Female and male: Scarcity and the Well Tempered Husband

I am amused to see that so far this month nine people have purchased cock cages through our Amazon links. (And some of you have been kind enough to do your other Christmas shopping through our links...thank you!)

Quite honestly, I was more than a little sceptical about caging elliot. After all, he was perfectly well behaved and well trained sexually before I decided to cage him. And I thought it would probably draw more attention to his little cock than I would prefer. However, after buying a cage a little less than a year ago and having decided that he is to wear his cage pretty much full time, I have to say I would never go back.

Of all of the practices which keep elliot in his position, caging his cock has had the most fundamental effect on his outlook and behaviour. I can't imagine why I did not think to cage him before.

The fact is that once your husband is caged he has surrendered the last vestiges of his independent sexuality. Sure, he can plead and beg for release, but with your key in hand that is not going to happen unless and until you want it to.

By locking elliot's cock up, more or less permanently, I have taken a huge step in taking full control of our marriage. I can send him off to dress and service our cute little maid, confident that he will have no direct sexual contact with her without my permission. He can sleep with me every night and, while he is often erect - or at least as erect as his cage allows - there is nothing at all he can do to relieve his sexual urges.

Now, this year I am getting him a steel cock cage - only because I think changing things up is always a good idea. His silicone cock cage has served us well. I have ordered a second silcone cock cage so that he can thoroughly clean his cage while never being allowed out for more than a few moments.

With Christmas coming elliot will, of course, expect Chrismas treats. And he may well get them if I decide he deserves then. And he has been a very sweet, docile, hard-working husband all year.

Now, ladies, for your own husbands, chastity is a gift any time of the year but the Christmas season upon us, it might be a good time to make some changes at your house. Different wives run their marriages in different ways. For some of you, the gift of chastity can be given with nothing more than the purchase of the chastity device and a direct order. Make sure that your husband understands that his chastity is not a matter of negotiation. At the same time, recognize that even a soft cock cage will take some getting used to and before it can become a permanent fixture there is a breaking in period.

Other dominant wives may be at a different point in their journey. Their husbands will not yet have the habit of obedience. Especially younger wives with younger husbands can expect some pushback. A good firm caning will usually smooth the way; however, you can also present your husband with his cage and explain that this Christmas, the gift you really want, is his submissive chastity. Have him put the device on himself. It can be a little tricky. One thing to note, it is effectively impossible to put on a well-fitted chastity cage if the cock in question is even a little bit erect. Having your husband masturbate himself or, if you are feeling generous, bringing him to ejaculation yourself before he puts on the device will ease the way.

With elliot, I have invested his cock cage with a good deal of shame and humiliation. I send him to the washroom to put it on and my only involvement is to, when his little cock is in its place, click the padlock closed. I think it is wise for a dominant wife to keep the upper hand which ritual humiliation gives her. This leaves her husband even more dependent on her whims and mercy which is always a good thing.

Now, for my married male readers: there is no reason why you cannot purchase a cock cage for yourself and present your wife with the "keys to her domain". But be prepared for a good deal of confusion and even annoyance unless you have discussed your chastity with your wife before you lock yourself up. Remember, you are giving the gift of your chastity but there is no reason to think your wife will be thrilled unless she has already agreed to accept that gift. So, by all means, purchase a chastity device but as a prelude to a conversation with your lady wife. Remember, it is her decision.

Finally, for single men who would like to experience the chastity lifestyle a couple of alternatives: first, you can buy a cock cage and wear it without a keyholder. It is good practice and, when you find that special someone, you may be more comfortable explaining your chastity if you have lived with it a while.

A second alternative - and a mildly risky one - is to ask a good female friend to hold your key. It is, I am afraid, a potentially awkward conversation but you would be surprised at how willing the right girl will be to hold your key. This can be excellent training for a single male as he will focus on a female who he is not ever going to have sex with but who has control of his sexuality. Once again, excellent experience to prepare you for a wife led marriage when the right girl appears. Remember to give your keyholder lots of lovely presents - spa days, books, cashmere sweaters - and make sure you offer to wash her car, clean her apartment and generally make yourself useful. Most of the advantage of this sort of arrangement is that you will be so embarrassed to ask for your cock cage key knowing that you are assuming the correct male position with a female who you are not in any sexual relationship with. You are asking for permission to masturbate you naughty thing.

Tokens of Submission: #Corners and #Cock #Cages

Every morning elliot wakes up puts a dressing gown on over his nightie and goes downstairs to put on my kettle. Then he comes back upstairs, strips naked except for his little black cock cage, take my yesterday's panties and, silently, pushes them into his corner with his nose. When he hears the kettle boil he puts his dressing gown back on makes my tea, serves it to me in bed and then, without a word, returns to his corner.

I like elliot to shower daily. While there is no reason he cannot shower in his little black cock cage, I think it is better for him to have it off most days. I keep a key beside me on my night table. When I have finished my first cup of tea I will simply say "Present" and elliot, who I have trained to do this, will put the panties away and stand in front of me with his hands behind his back. I unlock but do not remove his cage and he goes for his shower.

He knows he is to put his cage back on after his shower. Again, I don't have to tell him.

Man's best choice

Looking at our Amazon results there will be three men whose cocks will be caged in the next few weeks. A cock cage is the perfect gift for a woman leading or getting ready to lead her marriage to give her husband. Not because it will keep him chaste and attentive - although it will - but rather as a symbol of his complete capitulation to your authority.

Men are obsessed with their cocks from a very young age. Boys will make four or five messes a day as teens and that sort of masturbatory behaviour will, unless sharply curbed by a wife from the very earliest stages of a marriage, continue. In a wife led marriage, where the husband is expected to be chaste and never comes without his wife's express  permission, the husband gives up control of his cock and, more basically, his sexuality.

A soft, short, cock cage is, like elliot's morning corner time, simply a reminder of his position. He knows that I love him dearly and find him very sexy indeed. I love having him lick my pussy until I come. But I love that in the context of his being sent to his corner while I am coming. I love him pleasuring me without any expectation that he will have any direct sexual pleasure whatsoever.

Issolating his cock in a soft silicon cage simply reminds him that he has surrendered his sexuality to me. When he has to sit down to use the toilet he remembers his vow to "love, honour and obey". And when his morning erection wakes him up with discomfort he remembers how much happier he is now that his little cock is no longer in his control.

Three more men will be discovering the pleasures of having their cocks caged. Even the most Alpha male is far better off without the distraction having control of his cock will cause. In fact, surrendering that control will make him all the more formidable in the rest of his life. Men are easily distracted - taking control of their cocks removes many a distraction.

Wife in Charge

I have had several emails and social media messages from both men and women asking how elliot and I have come to our female led marriage. elliot has written a bit about it at his blog, here and here and that is a good start.

From my own perspective I am not naturally dominant in the sense of wanting to boss people around. Instead, I like to have people, particularly my husband, work very hard to please me. Which is not, I must say, all that difficult to do.

At the same time, very early on in our marriage I made it clear to elliot that, at least in the bedroom, I was in charge. Too many women put up with mediocre sex too often. I was more experienced than my lovely alpha man and I knew he needed training. So, I began by cutting him off entirely after about six months. No sex for a month focuses a man's attention. Then I began our current regime where he is allowed to have sex when I want the greater pleasure his little cock can sometimes bring.

What this did was put him on my sexual cycle. The only time he had any hope of ejaculating was when I was on heat. The rest of the time, while I would have him pleasure me with his tongue and fingers from time to time, his cockette was entirely irrelevant. (Caging him has only underscored my control.) A man allowed to ejaculate only a few times a year is a very attentive man.

It was a natural progression to both punishing him and whipping him to remind him of his place and he learned to accept his whippings as a near substitute for the sexual satisfaction he was denied. He actually gets quite broody when he's not been whipped for a week. Over a year, while he might ejaculate a dozen times, he'll be whipped at least forty. Whipping makes a huge improvement in elliot's attitude and puts a bounce in his step.

Humiliations like corner time, his little black cock cage and having to wear a girdle during the day or a nightie to bed, simply re-enforce the fact that I am in complete charge in our marriage. Special attention like nipple clips or having to push his steel rod up his backdoor add a bit of surprise to the mix.

The wonderful thing about a wife led marriage is that elliot is completely focused on me and what I require. And, of course, I pay strict attention to elliot. At the most basic level after years of marriage, we each are devoted to each other. The femdom element and the fact elliot is chaste means that we both live on a bit of sexual edge which many of our contemporaries' marriages seem to have lost.

When a wife is in charge of her marriage she has no choice but to pay close attention to her own desires while ruthlessly curbing her husband's. More than once I have whipped elliot simply because he was getting all hot and bothered and I was not in the mood. A well whipped man standing in his corner with his nose pressed in your panties is actually a pretty sexy sight and, I have to admit, I have occasionally whipped elliot just so I could take myself in hand for my own pleasure as he stood so obediently. Which is, of course, my perfect right and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Must be Strict #femdom

One of the more interesting difficulties in a female led relationship is that, eventually, your husband is very well trained indeed. He does as he is told without question almost all the time. He accepts his chastity and understands that only your sexual needs matter in your marriage. He cleans the bathroom, puts away the dishes, rinses your lingerie without being told to.

Of course, once in a while, he might be a little moody or slightly disobedient; but not often. While there is much to be said for maintenance whippings and daily naked corner time for him to remember his place, the fact is that unless you make new demands he will, slowly, cease to be on his toes. You don't want that and, just as importantly, neither does your husband. Men do best when they have goals.

I very much enjoy having elliot get up, turn on the heat, put on my tea kettle and take my yesterdays' panties to his corner. It is especially cute now that his little cock is in his soft black silicone cage so he can't play with it. It also gives me a chance to give him his instructions for the day.

I very much enjoy having him build our Amazon books - the series of 1950's Mens Magazine Covers - is actually going to be an archive which I'll use for some of my retro outfits. And I love how our last bout of exercise and nearly full time girdling slimmed elliot down. So, from now until Christmas he's to make a magazine a day and do exercises twice a day before and after he puts on his daily wear girdle. I'm a little on heat at the moment which is an excellent time for elliot to be very much locked up. He can lick very effectively while his little cock is straining in its short cage.

Being a dominant wife is all about focus. Which, fortunately, I have.