The Elegant Mistress

A year ago to the day I wrote,

"Now, with older admirers, that is the very last thing they want to hear. Instead, make it clear to them that they exist to ensure you have the nice things like silk chemises, real silk stockings, a really good vibrator and the pampering you deserve. Wonderful food, the occasional short vacation and what Holly Golightly referred to as "Powder Room Money" are all to be expected. Nice things in blue boxes never go amiss.

A girl can be just as in charge with a man old enough to be her father as with a younger man. Those handcuffs will come in handy. But with older men, a girl does not have to be quite as stingy with her favours and good behaviour and really wonderful presents can be the occasion for a controlled ejaculation. The dynamic is very different.

I'll return to the subject another day. But, right now, it is cocktail hour and I'd hate to be late."

What I was referring to, of course, was that wonderful opportunity which smart girls, especially in their twenties, have to become a mistress for a few years.

No, not the boots and leather corset kind of mistress - though that can be fun too - rather a young lady who is "kept" by a wealthy, usually older man. I have written extensively about this quaint but delightful halfway house between escorting and the dating/marriage world. (I'll put the books in below. A couple are free today.)

It takes a self-possessed girl to succeed at being a mistress because there is a subtle but very real power dynamic involved. The fact is that almost every mistress relationship is a female led relationship to a greater or lesser degree.

I discuss this dynamic at much greater length in my book Modern Mistress: Lead the Luxury Life you Deserve. Put in simple terms, a woman who becomes a mistress is trading her time, attention and favours to her patron for "the finer things in life". What those things are - an allowance, rent paid, a clothing allowance, a car, vacations - are all a matter of negotiation and it is the mistress, not her patron, who takes charge of that negotiation.

Part of the dynamic is that the prospective mistress has something her patron wants. That something goes well beyond sex. If it is just a transactional sex for money situation then the girl is not really a mistress at all. She is stuck somewhere between escort and sugar baby. In both those situations, (with few exceptions which I talk about in my book on elegant escorting, Avails: Escorting for The Elegant Woman) it is the male who holds the power and, being men, in that situation the relationship is usually very fleeting. Even the most successful sugar babies seldom last three months, whereas a man's relationship with his mistress can last years.

The key to this longevity is that, from the moment she meets her patron, through the negotiations and on into the relationship, the mistress takes charge. Both in the bedroom and in the rest of their time together, a clever mistress takes the lead. She does this by doing something many women are diffident about: she owns her sexuality and makes it clear from the outset that it is her sexuality and what she chooses to do with it, which drives the pleasure matrix in the relationship.

Obviously, it is not as one-sided as the total control a dominant wife maintains over the sexual life in her marriage. Most patrons would be unimpressed with the requirement of prolonged chastity for example. But that does not stop a clever mistress from keeping her patron, as it were, hungry.

Finding out what a man really desires and then teasing him with possibilities sets a mistress apart from her less adventurous peers. Because it implies that a mistress is more than willing to meet those desires head on rather than coyly as many women feel bound to do. 

A mistress keeps her patron transfixed because, unlike with many of the other women he has been with, she is sexually aggressive rather than passive and her sexual favours are not conditional. Far too many women use sex as some sort of reward for their husbands or boyfriends. Completion of the "honey do" list gets a husband a blow job. For the mistress, assuming that her patron ensures her comfort, sex is part of the bargain and a part she embraces.

Spending a few years as a mistress in your twenties very quickly expands a woman's perspective on the world, on men and, most importantly, herself. As I gather the interviews with the women in the Mistress Matrix, I was struck at just how much more mature and self-confident these, often quite young, women were. Part of it was, of course, money. Compared to her contemporaries, a well kept mistress has much lower expenses and a much greater disposable income for what amounts to, in most cases, all of five to ten hours a week of actual face time. Another huge part of it was that these girls realize early on that their success as mistresses depends on being the sort of beauty their patrons desire. Glossy hair, great skin, perfect nails - even a slightly mousy girl is transformed as she embraces the mistress experience and has the money and time it takes to glow. 

Add to that the time at the gym or swimming and generally being physically active - mistresses don't have muffin tops and the money to buy really lovely clothes and, very quickly, a girl gains the real power beauty confers. A woman in full.

It is only for a few years but being a mistress is the perfect preparation for a woman who wants to lead her own marriage.

Here are the books:

A complete guide for the Modern Mistress. How to advertise. How to negotiate your monthly allowance. Treats and gifts. 

How to look glamorous and very expensive. Sex tips - enthusiasm, technique and a nice pair of stockings. The Modern Mistress's apartment, wardrobe, lingerie, sheets and refrigerator: a complete guide.

Plus a guide for patrons to avoid getting caught and why the Modern Mistress is a wife's best friend.

A sexy, fun and provocative guide to the good life for girls who demand to be spoiled.

Kindle Book for all ebook readers: https://amzn.to/2ZbWUeY

Five star reviewed author Hannah Jay has written the definitive guide to high end escorting with her “Avails: The Elegant Woman’s Guide to Escorting” and the ultimate guide to paid companionship, “Modern Mistress: Lead the Luxury Life You Deserve”, has interviewed literally hundreds of up market escorts, mistresses and courtesans. In this first volume of “Money Sex” she brings fifteen top escorts’ stories to life.

The very best lingerie for a pay for play date? The real secret behind graceful, professional, blow jobs? What expensive girls do to prepare for pleasure? Why do girls escort? Miss Jay’s interviews are sexy, smart and revealing.

Super luxe girls, in their own words, talking about their first time, the men they like, the clients who keep coming back, the tricks of the trade.

Kindle Book: https://amzn.to/2TQbo34

The Mistress Matrix

What would the first night as a wealthy man's mistress be like. Zoey is about to find out. 

Everything needs to be perfect right down to her pretty lingerie. Nick was going to have the night of his life and, even though this was just a business arrangement, Zoey wanted to be the sort of girl Nick would keep coming back to.

Kindle Book: https://amzn.to/2Z7QD8X

Chris becomes the mistress of a very nice man with a tiny problem.

She solves the tiny problem and brings home the Birkin.

The pleasures of a kept woman in Book 2 of the Mistress Matrix.

Kindle Book: https://amzn.to/2Z8AVug

FREE TODAY!

Sage Hart wasn't really looking to become a mistress but a hundred foot sailing yacht and her own slutty nature let her accept and indecent proposal.

When Sage decides to be the ship's mistress she makes sure her Captain is teased and pleased. Lots of great blow jobs, a pleasing spanking, and good old fashioned sex including great anal. 

Sage is a versatile girl. A lady in a restaurant, slut on the aft deck and a willing whore in the Captain's cabin.

Kindle Book: https://amzn.to/2HiOYSX

The Innocence of 70's Men's Magazines

elliot currently has a collection of bondage covergirls up for free at Kindle Covergirl Bondage #1

I am always amused and delighted at the wonderful innocence of these sorts of magazines. There was a genuine sense of naughtiness and even of transgression at some level, but there was also a sense of humour and fun.

Just look at the outfit the "Mistress" in this cover image is wearing. Long black leather gloves, matching high heeled leather boots, jodhpurs and a sweater. Really right out of the pages of Bizarre Magazine or The Perils of Gwendoline.

Personally, I am not all that keen on bondage in itself. Certainly, I have been known to have Mady tie elliot up for serious discipline, but, to be honest, it seems like a lot of bother when a pair of leather cuffs and a hook in a beam can serve just as well.

Of course, elliot loves putting Mady in bondage if I let him. And, to be honest, she can look lovely in very much the position the girl is trussed up in the cover picture. The good news being Mady has a much better figure and much cuter lingerie.

Oddly, I don't think of elliot's cock cage as bondage at all. Probably because, come Labour Day his summer freedom will end and his cock will go back into chastity for an indeterminate period. I have had lots of fun with his little cock over the summer. I even let him have a dozen strokes at a time in my sacred grove. And I had elliot take Mady four or five times - not, of course to his own completion - but very much to her's. She claims not to enjoy penetrative sex much but watching her I am not so sure. I enjoy teasing Mady about having her bred at some point. Which I won't actually do as breeding a girl leads, eventually, to the delights of small children and that has to be Mady's choice.

But on the breeding theme, as I think of it, it might be fun to tie Mady up the next time I have elliot cover her. I'll have to think about that.

And here, I think is the point: for the photographers and models shooting bondage pictures in the 70's, these sorts of elaborations, bondage plus sex, were beyond the pale. In fact, there was very little actual nudity in the bondage magazines and if there was it was all about plump breasts and not below the waist.

A gentler, simpler, time....enjoy!

Maintenance - Part of an FLR?

I get this question from time to time,

Is maintenance - a weekly spanking or something more severe - important to a Female Led Relationship?

The various ladies I know who are leading their marriages are all over the place on this question as am I.

Women who use maintenance spankings swear by them as they serve as a reminder to their husband or boyfriend of who is in charge. And I take that point. Plus, and this is interesting, a number of the women I speak to regularly, say that their husbands positively look forward to the ritual of a maintenance spanking. But usually when I probe a little deeper, it turns out that the "maintenance" is a pretty mild affair. Over the lady of the house's knee and a hand spanking. While the humiliation of having to lie across your wife's lap for your weekly spanking might have some effect, that effect is likely to wear off pretty quickly.

If a routine of maintenance is going to have any effect on a male's long term behaviour a lady's hand to her husband's bottom is really not going to do the job. I have said elsewhere that lady's hands are not made for spanking. To make any sort of impression you need and instrument: a cane or dog stick or a paddle or elliot's least favorite, a shower brush. Whether you are punishing your husband or giving him a regular maintenance dose, you want him submitting to a serious spanking rather than looking forward to the ritual. He should not like being spanked one little bit.

And there, frankly, is the problem with the idea of regular maintenance spankings: a serious session with the cane or the shower brush takes quite a while for a man to get over. Yes, he will want to behave so it does not happen again any time soon, but if he knows he'll be getting another, serious spanking, regardless of behaviour in a week's time it tends to produce resignation rather than obedience. 

I think physically correcting your husband is a valuable tool for a dominant wife but one which must be used as sparingly as it is severely. Play spankings are no good at all.

However, a number of dominant wives have different spins on maintenance.

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"I like to call our weekly sessions "performance reviews" writes Maggie from a southern US state. "On a Sunday afternoon, after church and before I cook dinner. Two o'clock precisely in my lovely dressing room which also serves as Kenneth's punishment room."

"I am a woman in my late thirties, in nice shape. I had my babies young and now they are older teens. Sunday afternoon is their youth church group with makes it perfect for Ken's review. I always conduct the review in the clothes I've worn to church. At our church the ladies are expected to make an effort on Sundays and I often wear just what you see here. A satin blouse and a pencil skirt with a little jacket. And, yes, I do wear a girdle and hose to church. It does not do to jiggle."

"He has to leave his day clothes in our bedroom and I will usually put out something cute for him to wear. A pretty romper, or a spanking girdle or maybe nothing at all in which case he has to come in naked."

"The first thing I do, no matter what, is handcuff him with his hands behind his back. He has to keep his legs spread. I have a short Huntley riding crop which is useless for a serious whipping but gets his attention if I flick his cock or balls or nipples. I prefer the broad "keeper" which what you actually call the business end of the crop."

"Once I have his attention I run down my written list of whatever his transgressions have been that week. Keeping a list means I don't forget much, however, when I have finished I always ask Kenneth if there is anything I have forgotten. There often is and that goes on the list."

"Now, his regular maintenance is a spell in the little cage I have in one of my closets - usually an hour. It is more uncomfortable than painful but I have my little enhancements."

"Nothing like a big, black, inflatable, cock up your naughty bottom for an hour. I leave the little inflator bulb outside the closet and, every so often step on it. Kenneth has learned to take all nine fat inches. Or I shove a cute little remote-controlled prostate massager up his bottom and make him dribble in his panties."

"Sometimes, in spite of the fact Ken is supposed to be contrite during his performance review, he gets an erection. He very much hopes he doesn't because, just before he has to crawl into his cage, his cock and balls will get a nice thick coat of Deep Heat. I usually gag him when he has to take the heat because he makes a lot of noise. I like to use a short but thick penis gag so he feels nice and full.

"Another favorite is a bit of ginger pushed up his bottom. You have to be clever about trimming it but I've noticed that Ken visibly winces when he sees his "fig" sitting on a nice china plate on my make-up table."

"Those are the sorts of punishments a bad performance review will merit. If Ken has been outright disobedient or disrespectful, I have a lovely chaise with a single beautifully cushioned arm which is just the right height for Ken to bend over. Now I was a Kappa Kappa Gamma and I have always thought a fine old sorority paddle was ideal for correcting errant husbands. Most of the time a dozen swats with my paddle and then some time in his cage puts Ken back on the straight and narrow. However, when he has actually done something bad...having too many drinks, ogling one of my girlfriends or a pretty girl on the street, lying - I hate lying - I'll want to raise some blisters. I never paddle when I am angry. I wait until Sunday and then I will get out what I call The Holey Paddle.

"Twelve strokes of the Holey Paddle and Ken's bottom is a mess. The most I have ever given him were 24 (drinking, ogling and lying) and he, literally, could not sit down comfortably for a week.

"As you can guess, in the five years since I became head of our household, Ken has worked very hard to avoid any paddlings at all. Which is just how I like it."

"Now, one other element in our weekly routine is that after Ken has completed his punishment, he has to kneel in front of me and jerk himself off onto a special china plate I keep for just this purpose. It isn't a very big plate and Ken knows I mark down every drop which misses the plate for correction the next week. He has only managed to keep all his mess on the plate twice. Of course, he has to clean up any spunk which is on the floor with his tongue; but he has a choice with what's on the plate, he can either lick it all up right away or we'll put it in the fridge and feed it to him before Church the following week. If he decides to postpone he may earn some forgiveness in his next performance review. His choice. When he has been severely punished he usually postpones, but a light session and he almost always drinks it right down."

----

I very much want to thank Maggie for sharing her wonderfully creative performance review and consequences story.

Frankly, this makes much more sense to me than either a regular, barely noticed, spanking or a proper weekly whipping which seems more than is required. Training a man is about routine, rewards and punishments. Creativity is a must!