Even More Advice to a Young Wife - on Weddings

If you watch happily married couples there is, in even the most "equal" marriage, a dominant partner. It can be very subtle - and should be - but either the husband or the wife makes most of the decisions with the loving consent of his or her partner. And, truth to tell, in the majority of the happy marriages I have seen, the dominant partner is the wife.

Of course, clever women rarely display their dominance. They don't need to and, strategically, it is often a mistake to make a public display of your husband's submission. (Though it can be great fun to show off your control to select girlfriends.) But the elegant exercise of power is based on a decision which a young wife makes usually well before she is actually married. I fear a lot of young women make serious mistakes before they marry which can take years to correct.

Start as you mean to finish!

While it is great fun to date and have sex with assorted unsuitable men when you decide you are going to get married the rules change, or at least they should. While you will almost certainly not be a virgin on your wedding night, if you have managed your engagement properly, your new husband will not have ever had the opportunity to be fully intimate with you. In fact, if you are serious about having a female led relationship, it is very unlikely he will have seen you undressed before your wedding night.

The logic of this is straightforward: female dominance begins when a woman takes charge of her husband to be's sexuality. When you are courting - and what a wonderfully old fashioned concept that is - the clever young wife makes it very clear that the final fulfilment of his desires is at her command. If he does not like this arrangement there are plenty of fish in the sea. At about the third date, when, sadly, modern men think it is about time to get between the sheets, an elegant girl will explain the rules to her potential husband: lots of fun but no intercourse. (I am of two minds as to whether, over a long engagement, the 1950's standby of a skillful hand job is acceptable. It can certainly relieve the unbearable urge and, done with a degree of distain, keep him in his place; but it sends a signal that his urges matter. I am not sure that is a signal a girl wants to send especially if she plans to have a one sexuality marriage.)

The key thing before your wedding day is to establish, beyond question, that you are in charge of the bedroom. Which is where those flings with unsuitable boys comes in handy because, unlike the virgin brides of yesteryear you will have discovered exactly what you like in bed.

As you prepare for your wedding, whether an intimate ceremony with a few friends or the full scale 400 guest extravaganza, you will have plenty of opportunities to start your husband's training. Remember that the secret of an elegant dominant wife is that she makes a point of telling rather than asking. The hundreds of details which go into even the smallest wedding offer you infinite variety of tasks to set your future husband. From fetching your bridesmaids' dresses to serving cocktails at the pre-party for your girls night, your husband should expect to be at your beck and call. And you should make it clear that he is expected to do as he's told. (In actual fact grooms are really at loose ends at weddings - they have to be dressed as you tell them to be and show up, showered, shaved and ready a few minutes before the ceremony. How hard can it be? By giving your groom lots to do you are actually making his role more meaningful.)

Your wedding night is your wedding night. The chances are you will both be exhausted by the days' activities. While it is certainly a wonderful idea to have something wonderfully slinky to wear to bed, this is an excellent point to drive home your position. No doubt your husband will be champing at the bit and, if you are in the mood, it is sometimes quicker and easier just to take him there and then. But even if you opt for that route, make sure that you control the pacing and activities. Now is an excellent time to acquaint him with his primary sexual use - learning to lick your pussy expertly. Don't be afraid to guide him. You know how you like to be licked and you know whether you enjoy a finger or two here and there. Tell him. And, when you are either satisfied or wet enough, have him flip on his back and mount him. The beauty of keeping him largely chaste through your courtship is that, on your wedding night, he'll explode in a few strokes. At which point the night is over for him. It maybe over for you as well. Or you may decide to put him back to work on your pussy or tell him to fetch a favourite vibrator.

The most important thing he will learn on your wedding night is that you are in charge in the bedroom. This may come as a surprise but it will almost certainly come as a relief. Now he knows who he has to please. Men, at the least the ones worth marrying, are terrifically goal oriented. On your wedding night you will set his goal - your pleasure. He will be ever so grateful.