Sunday 20 May 2018

Is a Female Led Relationship "Natural"?

Here is another question I am asked a lot,

Is a Female Led Relationship "Natural"?

It is but understanding why and how is actually pretty important to having a successful FLR.

The actual dynamic in an FLR is powered by a couple of facts which have fallen out of the popular conversation about male/female relationships. The first fact is that men and women are significantly different. Physically, psychologically and, for want of a better term, hormonally there is simply no comparison between a man and a woman. The second fact is that men and women think very differently. 

Camille Paglia, a cultural critic for whom I have a lot of time, controversially said, "If civilization had been left in female hands we would still be living in grass huts." And a friend of mine added, "with really nice curtains". Here is the thing, women want extremely simple things: a home, nice clothes, security, a bit of luxury and a sense of being valued. Men want different things, here again Paglia, "Men know they are sexual exiles. They wander the earth seeking satisfaction, craving and despising, never content. There is nothing in that anguished motion for women to envy."

According to Paglia, and on my own observation, men generally, and especially alpha men, tend to be on a permanent hunt for something they are sure they want but can't quite identify. What, in fact, they are looking for is a woman who will take them in hand, put an end to the hunt and redirect all that wasted energy. 

To end the male "hunt" a woman has to combine three or four elements of control and discipline. Approached head on, there is simply no way a woman can control, much less discipline a man. She cannot physically subdue him and asking him to comply takes away her authority because it means her authority is contingent on his consent. Consent which may be withdrawn at any time. (I suspect one of the reasons why FLRs often end after a couple of months or a year is because they have been based on consent rather than surrender.)

A dominant woman is not dominant because she is bossy or bitchy - in fact, many dominant wives enjoy being the quiet "power behind the throne". A dominant woman is, however, in charge. She makes the decisions in her marriage or relationship. But how does she get there?

In a very basic way a woman leads a relationship because she has provided her man with the answer to the questions which lead to Paglia's "sexual exile". Male sexuality, especially alpha male sexuality, begins with the adolescent's inchoate horniness. The need to get laid, somehow, overwhelms almost everything else in the adolescent male brain. And this is a need which, unless put under control, will drive men well into their sixties. 

In my research for my books on high end escorting (Avails: Escorting for the Elegant Woman and 
Money Sex: tales from the luxury lives of high end escorts, mistresses and courtesans) I interviewed literally hundreds of women who, quite rightly in my view, make excellent money catering to the unresolved needs and urges of well to do men. Escorts and mistresses wouldn't have clients and patrons if men were able to actually find what they so desperately need. The fact is, however, that these highly skilled, highly paid, women don't end men's sexual exile, they simply make the prison more comfortable.

The one thing which stood out in my conversations with sexual professionals was the fact that, to really be a great escort or mistress, a woman has to be able to "take charge" of her date or her patron's visits. While her client may think he is setting the agenda, the escort is, in fact guiding him and using his eagerness to suit her own ends. The mistress does much the same thing but over repeated encounters. Yes, the clients and patrons are looking for secual release, but the higher end girls and the beautifully dressed mistresses are well aware that this is only one of the things their clients need.

Men tend to confuse their sexuality with their much broader set of needs. A wonderful encounter with a highly skilled escort is almost never about the sex. Rather it is about men being given permission to drop a whole set of masks and illusions and come directly to the point with a woman who has also dropped the pretences of the social construction of sexuality. The escort or mistress almost always takes charge of the date and almost never is coy about asking for and getting what she wants. Over and over, the girls told me that the real trick to their tricks was to convince their client that he had fulfilled her desires.

Which brings me to the "natural" question. In point of fact, men are in sexual exile because they think that their pleasure, their release, is important to their completion and fulfilment. They are released from exile when they are given and accept another goal: a woman's pleasure and completion.

For a wife or girlfriend the issue is not making her man a better or more considerate lover - save that for the self-help books. Rather the issue is re-aligning his perception so that he begins to understand that he is happier and more complete when he is able to meet the goals she sets for him. Men are terrifically competitive and goal driven. 

Once a woman understands how men generally, and her man in particular, work. What their needs really are and how much they want and need a woman to take charge, it is a very simple and very natural progression. Taking sexual possession of a man is no more complicated than giving him exactly what he wants, enthusiastically, and then setting boundaries and requirements for "more". And they always want more. If a man knows that he will have his fantasy sexual encounter in a week, if he locks up his cock in his chastity device and if he pleasures his wife just right during that week, he'll lock himself in. If he knows that his girlfriend will throw herself at him if he works hard and well, but cane him if he's lazy, you can bet he'll work very hard indeed. 

At the outset of a relationship or a marriage, a smart woman will use her sexuality to first enthrall and then control her man. As part of that she'll introduce the idea of discipline and punishment for his lapses. As he accepts each of these steps he will, gradually and willingly, surrender to the woman he loves. That surrender is the most natural thing in the world. 


  

6 comments:

  1. Hannah, wonderful post. I think you are right, too. Men's energies are misguided and often pursue things to destructive ends.

    One of the concepts in my book was that men excel at "getting things done" and prefer directions with little to no ambiguity. When a woman's natural authority is acknowldeged and accepted, she is empowered to give him direct orders (which he respects and understands well, IE she is speaking his language) and he is empowered to accomplish task after directed task for her.

    Win-win.

    Key

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  2. Thank you Key...And you were too polite to include a link to your book, Surrender, Submit, Serve Her.: The definitive guide to enacting Female Leadership and embracing the Female Dominated Household. So here is the link https://amzn.to/2kc1zLG

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  3. Thank you! I am very much enjoying 'Avails', especially all the advice about security, safety and protecting your sense of self worth. Lots of very valuable self-care in there!

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  4. This is an outstanding expose of what makes men tick and how to cut to the chase on putting the necessary control upon their actions.
    I totally agree that men's energies need to directed to a better, more productive perception.
    Serving a woman and providing for her happiness is what men are in need of and spend their life trying to find. This is necessary in all aspects of the relationship, but certainly sexually since men are so focused on that. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that women have always used their sexuality to control men. Bringing to the forefront that the goal of that control is for the male to surrender to the woman he loves.
    "That surrender is the most natural thing in the world".
    So many years it has taken me to learn that!
    I now know that my sexual release is completely unneccessary and that I can be happy kneeling on the floor naked and watching my wife bring herself to orgasm. My only deprivation at that point is not that I have not found release, but that I am not aiding in her pleasure at the moment, until she invites (directs, commands) me to do so.
    What a wonderful post you have provided here.
    Dear Hannah, you are a joy and pleasure, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom.

    mrbill

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  5. Make sexual relationships with escorts are so much easy whether contact escort agencies in Sydney.

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  6. No, it's not natural. God made the relationship to be in order of, God first, then Jesus Christ second, then the husband, then the wife. The woman obeys the man, the man obeys Jesus Christ, and Christ obeys God the father. But ultimately, we all obey God the father. When God made the order of the family and the relationship, he made it to be natural for the man to be the head, authority, and the leader, never the woman. It's feminism that screws us up and I can't wait til feminism falls, and it will. It's not natural and should never be done this way. female relationships are a mistake and a pile of dog crap. Violation of scripture. Good luck with that one, because all your spitting and sputtering about how you should be in charge will not fly. Have a nice day.

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