Sunday, 15 February 2015

Dominant Wife versus Pro Domme

There is a tendency to think that a dominant wife is somehow akin to a professional dominatrix. After all, both have men at their beck and call, both correct as necessary, both have an exposure to BDSM, both cater to the submissive needs of men...

Of course there are any number of differences but the most significant lies in the fact a dominant wife is dominant full time for a single, submissive, man, her husband, where as a pro domme is dominant in session with any number of men who may or may not be submissive. For the pro domme her paid for sessions are theatre. (I discuss this a little in my book "Questions for Miss Jay: An Escort's Guide to Style, Dates and Fun")

To be a successful dominatrix a girl needs to be a good actress and play with the tropes of the BDSM world. Whips, chains and improbably large dildos. Her clients will expect her to dress the part with the leather corset, black leather thigh high boots and all manner of high camp accessories. The key thing is that for an hour or two, a girl can dress and act as a professional dominatrix and make very good money indeed.

The dominant wife, on the other hand, is not playing a role. Rather she is leading her marriage in the way which she has decided she wants to lead it. She is not seeing a client, she is training, disciplining and enjoying her husband.

As I wrote earlier, I don't "dress up" to be a dominant wife. Why would I?

As it happens, elliot had visited professionals before he met me. It turns out that was not at all what he was looking for. Submissive husbands have a particular itch and two hours with a pro domme just makes it itch harder.

A female led marriage meets the deep emotional needs of both the dominant wife and her submissive husband; but it meets them in "real life". While I certainly have fun with official holidays the essence of my marriage is that the man I love loves and obeys me. Whether I am wearing jeans and a crisp white shirt or a pretty dress and hose, I expect elliot to do as he is told.

Female led relationships can, of course, include all sorts of elements which are present in a pro domme session; but they also include day to day marital routine. Plus, if all goes well, they will create a sexual tension which is often missing from more conventional marriages. A husband with his cock in a cage is a very, very attentive man.

As he should be.


  1. Excellent post as usual Hannah Jay. Thank you.

    You're right (like you didn't already know) about the tendency to think that a dominant Wife is akin to a professional Dominatrix. On my blog, there is a link to the email for Mistress K., and a separate link for email to me. We each get our emails for a variety of reasons, some of them even fun to read. Recently Mistress K. received an email from a man, in his fifties that also lives in the Phoenix area. In it he expressed his admiration for both of us, told us what a great marriage we seemed to have and a bunch of other nice things to say. Then he lamented to fact that he did not have a female partner, let alone a Dominant Female Partner. He wondered (asked) if Mistress K. "took on other slaves" as part of her regular existence. Mistress K. is aware that email is in her inbox and amused that there is someone local that is actually of the belief that she has an interested in other submissive men/slaves outside the scope of our marriage. I can chalk it up to the fact that he, like others as you have noted here, believe that because she is a dominant wife, she is also a pro (or open) Domme.

  2. As a husband in a fledgling WLM, I can say the dominant wife is sexier! My wife laughs at how I lust after her no matter what she's wearing because it's HER---not the trappings.

    Thank you for your blog!

    1. I am right there with you brother for the very same reason. All that even after being almost 4 years into our FLM

  3. Hi Hannah:
    I recently discovered your blog and now read it frequently. I am very inspired by your wisdom and advice. You have further opened up my mind to new possibilities. My husband and I transitioned to a FLR last year and it is now complete. One area that you have never commented to my knowledge is how to manage things where there are teen aged children involved. We have tried to keep them isolated. My husband and I continue to manage raising them as equals but we are beginning to have conflicts with this approach. The questions arise around how much we should openly interact. Certaintly what happens in the bedroom must remain there but in terms of the family decisions that is where we see rising issues. I would be interested in your comments and insight.

    Best Wishes-Karen

  4. I often think we are bad to receive your discipline. It is something we need, Men are born ready to submit. I have been a sub since age 6, the 1st time I jerked off

  5. Very true entering a flr I was hesitant, bcuz I knew I would never be free again. I hate freedom now.

  6. Mm. I think there is something wrong here. I think something is happening to the men which is not good in the long run. I love to be spanked by my wife but I wouldn't call myself a submissive. I Think one should think about this very seriously as when lust controls you it can and does lead you down the wrong path so that you are hardly a real man any more. You will learn this yourself in the long run but then you may have spent so much time in it that it might be too late to turn back.