The Season

We live in Canada where we celebrate Thanksgiving a month and a half before our American friends but we actually have a special dinner for American Thanksgiving. Nothing complicated, just a leg of lamb, duck fat fried potatoes and, this year, an apple pie made from our own apples for dessert. It is an easy dinner and my maid Mady is off duty and joins us.

Of course, the day after Thanksgiving is Black Friday, the official kickoff for Christmas shopping. We're lucky enough that we own pretty much everything we need but, as we live in a semi-rural place it is incredibly handy to be able to buy things online and have them shipped to our door. With 30 days until Christmas I can't wait to buy a few non-necessities for Mady and elliot. Even if you don't need Amazon Prime all year, this is a great time to take advantage of their 30 day free Prime deal. And if you do you'll be able to read elliot's Kindle books and my Kindle books for free.

Even when you have pretty much all you need there are somethings which are always welcome and which a good husband will buy without being told.

Stockings: If your wife wears stockings - and I hope she does as they are so flattering - you cannot go wrong buying her a few pairs for Christmas. Now, if I had all the money in the world, I would wear Cervin silk stockings daily As I don't I just wear them for special occasions, for every day I like the Cervin non-seamed stockings.

Gloves: Leather gloves, especially long fine leather gloves are wonderful to have, I have a couple of pairs and I am always delighted to get another pair for Christmas. A spectacularly beautiful, over the elbow, Italian made glove can be a fetish in itself and, until elliot bought me these gloves a couple of years ago, I had no idea he would be so excited to be whipped while I was wearing them. Men are very strange.

Silk Slip or Night Dress: I am always delighted to find a silk nightie under the tree. Remember the cardinal rule of nighties - they have to be comfortable and that means plain. On the other hand, I like to dress Mady to keep elliot amused and aroused and a shortie nightie when she brings us coffee in the morning will ensure his little cock is hard as can be in its chastity cage.

I will add a few more shopping suggestions to this list but, right now, I have to dress for dinner and I hear my sweet Mady drawing my bath.

Drained

I get more than a few letters and some offer wonderful insight into female led relationships. I thought this letter from "Cindy" in Canada was an interesting take on an alternative to male chastity.

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Dear Hannah,

I have read with great interest your posts on male chastity both on the honour system and using a male chastity device. I completely agree that a properly disciplined man should not be able to ejaculate without his wife's permission but I have an alternative to chastity.

I should begin by saying that we are a younger couple, very outdoorsy, into fitness and our careers. My husband, Robbie, has a high stress job and I discovered, early in our courtship, a very high sex drive. He likes sex a lot. So do I, but not nearly as much as Robbie.

Even before we were married I realized that this could be a problem and I looked around for solutions. In general, we are equal partners in our marriage which is how I prefer it. At the same time, Robbie needs to be able to come home from work and not have to make many decisions. In fact, he is rather naturally obedient and prefers to be told what to do. Which is fine by me as I like to be a bit bossy and I don't like back chat. I suppose you could say that we have a female led marriage but mainly we have a marriage where I am in charge and Robbie does what he is told.

If he doesn't he knows I am not at all shy about sending him to our room for a time out or getting out the shower brush - and how he hates the shower brush - and punishing his tight little bottom hard. But that does not happen often.

In the bedroom, I am absolutely in charge and have been since we first had sex well before we were married.

The trouble was that Robbie was so highly sexed that from about our third date he was pushing for sex. I realized that this was just his nature and that if we were going to have a successful marriage I would have to come up with a way of handling that.

Sometimes giving a man what he wants works very well and on our fifth date I invited Robbie into my apartment. He thought he was there to have sex and was incredibly excited. His lovely cock was totally erect coming in the door. I sat on my couch and he was getting ready to sit beside me.

"No, Robbie," I said pointing to a spot a couple of feet in front of me. "I want you to stand right there."

He did what he was told.

"Now, dear man, I think we are doing beautifully as a couple," I said. "You are kind, gentle, funny and you seem to be falling in love. But you are way too pushy about sex. I love being made love to but I am not going to be pressured into it. So you are just going to have to wait."

Robbie shrugged, mumbled "OK" and made a move towards the couch.

"Where do you think you're going. I told you to stand where you are. I am not done yet," I said with a little edge in my voice. "Right now I want to watch you ejaculate. Here's a tissue. Now get cracking."

Yes, it was a bit of a high risk move. He could have refused or tried to swing me around but my read of Robbie was he'd do what he was told. I was right. In a moment or two his rather large cock was out of his pants.

"Well, get on with it," I said savouring his obedience. "Just like you do at home."

Robbie got to work and in not more than a couple of minutes his cockhead turned that amazing purple colour men's cocks sometimes do and he ejaculated. I realized I'd have to get bigger tissues.

"Very good, Robbie," I said. "And good boys get treats."

I unbuttoned my blouse and unclipped my bra. "You can come over here and suck on my pretty nipples for a little while. Just leave your cock out. You are not finished."

About five minutes later, Robbie having demonstrated that he needed a bit of work on his nipple technique, I could see that his cock was getting hard again.

"Stand in front of me Robbie," I said leaving my breasts on display. "You obviously like my pretty nipples. Which is wonderful. Now I want you to ejaculate again for me. Get to work. And when you are done I want you to put your cock away, kiss me good night and go home. Without a word."

He did as he was told, made a mess on his tissue, kissed me and left silently.

Perfect.

The next morning, quite early, I texted him. "Thank you for a wonderful evening. Now, in your shower, I want you to think about my pretty nipples and ejaculate."

I sent him another text when I knew he was taking lunch. "Go to the washroom and make your little mess."

We were meeting for drinks after work and my sweet Robbie was positively glowing when I sat down.

"You are the sexiest woman I have ever met," he said with a smile. And here's the thing, he had stood up when I came to the table and he made it clear he was waiting for my permission to sit back down. Which I gave with a nod.

We have not looked back. I am totally in charge of his ejaculations. Three or four or sometimes five or six a day. I'll tell him or text him and sometimes I will demand a little video of his performance. Of course, when I want to have sex, I taper him off a little so he is extra eager. I've also trained him never to come in me without asking my permission and he knows I will often deny that permission.

The fact is that his cock is as entirely under my control as if it was in a cock cage. Which is what matters to me. And, of course, if I am busy or forget, well he knows that any ejaculation without my supervision and instruction and the shower brush will be bruising his bottom. I swing hard.

So, there you go. There really is more than one way to control a cock and the man it is attached to.

Hugs,

Cindy

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Dear Cindy,

How clever of you. It really is all about control. An obedient husband should not need a cage, though they are rather fun. But I love the idea of giving an oversexed man what he wants, good and hard.

Enjoy!

Hannah

Beginning as an ultra high end courtesan

As my readers know, I am fascinated with women who take their sexual power into their own hands whether it is by taking charge of their marriage, becoming a mistress or exploring the world of the courtesan.

I have been at work transcribing the story of Amy Jenkins, banker by day and, well, being tutored in the art of the courtesan by Miss Charlotte Corday the leading lady of the night in a small, rather wealthy, East Coast city.  The series is called "Only on a Tuesday" and the first book is available free at Amazon.com

Amy, as I have written, is a delightful woman entirely comfortable with the life she has chosen and the many rewards it has brought her. In this first book, she is displayed for one of the gentlemen who will become a patron in her future.

Ending the sexual barter system

A number of people wrote me to ask about "Locked-In Love" a book I recommended in my last post and, particularly, about what the author identified as the sexual barter system which underlay his marriage.

Here's how the author described it:

"Through chastity and communication, they identified a sexual trade-off that existed in their marriage, a 'barter system' wherein every action he engaged in had an undercurrent of sexual pressure, a literal tat-for-tit. Freed from it through a chastity device, they were able to enjoy each other on a more meaningful and trusting level. And in lowering the quantity of sex, they raised the quality."

The book is well worth reading for couples curious about male chastity but, of course, it is written from the male perspective. I thought a note on the female perspective might be interesting.

Sexual barter is as old as the hills and rests on a singular fact about the world: men are ready and eager to "go" all the time and women are sexually cyclical. Obviously, this is a generalization but it underlies everything from long term vanilla marriages through to the thriving escort industry. The discreet world of the kept woman, the wealthy man's mistress, is driven by this sexual mismatch. It is also the basis for the vast number of female led relationships and wifedom marriages. 

The idea of sexual barter is, in fact, at the heart of a great deal of what passes for romantic life. A man woos a woman and, if he is successful, she falls in love and becomes sexually available to him. Do they live happily ever after? Well, that depends.

Wives and girlfriends want their men to do certain things, behave in certain ways and, generally (though not often overtly) do what they are told. In even the most vanilla marriage wives will devise rewards and punishments to encourage certain behaviours and discourage others. More than one young wife has given her husband a quick blow job when he's cleaned up the yard or slipped into his favourite stockings and heels to signal her availability when he gets that promotion.

Men quickly learn that if they do what they are told they may receive treats. The trouble is that men will also quickly begin to take those treats for granted. If fact, unless a wife takes charge, most men will simply assume their efforts will always be rewarded. 

Now, the whole sexual barter mistake is often layered on top of a male belief that they also have the right to sex generally and that a wife has to accommodate their desires. Whether it is once a night or once a week, men somehow have the idea their rather instinctive sexuality should be deferred to. The fact this instinctual sexuality is driven by their baser natures and animal urges does not seem to bother them a bit.

Worse, from the time they are little girls, many women are taught that on the one hand, they need to be in control of the sexual situation and on the other, that they need to accept at least the sexual importunings of their husbands. What they are not taught and what is actually transgressive is the idea that their sexuality is cyclical, the very opposite of masculine and that within a successful relationship it is always the woman whose sexuality matters. 

Sexual bartering takes place when a woman satisfies a man when she, herself, is not at all in the mood. While it can be portrayed as "fun" or "spontaneous" it is actually a denial of how female sexuality works.

Now an escort or a mistress takes advantage of the fact men have unbearable urges and charges cash money to take care of those urges. While "decent women" are shocked by this sort of cash transaction I am inclined to think most girls should spend a bit of time as a mistress in their early twenties - if only there were enough wealthy men to go around.

In a marriage the cash nexus is, well, awkward. Your sweet husband may be supporting you or you may both work, but when he wants a blow job handing you a couple of hundred dollars, or even a couple of thousand, is not really how a marriage can or should work. 

So, how do you end the whole sexual barter game?

Whether a woman decides to lead her marriage or simply that her husband needs boundaries, sexual barter ends when she decides to put her needs first. It really is that simple. A single decision.

In practice, this means that for the few days a month a woman is very interested indeed her husband will be required to pleasure her. And she should put it exactly that way. She sets the pace, she enjoys her orgasms, she may or may not let him finish. Every woman is different and many enjoy some sex on the shoulders of the few days a month they are on heat. Which is wonderful and a bonus for their husband. However, for the rest of the month, sex is more a chore than a pleasure and a wise woman makes it very clear to her husband he is to stay well away.

It is upon this biological rock that the church of female supremacy and male subordination is founded. Now, how a woman constructs her marital sexual life is very much up to her.

Some women require their husband's chastity - either caged or on the honour system - when she is not interested in sex. This can work well with older husbands. With younger, randier, men it is not a bad idea to include supervised masturbation during that part of the month when sex is out of the question. The fact is that a younger man, unless firmly locked up, is going to masturbate. Far better that a wife keeps track of this habit and sets aside a few minutes every few days for her husband to humble himself in her presence. Not too often of course.

As I have written before discussing cocks,

"Men are remarkably proud of their ability to make little messes and if a wife can make her husband's masturbation something she controls - and this is easy as having him soil a tissue before he goes to work a couple of times a week becomes a ritual of control which he'll enjoy - then she is taking away his power to play with his cock as he feels like it. [Note: for men who would like their wives to be more dominant, proposing to your wife that you not be allowed to masturbate unsupervised will speed that process along without worrying your wife too much about the broader implications.)

Once a wife has taken control over her husband's ejaculations she has, for all intents and purposes, become the sexually dominant partner. The cock in the marriage has surrendered its autonomy. Where a wife goes from there is entirely up to her. She may want to leave the dynamic right there and enjoy the fruits of her acknowledged sexual superiority or she may want to extend the scope of her dominion."

Sexual barter only occurs where women allow it to. In a wife led marriage, both partners acknowledge that it is only her sexual needs, her pleasure, which matter. There is no room for "barter" because a well trained husband knows and accepts that he has no sexual rights at all. His erections, his ejaculations, are at her pleasure and at her direction.

Of course, it takes a little while for a husband to accept that his cock is no longer his own and here a chastity cage may prove an essential reminder. After all, a man in a chastity device is focused on his wife, not his cock, and that is how it should be.