a failure each unsupervised ejaculation actually is.

While the highest and best state a man can hope to attain is chastity in a female-led marriage, on the way to that proper position, there is no reason why an intelligent man cannot ensure that his sexual life is under strict supervision. But this requires a man to look at his sexuality very differently. That shift in point of view is actually even more basic than the simple question of masturbation and it prepares a man for his proper role as his wife or girlfriend's obedient servant.

The key to this shift is for a man to accept that his natural instinct to masturbate is base and very shameful. In our modern age we don't talk about shame very much. Which is too bad because being ashamed is a very important element of being social, being civilized and being well mannered. Interestingly, shame is a tool of control for most dominant women (and many women who do not see themselves as dominant.) Most men are physically much stronger than most women but, somehow, we have evolved social norms and practices which allow women to be safe and, in many cases, equal. That did not happen by accident. It happened because smart women have always known that they could get what they needed by a combination of praise and belittlement. You praise a man when he does what he is told, you shame him when he misbehaves.

Remember that I believe all men are happier when they are submissive? I base this view on the fact that we actually live in a civilized, social and safe society. If men were not at least unwittingly submissive none of that would be possible because there would be no way to control and channel all that wonderful, vibrant but often dangerous and destructive male energy. Which may seem a long way from male masturbation but, oddly, it all ties in.

Well brought up men - an increasingly rare item I note - are given basic rules from a very early age. Basic hygiene, watching their language, and, as they get older, manners almost all of which are about respecting women and authority, usually in that order. Along the way, men learn a degree of personal modesty and a generalized respect for women. Part of that training will include a very strong injunction that masturbation is anything from inappropriate to a sin to something only to be done in private. It varies from family to family. Interestingly, it is extremely rare for there to be a route for a boy or young man to gain permission to masturbate. Even in extremely progressive households - from which Lord preserve me - while male masturbation may be discussed it is almost always in terms of "health" and with the objective of alleviating any guilt a boy may feel. But express permission, particularly from a mother, is pretty much unheard of. (In deeply religious homes the Sin of Onan may come up indicating that God himself enjoins male masturbation.)

All of which adds up to the fact that each time a man masturbates without permission and or supervision he is transgressing against a long cultural and religious tradition. More important, decently brought up men accept, at least tacitly, that the act itself is shameful and does induce a sense of guilt. They may rationalize this shame and guilt away but it remains as part of their consciousness.

The reason why male masturbation is freighted with shame lies in the uneasy biological facts of men and women. Men, as any girl or woman knows, are ready for sex pretty much any time. Women are cyclical and only come on heat a few days a month. Which means that women, over the centuries have had to find ways to keep male sexuality under control. They begin by making masturbation at least a little taboo for young men and they extend their control through everything from dating rituals to marriage.

The objective of this control is to tame the male sexual impulse. To channel it, to domesticate it and to make men conform to their eventual partner's cycle of sexual desire. Obviously, this does not always work. One of the reasons why it does not always work is that a man's sexual desire may overwhelm his early training and sense of shame.

The civilized condition for a man is to be chaste unless and until a woman gives him permission to become erect and, perhaps, to ejaculate. If he does not have that permission and he ejaculates he should, properly, feel ashamed of himself. (And if he is lucky enough to have a dominant wife or girlfriend, he should be humiliated and punished for his animalistic behaviour.) Maintaining his chastity is a gift a man gives women in general, the women he loves and himself.

Of course, chastity is hard to maintain. Masturbatory temptations are as near as your smart phone. Which is why it makes a great deal of sense for a wife or girlfriend to lock her sweetie's cock in a chasitity cage for his own good.

But what about men who do not have a wife or girlfriend to take control of their sexuality. The solution here is actually quite straightforward, a properly tempered man will find a woman to supervise his chastity. Essentially act as his keyholder. It is not at all a difficult position. After practising with his cock cage for a few months and learning, on his own how to take care of the caged cock and how long he can stay in his particular cage, a man can approach a woman he knows and ask her to hold an envelope for him. Of course, if she asks what's in the envelope, it is his obligation to tell her truthfully. Now, she may simply give him the keys when he requests them and that will work because it reduces the impulse ejaculations so many men treat themselves to. Or she may get into the spirit of the chastity experience and extend his confinement. However, once the keys have been given, the chaste man will experience the great relief of no longer having to fight his baser instincts.

Keyholding can be done remotely, I have several keys on my desk as I write this, or it can be done by a close female friend or a man can advertise for a keyholder. One solution a gentleman I know developed was that he left his key with a friendly barmaid at a pub near his home. He was very much a regular and, from time to time, she would bring him his key along with his pint. He would humble himself in the restroom and return the key. Those nights she could count on a surprisingly good tip.

The point of chastity for a single man is to encourage him to find the right woman to submit to on a long term basis. A self-imposed, strict, chastity regime will make that search much more urgent and, importantly, will give a man a real sense of the importance of women in his life. Of course, it will also ensure that when he does find a woman who he feels he can submit to, his submissive nature will be very clear from the beginning. I would think a man in a chastity device would like wait until the fourth or fifth date before handing his date the key and explaining his commitment to chastity both before and after marriage. She might walk out of the restaurant or she might want to learn more about her chaste date.

I love my husband and I don't want to hurt him...Is an FLR for us?

I hear all sorts of versions of this statement:

I love my husband and I don't want to hurt him...Is an FLR for us?

I love elliot. I love him so much that I am quite prepared to cane him or paddle him with my shower brush whenever he misbehaves and, occasionally simply to remind him of his position. I keep him in semi-permanent chastity and have been stretching out his ball sack with weights. I allow Mady to discipline him as well. When I am whipping elliot I know that it hurts and I know that he loves me all the more for taking the time to discipline him.

Female Led Relationships are about many things but they are rooted in the fact that a woman loves a man enough to accept and enforce his submission. Different men thrive in different circumstances but in my experience, a surprisingly large number of men are happiest when they accept and embrace their submissiveness. This is often the "missing" ingredient in a happy marriage.

I see this in otherwise vanilla marriages where it is quite clear that the wife is in charge and that her husband does what he is told. There are no explicit punishments although there may be an element of sexual reward for an obedient husband.

However, at some point, a wife may take the next step. Usually because, either covertly or overtly, her husband indicates a need for a firmer hand. 

(And here is a hint for husbands or wives who want to explore a more physically demanding FLR: simply say to your partner "If you keep doing that you are going to get a good spanking" or, from the husband's perspective, "Well I'd rather you spanked me than yelled at me." You would be surprised at how often all a woman needs to move to the next level is that sort of hint.)

Focus on that word "need". Submissive men, even those who are only slightly aware of their submissive nature, will know that some part of them is unfulfilled. They might not be able to articulate it but it's there. And it is sometimes very deeply hidden because it conflicts with a whole array of beliefs men have about manliness and masculinity. There is a lot of shame associated with male submissiveness. 

A loving wife is usually committed to meeting her husband's needs just as he should be committed to meeting hers. The realization that the man she loves deeply needs her leadership and her discipline can come as a surprise to some women; but many slightly dominant women have, at least unconsciously, been attracted to slightly submissive men since they were first dating. So it is usually not a complete shock that the man they are engaged to or married to will have a submissive streak.

In general, a man with a submissive streak is much happier and more productive when his wife or partner provides an element of discipline. This can be very subtle - simply telling rather than asking is an excellent way to begin. "Darling, I am going out. While I am gone make sure the laundry is folded and the dishes are in the dishwasher." 

Submissive men enjoy being told what to do. They also enjoy the idea that there will be consequences if they are disobedient. Which means that a loving wife, along with giving her husband instructions, will make it clear she expects to be obeyed and that disobedience will be punished. 

There are a lot of ways of punishing a husband and many wives in vanilla marriages use everything from scolding to sexual denial to simply ignoring their husbands. However, frankly, I think those sorts of tactics are actually pretty manipulative and just as likely to cause fractures in the marriage rather than any improvement in a husband's behaviour.

Much better is the explicit, "If you do not do as I tell you I'm going to have to punish you". Now, during an engagement or the early part of a marriage, the most important thing a wife can do is follow through on her promises.

Keeping a hairbrush or, better still, a shower brush handy allows a wife to administer punishment pretty much immediately.

Will it hurt? Yes, yes it will. For a spanking, much less more intense forms of punishment to actually matter, they have to hurt and your husband should not "like" being punished. Loving your husband may mean turning his bottom a rosy shade of red because he needs to feel the sting of your authority in order to actually embrace his own submissiveness.

So, if you love a submissive man you will have to, when he deserves it, punish him and make sure it hurts enough to matter. If you can do that then an FLR is very much a possibility.

Patreon

Our Patreon experiment is in its early days. Mady has posted a decent but not overwhelming number of wonderfully vintage "men's" magazines and we have a few Patreons.

I am finally editing the final draft of my Female Led Relationship book. And the second part of my Only on a Tuesday: The Courtesan's Way has now been published at Amazon.

 

I wonder if there would be interest from my readers in having a Patreon Tier which would give you access to Mady's collection, the final draft of my FLR book and various other books I have written or elliot has compiled.

I would also like to post things like picture sets and all manner of out of the way dominant female material which fall afoul of Amazon's "no nudity" rules.

If you are interested leave a quick comment. I was thinking of a flat $10.00 a month which would include everything. Keeps a girl in stockings...

elliot's cell

What do you give a man who has everything for Christmas?

My dear elliot has pretty much everything a man could want. His business, his library, a pretty maid who wears corsets and quarter cup bras under her nearly sheer uniform blouse and doubles as a strict personal trainer and, of course, me. His loving dominant wife and disciplinarian.

He is, of course, in his cock cage pretty much full time and his ball stretchers put that little bit of pressure on his testicles to remind him of his place. But those are minor impositions compared to the pleasure he gets from being exercised by Mady and giving me the oral attentions I so enjoy. In fact, he is entirely reconciled to a life of chastity if not celibacy - no, very definitely not celibacy. I want him erotically charged pretty much all the time.

So what to get him for Christmas? I always get him books which he loves. I suspect he would be completely happy if all he did was read in his strange trove of English literary biography and the vast garden of "uncle" books - usually history books you would give to your uncle.

Mady had asked several weeks before Christmas what we should get him and I had not really come up with an answer. But then I remembered the note I wrote about the wife who confined her husband,

"tom has always been deeply into the idea of close confinement," said my friend. "Another friend of mine was "crate training" her dog. Well, I put two and two together and when I had tom build my dressing room, I ordered a large, rather nicely made, furniture really, dog crate. Now, when tom gets on my nerves, or I want to have a nice read in bed or really for any reason at all, I have him strip to his cock cage. Then all I say is "Crate" and in he goes. It has a cute little lock but I had him add a real padlock hasp. Once he's in I go in and snap the lock shut. Then I just forget he's there. It isn't punishment exactly. And my dressing room is hardly a dungeon, but tom knows if he is sent to my dressing room he is entirely at my command. Usually, I will just crate him; but if he needs a whipping or I feel like pegging him, well everything I need is close to hand. And I got a wonderful, very girly, dressing room out of it." 

I mentioned this to Mady.

"I don't think elliot likes being confined. He hates being locked in the closet as much as I do," said Mady.

(The closet is pretty much my most severe punishment. Very simple. It is just what looks for all the world like a broom closet which has been lined with sound absorbent material and finished in red velvet tufting. There are ingenious ways to make the tufting conform quite closely to either elliot or Mady's rather different shapes. It is very dark and very silent with the door closed and locked. If elliot or Mady have been particularly bad I will have a good big, remote-controlled dildo inserted in up their bottom. If they have been extra naughty, they are also required to put a tiny, and I do mean tiny, bit of BenGay cream on their nipples and, if I am feeling mean, elliot has to do his scrotum and Mady her mound. And then in they go. The door locks and I set a timer. True to its advertising the BenGay can last for a couple of hours and I will remotely pulse the butt plug from time to time. They both hate the closet and I use it sparingly.)

"Not quite what I had in mind, Mady. I was thinking more along the lines of converting elliot's dressing room into a celibate's cell. Just a bed. No decoration. Perhaps, if he's lucky, a book I think he should read, mainly the same mindfulness he finds in the corner with my panties or yours," I said.

"That sounds like a great idea and a wonderful gift," said Mady.

"It does, doesn't it," I said. "I love elliot dearly but there are times when I would just like to be on my own - or with you between my legs and not a thought of elliot. I am sure you would like the occasional day off as well," I said.

"If we put a slot in the door for food we could leave him in his cell for a couple of days," said Mady.

"We could," I said.

"But, if I may, ma'am, I would not put his cell in his dressing room. There is a quite large box room I think you would call it in the hall which would be just the right size. It would fit a cot nicely and it is right beside a bathroom so the plumbing would not be a problem. And there is even a little window. It would be far enough from your bedroom that you would not need to pay any attention at all once you locked the door," said Mady. "And then I could give my mistress the pleasures only girls are really good at."

"Oh, elliot is pretty good, Mady," I said, "As you know."

So that is what elliot got for Christmas. We told the carpenter that it was a meditation room.

While I would have prefered a genuine single bed in true monastery style, the reality was that I also like clean and modern and made of steel - plus this bed frame allows me to easily have Mady chain elliot's ball stretcher to the foot of the bed. The chain is just long enough that he can get to the toilet or the door for his food.

He spent his first night in his cell a couple of days ago. There is, of course, a ritual. He showers and when he is done Mady slides a long hasped combination padlock through his ball stretcher rings and then through a piece of perfectly ordinary link chain. Mady walked elliot, in his dressing gown, to the door of his cell where I was waiting. She handed me his chain and took his dressing gown. Then she took a very pretty, short, cotton nightie  and put it over his head. It came just below his bottom and his poor caged cock was barely covered.

I walked him over to the bed where there was another length of chain wrapped around the central support.

"Darling, I've decided you need a little room of your own. Merry Christmas. Your meals will come through the slot in the door. Good Night," I said kissing him lightly on the cheek and locking the second padlock which held the chains.

There was a bolt on the outside of the door which Mady drew closed.

"I hope he likes his present," said Mady.

"So do I. Now, you, young lady have my bath to attend to and, much as I hate to say it, locking elliot away has made me very wet indeed...which you can attend to as my bath is running," I said with a big smile.

"Yes ma'am. No fear of interuption," said Mady.

"None."

Update: In comments and emails a number of my readers have asked for elliot's reaction to his cell. I let him out after a little more than 36 hours. Really just two nights and a day. But he was chained the entire time and, of course, with the soundproofing, was entirely isolated. How did it go? Here's what he said.

"Once I realized that you planned to lock me into a small room and chain me to the bed I had to assume that the Lady of the House had her reasons. I didn't feel like I was being punished, exactly. More reminded of the very fulfilling life I am allowed to lead on the other side of my cell door.

"Just as having my cock in its cage is a constant reminder that you are in complete control of my erections and what ejaculations I am permitted, being locked in the cell reminded me that the rest of my life is your gift as well."

"I quickly got used to being chained to the bed. It was surprising to feel the effect of the extra weight. Not painful, just uncomfortable. So I spent most of my time sitting on my bed. I slept and I thought about how wonderful it would be to be allowed to see you and Mady. I was silent."

"It would be nice if you could see your way to leaving a pair of your panties with me when you confine me. A reminder."

So, no ill effects. Just mindfullness. elliot is very well trained.

Zoey's First Night - My new book

As many readers know I have a long abiding interest in the various ways women use their feminine power. From this blog and the books elliot and I have written about Female Led Relationships (and yes my guide is coming) to high end escorting (Avails: Escorting for the Elegant Woman) and to what I think is an essential to an intelligent young woman's education, being a mistress to a wealthy, older man (Modern Mistress: Lead the Luxury Life You Deserve).

In the process of writing my books on escorting and the pleasures of being kept I have interviews many delightful young women and kept recordings or notes of those interviews. And in some cases, girls who have read one of those books have got in touch to tell their stories.

I just published and am making available to my blog readers free (but please leave a review) the first of what I hope will be several books based on interviews with successful mistresses. Zoey read Modern Mistress and in this book she describes her first night with Nick, her rather covetable, patron.

You can download the book at no cost for the next couple of days here.

Enjoy!