More Advice for a Young Wife

I've had a lovely response to my earlier advice to a young wife and, as you might guess, there is lots more to say.

Directing a female led marriage is a process rather than a checklist. While there is plenty of fun to be had with a few old stockings and a bath brush that is not a marriage it is an entertaining Saturday night. A thought to be borne in mind when a young lady is setting out on her way to taking charge of her marriage.

For most men, young or old, the idea of a sexually active, much less, dominant woman is both intriguing and a little frightening. They are used to chasing girls who, occasionally, let themselves be caught. Which may very well be how you arranged your own marriage. The problem is that the idea of the chase can survive even the most elaborate wedding ceremony and your alpha husband may soon be chasing some other girl. Which will never do.

The erotics of marriage never cease to delight me but, I must admit, it takes a real commitment to keep your marriage exciting for both of you. Especially when, for one reason or another, you've decided to keep your husband chaste and to control his orgasms and, eventually, his erections. That commitment begins with the recognition that like many things in a well run household, a wife must take charge.

Earlier I wrote about the scarcity value of sex. The general principle is that a wife does herself no favours by allowing her husband to have sex with her whenever he wants to. Nor does she help her marriage by dropping the constraints of modesty and a certain, elegant, delicateness. Wandering around the house naked or in a T-shirt and panties is all very nice for a single girl; but a married woman needs to captivate an audience of one and there is no point in letting her audience back stage.

A female led marriage is, in a certain sense, a throwback to a gentler time when no man you'd want to marry would ever fail to rise when a lady entered the room, hold the door or speak respectfully to any woman he might consider marrying. The idea of "The Lady of the House" is far more basic than the niceties of bedroom etiquette. Just like sexual matters, a lady will get the respect that she demands. But, as it has always been, it is the lady who sets the standards.

Long before a new wife begins to cane or physically correct her husband she needs to place herself in a position where her husband is happy to accept her primacy. It is a difficult but rewarding path for a young wife to follow. The objective is nothing less than a loving husband who does exactly what he is told and accepts, indeed embraces, his wife's unquestioned right to make the decisions in the marriage and to set the standards.

Leaving aside the cane and the bath brush, disciplining a husband is about rewarding the behaviour you want to encourage and ruthlessly punishing behaviour or even attitude which is below the standards you set. Rewards can range from actively suggesting that your husband put his feet up and watch his favourite game through to indulging any little sexual kink he might have. (The later being great fun because you can surprise your husband with real enthusiasm for which ever game he likes to play in the bedroom. For most men, sexual kinks are a matter of some shame and being allowed to put on a pair of your panties or having a couple of your fingers up his bottom, especially when you suggest it, is hugely powerful. But make sure you leave his shame intact as you'll be working with it as you assert your dominance.) Punishments, until you are able to properly use the cane and paddle, usually revolve around withdrawing things which are entirely in your power: your company, your bed. Or they can be as simple as calmly scolding your husband. In any punishment situation the most important thing is that you assume and your husband acknowledges that you have a perfect right to correct his behaviour.

Simple, verbal, corrections are a good place to start. Rudeness or disrespect can be met with icy silence or a curt, "I will not be spoken to that way." or "I do not tolerate rudeness." It is well worth while, especially in the first weeks and months of a marriage, to have very high standards indeed. A well corrected husband will soon learn his place.

More physical corrections can and should be introduced as early in your marriage as possible. You should be bringing up the possibility of corporal punishment pretty much from the time you begin your honeymoon. By making it clear that you certainly intend spanking and more lively forms of punishment to form part of your marriage, you are conditioning your husband to his eventual fate. But there is no rush. After all, there is nothing more fetching than a pretty young wife sitting in front of her makeup table and calling her husband into her dressing room with the words "Darling, I need to have a talk with you." She sits, perhaps in a dressing gown or a slip, holding her wooden hairbrush and tapping her open hand to underline her points. Her husband stands until he is dismissed. After a couple such conversations a young wife can easily end her piece with something like, "So if you can't behave I am going to have to give you a more forceful reminder..." The hairbrush will make its own point.

Taking simple decisions out of her husband's hands re-enforces her position as head of the household. To take an easy example: as a young wife's dominance increases it is a good idea to tell her husband to do specific things. "Darling, you have a big day tomorrow so I'm sending you to bed now. I'll be up in a little while and you may read after you've washed and put on your PJs." It may take a few tries but, fairly quickly, especially if compliance leads to a bedroom treat, the young wife will be rewarded with an obedient, "Yes dear."

The young wife should, however, make sure that these sorts of small things are always phrased as orders rather than requests. Instant obedience is expected and sometimes rewarded, disobedience or dawdling is grounds for a good scolding and, usually, some form of punishment. Sometimes immediately, sometimes a few hours or a day later to give the husband a bit of time to reflect on his misconduct.

The combination of a wonderfully enthusiastic attitude towards sex - when the young wife is in the mood - a willingness to play up to his kinks, a becoming personal modesty, high standards, demanding what you want as a matter of right and the threat of corporal punishment will all imprint on your new husband. For the young wife this imprinting is the task of the first year or two of marriage. With it will come her increasing control over everything from the family finances to what her husband wears to bed to how much time he spends working out.

Before her husband has much of a chance to object a clever young wife will have ensured that his first instinct is to do what he's told. She's well on her way to the pleasures of an obedient husband and a female led marriage.