Can we "come out" Femdom?
Like so many questions about female led relationships, this one is all about context. Which means that to answer it we have to look at context.
When you think about it very few married couples spend a lot of their time announcing that they are heterosexual. Nor, when you have a few friends in for drinks or dinner, does the conversation tend to veer towards oral sex techniques or how much Cheryl loves/hates anal. Even if you just have girlfriends over, the intimate details of their marriages are rarely, if ever, discussed.
As to public displays? Well, if you are in a nice restaurant or at Home Depot, you can amuse yourself by watching how couples make their way in the world. Who is in charge? Who is actually in charge? Do they flirt? Do they look as if they enjoy each other's company?
But it is very, very rare to see any overt signs of sexual interests or fetishes or even good old fashioned lust. Which, quite frankly, is all to the good as far as I am concerned. I don't want and don't need to know what Candace and Bob get up to in the privacy of their own bedroom.
The idea of "coming out" is rooted in the homosexual community's long battle for acceptance. As a sexual minority, gay people were discriminated against and there were all manner of social and legal penalties inflicted on gay men in particular. By "coming out" homosexuals were able to create the conditions for social acceptance and that led to legal equality. Still lots of work to do, but by "coming out" gay people were able to make their social and political points.
Now, there is no question that femdom couples are a sexual minority. However, so far as I can see, short of arguing for outright matriarchy (which is fun but, frankly, already exists) there really is no political dimension to female-led marriages. Which eliminates the political argument for "coming out".
Which brings the question back to the personal: do you want or need to tell family, friends and the world in general that you keep your husband in a chastity cage or that he's wearing his girdle and stockings under that nice suit?
Here we arrive at a question of style. Part of my own view of female led relationships is that they are actually a reflection of how men and women are happiest together. Men, even the most alpha men, are most content and productive when they are enthralled with and serving their wife or girlfriend. While I certainly think there is lots of fun to be had by integrating femdom, male chastity and discipline into the bedroom, those are private manifestations of a much larger picture.
I don't try to hide the fact elliot is completely submissive to me and, in certain circumstances, I enjoy showing that off either implicitly or explicitly Little gestures such as giving him my purse to carry when we're shopping or telling him to sit somewhere in a shop while I try things on are broad hints to people paying attention. However, most people are not paying attention and unless you literally have your husband on a leash (which might be fun but not subtle) they will not notice his obedience.
At the same time, there is no reason for a dominant wife to behave differently in public than she does in private. Perhaps the key difference between dominant wives and vanilla wives is that a dominant wife tells her husband what to do whereas a vanilla wife tends to ask. "Bring my purse" is very different from "Would you please bring my purse?"
While I have no doubt that there are happy female led relationships where the dominant nature of the wife is given greater emphasis and the submissiveness of the husband is more public, there is no real need for that. If a couple enjoys being more overt, great; but it is not at all required nor will it be without consequence.
Which brings me to a final point. The fact that I think female leadership in marriage is best all round does not mean I want to crusade for it. The fact that I have come to the conclusion that men are better being permanently in chastity does not mean I want to march with a sign saying "Lock him up."
In the here and now the idea of a submissive male is still more than a little transgressive. And it becomes more transgressive the further from large, anonymous, cities you are. In my little part of the world, where there really is a market town and we really do go to church every Sunday, people are very happy to assume that my marriage is like their marriage. Frankly, they are more curious about Mady, my maid, than why elliot sometimes squirms in the hard wooden pew.
Which brings me back to the beginning. A couple in a female led relationship may want to share that fact with the world, but there is no political dimension to The Lady of the House having a cane in her dressing room, a wooden clothes brush in her purse and her husband in a nightie. So there is no reason to be any more forthcoming about how you run your marriage than other wives.
On the other hand, it can be quite a lot of fun to have a few close girlfriends in on your secret. Again, very much up to you. Whether you keep your FLR strictly private or make it discreetly - or indiscreetly - public is your call. But I will note, the first time you have your girlfriends over and your husband is dressed in nothing more than his cock cage and a waiter's apron to serve the Chablis your secret will be out and there is no getting it back. In a big city that might not matter, in a little town like ours....well, discretion seems to be the better part of valor.
Which brings the question back to the personal: do you want or need to tell family, friends and the world in general that you keep your husband in a chastity cage or that he's wearing his girdle and stockings under that nice suit?
Here we arrive at a question of style. Part of my own view of female led relationships is that they are actually a reflection of how men and women are happiest together. Men, even the most alpha men, are most content and productive when they are enthralled with and serving their wife or girlfriend. While I certainly think there is lots of fun to be had by integrating femdom, male chastity and discipline into the bedroom, those are private manifestations of a much larger picture.
I don't try to hide the fact elliot is completely submissive to me and, in certain circumstances, I enjoy showing that off either implicitly or explicitly Little gestures such as giving him my purse to carry when we're shopping or telling him to sit somewhere in a shop while I try things on are broad hints to people paying attention. However, most people are not paying attention and unless you literally have your husband on a leash (which might be fun but not subtle) they will not notice his obedience.
At the same time, there is no reason for a dominant wife to behave differently in public than she does in private. Perhaps the key difference between dominant wives and vanilla wives is that a dominant wife tells her husband what to do whereas a vanilla wife tends to ask. "Bring my purse" is very different from "Would you please bring my purse?"
While I have no doubt that there are happy female led relationships where the dominant nature of the wife is given greater emphasis and the submissiveness of the husband is more public, there is no real need for that. If a couple enjoys being more overt, great; but it is not at all required nor will it be without consequence.
Which brings me to a final point. The fact that I think female leadership in marriage is best all round does not mean I want to crusade for it. The fact that I have come to the conclusion that men are better being permanently in chastity does not mean I want to march with a sign saying "Lock him up."
In the here and now the idea of a submissive male is still more than a little transgressive. And it becomes more transgressive the further from large, anonymous, cities you are. In my little part of the world, where there really is a market town and we really do go to church every Sunday, people are very happy to assume that my marriage is like their marriage. Frankly, they are more curious about Mady, my maid, than why elliot sometimes squirms in the hard wooden pew.
Which brings me back to the beginning. A couple in a female led relationship may want to share that fact with the world, but there is no political dimension to The Lady of the House having a cane in her dressing room, a wooden clothes brush in her purse and her husband in a nightie. So there is no reason to be any more forthcoming about how you run your marriage than other wives.
On the other hand, it can be quite a lot of fun to have a few close girlfriends in on your secret. Again, very much up to you. Whether you keep your FLR strictly private or make it discreetly - or indiscreetly - public is your call. But I will note, the first time you have your girlfriends over and your husband is dressed in nothing more than his cock cage and a waiter's apron to serve the Chablis your secret will be out and there is no getting it back. In a big city that might not matter, in a little town like ours....well, discretion seems to be the better part of valor.
