Time Outs

shackles optional

Some dominant wives want servile, timid husbands who are entirely submissive all the time. Which is fine but, honestly, for me that would be pretty boring. I want elliot to be the smart, sassy man I married. Of course, I also want his instant obedience and his love and respect; but I married an alpha male and I have no intention of giving up the wonderful masculine traits that entails.

Keeping his cock in a cage is an assertion of my authority and the fact there is only one sexuality in our marriage, mine. His discipline, his physical training, his submission to both myself and my maid/companion Mady, his periodic confinement in his little room, are all designed to shape his character, not change it.

Which means, of course, that from time to time, my sweet elliot gets a little rambunctious. Very much the nature of the beast and I wouldn't have it any other way.

That said, there are lines he knows he cannot cross. One of them is backchat. He does not always remember this. There are other minor annoyances which, while they must be corrected, don't always call for the cane or shower brush. In fact, I would argue that dominant wives are wise to keep physical correction as a measured response for serious misbehaviour.

In my house, elliot (and sometimes, when she is naughty, Mady) know that minor infractions lead directly to a time out. Just a few minutes in a corner or locked in a closet. Corner time is a very effective "call to order" and can be imposed, literally anywhere. (Mady was a bit cheeky in a ladies shop the other day and I sent her into the changing room to stand in the corner. As she was going in she was going to close the door, "No, Mady, leave the door open." Part of corner time is the humiliation.)

Being locked in a convenient closet is a terrific "time out". Effectively, elliot is banished for a few minutes or even, an hour or two. For a man with an active mind and lots going on, the sheer boredom of standing or sitting in the dark is a very real punishment. So much so that he has actually asked me to cane him rather than giving him a closet time out. No luck with that request and it always adds fifteen minutes to his closet time.

Creative corrections ensure that elliot and Mady remember their places without losing the feistiness which makes my house such fun.

Locktober

elliot has been in chastity since Labour Day and is all the better and more attentive for it. I have allowed him one ejaculation and Mady tells me she has had him out twice to enjoy a little penetration. Of course he knows he is never to ejaculate when Mady is using him and he also knows that if he does he'll be whipped severely and locked down in his "meditation" room for several days. He's very careful. So, at our house "Locktober" is not really all that big a deal.

Other marriages have different routines and I was delighted to get this letter from a dominant wife in Oregon a few days ago.

----

Dear Miss Jay,

I love reading your blog. You have such a wonderful, matter of fact, way of leading your marriage.

My husband, roy, accepted my leadership in our marriage a couple of years after we were first married five years ago. For the most part that has involved roy doing what he is told and accepting the fact that if he is disobedient or talks back he is in for a paddling. I have a light 14 inch bamboo paddle for quick corrections, a cute 8 inch hairbrush which I keep in my bag and am happy to use if roy gets stroppy when we're out and, on your recommendation, a 17 3/4 inch wooden shower brush which roy hates and I use only sparingly. Just having the shower brush in the shower reminds roy not to masturbate without my permission.

Rather like you, I am not especially fond of penetrative sex. I would much rather have roy pay me oral attention and I have trained him to pleasure me and then accept the fact it is my choice as to whether or not he will be allowed to pleasure himself. Which is fine but in the last year I have wanted a bit more control and I have been putting roy in a chastity device. This has been an occasional thing until the last couple of months where I have been leaving him locked up for a few days at a time.

He has responded very well to fairly short periods of chastity - yes, it really is true that a man in chastity will do almost anything to be released - but now I would like to extend those periods.

My thought was that "Locktober" might be a good test run for roy's chastity to become his default position. Rather like elliot. So, I am going to lock him in on October 1 and, no matter how much he begs, I am not letting him out until Halloween.

My thought is that I will do a weekly clean up with a face cloth with roy's hands handcuffed behind his back. I was also thinking that, around the 15th, I might masturbate him to relive the pressure.

What do you think of my plans?

Yours sincerely,

Cecily

----
I wrote back.

Dear Cecily,

What a lucky man roy is to have found an intelligent woman to obey. Good for you.

I think your plan to lock roy up for thirty-one days is excellent. Extended chastity changes the whole dynamic in a female-led relationship. I know the shower brush impresses the seriousness of your dominion on roy's posterior but having his cock locked up for a month will add a whole new dimension to your marriage.

So I think, overall, your plans for Locktober are nearly perfect. Two quibbles, first, you write about locking roy up but you don't mention upping his oral service requirements. Locktober is not just about going cock free for a month, it is also about the lady of the house enjoying lavish oral sex, massages, foot baths and all sorts of other delightful things a chaste male will be only too happy to do.

My second quibble is more serious. A man in chastity should, in my view, be chaste for the duration of the time you set. If you are locking him up for October he should not come at all in October. Strict, I know, but for long term chastity to have its desired effect, orgasm denial needs to be part of it.

Now, if you really think you need to "relieve the pressure" (and I note there is no proper medical evidence that prolonged chastity is harmful), might I suggest, mid-month, that you push a vibrator up his bum and let his prostate cause him to dribble without any hint of orgasm. (I wrote a short book on the benefits of prostate milking in female led relationship: A Ladies Guide to Prostate Milking.) A good remote control anal vibrator and you can pretty much handcuff him, lie him on the bed, push the vibe up his backdoor and flick the vibe to a medium setting. Twenty minutes later he'd be drained but, in this is the key thing, he will not lose the edge you have been building. Men who orgasm undergo physio and psychological changes and it takes them sometime to rebuild the sexual tension which keeps them so attentive. Prostate milking avoids that altogether.

So, enjoy Locktober! I know roy will. And, remember, if Locktober goes well, there is always NOvember.

Enjoy!

Hannah










 

Fall

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City Husband, Country Wife

One of the best parts of running this blog has been the correspondence I have had with other dominant wives. Every female-led relationship evolves in its own way and it is fascinating to see how other women create the blend of discipline, chastity, obedience and nurture which can bring out their submissive husband's best self.

Cara and her husband Terry have worked out a wonderful way to balance a need for discretion with a wonderful transformation. But I will let Cara tell her own story.

Dear Miss Jay,

I adore your blog and your books - not just A Man in My Position and the other dominant wife material - but also your wonderfully detailed and open minded exploration of how powerful women can maximize their potential as escorts, or, my favorite, mistresses. (The retro smut you have elliot publish I give to my Terry as a special treat.)

I suspect I was drawn to your work on the interesting nexus between sex and money because I met Terry when he was my escorting client. Though I use "escorting" in a very loose way. I had a small business catering to cross-dressers and transvestites (and if you can tell me the difference my hat is off to you, but it was very important to the men I saw.)

Believe it or not, I got into the business when I was a make-up and special effects artist. I spent my days making pretty girls prettier and, from time to time, making them scary. It was a good living and a lot of the sets I worked on paid a cash bonus. On one of these shoots a model I knew slightly asked if I could do a friend of hers make up for a party. I said sure and thought nothing of it. We arranged to meet her and her "friend" at her apartment the next day. Well, like more than a few models I knew, this girl supplemented her modelling income with pay to play encounters and her "friend" was a client who wanted to "Walk on the Wild Side". It took a little doing but I managed to create a passable impression of a woman - but he walked like a trucker. I spoke to my friend who agreed and then I suggested that, if he wanted to, I could offer him some "training" as well as the make-up and clothes. He jumped at the chance and my model friend told me later she had two other clients who wanted this sort of feminization and it was not her thing. And she had friends in the business for whom crossdressing clients were actually a problem. I was launched.

I would only see three or four clients a week, charge a high fee and make a "best efforts" attempt to let them appear and behave as women. I say best efforts because, realistically, very few men have much hope of "passing" for a woman but they seemed to have fun trying. My sessions were quite long, two hours minimum, often four.

Most of my clients were very regular and, once they had done their introductory appointments, I laid on a program of deportment, skirt management, high heels training and so on. There was no "sex" of course. However, at the end of the appointment, if they had been very good, I would tell them to go to the little girl's room and make a mess in their panties which they then had to lick clean before hand washing.

The key insight I had into these men was that they all were, to some degree, ashamed of their need to dress as women. And, here was the thing, they enjoyed the shame and humiliation of having to put on lingerie, foundation wear, wigs, breast forms, false eyelashes and so on. If I didn't tease them, demand instant obedience and tell, not ask, them to put on their "pretty" clothes they would be disappointed in the session. They wanted to be "forced". And yes, I did threaten to spank my naughty boys and, occasionally, it would be necessary as part of a session to paddle or cane a client quite severely. Of course, "quite severely" was a very relative term. The objective was to create a reason for the client to comply with his own humbling - which was the very thing he wanted.

Men! What can you do?

In my case, I charged a lot of money, built up a remarkable collection of plus sized lingerie and outfits - my clients, as part of their training, were required to purchase these items and bring them to their sessions. This all took place several years ago but even then you could get everything from side zip girdles to breast forms to plus size high heels at Amazon. You could even get the correct "gaff" panties to keep every little thing in its place.

It was all part of the ritual and the ritual was very important to my clients. For a few hours, they were going to be "forced" to be female. In a couple of years, I actually had a waiting list.

Terry was a referral from one of my model/escort friends and I saw him really as a favour. He was pretty run of the mill as clients went and I was just going through the motions as I corseted down his waist and put on the breast forms. For cross dressing, Terry was lucky. Not only did he have a gender neutral name - Terry swings both ways but he was almost hairless and was small boned if a little plump in places. The very opposite of "buff". With the corset giving his already quite tight waist a lttle shape and the "C" cup breast forms in place in a lacy black I had him slip on a pair of black satin tap panties. He was a natural blond with a rather nice full head of gently wavy hair. Rather than put him in a wig, I put in hair extensions I happened to have. Light make-up, really just a very transparent foundation, mascara and eye shadow plus a light pink lip and he was done. I clipped semi sheer compression stockings to his garter tabs. (Pro-tip, compression stockings help shape a man's leg and hide any hair which a first timer is likely to have. Plus they feel as if you are actually a naughty boy wearing stockings.)

A simple pencil skirt and sheer blouse and a pair of modest two inch heels and Teri was done. By this point I had done transformations for a fair number of men. A few, a very few, could pass after several sessions. Teri stood up and walked over to my three way mirror. He was a little awkward in his heels but, honestly, with a bit of practice, it would be very had to tell. He had delicate wrists and his Adam's apple was inconspicuous and could be made more so with a bit of reverse contouring.

"Wow," was all he said as he looked at himself in the mirror. "I never thought I would be this pretty."

He was not wrong. Unlike many men Teri suited the longer hair, the makeup, the clothes. We practised walking in heels for a little while and then I had him make and serve me a cup of tea and one for himself. It all seemed perfectly natural. As Teri he was quite feminine, funny in a slightly exaggerated girlish way and rather flirtatious. It was quite a long session and I had him change into a shorter skirt at one point. He was naturally rather modest and went behind my screen rather than showing off his lingerie. Eventually I said I had another appointment and Teri went behind the screen and undressed and came out in the lacy ruffled lilac robe I kept for clients; makeup and hair still intact.

"Come here," I said, "Open your robe."

He did as he was told and stood in front of me his little cock - and it was quite small - naked and erect. I reached out and took it in my hand.

"You enjoyed dressing up as a girl didn't you," I said gently pumping his cock.

"Yes, Miss," he said.

"And you'd like to do it again wouldn't you Terry?" I said pumping a little faster.

"Oh yes Miss."

I could feel him coming very close and I let go of his cock.

"Good. I will see you next week. Now get dressed."

He was, I suspect, a bit disappointed that I had not taken him to completion but I had other plans.

He arrived the next week and we did much the same thing. I was a bit more prepared with sizes and I had a surprise for him at the end of the session. I had him, once again, undress from his girl clothes behind the screen and came out in the peach robe I had bought him.

"Terry, when you left last week did you go home and ejaculate?" I asked holding his hard little cock firmly.

"Yes, Miss, twice that night and two or three times a day since. I can't help it," said Terry.

"I thought so," I said. "That won't do at all. Girls don't masturbate the same way as boys so we're going to have to make sure you behave. Now, here's a tissue. Jack yourself off for me."

"Yes, Miss," said Terry as he began to pull on his cock.

"Faster, I don't have all day," I said which was all it took to send plumes of sperm out of his purplish cock head. "Now, go over to that corner with my panties (I am a huge fan of corner time for men.) and hold them in the corner with your nose."

Terry did what he was told and ten minutes later I called him back. As I suspected he would be he was just as hard.

"Now, I could whip that erection away or put that naughty little cock in ice water until you get soft; but instead, jerk it again. Quickly," I said handing him a dish. "Every drop in the dish."

It took a little longer this time but in a couple of minutes there was a nice dollop of cum and several drops and strands decorating the china dish.

"You know what you have to do, Terry," I said looking at the dish. "Lick up your mess."

It was a test he passed eagerly.

"Good boy," I said reaching around for the package I had received air express.

"Now, Terry, good girls always ask for permission to masturbate. Which I know is hard for girly-bois so I have bought you a little gift. Turn around and put your hands behind your back," I said. I took a pair of handcuffs and clicked them locked. "Turn around."

Terry obeyed and I opened the box the male chastity device came in. "Do you know what this is, Terry?"

"No Miss."

"It's a cock cage. You'll be wearing it when you are not in lady's clothes," I said putting the pink silicone ring around and behind his balls. Then, using my fairly long but nicely squared fingernails, I reached under the head of his cock and pushed it into the silicone cage. He was soft enough that it was easy to get most of his cock in the cage and push the holes over the pegs. I reached through the little slot in the end and grabbed the head of his cock with my nails to pull it all into the cage. Then I slipped the padlock through the short peg and clicked it shut.

"There you go," I said. "All tucked away and I have the key. Now you can get dressed and I want you to pick me up for dinner on Thursday. Seven o'clock. Dress nicely as I am taking you somewhere special.

Two months later we were married in a civil ceremony. I wore a lovely 40's suit, seamed stocking and a pretty, veiled hat. Teri was dressed in a light linen jacket, a pair of side zippered linen trousers, cute loafers, his cock cage for lingerie and his now longer hair pulled off his face with two butterfly barrettes.

I took him back to my apartment, had him put on his nightie for bed and then gave him a good hairbrushing to set the tone of what has been a long and happy marriage. As you can imagine, having been kept in his cage for the three weeks before our wedding night, he was very anxious to perform his marital duties. I, on the other hand, thought that could wait for our honeymoon and enjoyed Teri's girlish tongue on my throbbing clit.

We were honeymooning at a small country house I owned about forty miles from the city we live in. I drove. Teri had changed into her going away outfit. Nothing elaborate, a day dress in a fine grey cotton with a little, to the waist, black jacket. Corset, girdle, bra and breast forms, hair extensions in and nice day make-up as I had instructed her to.

"In the country, Teri, you are always going to be en femme. Most weekends, two or three weeks a summer. Will you like that?" I asked when he had agreed to marry me.

"More than anything," said Terry.

"In the city you have your job so you can't really be who you like to be. Or, at least, not yet. But you'll be a country wife which will be fun for you and fun for me."

"Yes, Miss Cara," said Teri.

"After we're married you will not have to call me miss anymore," I said. "And in the country, you'll wear your pretty gaff panties rather than that nasty old cock cage."

Which was exactly what happened.

Teri has taken to the world of a 1950's housewife with a vengeance. She's always beautifully dressed, her hair is perfect and she is wonderfully obedient. She was, I must admit, a little taken aback when she discovered that I was going to give her the whole experience by having intercourse with her every Saturday night with a strap-on.

"Do I have to?" she asked?

"Of course you have to," I said. "But unlike those poor girls in the fifties with just the one cock, I have a number of dildos which will fit my harness. We'll start you off like a virgin with something small but hard and work your pretty back pussy up to big cocks."

Which is exactly what we did.

During the week, while Terry is wonderfully submissive and attentive, other than his panties and camisole and his cock cage, he is allowed to present as a slightly effeminate man. As soon as he comes home from work on Friday he showers, is let out of his cock cage, gaffed and then changes into his weekend attire.

Our neighbours in the country think we may be lesbians but we simply keep them guessing.

We've lived this way for a few years now. I am still a make-up artist and I still have a select cross dressing clientele. Terry is not in the least jealous. Even if he was, a good wife, and Teri is a very good wife, knows when to keep quiet.

The Elegant Mistress

A year ago to the day I wrote,

"Now, with older admirers, that is the very last thing they want to hear. Instead, make it clear to them that they exist to ensure you have the nice things like silk chemises, real silk stockings, a really good vibrator and the pampering you deserve. Wonderful food, the occasional short vacation and what Holly Golightly referred to as "Powder Room Money" are all to be expected. Nice things in blue boxes never go amiss.

A girl can be just as in charge with a man old enough to be her father as with a younger man. Those handcuffs will come in handy. But with older men, a girl does not have to be quite as stingy with her favours and good behaviour and really wonderful presents can be the occasion for a controlled ejaculation. The dynamic is very different.

I'll return to the subject another day. But, right now, it is cocktail hour and I'd hate to be late."

What I was referring to, of course, was that wonderful opportunity which smart girls, especially in their twenties, have to become a mistress for a few years.

No, not the boots and leather corset kind of mistress - though that can be fun too - rather a young lady who is "kept" by a wealthy, usually older man. I have written extensively about this quaint but delightful halfway house between escorting and the dating/marriage world. (I'll put the books in below. A couple are free today.)

It takes a self-possessed girl to succeed at being a mistress because there is a subtle but very real power dynamic involved. The fact is that almost every mistress relationship is a female led relationship to a greater or lesser degree.

I discuss this dynamic at much greater length in my book Modern Mistress: Lead the Luxury Life you Deserve. Put in simple terms, a woman who becomes a mistress is trading her time, attention and favours to her patron for "the finer things in life". What those things are - an allowance, rent paid, a clothing allowance, a car, vacations - are all a matter of negotiation and it is the mistress, not her patron, who takes charge of that negotiation.

Part of the dynamic is that the prospective mistress has something her patron wants. That something goes well beyond sex. If it is just a transactional sex for money situation then the girl is not really a mistress at all. She is stuck somewhere between escort and sugar baby. In both those situations, (with few exceptions which I talk about in my book on elegant escorting, Avails: Escorting for The Elegant Woman) it is the male who holds the power and, being men, in that situation the relationship is usually very fleeting. Even the most successful sugar babies seldom last three months, whereas a man's relationship with his mistress can last years.

The key to this longevity is that, from the moment she meets her patron, through the negotiations and on into the relationship, the mistress takes charge. Both in the bedroom and in the rest of their time together, a clever mistress takes the lead. She does this by doing something many women are diffident about: she owns her sexuality and makes it clear from the outset that it is her sexuality and what she chooses to do with it, which drives the pleasure matrix in the relationship.

Obviously, it is not as one-sided as the total control a dominant wife maintains over the sexual life in her marriage. Most patrons would be unimpressed with the requirement of prolonged chastity for example. But that does not stop a clever mistress from keeping her patron, as it were, hungry.

Finding out what a man really desires and then teasing him with possibilities sets a mistress apart from her less adventurous peers. Because it implies that a mistress is more than willing to meet those desires head on rather than coyly as many women feel bound to do. 

A mistress keeps her patron transfixed because, unlike with many of the other women he has been with, she is sexually aggressive rather than passive and her sexual favours are not conditional. Far too many women use sex as some sort of reward for their husbands or boyfriends. Completion of the "honey do" list gets a husband a blow job. For the mistress, assuming that her patron ensures her comfort, sex is part of the bargain and a part she embraces.

Spending a few years as a mistress in your twenties very quickly expands a woman's perspective on the world, on men and, most importantly, herself. As I gather the interviews with the women in the Mistress Matrix, I was struck at just how much more mature and self-confident these, often quite young, women were. Part of it was, of course, money. Compared to her contemporaries, a well kept mistress has much lower expenses and a much greater disposable income for what amounts to, in most cases, all of five to ten hours a week of actual face time. Another huge part of it was that these girls realize early on that their success as mistresses depends on being the sort of beauty their patrons desire. Glossy hair, great skin, perfect nails - even a slightly mousy girl is transformed as she embraces the mistress experience and has the money and time it takes to glow. 

Add to that the time at the gym or swimming and generally being physically active - mistresses don't have muffin tops and the money to buy really lovely clothes and, very quickly, a girl gains the real power beauty confers. A woman in full.

It is only for a few years but being a mistress is the perfect preparation for a woman who wants to lead her own marriage.

Here are the books:

A complete guide for the Modern Mistress. How to advertise. How to negotiate your monthly allowance. Treats and gifts. 

How to look glamorous and very expensive. Sex tips - enthusiasm, technique and a nice pair of stockings. The Modern Mistress's apartment, wardrobe, lingerie, sheets and refrigerator: a complete guide.

Plus a guide for patrons to avoid getting caught and why the Modern Mistress is a wife's best friend.

A sexy, fun and provocative guide to the good life for girls who demand to be spoiled.

Kindle Book for all ebook readers: https://amzn.to/2ZbWUeY

Five star reviewed author Hannah Jay has written the definitive guide to high end escorting with her “Avails: The Elegant Woman’s Guide to Escorting” and the ultimate guide to paid companionship, “Modern Mistress: Lead the Luxury Life You Deserve”, has interviewed literally hundreds of up market escorts, mistresses and courtesans. In this first volume of “Money Sex” she brings fifteen top escorts’ stories to life.

The very best lingerie for a pay for play date? The real secret behind graceful, professional, blow jobs? What expensive girls do to prepare for pleasure? Why do girls escort? Miss Jay’s interviews are sexy, smart and revealing.

Super luxe girls, in their own words, talking about their first time, the men they like, the clients who keep coming back, the tricks of the trade.

Kindle Book: https://amzn.to/2TQbo34

The Mistress Matrix

What would the first night as a wealthy man's mistress be like. Zoey is about to find out. 

Everything needs to be perfect right down to her pretty lingerie. Nick was going to have the night of his life and, even though this was just a business arrangement, Zoey wanted to be the sort of girl Nick would keep coming back to.

Kindle Book: https://amzn.to/2Z7QD8X

Chris becomes the mistress of a very nice man with a tiny problem.

She solves the tiny problem and brings home the Birkin.

The pleasures of a kept woman in Book 2 of the Mistress Matrix.

Kindle Book: https://amzn.to/2Z8AVug

FREE TODAY!

Sage Hart wasn't really looking to become a mistress but a hundred foot sailing yacht and her own slutty nature let her accept and indecent proposal.

When Sage decides to be the ship's mistress she makes sure her Captain is teased and pleased. Lots of great blow jobs, a pleasing spanking, and good old fashioned sex including great anal. 

Sage is a versatile girl. A lady in a restaurant, slut on the aft deck and a willing whore in the Captain's cabin.

Kindle Book: https://amzn.to/2HiOYSX

The Innocence of 70's Men's Magazines

elliot currently has a collection of bondage covergirls up for free at Kindle Covergirl Bondage #1

I am always amused and delighted at the wonderful innocence of these sorts of magazines. There was a genuine sense of naughtiness and even of transgression at some level, but there was also a sense of humour and fun.

Just look at the outfit the "Mistress" in this cover image is wearing. Long black leather gloves, matching high heeled leather boots, jodhpurs and a sweater. Really right out of the pages of Bizarre Magazine or The Perils of Gwendoline.

Personally, I am not all that keen on bondage in itself. Certainly, I have been known to have Mady tie elliot up for serious discipline, but, to be honest, it seems like a lot of bother when a pair of leather cuffs and a hook in a beam can serve just as well.

Of course, elliot loves putting Mady in bondage if I let him. And, to be honest, she can look lovely in very much the position the girl is trussed up in the cover picture. The good news being Mady has a much better figure and much cuter lingerie.

Oddly, I don't think of elliot's cock cage as bondage at all. Probably because, come Labour Day his summer freedom will end and his cock will go back into chastity for an indeterminate period. I have had lots of fun with his little cock over the summer. I even let him have a dozen strokes at a time in my sacred grove. And I had elliot take Mady four or five times - not, of course to his own completion - but very much to her's. She claims not to enjoy penetrative sex much but watching her I am not so sure. I enjoy teasing Mady about having her bred at some point. Which I won't actually do as breeding a girl leads, eventually, to the delights of small children and that has to be Mady's choice.

But on the breeding theme, as I think of it, it might be fun to tie Mady up the next time I have elliot cover her. I'll have to think about that.

And here, I think is the point: for the photographers and models shooting bondage pictures in the 70's, these sorts of elaborations, bondage plus sex, were beyond the pale. In fact, there was very little actual nudity in the bondage magazines and if there was it was all about plump breasts and not below the waist.

A gentler, simpler, time....enjoy!

Maintenance - Part of an FLR?

I get this question from time to time,

Is maintenance - a weekly spanking or something more severe - important to a Female Led Relationship?

The various ladies I know who are leading their marriages are all over the place on this question as am I.

Women who use maintenance spankings swear by them as they serve as a reminder to their husband or boyfriend of who is in charge. And I take that point. Plus, and this is interesting, a number of the women I speak to regularly, say that their husbands positively look forward to the ritual of a maintenance spanking. But usually when I probe a little deeper, it turns out that the "maintenance" is a pretty mild affair. Over the lady of the house's knee and a hand spanking. While the humiliation of having to lie across your wife's lap for your weekly spanking might have some effect, that effect is likely to wear off pretty quickly.

If a routine of maintenance is going to have any effect on a male's long term behaviour a lady's hand to her husband's bottom is really not going to do the job. I have said elsewhere that lady's hands are not made for spanking. To make any sort of impression you need and instrument: a cane or dog stick or a paddle or elliot's least favorite, a shower brush. Whether you are punishing your husband or giving him a regular maintenance dose, you want him submitting to a serious spanking rather than looking forward to the ritual. He should not like being spanked one little bit.

And there, frankly, is the problem with the idea of regular maintenance spankings: a serious session with the cane or the shower brush takes quite a while for a man to get over. Yes, he will want to behave so it does not happen again any time soon, but if he knows he'll be getting another, serious spanking, regardless of behaviour in a week's time it tends to produce resignation rather than obedience. 

I think physically correcting your husband is a valuable tool for a dominant wife but one which must be used as sparingly as it is severely. Play spankings are no good at all.

However, a number of dominant wives have different spins on maintenance.

----

"I like to call our weekly sessions "performance reviews" writes Maggie from a southern US state. "On a Sunday afternoon, after church and before I cook dinner. Two o'clock precisely in my lovely dressing room which also serves as Kenneth's punishment room."

"I am a woman in my late thirties, in nice shape. I had my babies young and now they are older teens. Sunday afternoon is their youth church group with makes it perfect for Ken's review. I always conduct the review in the clothes I've worn to church. At our church the ladies are expected to make an effort on Sundays and I often wear just what you see here. A satin blouse and a pencil skirt with a little jacket. And, yes, I do wear a girdle and hose to church. It does not do to jiggle."

"He has to leave his day clothes in our bedroom and I will usually put out something cute for him to wear. A pretty romper, or a spanking girdle or maybe nothing at all in which case he has to come in naked."

"The first thing I do, no matter what, is handcuff him with his hands behind his back. He has to keep his legs spread. I have a short Huntley riding crop which is useless for a serious whipping but gets his attention if I flick his cock or balls or nipples. I prefer the broad "keeper" which what you actually call the business end of the crop."

"Once I have his attention I run down my written list of whatever his transgressions have been that week. Keeping a list means I don't forget much, however, when I have finished I always ask Kenneth if there is anything I have forgotten. There often is and that goes on the list."

"Now, his regular maintenance is a spell in the little cage I have in one of my closets - usually an hour. It is more uncomfortable than painful but I have my little enhancements."

"Nothing like a big, black, inflatable, cock up your naughty bottom for an hour. I leave the little inflator bulb outside the closet and, every so often step on it. Kenneth has learned to take all nine fat inches. Or I shove a cute little remote-controlled prostate massager up his bottom and make him dribble in his panties."

"Sometimes, in spite of the fact Ken is supposed to be contrite during his performance review, he gets an erection. He very much hopes he doesn't because, just before he has to crawl into his cage, his cock and balls will get a nice thick coat of Deep Heat. I usually gag him when he has to take the heat because he makes a lot of noise. I like to use a short but thick penis gag so he feels nice and full.

"Another favorite is a bit of ginger pushed up his bottom. You have to be clever about trimming it but I've noticed that Ken visibly winces when he sees his "fig" sitting on a nice china plate on my make-up table."

"Those are the sorts of punishments a bad performance review will merit. If Ken has been outright disobedient or disrespectful, I have a lovely chaise with a single beautifully cushioned arm which is just the right height for Ken to bend over. Now I was a Kappa Kappa Gamma and I have always thought a fine old sorority paddle was ideal for correcting errant husbands. Most of the time a dozen swats with my paddle and then some time in his cage puts Ken back on the straight and narrow. However, when he has actually done something bad...having too many drinks, ogling one of my girlfriends or a pretty girl on the street, lying - I hate lying - I'll want to raise some blisters. I never paddle when I am angry. I wait until Sunday and then I will get out what I call The Holey Paddle.

"Twelve strokes of the Holey Paddle and Ken's bottom is a mess. The most I have ever given him were 24 (drinking, ogling and lying) and he, literally, could not sit down comfortably for a week.

"As you can guess, in the five years since I became head of our household, Ken has worked very hard to avoid any paddlings at all. Which is just how I like it."

"Now, one other element in our weekly routine is that after Ken has completed his punishment, he has to kneel in front of me and jerk himself off onto a special china plate I keep for just this purpose. It isn't a very big plate and Ken knows I mark down every drop which misses the plate for correction the next week. He has only managed to keep all his mess on the plate twice. Of course, he has to clean up any spunk which is on the floor with his tongue; but he has a choice with what's on the plate, he can either lick it all up right away or we'll put it in the fridge and feed it to him before Church the following week. If he decides to postpone he may earn some forgiveness in his next performance review. His choice. When he has been severely punished he usually postpones, but a light session and he almost always drinks it right down."

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I very much want to thank Maggie for sharing her wonderfully creative performance review and consequences story.

Frankly, this makes much more sense to me than either a regular, barely noticed, spanking or a proper weekly whipping which seems more than is required. Training a man is about routine, rewards and punishments. Creativity is a must!