The simple answer is, "Any way which suits her."
In fact there is an entire style which has grown up around the idea of dominant women. It is a projection of a different world from the dominant wife.
The sad truth is that there are many more submissive men than there are true dominant women. Demand has created supply and there are women who, for a fee, will put a gentlemen through his paces. Professional dominants have a couple of hours in which to evoke the feelings of submission that their clients crave. Which means they often use props and costumes to create a mood. Whips, chains, a dark "dungeon" and, of course, the leather and boots which signify the pro domme. Now, not every professional dominant uses these props but it is a relatively easy way for a professional to cut to the heart of their clients' fantasies. And nothing wrong with that. But it is not at all my cup of tea.
A female led marriage is not a fantasy - it is a day to day commitment to a certain way of conducting a marriage. And, of course, a marriage is not all corner time and canings. In fact, most of the time a FLR is indistinguishable from a more vanilla arrangement.
So I really do dress to please myself and to take on my regular role as Lady of the House. Yes, I do have corsets - several and two custom made. But, practically, I wear my corsets as a treat once in a while. (And yes elliot gets very hard when he laces me in...all the better.) And I love my vintage foundations and gorgeous lingerie - but long before I took the lead in our marriage I loved all those pretty things.
My style has always been classic, vintage with a few good designer pieces and pretty bags, boots and shoes. I like to wear dresses or skirts and I like the hem to be mid-calf. If I do say so myself, I have lovely legs but I think ladies should leave much to the imagination.
While I don't consciously dress as a dominant woman, I do dress as a lady and, with the right attitude, that is much the same thing. Simply by having nice, feminine clothes, avoiding abominations like Lululemon outside the yoga studio and sweats outside the gym, I project a good deal of power. Women who dress with a bit of style find they get much better service and a good deal more respect.
A little makeup, a great lipstick (here's my current, incredibly cheap, favourite), a nice haircut and you look finished and well groomed when you are out in the world.
Yes, I do wear stockings, often seamed, with my outfits. I love the feel of really fine hose and I love the look of a finished leg. And what is the point of stockings if they are not securely held in place with a flattering open bottomed girdle. These underpinnings with a pleated skirt or a snug knit dress mean that I feel beautifully dressed.
When I feel beautifully dressed I also feel terrifically confident. I am in charge, every inch the Lady of the House.
thank you for another wonderful and insightful post Hannah Jay. Like you, my marriage is not a fantasy that I am lucky enough to dabble in from time to time. it IS my life. It IS my marriage and it is real. As such, Mistress K. like you dresses to suit herself. Unless she has planned an erotic scene where she will dress in sexy Domme themed clothes (her crotchless fishnet full body suit and black boots is my favorite), Mistress K. dresses in what pleases her at any given moment. She is a full time mother so as you can imagine, her attire is very much what you might expect for a full time soccer mom. And I don't mind a single bit! In fact, it adds to the realistic aspect of what we have defined ourselves to be as a couple. The visual that sexy clothes might add (might) is inconsequential when Mistress is punishing me, having me kneel naked before her to worship her, or for any other reason. it is the woman in those normal clothes that does it for me.
ReplyDeleteSexy women make me extremely ready to serve. I no longer fantasize of intercourse .All my fantasy is about submitting.
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ReplyDeleteAs you also correctly say, an FLR is a day to day commitment and given that you may have to administer a spanking at any time, it makes perfect sense that you perform that duty wearing whatever you happen to be wearing at that time. I also suspect that the juxtaposition between you, the fully clothed dignified lady and your naked or semi naked husband brings him down a peg or two, reinforcing the message that you are in charge. .
ReplyDeleteI personally loved two things that you said in this post.
"When I feel beautifully dressed I also feel terrifically confident. I am in charge, every inch the Lady of the House" and "I like to wear dresses or skirts."
Too many women in this day and age seem to believe that you have to dress like a man in order to compete with them, but I find femininity is incredibly empowering for a woman and for me dresses and skirts are infinitely more chic, classy, elegant and feminine than trousers/pants. I therefore contend that putting your husband over your knee or bending him over for the cane while you are wearing a dress or a skirt emphasizes your femininity thereby accentuating the theme of female power and authority. Ultimately he loves and respects you because you are a real lady and I therefore think it appropriate that you are both dressed and feel like a lady when you chastise him.