How to Keep a Female Led Relationship Fresh

A question I am often asked is:

How do you keep a Female Led Relationship Fresh?

Like any marriage or relationship, over time an FLR can go from being new and edgy to a bit routine and humdrum. After all, once you have your husband trained, keep his cock in a cage, punish him as required and generally control the decision in your home, what is there left to do?

In fact, a version of this question comes up in vanilla marriages. After the first four or five months, everything from conversation to sex to chores to who takes out the trash has been pretty much resolved. (Yes, kids complicate this but they also provide a focus.)

For some couples, vanilla or FLR, that sense of a settled routine is actually rather welcome. It does make life a lot simpler. But at the cost of being less interesting, or, let's face it, actively boring. Whole books have been written about how to put the zing back into your marriage but, having scanned a few, they all seem to come down to surprises, date nights and finding shared interests. All of which are great and well worthwhile but in an FLR, a woman has a lot more scope because rather than negotiating change, she can simply make the changes she wants.

Once you have your husband trained one of the facts of his life is that he no longer has any real say in your sex life. Which takes more than a little adjusting for both the husband and the wife. At our house, for example, I don't particularly love penetrative sex even when I am on top and in total control. Which, up until Mady arrived, meant that elliot had learned to largely live without penetration and entirely without any penetrative ejaculation. Even before he was in his cock cage more or less full time, from Labour Day to the May 24th Long Weekend, he had been trained to - when told - lie on his back with his hands under his bum while I mounted him and took my pleasure from his hard little cockette. He also knew that if he ejaculated he would be seriously caned or I would take my shower brush to him. (For extra leverage I also have a longer handled shower brush which elliot is actually afraid of.) While this doesn't happen often, it is always a treat for elliot to have to stay hard but not come while I enjoy myself.

However, my real pleasure usually comes when I have elliot bobbing up and down licking my pussy. One of the things which has changed over the years is that I am much more comfortable just telling elliot to get to work when I am feeling a bit lascivious. Because he is almost always in his cage, there is no question at all of his pleasure. In fact, as he is busily using his well-trained tongue, he gets quite horney and usually painfully erect in his cage. But, here again, years of training and the frequent application of the cane if he dares to stop before I tell him to, have turned elliot into a brilliant pussy lapper. (Far too many men think it is acceptable to cease their attentions when they get tired or bored; in an FLR this never happens.)

The sheer novelty of a fully committed FLR can extend for months or even years at a time. However, it never hurts to use a little imagination. For example, if your husband has a little fetish, as I wrote below, it never hurts to tease him a little. Or reward him with your indulgence. Some men like to cross dress, others are deeply humiliated if they are required to sleep in a pretty nightie or wear a girdle under their suits. Either way, a dominant wife can use feminine clothing to remind her obedient husband of his position.

What about social life? Part of the fun of being married is making friends as a couple. A couple in an FLR will, undoubtedly, have vanilla friends who, if they notice anything at all, will note how well mannered and deferential your husband is. Which is fun in itself, especially if you know he's wearing a really frilly pair of panties under his khakis. Can you take this further?

Of course, you can. But a good deal of caution needs to be exercised by the head of your household. "Coming out" to vanilla friends, especially non-FLR couples, can be an exercise in non-comprehension and, frankly, very awkward. I've found that while many wives "get it" immediately, un-trained husbands get very uncomfortable with the idea that your husband is, formally, not the head of your household. (No doubt, younger, more "woke" men may be more open. But it is still a risk.)

To a very large degree, in my experience, if you would like to put your obedient husband through his paces, you are better off with an exclusively female audience. In fact, simply having a close girlfriend in for drinks and having your husband "serve" is an excellent introduction. Nothing needs to be explicit the first time. Your husband essentially acts as a servant bring drinks and canapes and then retreating to the kitchen until you ring your little bell.

Again, in my experience, the sheer novelty of a husband in service will usually elicit a question like, "How do you get your husband to serve drinks?" or, when you ring your bell, "He really comes when you ring?! How do you manage that?" Now the ball is in your court and you have the option of telling a little or a lot. My own strategy has always been to matter of factly say, "Well, we have what is known as a female-led marriage. elliot prefers to do as he is told at home."

Recently, this has often brought the response, "Like 50 Shades of Grey but in reverse." A dreadful book but it has mainstreamed the idea of power exchange. From there the conversation usually flows quite easily. As elliot is in earshot he hears me describe our arrangement and, when I ring for him next, my guest usually looks at him in an entirely new light. Which is great fun.

Before Mady arrived I had a couple of close girlfriends who enjoyed more than a description of elliot's submission. Once they were "in the club" I was delighted to have elliot serve in a more overt way. While I am not a big fan of the "sissy maid" look - although this "lockable" maid's uniform is quite cute - but a nice pleated skirt, white long sleeved blouse (sheer enough to show off his pretty  longline bra) and a cute white waist apron seemed to amuse my friend. So did watching elliot be sent to his corner and a few times, watching me punish elliot. And it certainly made things more interesting when I would say, "Jenny is coming over on Friday."

The variations on this sort of wonderfully ritualistic combination of cross-dressing, service and humiliation are endless.

Quick Correction

Even the best trained, most obedient husband, from time to time, does something thoughtless.

In a house with dozens of towels and bath mats, elliot used my special hair towel as a bathmat as he had his shower this morning. With dirty feet I might add.

Well, I had just found a lovely, vintage, shoe horn/clothing brush (somewhat like this wooden shoe horn but with a nice heavy brush and flat side at the end). There is no time like the present when it is time to correct a husband.

I had elliot bend over the end of our bed and pull his pants and panties down. No warm up. Just a quick scolding and a dozen good solid swats. His bottom turned a lovely pink and I could see that with a little more force, my new purchase could leave quite an impression.

I think my darling will have received the message. Now back to my new book on Female Led Relationships. I am hoping to publish it on Kindle in the next few days.

Do submissive husbands need maintenance?

Another question I am asked a lot:

Do submissive husbands need maintenance?

In some of the domwife literature wives routinely spank or whip their husbands once a week or so just to remind them of their place. At the beginning of an FLR this might make some sense and the expression, "Spare the rod, spoil the husband." is certainly true. The trouble is that "routine" can quickly become pretty boring.

There is no question that husbands do need to be reminded of their place, their submission and the fact that they have surrendered to their wives. A routine spanking is a good reminder but it is important to "mix it up" a bit. A man who knows that of a Saturday evening he will be put through his paces before kneeling to orally pleasure his wife is a happy man. Just how he is put through those paces is where a dominant wife needs to use her imagination.

A good, brisk hair brushing is always an excellent reminder for a husband. Having a "special" hair brush, preferably wooden and fairly heavy which you can leave out on the dresser on "maintenance days" will create the anticipation which is so important for a submissive's focus.

There is, of course, much debate as to which particular hairbrush to use. Oval or square? In one sense it does not matter because the real event is not the spanking itself but rather the fact your husband is prepared to accept that he has to pull down his pants and lie across your lap. However, being able to pick the oval for more intensity or the square for an overall warming is bound to keep your husband guessing as to his fate. Best of all, unlike many of the other dominant wife tools, you can leave a hairbrush lying around the house with no one the wiser.

Thinking beyond the quick spanking and you are done for the week scenario - and frankly, every dominant wife should be thinking about this - what can a wife do to remind her husband of his place. Of course you can have him do the household chores - men are actually quite capable of vacuuming, doing the laundry, cleaning the toilet and dusting generally. However, these days, many men see that as just part of a marriage between equals. Not quite the message you want.

Some dominant wives will dress their husbands in elaborate maids outfits
when it is time for those husbands to get the housework done. Which, while it is great for reminding him of his place, can get in the way of actually getting the housework done to your satisfaction. Elaborate satin maid's outfits with clever corseting and high heels might be fun but it isn't very practical.

On the other hand, dressing your husband in a more practical, feminine outfit as he undertakes traditionally female tasks can be an excellent bit of humiliation. But what to have him wear? While a pretty pink set of shorts and cami top is great when he is rinsing out your hand washing or dusting your make-up table - and so very sexy, especially if he is in his cock cage - you may want a bit more coverage when you have him vacuuming or running loads of laundry. A simple, cheap, full coverage dress with the white cuffs and collar of a ladies maid can be a practical solution for your husband's attire when he is doing his housework.

Now, you want him working, not primping which means making sure his under fashions are nothing exciting. A good pair of high waisted control panties in plain beige will give his hips a little feminine shape and keep his cock - caged or uncaged - out of the way.  On top? Well a nice padded sports bra, in beige again, will fill out the bodice without getting in the way of his work. If you want him a bit fuller on top, a couple of ziplock bags filled with a bit of warm water will add a bit of shape to his bra. (Yes you can buy him breast forms but, honestly, until you have decided what size he should be when he's doing the housework, that is more of an investment than you really need to make.)

A good deal of reminding him of his place is about not having to tell him to do things but rather putting him into a position where he knows what he is supposed to do. If he sees his little shorts and cami outfit laid out, he knows he will be doing your hand washing and dusting, polishing, and generally cleaning your vanity, your bathroom and such like. Dress and functional underwear means an hour or three of housework. You can pin his list to the sleeve.

Critically, as soon as he sees one of his housework outfits laid out he knows that, until he has completed whatever tasks you've set, he'll be in his pretty outfit.

I've talked about cock cages more than enough. They are certainly a very desirable element to a FLR and a man whose cock is locked up is reminded pretty much every minute that his wife is very much in charge. But a cock cage is, ideally, something of a constant in a wife led marriage. A baseline as it were. What if you want to give him another reminder which is not so "every day"?

I will be writing about the pleasures of pegging in another post but, in anticipation of that, I have to say one of the most satisfactory toys I have ever bought for elliot's continued training is a remote controlled, vibrating, butt plug/prostate massager. elliot knows he will be dribbling when he see this on his dressing table and Mady arrives with a bit of lube.

It takes a bit of work to get this all the way into elliots little hole but, once it is there it is not going anywhere. Then the fun begins. First off, once he gets used to it, elliot can walk around, do his work, take care of his chores and generally get on with his day. But, every once in a while I will turn the vibrations on. If I want elliot to dribble I leave it on a fairly low setting for ten or fifteen minutes. He'll make a mess in his cage. But you can also turn up the vibes which produces an entirely different sensation.

For a submissive husband, having a vibrating butt plug pushed up his bottom and then having to put on pretty, but functional under wear and a cute dress to get on with the house cleaning knowing that he's seen a hairbrush in a strategic location leaves no doubt as to his position. Which is perfect and just the way it should be.

Is it maintenance? Of a sort. But it is also a great deal of fun.

Dressing

I suspect there is a joke which goes, "How does a dominant wife dress? Any way she wants." Which might be true in isolation but very few marriages, especially ours, exist in isolation. We have a position in our community and, in fact, my position as the head of our household, all require a certain formality. Plus, I love clothes. I've been collecting for years.

I also prefer elliot to dress nicely. Years ago, when he was building his business, he was allowed to wear the power suits and the golf casual wear his contemporaries wore and he still has a couple of rather boxy jackets and quite nice trousers for those occasions when he needs to project a more masculine image. (Of course A Man In His Position will almost certainly be locked in his cock cage and wearing a good firm girdle under his trousers - can't let things get out of hand.)

However, over the years, I have dressed elliot in an increasingly androgynous way around the house and out and about. Nothing terribly overt unless he is due for a bit of humiliation. For example, I let him wear camisoles and panties as regular day underclothing; I think a man wearing lingerie is very much reminded of his place. Especially if his lingerie is laid out for him by the maid and, because elliot is required to exercise more or less nude under Mady's supervision (or under Mady herself if truth be told) he can count on a little dose of humiliation as our serving girl sees him in his pretty underthings.

While I have no compunction about putting elliot in skirts regularly, I actually prefer him in nicely fitted, back zip ladies trousers. Especially now that Mady's exercise program has really begun to show results in his derriere. Before she started him on some dreadful number of squats a day, he had a typically male, somewhat flat, butt which required a good girdle if it was to have any shape at all. Now, oh la la, his gluteus is maximus and is really enhanced by a well fitted pair of light weight wool or, as spring comes, cotton slacks. His tummy has disappeared so, unless he is being punished, I allow him to dispense with a girdle except, of course, when we go to Church as any well trained housewife wears a girdle to Church to avoid unsightly jiggle.

Tops: well, in the winter time I like elliot in a nice cashmere or light wool sweater. If I have him in a bra, and his man boobs have needed one when he has run a bit to fat, he has lovely lady, well teen girl really, breasts. And all of his camisoles have support built in so, year round he has a few curves when most men just sort of sag. In the summer, a pretty cotton blouse, often sleeveless, and often with pretty patterns, complete his outfit.

Shoes were a problem. I don't particularily like men in heels. A bit too drag queeny. But there are so many nice casual shoes with just a little heel, no more than an inch, which keep him on his toes and remind him to walk attractively. I don't want him to mince, but I also hate the big clomping strides men like elliot take unless they are reminded not to.

I keep his hair quite long so, if I decide to have a few days en femme, Mady can style it. But most of the time I have it swept up and back off his face. He has lovely soft skin because I make him take care of it with moisturizers and a weekly facial. Unlike the boy in the picture, elliot is required to shave, closely, twice a day.Very minimal make-up most days: just a sun screen foundation with a hint of colour to keep his skin tones even and a little clear lip gloss with a hint of colour to show he is wearing it and reapplying when necessary. At home he has his own small bag with lip gloss, foundation and the mascara I like him to wear for cocktails and in the evenings. He has eyelashes to die for so why not take advantage. Mady does his nails and, again, we use a very clear nail polish with just a hint of pink. He has one silver bracelet he wears on his right wrist at all times. He has several more which I sometimes have Mady put out for him in the morning. I don't make him wear earings during the day and only sometimes will he find a set of pretty clip-ons for cocktail hour.

Dressing elliot my objective is to soften and feminize without actually having my husband in drag. I will put him in much more feminine clothing if it suits me, but day to day I want him to be able to, albeit self-consciously, answer our front door without shocking the neighbours. Yes, I know, the maid answers the door...but with Mady in a sheer top and quarter cup bras, the neighbours would really be shocked.

For Church elliot is allowed to wear flats and a pair of ladies trousers with a fly and a looser sweater. So long as he remembers to walk a half pace behind me I don't need to show off to the Church ladies and, as I say, we have a certain position in the community to maintain.

On Sale Girdles

I must admit I don't know what I would do out here in the country without Amazon. The fact is that there are lots of stores within driving distance but, for example, finding a good firm girdle means a trip to the city and, even then, you never know if a particular lingerie store will have the right size.

I intend to keep elliot in a girdle most days until spring. For men the panti girdle makes the most sense as it is, mostly, invisible underneath their clothing. I like the Rago zipped girdles and they are on sale at Amazon.

For myself, and Mady for Church at least, the open bottom zipped girdle makes more sense under a dress or skirt with stockings.

Both are on sale at $5-25 off at Amazon. I am buying two for me, two for Mady and two for elliot so the savings add up.

Maintenance and then some

Well, that was delightful. Elliot had been a bit cheeky and, no matter what the heat it was time to remind him of his position. He writes about his corner time and his whipping here.

The point about leading a marriage is that a dominant wife needs to set the tone. I really should have sent Elliot to his corner at the very second he spoke back to me but, I fear, I was tired and it was hot. But it was very necessary to see those six welts after his maintenance. And it is lovely to have him back in his corner; the little bit of Viagra does a wonderful job of keeping his little cock eager.

Having him put on the pretty - and very tight - panties for cocktails was a bit mean given the heat and his stripped bottom but it is wonderfully humbling for him to stuff his little cockette into pretty full coverage panties.

I must say I have missed the heft and the springiness of the rattan cane. The little plastic cane was a nice weight and it certainly kept Elliot on his toes, but for real punishment the rattan is perfect. Plus I found out old sorority paddle in one of the boxes which came out of storage. It does not hurt all that terribly much but it will redden Elliot's bottom nicely when there is occasion for a serious whipping.

So, moved in, order restored.

Tease

One huge difference between a female led marriage and a regular marriage is that a dominant wife can and should tease her sweet husband knowing that she controls any sexual release on his part.

I love spending a few minutes at the beginning of the day dressing where Elliot can see me. He knows he is not allowed to touch but he is required to look. Some mornings, when I am feeling a bit frisky, I'll make him lift up his nightie (and I recommend simple cotton nighties for all submissive husbands as it is a constant, easy, nightly humiliation to have to put on a night dress) and stroke his little cockette before slipping on my panties and bra. He gets deliciously hard and has no where to go.

Then I send him for a nice cold shower while I finish dressing. He has to stay under until I tell him to get out. He hates a cold shower so I usually call him after a minute or two. Which means he can, naked, fasten my stockings and zip my dress. If I want him en femme to a degree I can put out a pair of his panties or a nice firm girdle. He never knows what will be waiting for him.

He loves being a man in his position and I must say I will never be anything but the Lady of the House.

Chastity Girdle

One of my delightful readers has purchased the pretty little girdle shown above from Amazon.

While it is actually a butt lifting girdle and, I have to say, makes Elliot's little tush look most inviting, I use it for light chastity purposes. The open back allows for easy caning but it is wonderfully tight and flat in front

While Elliot is wonderfully obedient and I think well trained, I just don't want to be bothered with his little cockette most of the month. I can have him masturbate but I usually like to whip him prior to allowing him to come. Which takes a bit of time which I don't always have.

Putting him in this light chastity girdle means it is difficult, but not impossible, for him to get hard. I don't mind him being hard but he is forbidden to touch his cockette in any way without my permission. I rarely give that permission and this little girdle reminds him of his position.

It is wonderfully inexpensive, $7.95 plus shipping, and I have half a dozen of them. Three are small, for real constriction and three are medium so he is confined but not too uncomfortable.

With the backless design he has no choice but to sit to pee. Which I require in any case.

#Free Naughty Kindle Book

I like to have j compile little stroke books from his erotica archives. Here is a free book about pretty nightwear. It's for your Kindle but you can get a Reader for virtually any computer, tablet or phone...Enjoy! We'll be putting out more free Kindle books soon. So To Bed

Girdles are Fun

I was hardly going to let my poor husband cum for Halloween without dressing him up. Having spent the day in bra, girdle and a pretty sweater he was ready to trick for his treat.

"You can go up an change into your costume now dear. You'll be handing out the candy. Keep your wig and your foundations on." Which was perfect as it gave me an excuse to show my sweet, submissive, husband off to the neighbours.

I suppose I could have dressed him in a French Maid's outfit or as a naughty schoolgirl, but he'd look ridiculous. (Which has its place but not in semi-public.) No, I had laid out a witch's outfit complete with pointy hat and over the top witch shoes with heels and very pointy toes. Stockings of course and a semi sheer skirt and top. It was opaque enough that only people with a discerning eye would realize my dear husband was wearing a tight little girdle. The outfit was completed with a wide, corset laced black leather belt. 

He came downstairs looking chagrined. But what was wonderful was that he looked distinctly feminine in a witchy sort of a way. The door bell rang and he went off to dole out the treats. Two hours later we turned off the porch light and I had him serve a bit of bubbly wine. 

He had no idea what would happen next.

Pretty

And now, just to keep things interesting as my darling husband sits at his desk in his gorgeous sweater, I am having him look through one of my favourite ebooks:


B&W Pop-Up (Pop-Ups)

It is fun knowing how hard he is in his little panti girdle. Each page of the book makes him a bit more desperate.

A Lucky Man

But first you have to earn it

36 days.

The longest I have kept my sweetie chaste and, today, well, tonight, I am going to allow him to ejaculate.

But first he is going to spend Halloween remembering his place. When we got up, while he was in his shower, I laid out his clothes for the day. A nice, snug pantiegirdle, a long line bra with his cute little breast forms, a soft angora sweater and a pair of rear zip high waisted trousers. A pair of two inch heeled sandals completed his outfit. Then I went downstairs for coffee.

It took him a few minutes but he looked very humble indeed as he adjusted to his functionally feminine outfit.

"That is a lovely sweater dear. I don't know why I don't have you dress this way more often. You could grow your hair out. With a little practice we could both forget you even have your little cockette." I teased. "I bet you thought I was going to have you spurt first thing. No chance, dear. I have a few more Halloween surprises before we even think about letting you have your treat."

You Can Look

Love Sheer

But you can't touch.

I've decided to keep j chaste until Halloween. He's not happy about it as it will mean he has not ejaculated for more than a month - longest run ever!

But it has certainly kept him on a nice edge. I have been having great fun with my night wear. I love sheer, transparent, comfortable nighties. Just wisps of fabric.

So does he. And I am enjoying watching his poor, frustrated, cockette coming to attention as I comb my hair or read in bed. He longs for me but four years of training mean that he knows better than to even ask. I have always loved my body and its effect; but that effect is some much more interesting when the man who loves me has not had one second's sexual relief for over a month. He has a little wet spot right at the tip of his cockette which means he is dripping pre-cum. Sweet.

Two more days...I wonder what I will do. I could just have him masturbate into his little cup and then dress him up for Halloween; but I am sure I can think of something more fun...

Any thoughts?

Relaxing

A chaste man is an attentive man

So, poor e, passed his one month no ejaculation mark. He is getting that hang dog look of a man throughly whipped without actually having the stripes to prove it.

But heavens has he been attentive, particularily the last week where I have kept him in control panties by day and a tight panti girdle for bed. there is nothing he can do except try to please me.

He ran a delightful bubble bath last night and helped me change into my robe. I had him strip to his panties and stand in the corner of the bathroom, nose to my fresh panties, as he waited to soap my back and then dry me. I was not in the mood for anything else so I sent him to change into his panti girdle and white cotton nightie. I gave his cockette a little tease as he was trying to pull up his girdle. It is even more fun when he has to encase an erection under the pink lycra front panel.

"Now, darling, you may read for ten minutes and then lights out."

He gave me a little moan as I bent to kiss him good night and pinched his right nipple, hard, through the thin cotton of his nightie.