The Governess

I am revising my book Avails: Escorting for the Elegant Woman and ran across this interview with a rather serious professional dominatrix. Not my thing at all but I thought it might be of passing interest to my readers:

The Governess – Donna, a Serious Domina

Donna is in her thirties and works as fetish escort in a large American city. She also has international clients.

“When I first started escorting I was drawn to what you might call “dress up” dates. Lots of fun and very easy. But, gradually, I found that a lot of my clients were looking for more.” she said in a Skype interview.

“I worked in a professional dungeon for a year and discovered that I was a natural switch and that I got very bored very quickly in the traditional dominatrix role. “Yes Mistress, No Mistress.” gets old fast. So I started looking around for a niche which combined an element of domination with a character who could help differentiate me in the fetish market. And, I must admit, I wanted a character where I didn’t have to spend an hour putting on a black leather corset and extreme make-up. The Governess was born.”

“My whole role is to be in charge. Where an escort traditionally tries to pleasure her clients, I make my clients humble themselves to me. At the same time, instead of conducting my business in a dark fake dungeon with whips and chains and assorted bondage furniture, I have a lovely loft overlooking the river. Mainly white, very high ceilings and great windows.”

“I advertise very discreetly. Most of my ads are only one or two lines: sometimes they are just a word, “Governess”. The men who want my services know what that implies and I don’t want any clients who require an explanation.”

“Escorting always has an element of role playing. After all, those girls are not seeing their clients because they are possessed by desire; but the clients who use escorts seem to believe that they are the one man on earth who actually isn’t business but rather lust. My clients are under no such misapprehension.”

“One thing I learned working at the dungeon was that more than half the clients for a domina escort are really there for the play acting. The silliest toy in the world is the suede flogger. I have seen fly swatters with more ommmph. But that is what the majority of the dungeon’s clients wanted. They wanted to be helpless but safe, flogged but with no marks.”

“However, for a small minority, this sort of play-acting was exactly the opposite of what they were actually looking for. To find a woman who was very strict and very real was worth a great deal to them.”

“Taking on the role of the Governess is not at all like a standard escorting situation. First off, there is absolutely no sex. Second, the encounters tend to be quite lengthy. Two hours minimum but, realistically, four hours works better.” explained Donna.

“I have a website but it is mainly a private site which you have to have a login to access. You get the login by getting in touch with me and sending $100.00. Just enough to discourage triflers.”

“Once you are logged in you are required to fill out an application. Real name, real address, references. And then you also are required to complete a questionnaire about your preferences. It is quite a long questionnaire and several of my clients have told me that there are items listed they have never heard of.”

“Once I have checked references and read the questionnaire I make a decision as to whether I am willing to take on a particular client. I have a flat fee for the initial session. It is actually quite reasonable and many of my clients are surprised that such an exclusive service is not more expensive.”

We asked Donna why she did not charge more. “Unlike a lot of escorts, I have far more clients who want to see me than I want to see. My second and subsequent encounters cost twice as much as the introductory session and many of my clients tip very generously. My view is that the Governess is not an escort service for everyone but that for the clients who understand what I offer it is an indispensable part of their lives. I can and do charge more for my international clients but I prefer to keep my rates at a level essentially comparable to those of a good corporate lawyer. $750 an hour or $2500 for the typical four hour session is more than enough. I book a maximum of six sessions a week so you can imagine I do quite well.”

We asked Donna what she actually did in her role as the Governess. “When a client comes to my space I greet him in character. Preliminaries are dealt with. An envelope on the hall table and then he is sent to the shower. This gives me time to count. You learn some things as a vanilla escort.”

“I am not going to go into detail but I can tell you that virtually every session begins with my client immobilized in a stress position in a very small, dark, sound proof, closet I had custom built in my loft. It sets the tone.”

“I have a couple of pretty basic outfits I wear in session: either a very fitted pencil skirt and high heels and a white cotton blouse or black jodhpurs, riding boots and a white silk blouse. My hair is pulled back. I wear a bit of red lipstick which matches my nail polish. I never take my clothes off so it doesn’t matter what I have on underneath.”

“The Governess is strict. She is demanding. She has many punishments and few rewards. It is almost the precise opposite of the typical escort date and it is also much more intense than a typical S/M dungeon encounter.”

“In a sense,” said Donna, “I could wear anything and actually do anything because this is not a dress up date, this is the real thing. My role is to train the men who see me to do exactly what they are told when they are told to do it. And to do that I punish far more often than I reward.”

“We suggested that this really sounded like a dominatrix escort date. “You asked about the difference between a dress up date and a role play. Most dominatrixes are just dressing up. Which is what their escort clients want them to do. Those clients are there for the illusion of powerlessness. A good domina can create that illusion but that is all it is.”

“What I offer, to a very select clientele, is the reality. That is the Governess’s role.” said Donna, “Let me give you an illustration. At the dungeon, at the end of the session, I almost always stepped back into real life with the client and we’d have, perhaps a cup of tea and review what went on. It was part of the service. It put some distance between the experience in the room and normalcy. We actually called it decompression.”

“When a client is finished his session in my loft I have a room where I have his clothes. It’s pitch black. I put him in that room and close the door. Then I lock that door and turn on the lights. He leaves. It is very real and he is usually very relieved and grateful. The way the room is set up it exits into a corridor which he did not come in through. It is quite disorienting.”

Finding Miss Right

I get this question a lot and I have discussed it with a number of dominant wives and other dominant women,

As a submissive male, how can I find a truly dominant wife?

It is actually a somewhat complicated question because it is rooted in a set of male assumptions which, frankly, do not map well onto the female experience.

Men, for complicated psychological reasons, are far more likely to develop sexual obsessions and fetishes than women are. And those fetishes and obsessions are often core elements of a man's personality. Women, on the other hand, may have well-integrated personality traits which may extend to their sexual world. They may also enjoy a particular "style" which also may extend into the bedroom (and maybe beyond.)

Unfortunately, a lot of men make the erroneous assumption that women obsess in the same way they do. That is almost never the case. So the likelihood of finding a woman who is naturally, sexually, dominant is relatively low. I am not saying it never happens, but it is rare. 

On a personal note, while I have always enjoyed being in charge, that was never an end in itself. Rather it was a means to an end which I have, I think, managed to obtain in my household. When I was younger and just exploring my own sexuality it really never dawned on me that a man would actually enjoy being told what to do in bed and elsewhere. And if you had told me I would routinely cane my loving husband and keep his cock locked in a cage, I would have laughed in your face. After all, what sort of man would put up with that sort of treatment and what sort of woman would even think of doing it? The answer, of course, is wonderful men and women just like me. But it took a while to figure that out.

The relative rarity of women who are, as it were, natural dominants makes things look grim for a submissive man looking for a wife. However, that is because that submissive man is seeing the world from a male point of view. From a female point of view a man who is loving, hard working, gentle and attentive automatically goes on the "husband" radar. And women know that all men, even the best men, have flaws, fetishes, needs which do not necessarily line up with the ideal. A decent man with a decent job, few bad habits who attends to his fitness and his grooming and is interesting and reasonable in bed and faithful looks very good as a girl sees thirty looming up.

Now, if several months into the relationship that very nice, very marriageable man tells his future

wife that he enjoys being a bit submissive or that he likes to be told to wear feminine clothing or that he enjoys being pegged, while it will cause a woman to reconsider, it is by no means a deal breaker in most cases. 

So, the question of finding a truly dominant wife actually resolves into a question of making yourself the sort of potential husband a woman would actually want regardless of your peccadillos. Even the least dominant girl will make an effort if the rest of the package is worth it.

All that said, a woman's experience before meeting a submissive potential husband may improve his chances. A girl who has been a mistress or a high end escort will tend to be more open to the needs of a submissive husband. But, to my surprise, at least three of the dominant wives I am in touch with were nurses. Which when I thought about a little made sense. After all, from a young age, nurses are trained to take charge. They are used to giving orders and they long since shed any shyness around naked men. Plus, and this can be important, they sometimes have to inflict pain to assist in treatment. A useful skill in a dominant wife.

In general, while it may seem like a shortcut, joining fetish meet-ups is not a great way to meet a wife. If you are looking for a good hard spanking it may be just the thing; but the women who get heavily involved in the fetish scene tend to have issues. Again, I generalize, but I have been surprised at how few dominant wives I know have any interest in that world. (I would say much the same thing about professional dommes; girls who are just in it for the money are not likely to make a life long commitment.)

As well as trying to become the best husband material you can, a submissive male looking for a wife should be very honest with himself about the sort of women he is actually attracted to. In particular, he should consider the question of style. Does he like very feminine women or outdoorsy girls or charter members of pantsuit nation? Does he have a strong preference as to body type or hair colour or any number of other dimensions of a woman's style? In an FLR, even more than in a conventional marriage, the wife's style is the only style which will matter.

A final point, men, simply by being gentlemen, having manners, being deferential to women in general, will find that they become more and more attractive to women - dominant or otherwise.

The fact is that women gain great satisfaction from caring about their husbands and their children. If a husband needs a special kind of care and his wife knows that it makes him happy and productive, chances are very good she'll make her wonderful husband's submission part of her marriage. Just as vanilla wives have been known to reward their husband with a long, lingering blow job, dominant wives will put him in his corner, let him wear a pretty nightie to bed and find plenty of excuses for disciplinary action.

Ultimately, most women actually run their marriages - all a submissive man is looking for is for that to become a bit more explicit. For most women that will not be a problem...not a problem at all once they get used to it.

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If you are thinking of  asking your wife to put you in your place, you may want to read a few of our books or buy a cock cage:

	You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.
Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid Mady's Favourite Book
Dominant Woman  Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband Effortless Female Superiority in a Loving Marriage
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE

Summer Pleasures

One of the great things about summer is that my regular round of shopping, social events, committee meetings and church eases off a bit. We like to have an easy lunch - maybe shrimp on toast with home made mayonaise and a glass of Chablis - and my darling elliot, liberated from his cock cage for a few weeks, loves to BBQ our dinner and I must say he looks very attractive in his Dad shorts and a loose cotton shirt. Mady's fitness training has really paid off.

Mady, of course, looks lovely in the sheer dresses and tops I prefer her to wear at home. She is a beautiful girl and why shouldn't she show off her nearly perfect body. It has the delightful effect of making elliot hard as a rock which, in turn makes him very attentive.

I am still working away on my book about Female Led Marriage. As ever, the trouble I have finishing it is that my views of FLR continue to change and to mature. When I first began I was hesitant on the question of male chastity devices, now I think a cock cage is essential. Not only to control the cock and a submissive husband's access to his own sexuality, but also as a symbol of superiority. Which is also why I think letting elliot spend the summer with his cock free is important: it reminds him of what he has surrendered, what he has lost, in his obedience to me.

I am also quite certain that the rituals of submission, elliot's ten or fifteen minutes standing naked in his corner with his nose pressed into the gusset of my yesterday's panties, instant caning for lapses of manners, his having to wear a pretty nightie to bed, have become a part of the fabric of our lives.

Beginning a female led relationship is all about exploration and imagination. But a long term relationship is very much about routine and ritual and then, from time to time, excursions from that routine. While I am not very interested in pegging elliot, it is Mady's favourite thing and she has built a little collection of dils and harnesses. Having elliot serve on special occasions, in nothing but a waiter's apron and kitten heels is a treat. My friend Amy, who stayed with us as I interviewed her for Only on a Tuesday: The Courtesan's Way was struck by the way that elliot simply accepts his position in my house.

I want to get all of this into my book. Which will take a while and, right now, it is time to go to the beach.

A Question about Cocks

I have had a lot of questions of the form,

What is the role of the cock in a female led relationship?

Tempting as it is to say that the very point of a female led relationship is that the cock has no role, the facts are quite otherwise. In fact, it is the training and subjugation of the cock and the man attached to it which is the focus of a dominant wife. How this is accomplished is a matter of style more than anything else but some basic concepts need to be top of the mind.

There are certainly some female led relationships in which a husband is turned into a fully feminized slave and while this does not appeal to me, it certainly has its advocates.  The whole gendre of transvestite transformation stories, Husband to Sissy for example have a wide readership. And there are plenty of tales of husbands who become slaves to their wives, I enjoyed Molly Sands trilogy, Stern. But here is the thing, most women, especially dominant women, do not want their husbands to be sissys or slaves; rather they want to have control over strong, masculine, admirable men.

It is a bit of a paradox. To dominate a soy boi, beta male might be fun for a day or two but it is not really challenging nor is it going to be very satisfying to bend a wimp to your will. At least I don't think so. When I tell elliot he has to wear a bra and girdle for a few days I know that he is torn between his masculine identity and his obedience to me. Over the years he has learned that submission is always better for him but that does not mean he likes having to wear pretty lingerie or lip gloss.

Which brings us around to the role of the cock in a female led relationship. A man's cock and the sexual desire it embodies is the key to controlling his attention, affection and sense of submission.  There is a saying, "I have the pussy so I make the rules," but, in fact, those rules are all predicated on a man's endless desire to gain some sort of access, no matter how indirect, to that pussy. If he is not interested he is not going to follow any of the rules.

Dominant women - and, really all women - are often astonished to discover how much time men spend pre-occupied with sex. Younger men will spend hours on porn sites, in bars, in clubs and online trying to find a girl or a fantasy, but older men are just as preoccupied even if they are not actually leaking sperm half the time. If a woman is able to control and then redirect that pre-occupation she is well on the way to leading her marriage or relationship.

Men are very basic. From the time they were little they were able to first play with and latter masturbate their cocks. As young men they had few restraints on the momentary pleasure their cocks could give whether with the delighted co-operation of a young lady or by taking matters into their own hands. I've know young, intelligent men who ejaculated five or six times a day. Bonobo monkeys and twenty two year old men have about the same sex drive.

An argument can be made that the arc of human history has been determined by the fact that female sexuality is cyclical with only a few days a month of peak sexual desire while male sexuality is continuous, always on and if a civil society is the objective, in need of firm control.

In the mythology of the Old West the saloon girls and whores advanced with the frontier but it was the school marm and the wives who closed that same frontier. (This, by the way, is why I have an abiding interest in Money Sex (a book which is free at Amazon at the moment).) What the wives and school marms actually did was change the dynamic so that, instead of paying for sex on a transactional basis, men who married could have sex in exchange for "providing" and for being decent members of their community.

In a sense, women have been making that bargain since the beginning of time and in every instance, a wife or girlfriend uses her sexuality to gain at least nominal control over her husband or boyfriend's sexuality. The pussy engulfs the cock and the cock's owner becomes, at least marginally, submissive to her needs and desires.

In even the most vanilla marriages wives will often reward their husbands with a quick blow job or a bit of bedroom dress up in return for a job well done or a promotion at work. But note the dynamic, the wife controls the blow job. She decides the reward. Implicitly, if a wife is making those sorts of decisions she is beginning to take charge of her marriage overall.

Taming and training a cock could stop right at the "reward" blow job and for many couples it does. However, for some couples, the next step in cock control is no more complicated than a wife refusing to have sex with her husband except when she is "in the mood".  Again, not a huge step but one which changes the whole male, cock driven, sexual dynamic.

At the same time, a clever wife "suggests" to her husband that he should "save" his ejaculations so they can enjoy them together. This is the thin end of the chastity wedge. Men are remarkably proud of their ability to make little messes and if a wife can make her husband's masturbation something she controls - and this is easy as having him soil a tissue before he goes to work a couple of times a week becomes a ritual of control which he'll enjoy - then she is taking away his power to play with his cock as he feels like it. [Note: for men who would like their wives to be more dominant, proposing to your wife that you not be allowed to masturbate unsupervised will speed that process along without worrying your wife too much about the broader implications.)

Once a wife has taken control over her husband's ejaculations she has, for all intents and purposes, become the sexually dominant partner. The cock in the marriage has surrendered its autonomy. Where a wife goes from there is entirely up to her. She may want to leave the dynamic right there and enjoy the fruits of her acknowledged sexual superiority or she may want to extend the scope of her dominion.

While the honour system is lovely for chaste husbands, the temptation to "cheat" is significant. Putting the cock in a cage and keeping the key will confirm a cock's obedience. I have come around to the view that a female led marriage without a chastity cage is possible but that the ongoing symbolism of a locked cock reminds a man of his place.

My own sense is that a female led marriage or relationship works best when a man has had his sexual autonomy entirely eliminated. It is great fun to watch elliot in the summertime, when he is not required to wear his cock cage, and has theoretical control over his own little cock. He is so well conditioned and trained that even when Mady or I tease him - which we do a lot - he will come and stay erect for hours and never think of actually touching his cock without my permission. He is, indeed, a well tempered husband.

The Domina Escort

I recently received a note from a young lady who had read some of my books on escorting - Questions for Miss Jay and Money Sex and was curious as to how she could expand her escorting business in more dominant directions. Had she read Avails: Escorting for the Elegant Woman she would have come across this chapter on that very topic.

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Dominant Dates the Easy Way

The great world of domination and submission, BDSM, whips, chains and dungeons--- looks, and is, complicated. Just putting together a dungeon costs thousands of dollars. With no certainty that you will attract enough paying customers to see a great return on your investment. Plus there are the leather outfits, thigh high boots, and all the other accoutrements of the domina. Great if that’s your passion, but what if it isn’t?

In every market, there are the hardcore D&S aficionados who will pay serious money to have their particular fantasy fulfilled. But there are many more men whose submissive tendencies don’t run to being in suspension bondage in a frilly little girl’s dress. Or, to be more accurate, they may have that fantasy but they don’t want, or need, to act it out. Instead, what they are seeking is willing submission to a demanding woman.

The psychology of a client’s needs are not an escort’s business; her business is to meet those needs profitably. However, knowing a little about the dynamics of a dominant/submissive relationship gives a girl an advantage.

In cartoon form, a lot of men, particularly alpha men are “on” all the time. At work they have to make decisions, argue cases, prescribe drugs, borrow and lend money. At home they have ambitious wives, high achieving (or not) kids, and constant pressure. Even a game of golf becomes a competition. All of their actions have consequences. There is no escape from the pressure and thus, the stress simply accumulates.

There is no obvious place in this unbalanced world for a man to simply relax. Going to see an escort, even for a quick encounter, is more than just relief of sexual tension. It is a brief respite from the stress and pressure of their everyday life. It is half an hour or an hour devoted to their own pleasure, their own needs. For many men that experience is rewarding enough that they will become a regular, or keep a mistress, or give themselves regular treats.

However, for a significant minority of men, even a great “girlfriend experience” does not take them far enough outside themselves. In a nutshell, they are still in control. They are still calling the shots. They think they are going to relax with a girl when, in fact, they are worried about their performance, whether she’s having a great time, if they are getting their money’s worth. Instead of a pleasing escape they find themselves loaded with more of their own expectations. (Not to mention all the standard worries men bring to their escort experience.)

So the essential dynamic at the root of the dominant/submissive, F/m experience is the removal of choice from the submissive male. At the most basic level the submissive client does what he is told.

Most experienced escorts know that the vast majority of their clients, in fact, “do what they are told” but the difference between the straight and the submissive client is that the sub gets extra excitement from the telling.

Tools of the Trade

Once part of your business becomes domination, you’ll never see a hardware store quite the same way. However, you are not in the dungeon business so you need to be able to achieve symbolic superiority with a very limited array of tools and toys. Here’s a bit of a shopping list:

1.      Zip-ties – 12inch, as wide as possible

2.      Rattan canes – go to your local Chinatown or a garden center – rattan is best but bamboo will do. Cut to correct length for your carry tube. Wrap top five inches in black electrical tape, take two of differing thicknesses

3.      Paddle – thrift stores have wonderful, over sized, salad tools in wood

4.      Xxtra large slips/panties, camisoles – the thrift store is your friend

5.      Rubber gloves/disposable gloves

6.      Dildo/prostate massager  – err on the small side

7.      Riding crop – tack store or thrift

8.      Art carry tube – 36 inches – ideal for canes, crops, and the rest of the tools of the trade

9.      21 feet, 3/8 inch cotton (not nylon) rope in 3 foot pieces

10.  A couple of pairs of old nylon stockings

11.  Light nipple clamps

Those are the basics. The most expensive item on the list is the carry tube which Amazon sells for $28.50. (Amazon is a great place for all manner of out of the way items.) With a little imagination, you can create a whole world of submission for your client simply by unzipping your carry case.

Dressing the Part

While the correct answer to the question, “What does a dominant woman wear?” is “Anything she wants to,” your submissive clients will tend to have visions of a black leather corset and the black high heels from Hell. While you might indulge their fantasies, the fact is leather corsets are expensive and uncomfortable. Worse, they imply you are undressed and that is something a submissive is rarely going to see.

Looks which can work well include a simple, below the knee skirt and a sheer blouse with a lacy white bra; the same skirt but with a fitted leather jacket and black lacy bra. School teacher skirt and little jacket – in a demure tweed. A pretty, above the knee LBD (little black dress) with appropriate stockings and heels. Stockings, not pantyhose. Stocking can be lacy stay-ups, or garters and all. I assure you, once you get the hang of it you will love them.

The overall look is feminine and a bit aloof. Glasses are always a good option. So is having your hair up. The naughty librarian look is well worth trying.

One key psychological element often at play is that your clients are reaching back into their early lives for a woman who represents authority. So dressing a few decades out of date can trigger the right responses.

Leave the fake dominatrix outfits in the sex shop for the suburban bad girls to wear on “date night”. Same with things like nurse’s uniforms. At the same time, if you can find a wonderful old, real, nurse’s outfit – ideally with the great old starched nurse’s cap – grab it and use it.

One element to keep in mind is that these sorts of dates are at least an hour long, so you want to be comfortable. Six inch heels are perfect for a quick turn around the bed, but are not so great for supervising your submissive charge.

Showtime

The domina date is more than a little different from a regular escort encounter. Off the top, there is no sex. Or at least none which involves you. Which raises the question: so what, exactly do you do??

For the moment let’s assume you are entertaining in your own space. Your gentleman arrives and, if you are wise, you have him place his tribute (domina word for gift) on your hall table. Business attended to, there are several ways for the date to go. The difficulty here is that you can’t really guess what will actually give him the release he is looking for.

Some girls in this situation opt for a full and frank conversation before entering into the “session”. Not at all a bad idea. Indeed some professional dominatrix’s  have full on questionnaires for their clients to fill out online or prior to the session. However, there is a slightly better alternative.

It begins with your assumption of superiority. Your client is not there to be consulted, he is there to do what he is told. And that begins with being sent to take a shower. Obedient men, even if they just had a shower, will dutifully have another. Brats will put up a fuss: which is perfect because now they have to take a cold shower and you will tell them when they may come out. Tell them not to lock the door. As they are showering you have the opportunity to check your tribute and prepare for the next move.

Depending on your mood, you can leave them a short men’s robe or, for fun, a pretty ladies robe. In either case, remove all of their clothing and place it somewhere out of the way. When they emerge from their shower in their robe you should be seated in a chair with a clear space in front of it.

Have your client come before you on your chair and tell him to turn around and present his wrists. Using the zip ties fasten his wrists, loose tie on each wrist and then a tie between the wrists behind his back. The objective is to have him effectively helpless. Then you tell him to turn around.

Some girls like their subs to kneel at this stage, others like to keep them standing. The point is that they are now in your power. And, to make that point very clear, you can unbelt their robe to expose their often shower shrunk bits and pieces.

It is usually at this point that you give him the name he is to call you. My own preferences are “Miss” or “Ma’am”, “Mistress” can work but I think it sounds a bit arch as does Mi’Lady or Princess. However, harkening back to school days with a name like “Miss Pierce” will sometimes put your client into the right mood. Make it clear that he is to use that form of address and no other or there will be consequences. He is also to speak only when spoken to or asked a direct question.

It is also a good idea to set a “safe word” at this point. Although your session is not at all likely to push any limits, knowing that saying “stove top” or “periwinkle” will call a timeout is a source of some security for your client and safety for you.

Now you can proceed. With a first time client, with your cane or crop in hand, possibly flicking said bits and pieces, you begin to question your client. A good deal of the questioning is designed to take him through what your normal first session contains.

This, in turn, requires a bit of planning. In many ways, like a good book, a submissive’s time with you heads towards a climax which is the moment when he is least in control of his situation. It might be a through caning or something much lighter where he has to put on his slip and panties and do a bit of lingerie hand washing. It is never a bad idea to give him some corner time with his nose pressed against the panties he’ll be washing. Nor should light rope bondage be dismissed.

Setting him some tasks to perform and be evaluated on is useful. If he is to be whipped – and almost every client will need some level of corporal chastisement – it is worthwhile to have him recite his infractions and apologize for his sloppiness. Putting him in a nighty and tucking him into bed with his arms and legs bound will give him a sense of tranquillity. And if you flip down the covers and pull up his nighty before he is paddled right there in bed he’ll be able to relish his powerlessness all the more.

Some men enjoy a good deal of humiliation both physical and verbal. The varieties of odd activities which submissive men enjoy is boundless. From serious cross dressing through to detailing your bathroom with an old toothbrush, each man will have his own peccadilloes.  And a clever domina will find all the things she needs done – house repairs, ironing, folding laundry – and men who will be delighted to do the work and pay her fees if they are allowed to complete the tasks in a good firm girdle and be properly punished for any mistakes.

By starting the session by outlining what’s in store for him, a client is able to signal where his preferences lie. And, of course, you can tell him he has to tell you the absolute truth or else.

Psychologically, a client is usually most satisfied when he sees a clear connection between his behaviour and his treatment. If you let your clients ejaculate at the end of a session, it should always be a reward for bearing their punishments well.

A domina always has a good deal held in reserve but visually available to her client. Having a crop, a cane and a paddle doesn’t mean you’ll be using all three in a session; but the client who is cropped will leave wondering what the unused paddle would be like. The same is true of anal toys: they are almost never used in a first session, instead, they are an earned threat to keep your client returning.

For outcalls, the procedure is nearly identical with the exception of the fact that the domina may want to take control at an even earlier stage for her own safety.  A man with his wrists zip tied behind his back poses little threat as you are getting to know him. As well, the domina needs to be a bit more aware of the relative noise levels of a crop, cane and paddle. Paddles are loud.

There is no reason why an escort can’t build a significant business as a domina. But it is important to keep the two businesses distinct from the marketing and client contact perspective. Separate advertising, websites and phone numbers make that easy but a bit of work to set up.

The one thing about the domina business is that the clients, if you hit their sweet spots, are incredibly loyal. Repeat business is a given because there is always something new for the submissive to endure.

Only On A Tuesday - The Courtesan's Way

I have been working on a book about a lovely girl I call Amy Jenkins - Investment Banker by day, Courtesan in Training by night. It is actually based on a visit from a young American lady who had been following this blog and who had read both A Man in My Position and Avails: Escorting for the Elegant Woman.

What a delightful girl Amy was. She stayed for three nights and Mady, elliot and I all had a wonderful time. I spent several hours with her recording her wonderful stories of how, more or less by accident, she went from being a lower level analyst in an out of the way investment bank in a small, southern, coastal city in the US to being, first, a courtesan in training and then having her first night in the trade sold to the highest bidder.

What makes Amy so special is how open she is to entirely new experiences: which is apparent in Only on a Tuesday as she is displayed for wealthy potential bidders and, along the way, finds herself disciplining her Nordic Amazon of a secretary and her all-American girl maid, Jessica. Her guide, her Virgil, in the Courtesan Inferno, is the lovely and talented Charlotte Corday, a courtesan of long standing and a beauty in her own right.

While Amy stayed with us she had great fun putting elliot through his paces and was deeply intrigued with his more or less permanent chastity. Amy was also fascinated with Mady's role in our household. Mady, by the same token was delighted to be disciplined by a girl about her own age. On the Saturday evening we had a marvellous time being served by elliot and Mady. First dinner and then our two submissives gave us their undivided oral attentions. As a night cap, and at Amy's suggestion, Mady gave elliot a good pegging until he made his little mess in a saucer. Of course the poor man was never out of his cock cage and had to lick it all up before bringing Mady to her own, well deserved orgasm. The girls went off to Mady's room together and I took elliot to bed.

I published the fourth volume of Only On a Tuesday today and it will be free on Kindle at around midnight Pacific tonight. I hope you enjoy Amy's story so far as much as I enjoyed Amy. There are about five books to go.

Only On A Tuesday
The Courtesan's Way - Book 1

Amy Jenkins decides to explore the Courtesan's Way guided by Miss Charlotte Corday the leading lady of the night in a small, rather wealthy, East Coast city. In Book One Amy is introduced to the pleasures of making a lot of money for simply letting a gentleman enjoy her charms.

Amazon link

Only On A Tuesday
The Courtesan's Way - Book 2

Amy Jenkins continues her journey on The Courtesan's Way and her investment banking career gets a huge boost. Along the way she acquires a delightfully masochistic lesbian secretary and this week Charlotte introduces Amy to a very rich man whose wife sends him to serve.

Amy learns a little more about the wonderfully strange compulsions men (and women) have.

Little did she realize that The Courtesan's Way would have her tying a man down for a whipping...but here she goes.

Amazon link

Only On A Tuesday
The Courtesan's Way - Book 3

Amy Jenkins, investment banker by day, courtesan in training by night, finds that her secretary comes with benefits. Then, shopping for an outfit for her visit to The Porpoise, meets a girl who wants to be her lady's maid and has exactly the right submissive attitude.

Amy's adventures continue as she prepares for "The Boys" on The Porpoise.

Amazon link

Summer Fun

elliot always looks forward to summer as I let him out of his chastity device most of the time. While comfort is a consideration, I also think it reminds him of his position. So, of course, does his testicle weight which remains firmly in place.

Mady, my maid, also enjoys the relative informality of summer. She is allowed to wear lighter, summer weight, corsets and I encourage her to dress in pretty summer dresses. She is a lovely young girl and there is no reason at all that she should not enjoy the male attention a pretty dress usually brings.

While I thoroughly enjoy cocktails on our patio and my own array of light, well tailored linens and cottons, I also see summer as a great time to finish projects. Yes, my book on Female Led Marriages is coming together. Taking far too long but that is largely because my own thinking has evolved as I have written.

When elliot and I embarked on our female led marriage I was not at all certain that being a dominant wife was something which would extend much beyond the bedroom. Now I know that the bedroom is only a small part of a female led marriage. I was also more than a little skeptical about people claiming that feminine superiority was, in fact, a very natural ordering of the relations between women and men.

It is an ordering which, while I had not realized it before embarking on my work on courtesans, high end escorts and mistresses, naturally emerges whenever women are sexually empowered. All of the women I interviewed were either explicitly in charge of the men who were paying them for sex or exercised that control implicitly. It is the essential difference between the poor girls who are sexually exploited and the young ladies who are happy to spend time with gentlemen in exchange for generous allowances or high fees.

Marriage and long term relationships remove the transactional effect but the principle remains the same. Men surrender some or all of their sexual (and often, their financial) autonomy so that their real needs are met. A dominant wife takes her husband in hand, often well before the marriage ceremony, and creates the balance and the calm he needs to reach his best self.

The theory that men remain immature well into adulthood explains the need most men have for a firm female hand to guide them. Simply controlling a man's ejaculations is a huge step towards his acceptance of his proper place in your marriage and in the world. Once a woman is in charge, her husband will be more affectionate, responsive and eager to please.

So, this summer, while elliot enjoys having his little cock out of its cage and Mady attracts all sorts of male attention, I will try to get my book finished.

But, just for fun, here is another short "Mistress Matrix" book. It will be downloadable free from about midnight Pacific time.

Backdoor Birkin

Chris becomes the mistress of a very nice man with a tiny problem.

She solves the tiny problem and brings home the Birkin.

The pleasures of a kept woman in Book 2 of the Mistress Matrix

Available at this Amazon link.