City Husband, Country Wife

One of the best parts of running this blog has been the correspondence I have had with other dominant wives. Every female-led relationship evolves in its own way and it is fascinating to see how other women create the blend of discipline, chastity, obedience and nurture which can bring out their submissive husband's best self.

Cara and her husband Terry have worked out a wonderful way to balance a need for discretion with a wonderful transformation. But I will let Cara tell her own story.

Dear Miss Jay,

I adore your blog and your books - not just A Man in My Position and the other dominant wife material - but also your wonderfully detailed and open minded exploration of how powerful women can maximize their potential as escorts, or, my favorite, mistresses. (The retro smut you have elliot publish I give to my Terry as a special treat.)

I suspect I was drawn to your work on the interesting nexus between sex and money because I met Terry when he was my escorting client. Though I use "escorting" in a very loose way. I had a small business catering to cross-dressers and transvestites (and if you can tell me the difference my hat is off to you, but it was very important to the men I saw.)

Believe it or not, I got into the business when I was a make-up and special effects artist. I spent my days making pretty girls prettier and, from time to time, making them scary. It was a good living and a lot of the sets I worked on paid a cash bonus. On one of these shoots a model I knew slightly asked if I could do a friend of hers make up for a party. I said sure and thought nothing of it. We arranged to meet her and her "friend" at her apartment the next day. Well, like more than a few models I knew, this girl supplemented her modelling income with pay to play encounters and her "friend" was a client who wanted to "Walk on the Wild Side". It took a little doing but I managed to create a passable impression of a woman - but he walked like a trucker. I spoke to my friend who agreed and then I suggested that, if he wanted to, I could offer him some "training" as well as the make-up and clothes. He jumped at the chance and my model friend told me later she had two other clients who wanted this sort of feminization and it was not her thing. And she had friends in the business for whom crossdressing clients were actually a problem. I was launched.

I would only see three or four clients a week, charge a high fee and make a "best efforts" attempt to let them appear and behave as women. I say best efforts because, realistically, very few men have much hope of "passing" for a woman but they seemed to have fun trying. My sessions were quite long, two hours minimum, often four.

Most of my clients were very regular and, once they had done their introductory appointments, I laid on a program of deportment, skirt management, high heels training and so on. There was no "sex" of course. However, at the end of the appointment, if they had been very good, I would tell them to go to the little girl's room and make a mess in their panties which they then had to lick clean before hand washing.

The key insight I had into these men was that they all were, to some degree, ashamed of their need to dress as women. And, here was the thing, they enjoyed the shame and humiliation of having to put on lingerie, foundation wear, wigs, breast forms, false eyelashes and so on. If I didn't tease them, demand instant obedience and tell, not ask, them to put on their "pretty" clothes they would be disappointed in the session. They wanted to be "forced". And yes, I did threaten to spank my naughty boys and, occasionally, it would be necessary as part of a session to paddle or cane a client quite severely. Of course, "quite severely" was a very relative term. The objective was to create a reason for the client to comply with his own humbling - which was the very thing he wanted.

Men! What can you do?

In my case, I charged a lot of money, built up a remarkable collection of plus sized lingerie and outfits - my clients, as part of their training, were required to purchase these items and bring them to their sessions. This all took place several years ago but even then you could get everything from side zip girdles to breast forms to plus size high heels at Amazon. You could even get the correct "gaff" panties to keep every little thing in its place.

It was all part of the ritual and the ritual was very important to my clients. For a few hours, they were going to be "forced" to be female. In a couple of years, I actually had a waiting list.

Terry was a referral from one of my model/escort friends and I saw him really as a favour. He was pretty run of the mill as clients went and I was just going through the motions as I corseted down his waist and put on the breast forms. For cross dressing, Terry was lucky. Not only did he have a gender neutral name - Terry swings both ways but he was almost hairless and was small boned if a little plump in places. The very opposite of "buff". With the corset giving his already quite tight waist a lttle shape and the "C" cup breast forms in place in a lacy black I had him slip on a pair of black satin tap panties. He was a natural blond with a rather nice full head of gently wavy hair. Rather than put him in a wig, I put in hair extensions I happened to have. Light make-up, really just a very transparent foundation, mascara and eye shadow plus a light pink lip and he was done. I clipped semi sheer compression stockings to his garter tabs. (Pro-tip, compression stockings help shape a man's leg and hide any hair which a first timer is likely to have. Plus they feel as if you are actually a naughty boy wearing stockings.)

A simple pencil skirt and sheer blouse and a pair of modest two inch heels and Teri was done. By this point I had done transformations for a fair number of men. A few, a very few, could pass after several sessions. Teri stood up and walked over to my three way mirror. He was a little awkward in his heels but, honestly, with a bit of practice, it would be very had to tell. He had delicate wrists and his Adam's apple was inconspicuous and could be made more so with a bit of reverse contouring.

"Wow," was all he said as he looked at himself in the mirror. "I never thought I would be this pretty."

He was not wrong. Unlike many men Teri suited the longer hair, the makeup, the clothes. We practised walking in heels for a little while and then I had him make and serve me a cup of tea and one for himself. It all seemed perfectly natural. As Teri he was quite feminine, funny in a slightly exaggerated girlish way and rather flirtatious. It was quite a long session and I had him change into a shorter skirt at one point. He was naturally rather modest and went behind my screen rather than showing off his lingerie. Eventually I said I had another appointment and Teri went behind the screen and undressed and came out in the lacy ruffled lilac robe I kept for clients; makeup and hair still intact.

"Come here," I said, "Open your robe."

He did as he was told and stood in front of me his little cock - and it was quite small - naked and erect. I reached out and took it in my hand.

"You enjoyed dressing up as a girl didn't you," I said gently pumping his cock.

"Yes, Miss," he said.

"And you'd like to do it again wouldn't you Terry?" I said pumping a little faster.

"Oh yes Miss."

I could feel him coming very close and I let go of his cock.

"Good. I will see you next week. Now get dressed."

He was, I suspect, a bit disappointed that I had not taken him to completion but I had other plans.

He arrived the next week and we did much the same thing. I was a bit more prepared with sizes and I had a surprise for him at the end of the session. I had him, once again, undress from his girl clothes behind the screen and came out in the peach robe I had bought him.

"Terry, when you left last week did you go home and ejaculate?" I asked holding his hard little cock firmly.

"Yes, Miss, twice that night and two or three times a day since. I can't help it," said Terry.

"I thought so," I said. "That won't do at all. Girls don't masturbate the same way as boys so we're going to have to make sure you behave. Now, here's a tissue. Jack yourself off for me."

"Yes, Miss," said Terry as he began to pull on his cock.

"Faster, I don't have all day," I said which was all it took to send plumes of sperm out of his purplish cock head. "Now, go over to that corner with my panties (I am a huge fan of corner time for men.) and hold them in the corner with your nose."

Terry did what he was told and ten minutes later I called him back. As I suspected he would be he was just as hard.

"Now, I could whip that erection away or put that naughty little cock in ice water until you get soft; but instead, jerk it again. Quickly," I said handing him a dish. "Every drop in the dish."

It took a little longer this time but in a couple of minutes there was a nice dollop of cum and several drops and strands decorating the china dish.

"You know what you have to do, Terry," I said looking at the dish. "Lick up your mess."

It was a test he passed eagerly.

"Good boy," I said reaching around for the package I had received air express.

"Now, Terry, good girls always ask for permission to masturbate. Which I know is hard for girly-bois so I have bought you a little gift. Turn around and put your hands behind your back," I said. I took a pair of handcuffs and clicked them locked. "Turn around."

Terry obeyed and I opened the box the male chastity device came in. "Do you know what this is, Terry?"

"No Miss."

"It's a cock cage. You'll be wearing it when you are not in lady's clothes," I said putting the pink silicone ring around and behind his balls. Then, using my fairly long but nicely squared fingernails, I reached under the head of his cock and pushed it into the silicone cage. He was soft enough that it was easy to get most of his cock in the cage and push the holes over the pegs. I reached through the little slot in the end and grabbed the head of his cock with my nails to pull it all into the cage. Then I slipped the padlock through the short peg and clicked it shut.

"There you go," I said. "All tucked away and I have the key. Now you can get dressed and I want you to pick me up for dinner on Thursday. Seven o'clock. Dress nicely as I am taking you somewhere special.

Two months later we were married in a civil ceremony. I wore a lovely 40's suit, seamed stocking and a pretty, veiled hat. Teri was dressed in a light linen jacket, a pair of side zippered linen trousers, cute loafers, his cock cage for lingerie and his now longer hair pulled off his face with two butterfly barrettes.

I took him back to my apartment, had him put on his nightie for bed and then gave him a good hairbrushing to set the tone of what has been a long and happy marriage. As you can imagine, having been kept in his cage for the three weeks before our wedding night, he was very anxious to perform his marital duties. I, on the other hand, thought that could wait for our honeymoon and enjoyed Teri's girlish tongue on my throbbing clit.

We were honeymooning at a small country house I owned about forty miles from the city we live in. I drove. Teri had changed into her going away outfit. Nothing elaborate, a day dress in a fine grey cotton with a little, to the waist, black jacket. Corset, girdle, bra and breast forms, hair extensions in and nice day make-up as I had instructed her to.

"In the country, Teri, you are always going to be en femme. Most weekends, two or three weeks a summer. Will you like that?" I asked when he had agreed to marry me.

"More than anything," said Terry.

"In the city you have your job so you can't really be who you like to be. Or, at least, not yet. But you'll be a country wife which will be fun for you and fun for me."

"Yes, Miss Cara," said Teri.

"After we're married you will not have to call me miss anymore," I said. "And in the country, you'll wear your pretty gaff panties rather than that nasty old cock cage."

Which was exactly what happened.

Teri has taken to the world of a 1950's housewife with a vengeance. She's always beautifully dressed, her hair is perfect and she is wonderfully obedient. She was, I must admit, a little taken aback when she discovered that I was going to give her the whole experience by having intercourse with her every Saturday night with a strap-on.

"Do I have to?" she asked?

"Of course you have to," I said. "But unlike those poor girls in the fifties with just the one cock, I have a number of dildos which will fit my harness. We'll start you off like a virgin with something small but hard and work your pretty back pussy up to big cocks."

Which is exactly what we did.

During the week, while Terry is wonderfully submissive and attentive, other than his panties and camisole and his cock cage, he is allowed to present as a slightly effeminate man. As soon as he comes home from work on Friday he showers, is let out of his cock cage, gaffed and then changes into his weekend attire.

Our neighbours in the country think we may be lesbians but we simply keep them guessing.

We've lived this way for a few years now. I am still a make-up artist and I still have a select cross dressing clientele. Terry is not in the least jealous. Even if he was, a good wife, and Teri is a very good wife, knows when to keep quiet.

Dominant Wife Vacation

I got the most amusing letter a few days ago and, with the writer's permission, thought I would share it with you,

Dear Hannah,

I very much enjoy how you cover all aspects of the female led relationship world. I have been head of our household pretty much since the beginning of our marriage. Most of the time we keep everything low key. I agree with you that a man is much better off in a chastity device and I locked up Tim's rather large cock years ago. And I do agree that sparing the rod (in our case, paddle) spoils the husband.

I liked your idea of putting your husband in a playsuit to do his chores. Tim is lovely and slim so he actually looks quite pretty in a nice, loose fitting, off the shoulder playsuit.

However, most of the time, unless you really knew what you were looking for, you would not see us as very different from any other married couple. Which is just how I like it.

However, a couple of times a year, on our anniversary and on my birthday, I like to kick it all up several notches. So, apparently, does Tim. Or at least he has not complained.

I like to go away. Not terribly far. Usually to a larger city somewhere where we know no one. We used to stay in hotels but now we try to find a nice AirBnB. In fact, if you look around, there are actually "kink friendly" B&B's.

There are three elements to our "vacations".

First, Tim is forced to dress en femme from the time we arrive at our destination until we leave. In practice this means a firm high waisted girdle, a bra and breast forms and a pretty, quite short, wig. He's required to wear a little make-up, mascarra and lipstick during the day, eye shadow and a little contouring in the evenings. We are usually out and about and I let him wear ladies trousers and sweaters during the day. However, in the evening, he knows he needs to put on stockings and a skirt.

Now, the important thing about Tim dressing en femme is that I don't have to tell him. He knows that if we are on vacation he is wearing women's clothes and is expected to try to be as feminine as possible. He tells me he enjoys the break.

The second, important, element to our vacations is that I let Tim out of his cock cage. Day to day I don't want to have to think about what that little head is thinking. Instead, I want Tim striving to be allowed a little relief as it makes him ever so much more attentive to my needs. But on vacation, I like to fuck Tim regularly. In our house "fucking Tim" has two meanings. Usually it means sending him up to our room to lube his bottom so I can fuck him with my strap on. I have a nice "big, black, cock" when I just want him to be fucked, and I also have an insertable if I want to have fun too.

But on vacation, I also like to fuck Tim the old fashioned way. I had Tim get a Viagra prescription a few years ago and there is nothing more fun than making him lie on his back like a good little housewife while I fuck him good and hard. He's well trained and can go for a long time without coming. On vacation I like to fuck him like that a couple of times a day.

The final element of our vacation is that Tim is caned and paddled far more than he is at home. He has to pack my narrow paddle, my wide bamboo paddle and as a special treat, a rattan cane which I only use on vacation. Tim knows he'll have a sore bottom the entire time we're away.

The big difference between being on vacation and being at home is that Tim is paddled and caned because I enjoy reddening his bottom before fucking him. It has nothing to do with his behaviour and there is nothing he can do to reduce his whippings. I'll paddle him when he comes back from his shower and then have him lick me, or I will give him six of the best before lunch. If I am going to fuck him in the afternoon I will get him warmed up with a good, hard paddling so that when he is lying on his back being fucked he remembers his place.

Yes, I am afraid I do have a little sadistic streak and, happily, Tim loves taking his submissiveness to the next level.

I don't think we could live like that day to day. We are both busy people and this takes real concentration and connection. But for a few days every six months or so we are both delighted to take our female led marriage to the next level.

-----

What fun! And lucky Tim. I suspect elliot would enjoy that sort of vacation. But I am a homebody so I suspect Mady and I will have to think of a "staycation" on similar lines.

What is Leading in an FLR?

It may seem obvious, but a question which comes up is:

What is Leading in an FLR?

When a couple commits to a female led relationship the gentleman is simply accepting his position and agreeing to do what he is told. Usually he will also be accepting his wife or girlfriend's right to discipline him and, in many cases, her complete control over his sexual life (whether he's put in a cock cage or not). But what is the wife's commitment?

In a very real sense, before a woman decides she wants a FLR she needs to consider what she expects and how she expects to get it. Every woman will have different goals for her marriage. And every woman will have different expectations for her husband. There are, however, some common themes which run through the FLR world. For a woman to lead in her marriage she should consider at least a few of these themes as she develops as the head of her household.

The first of these themes is a view of men in general and her man in particular. Submissive men range from the very weak, differential, often effeminate, sissy boy types all the way through to the strong, hyper-masculine, take charge alphas. Different women like different types of man and a dominant woman is just as likely to find an alpha with submissive tendencies as she is to deal with the needs of a sissy boy. However, sissy, beta or alpha, submissive men share one trait in common; they are happiest in the service of a strong, demanding, dominant woman.

When a woman takes charge of her marriage (or of her boyfriend before marriage) she is essentially taking on the responsibility of guiding, training and conditioning her particular man to fulfil her desires and cater to her tastes. Genuinely submissive men - as any dominant woman will tell you - out number dominant women by at least a factor of ten (likely a factor of a hundred). Which means a woman who accepts her dominant nature is spoilt for choice. However, my impression is that many, if not most, FLR's evolve from essentially vanilla marriages in which a wife finds herself married to a man who is submissive but whose submissiveness was not a part of the original marriage bargain.

For every formal FLR, there are dozens of marriages in which a naturally dominant woman "wears the pants" and there is a rich tradition of the "hen-pecked" or "pussy whipped" husband. Women exercise a natural dominance in the home and men have usually been conditioned by their mothers to accept the female voice as the authoritative voice as soon as they come through the front door. These, informal, Female Led Relationships can work very well and can last for years without any express male submission. In fact, in my experience, in the majority of seemingly conventional marriages the actual head of household is the wife. "Honey Do" lists reflect the natural order of conventional marriages.

When a woman decides to take explicit charge of her marriage she'll often find her life is a good deal easier. Getting men to do as they are told when there is a pretense of equality in a marriage is often difficult and women often find themselves resorting to psychology, sexual bribery and plain old scolding simply to get their man to do what he obviously should do. Even the most submissive man, in a supposedly "equal" marriage will baulk at taking orders from his wife which, in turn, means, that the wife has to phrase her instructions in the form of requests or suggestions. "I think it would be a good idea for you to lose ten pounds," creates all sorts of opportunities for backchat. It is so much easier to say, "With the holidays coming up you're going to lose ten pounds. We'll start right now. You can take yourself and the dog for an hour long walk." No suggestion, no request, no negotiation and no backchat.

Men, generally, respond better to clear instructions. Orders if you like. But women are socialized away from the idea that they can give orders. Especially to men they love. One of the first steps towards leading in an FLR is for a dominant woman to tell her husband what to do and to expect him to do what he is told.

It can be a little strange at first, but the best way to approach it is to recognize that submissive men, even well trained ones, are essentially little boys at heart. They want to be told what to do by a strong, assertive woman and they want to know that there will be consequences if they do not do exactly what they are told immediately. 

Consequences are as important as clear instructions. Disobedience must be punished...either immediately or when it is convenient for the wife. I carry a rather lovely, men's wooden backed, hairbrush in my handbag. If elliot steps out of line I am quite capable of finding a convenient ladies room or dressing room and walloping him. It is quite a narrow brush so less noisy and more painful than a broader brush would be. But I am not at all worried about the sound. I prefer privacy, not for elliot's sake but for the poor women who might walk in on my sweet man with his trousers around his ankles. 

While punishment for behaviour is important, and even more important element of leadership in an FLR, is what I call conditioning. A man has to be taught his place and he must be reminded of it constantly. Whether you make your alpha hubby wear a bra and girdle under his suit or put a bit of weight on his testicles, or dress your sissy hubby up as a maid to serve you, submissive men need and like to be reminded of their position. The more they are reminded to more they realize their submission is what they have been looking for - in many cases, all their lives.

Finally, there is training. For a dominant wife "training" can take many forms. However, in my view, training is as essential as chastity for a loving, submissive, husband. This is because when you are training a man you are paying attention to him and, like a puppy, a husband loves attention. 

Taking leadership in your marriage or relationship means setting goals and standards and then using a mixture of instruction, punishment and reward to ensure that your man meets your expectations. To take a simple example, a man can and perhaps should be trained to pamper his wife. Telling him to run you a bath after dinner is easy. Of course you have to teach him how you like your bath, the temperature, bath oils or bubbles, which soap you prefer, how he is expected to rinse out the tub when you are done, where to put your damp towel and where to hang your robe. But once you have shown him once the next time you want a bath you simply tell him. Then you pay attention to how well he does. The first bath you have after he has been taught there may be a few issues but, seriously, how hard can it be? So, from that point forward, he'll be expected to get it all exactly right. The wrong soap? Water temperature incorrect, towel not neatly hung to dry? Well that is why we have shower brushes conveniently located very near the bath.

Men can and should be trained to do everything from the vacuuming to the dishes to your hand washing and your manicure. Needless to say, the same high standards and immediate punishment for failure to follow instructions are just as important in other routine tasks. And, of course, your husband needs to be trained to provide you with your own private sexual pleasure. As with anything, practice will make perfect and you should give him plenty of practice. However, even when he is between your legs, he needs to be very aware that his performance is being held to a high standard. If you feel he has not done his best, there is nothing at all wrong with sending him to his corner for a while or giving him a good caning to demonstrate your displeasure. He'll do better. Much better.

At the same time, rewarding your husband for a job well done is also a part of training him. If he is in chastity you might set up a little system where he can accumulate points and is allowed to ejaculate when he reaches a target. Putting up a chart on the fridge door with gold stars but without any labels might be fun. I enjoyed one couple's system using nothing fancier than "Go" pieces. He got a three black stones for every mistake or transgression and he got one white stone for each "reward" including any really excellent orgasms she decided were worthy. But the brilliance of the system was that it dictated both his punishments and his rewards. When he had accumulated twenty black stones would get that number of strokes from her cane or paddle that day. Twenty white stones and he was let out of his chastity and allowed three minutes to masturbate. However, she had really made it nicely balanced with two additional rules: once he reached twenty black stones he could postpone his whipping by paying a white piece a day and he could reduce the number of strokes he'd be given by paying a white stone for each forgone stroke. Good could redeem evil.

Is there a fetish element to FLRs?

A question which has come up a few times from my email is:

Is there a fetish element to FLRs?

The fact is that men have the most amazing fetishes and obsessions: from open-toed high heels (a fashion favourite of mine) to leather corsets to bondage and dozens more, a particular man will often have a deep, highly sexual, interest in objects or behaviours.

Women, on the other hand, while they may enjoy pretty shoes or the wonderfully compressed feeling of a well-fitted corset, do not tend to be sexually interested in "stuff" or particular activities. Which poses some challenges in a FLR where the essential rule is that it is the dominant wife's sexual preferences which matter.

Here all the decisions are the wife's and a well-trained husband needs to accept those decisions. He may love latex dresses, she may find them too hot. And, realistically, in a well-run FLR, that is an end to the discussion. Or it may not be.

A great deal of the discussion around FLR's revolves around disciplining and punishing submissive husbands as this is the essence of training a man. Spare the rod, spoil the husband and all that. Which is to miss the other side of the relationship. The prizes, the treats which a clever dominant wife will often use to reward her husband's good behaviour.

In even the most conventional, vanilla, relationship wives have long used sexual treats to say "Atta boy" to their husbands. Everything from a quick pat on the bum to a spontaneous hand job or a long, pleasing, blow job are in most wive's arsenals.

Of course, those tips and tricks are available to the dominant wife as well; but if a couple is committed to chastity training and the husband is used to being locked in his cock cage and resigned to very infrequent ejaculation, a wife may be reluctant to break training no matter how well her husband has behaved.

Which is where a particular fetish or obsession may be the perfect reward. After all, if your husband gets terrifically excited by peep-toe shoes, why not slip on a pair and let him worship your feet? He'll get hot and bothered, you'll have rewarded a job well done without breaking his chastity.

It is easy enough to find out if your submissive husband has particular fetishes: you ask him. Most submissive men will have one or two secret obsessions and the fact they have accepted their submissive position is a strong indication there is more going on.

For example, elliot has a wonderfully deep obsession with retro or vintage lingerie: particularly girdles and stockings. (Which is fine by me as I rather like them myself.) Interestingly, he loves seeing me wear them but he, secretly, likes being zipped into a pretty open bottom girdle and having to shave his leg so he can wear lovely seamed stockings. I used to use a very strict girdle to remind him to eat carefully and exercise, since Mady has taken his exercise in hand this is no longer necessary. But, from time to time, as a treat, I will have Mady put out a nice, firm, panti-girdle and stockings. He knows what he has to do and you can see his little cockette straining against the bars of his cock cage.

A dominant wife can and, in my view, should use her submissive husband's secret desires to reward her man. The truth is that men invest their fetishes with a great deal of shame and power. They tend to be very grateful to be allowed to make their fantasies real, if only for a few minutes a few times a year. 

Portrait of a Marriage

I was watching a documentary last night about the marvelous Iris Apfel. While her style is not my style I enjoyed the sheer performance of the woman.

I also could not help but notice the position her beloved husband of 67 years had occupied in her life. She was a force of nature. Carl was, apparently, entirely content to follow in her wake. He photographed her, helped her run her business, arranged their hotels and homes.

Said Iris of Carl "I figured he was cool, and he was cuddly, and he cooked Chinese". Carl lived to be 100.

Understanding the dynamics of female led relationships can sometimes confuse people. There is an assumption that the male must be a bit dweeby to accept the primacy of his wife. In fact, an elegant, stylish woman wants an elegant, stylish man who, if she is the dominant partner, accepts his position willingly and gratefully.

I can keep elliot's little cock in its cage, have him wear panty girdles and a nighty to bed each night but I want him to be a man I can show off when I choose. I see no contradiction. That I keep him chaste most of the time does not diminish his sexual allure and the fact I whip him does not break his wonderful, male, spirit. When he reads in Church only I know that his cock is caged and that he has a teddy on under his sweater. He gives his submission to me and, unless I decide I want to reveal it, it is our private life.

On occassion I will humiliate elliot in public or humble him in private; but, what I love about elliot is that he accepts his humiliations and punishments without losing his personality. He is better behaved but never broken.

Just as I want him.

Books you might like:

The Art of the Maid Dominant Woman  Feminine Superiority in Art Obedient Husband  Female Led Marriage for Loving Couples

See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE

Quite a Year

A little later today I will be releasing my lovely elliot from his cock cage. Still later, when I have dressed for cocktails and New Year's celebrations I will be giving him more than his regular dose of Viagra. I am not entirely sure what I want to do to celebrate the New Year but it is always nice to have elliot at the ready. Later he will be locked in his steel cock cage for the first time and, for extra fun, I will be attaching the first of his scrotum weights to see how he adjusts. It is quite light weight so it should not be too uncomfortable. But he will positively clank if he is not wearing his girdle. (Which might be fun when he reads the Lesson in Church on Sunday.)

There were two huge events in our lives this year. First, I made the decision that elliot would be in a cock cage by default. While I let him out for much of the summer the fact is that he was caged for at least 300 of the last 365 days.

I have written more than I thought I would about the Gift of Male Chastity and, I suspect, elliot and I may publish a book on the subject in the early New Year. In retrospect, other than taking on the leadership of our marriage as a whole, putting elliot in chastity is one of the best decisions I have ever made. I am quite serious when I say that any dominant wife should consider the benefits of taking full charge of her husband's sexuality. And, as I know many submissive husbands and unpartnered submissive males read this site, I strongly suggest that you ask your wives to put you in a chastity cage - or place yourself in a cage - as soon as possible. Now that good silicone cock cages cost as little as $25.00 from Amazon it is a small price for a potentially life changing device.

The second huge event was obviously the arrival of Mady, my maid. What a delightful girl. She has become part of our family by contract, initiation and sacred oath. But, as important as all that, Mady is the perfect servant. She works hard, is, mostly, obedient and understands our Female Led Marriage. As I write she is supervising ellot's exercise which, I suspect, is rather more fun for her than it is for him.

Best of all, Mady seems able to instinctively switch from her role as my maid, to her role as our maid and on to her position as female and therefore elliot's sexual superior without any loss of her own servanthood. This is quite a feat for such a young woman. She will make a lucky man a very good wife someday, but not too soon.

I am so looking forward to the New Year and wish all my readers a grand 2016.

Books you might like:

The Art of the Maid Dominant Woman  Feminine Superiority in Art Obedient Husband  Female Led Marriage for Loving Couples

See all our books at my Amazon Author Page hereRemember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE

On Sale Girdles

I must admit I don't know what I would do out here in the country without Amazon. The fact is that there are lots of stores within driving distance but, for example, finding a good firm girdle means a trip to the city and, even then, you never know if a particular lingerie store will have the right size.

I intend to keep elliot in a girdle most days until spring. For men the panti girdle makes the most sense as it is, mostly, invisible underneath their clothing. I like the Rago zipped girdles and they are on sale at Amazon.

For myself, and Mady for Church at least, the open bottom zipped girdle makes more sense under a dress or skirt with stockings.

Both are on sale at $5-25 off at Amazon. I am buying two for me, two for Mady and two for elliot so the savings add up.

Long Term Dominance

Many a couple has had a fling with dominance and submission: a wife may like to be spanked occasionaly or a virile young husband may have the secret desire to be forced to wear panties. What fun!And many long term female led relationships start just this way.

However, when a wife takes charge of her marriage she is taking on a role which, to some degree will last a lifetime. Which means thinking about how she is going to manage her position and keep her husband in his. This is not as easy as it might look simply because a dominant wife has to know what she wants and make her rules so that is what she gets.

Long term dominance involves at least three levels: what I call background submission, maintenance and, from time to time, demonstration.

Background dominance is day to day. Regular readers will know that I have kept elliot chaste for years. As part of his submission he has given sexual control of our relationship to me. Part of that is that he is not allowed to come without my express permission. That is just how it is because that is how I like it. But the maintenance element of that is more interesting. For several years, when he was getting frisky I would make him put on and sleep with tight panti girdle on. That ensured his chastity without my having to do much. Recently, I decided to underline his chastity and my complete control of his sexuality, by caging his cute little cock. Now instead of having to deal with his horniness when he's frisky, I can forget all about his cock until I want it or want to reward him.

Demonstration is not really applicable to chastity per se; however, pegging elliot or pushing a vibrator up his backdoor to milk him reminds him of his complete sexual surrender. So does pinching his nipples very hard every time he is allowed to come.

All of these measures, active and passive, have evolved from my initial decision to take control of elliot's sexuality. He has accepted each of them as necessary for my satisfaction. And he has recognized that I will not change my mind on any of them. Elliot knows that any whining or pleading for release will be ignored and, if he persists, he knows he'll be whipped for being annoying.

As you might guess, once you have taken charge of a man's sexual life his obedience in all other areas of married life soon follows.

Books you might like:

The Art of the Maid Dominant Woman  Feminine Superiority in Art Obedient Husband  Female Led Marriage for Loving Couples

See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE

Wife in Charge

I have had several emails and social media messages from both men and women asking how elliot and I have come to our female led marriage. elliot has written a bit about it at his blog, here and here and that is a good start.

From my own perspective I am not naturally dominant in the sense of wanting to boss people around. Instead, I like to have people, particularly my husband, work very hard to please me. Which is not, I must say, all that difficult to do.

At the same time, very early on in our marriage I made it clear to elliot that, at least in the bedroom, I was in charge. Too many women put up with mediocre sex too often. I was more experienced than my lovely alpha man and I knew he needed training. So, I began by cutting him off entirely after about six months. No sex for a month focuses a man's attention. Then I began our current regime where he is allowed to have sex when I want the greater pleasure his little cock can sometimes bring.

What this did was put him on my sexual cycle. The only time he had any hope of ejaculating was when I was on heat. The rest of the time, while I would have him pleasure me with his tongue and fingers from time to time, his cockette was entirely irrelevant. (Caging him has only underscored my control.) A man allowed to ejaculate only a few times a year is a very attentive man.

It was a natural progression to both punishing him and whipping him to remind him of his place and he learned to accept his whippings as a near substitute for the sexual satisfaction he was denied. He actually gets quite broody when he's not been whipped for a week. Over a year, while he might ejaculate a dozen times, he'll be whipped at least forty. Whipping makes a huge improvement in elliot's attitude and puts a bounce in his step.

Humiliations like corner time, his little black cock cage and having to wear a girdle during the day or a nightie to bed, simply re-enforce the fact that I am in complete charge in our marriage. Special attention like nipple clips or having to push his steel rod up his backdoor add a bit of surprise to the mix.

The wonderful thing about a wife led marriage is that elliot is completely focused on me and what I require. And, of course, I pay strict attention to elliot. At the most basic level after years of marriage, we each are devoted to each other. The femdom element and the fact elliot is chaste means that we both live on a bit of sexual edge which many of our contemporaries' marriages seem to have lost.

When a wife is in charge of her marriage she has no choice but to pay close attention to her own desires while ruthlessly curbing her husband's. More than once I have whipped elliot simply because he was getting all hot and bothered and I was not in the mood. A well whipped man standing in his corner with his nose pressed in your panties is actually a pretty sexy sight and, I have to admit, I have occasionally whipped elliot just so I could take myself in hand for my own pleasure as he stood so obediently. Which is, of course, my perfect right and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Must be Strict #femdom

One of the more interesting difficulties in a female led relationship is that, eventually, your husband is very well trained indeed. He does as he is told without question almost all the time. He accepts his chastity and understands that only your sexual needs matter in your marriage. He cleans the bathroom, puts away the dishes, rinses your lingerie without being told to.

Of course, once in a while, he might be a little moody or slightly disobedient; but not often. While there is much to be said for maintenance whippings and daily naked corner time for him to remember his place, the fact is that unless you make new demands he will, slowly, cease to be on his toes. You don't want that and, just as importantly, neither does your husband. Men do best when they have goals.

I very much enjoy having elliot get up, turn on the heat, put on my tea kettle and take my yesterdays' panties to his corner. It is especially cute now that his little cock is in his soft black silicone cage so he can't play with it. It also gives me a chance to give him his instructions for the day.

I very much enjoy having him build our Amazon books - the series of 1950's Mens Magazine Covers - is actually going to be an archive which I'll use for some of my retro outfits. And I love how our last bout of exercise and nearly full time girdling slimmed elliot down. So, from now until Christmas he's to make a magazine a day and do exercises twice a day before and after he puts on his daily wear girdle. I'm a little on heat at the moment which is an excellent time for elliot to be very much locked up. He can lick very effectively while his little cock is straining in its short cage.

Being a dominant wife is all about focus. Which, fortunately, I have.

Out of Chastity...To Work

Poor elliot...I uncaged him last night and teased him for an hour. then he had to put on his girdle over his frustrated, hard little cock and try to go to sleep.

For fun I told him that if he was able to get three Kindle books done I would let him ejaculate...maybe, after dinner before putting him back in his little black cage. He knows that he is going in no matter what so the incentive is the possibility of relief.

Even as I write he is upstairs converting wonderful old 1950's magazine covers to Kindle books. I think the covers are great. These wonderfully curvy gals looking ever so naughty while revealing nothing more than you expect to see on the beach. And for years men bought these "smutty" magazines and, funnier still, hide them from their wives.

elliot just did a set of bondage magazine covers from the 1970s and 1980's. Here's what he wrote:

Naughty girls in trouble

Naughty girls tied up. The most recent is a set of bondage magazine covers from the 1970's and 1980's. One of the things which I enjoy about the older magazines is the lively innocence of the models. They are playing in various titilating ways.

You can see all the books I've made, and Hannah has approved, at my new Amazon author's page.

-----

I like his author's page. But I want him to get to 100 books by Christmas. And I have all sorts of clever ways to keep him focused.

Every man needs a hobby.

Silly Boy

My darling has put up a wonderfully silly book which is an old bit of British smut from the 50's. Frolic. You can get it at Amazon here for free today and tomorrow.

Naughty British "Schoolgirls"...

Meanwhile, i knew I was going out this morning and thought that elliot might benefit from a morning with our nJoy stainless steel wand in its proper place. He writes about it over on his blog.

I enjoyed my morning out knowing that he was caged and stuffed and in a nice tight girdle...very good for a husband now and again.

UPDATE...Of course I was not going to let him out of his little cock cage. I tease him a bit about getting out but I suspect I will keep him locked up right through Halloween when he can get all nicely dressed up en femme and pleasure me. But he has been busy and there is another free book for you to enjoy!





You can download Sizzle#1 for free right here.

Lock Down

A delightful man has been in touch with me. He has been trying to use my Amazon wish list to purchase the cock cage for Elliot. But, for some reason, the wish list is not working.

I have to say it was quite fun to tell Elliot to fix the wish list so that his little cock can be locked up most of the time, or at least from time to time. He has adapted quite well to having to wear a girdle most of the time so a cock cage will not be that radical a change. Although peeing sitting down and having to wipe will be quite an adjustment.

In actual fact I am inclined to think that cock cages may put too much focus on the caged object and take focus away from obedience and service...but there really is only one way to find out.

Calm and then a bit of Amusement

A little later I am going to sink into the lovely hot bath Elliot will draw for me. I have this month's big thick Vogue Magazine and by that point a glass of bubbly wine will be a delight.

I suspect I'll send Elliot to his corner while I am in my bath. It will, I'll bet, be a welcome relief to peel off the girdle he's been wearing since the beginning of the month. Next week, until he loses those pesky last five pounds he'll have to wear the firm girdle during the day and a lighter girdle to bed. Those last few pounds are always the hardest to lose and Elliot needs incentive.

I am leaving the question of locking his little cockette up to my readers. I have this rather elegant cock cage on my wishlist at Amazon. If you want Elliot to be locked in chastity under his girdle all you need to do is click on the link. I don't think he'll like being locked up but I think it is something I would like to try on him. Needless to say he has no choice in the matter and I will be instructing him to post this on his blog as well.

So now, another couple of hours of work and then the bliss of a bath and then, if he's lucky, I suspect I will indulge myself before cocktails with his very clever tongue and my stylish vibrator. (By the way, I cannot say enough nice things about this vibe. It is simple, elegant, powerful and sleek. I've had it for years and while I have other toys this is the one I require Elliot to bring to me most often. As a piece of humiliation magic, having your husband bring you your vibrator and then have to go and stand, naked, with his back towards you, hard as a rock in his corner listening to the purr of the vibe where his tongue has just been is fabulous.)

Once he has got me wet I'll have him put his girdle back on and fix hors d'oeurves. He has not come for ages and I think I might let him over the weekend. But not before cocktails.

No Wimps

There seem to be two distinct lines on submissive husbands: some husbands are submissive because they are naturally inclined to subordinate behaviour, some are pretty much dominant in every aspect of their lives except their marriages. Both can be happy, surrendered, husbands but I have to admit that I am much more interested in having the respect and submission of a man who I love and admire.

And Not Today Either

Elliot is sitting up in his office in his girdle having been throughly teased and absolutely denied both when we went to bed - I wore a particularly sexy nightie and didn't let him touch me and then stroked his little cock until he was thrusting into my hand - and then this morning when I used my fingernails on his morning erection and then sent him to his shower with the requirement that the last two minutes be cold. He loves these marks of his own submission, but I have no doubt he is pushing forward with his business, writing and working very hard (in both senses of that word) as I type this. His submissive side is only on display in our marriage, the rest of the time he is all the things I want my husband to be: smart, aggressive, risk taking and, when required, even a bit of a bully.

While I require him to do some of the housework and attend to my clothing, shoes and lingerie, I also want an equal in my marriage. A contradiction? I don't think so. What Elliot subordinates to me is first off his sexuality, second his right to make decisions in our marriage and third, any inclination towards "bad" behaviour as I define it. These are all things which he is better off without. There is no reason for any man to make sexual decisions: men are happiest when they are simply told what to do sexually. Yes, every so often I let him have the illusion of a sexual encounter in which he is on top. But he is well enough nipple trained that he is not coming until he has his nipples pinched.

Elliot has accepted the fact that his normal state is chastity. The fact he is hard, that he is horny, is wonderful. It is also not at all relevant to my sexual pleasure which is all that counts in our marriage. I do like him hard when I want him hard and that means he takes his little dose of Viagra and waits for my needs. In our marriage his "needs" are entirely immaterial.

The best marriages have one partner in charge and responsible for the decisions which have to be made in a marriage. I listen to Elliot but al the decisions - financial, social and family - are mine to make. As to bad behaviour, whether Elliot is snippy or disrespectful, if he goes out without permission or has one too many drinks, if he looks at another woman the wrong way or pretends to have the right to comment on my conduct, he knows he'll be strictly and severely punished.

It is how we chose to live. It is not for everyone but it works well for us.

Our Girdle Book - Free

With all the chat about girdles on this site recently the Lady of the House has instructed me to make our girdle book - A Girdle Must Advertise - available for free on Amazon starting at midnight Pacific time tonight and running through to Friday. Enjoy!


Remember you can read Kindle books on almost any device.

Here's the link for the Kindle Reader App (Android, Mac, PC)

One note: while most of our discussion has been about my having Elliot wear a girdle - and it is doing wonders for his posture, obedience and figure - I actually wear girdles myself through the Fall and Winter months. A really well fitted girdle makes a girl's clothes fit more smoothly and keeps your stockings up much more comfortably than even the nicest garter belt. But I wear real girdles not the "pantihose on steroids" which are Spanx. I do have a couple of pairs of Spanx for a really smooth line in jersey or fine knit dresses but, frankly, a fine old vintage girdle is more substantial and usually much more comfortable.

They are also a lot prettier

Day 3

What Well Trained
Husbands Are Wearing

My Darling Elliot is upstairs working in his nicely tight girdle. He made it until 2:00PM the first day until he finally had to ask me to let him remove his girdle. I told him that after he had taken the dog for a two mile walk, in his girdle, he could remove it. That meant, on his first day, he wore the delightful garment for just on six hours.

Yesterday, the same routine, shower, girdle, work, walk but I added half an hour after his walk. Today I will add another half hour which will take him through until 4:00 PM when he gets ready for cocktails.

He is being weighed just before bed, in his nightie which is wonderfully humiliating. His walking combined with the fact I have forbidden him wine or beer except on weekends, plus my reducing the size of his portions, has worked a little magic: two and a half of his required ten plus pounds have been shed. Early days.

Meanwhile, according to my Amazon sales, three other husbands will find a girdle in their future. Remember to work your husband up slowly and don't skimp on the exercise or portion control. You should only have to tell him once that he is to wear a girdle every day and make sure he knows he has to ask your permission to remove it. (And do write a comment about your experiences.)

I plan to get Elliot up to the point where he is girdled from the time he gets up until I send him to bed around 9:00. Of course, the one other benefit of a well girdled husband is that he is very chaste indeed. All that elastic keeps even a serious erection tightly confined. 

And, of course, as we know, men love routine no matter how much they protest or how humiliated they are. So be firm, set goals, whip him if he does not comply.

Firm

Yes, Dear, the long legged panti-girdle...Now

One of the lesser known pleasures of being the dominant partner in a female led marriage is that you don't have to be patient when you are correcting a problem with your husband. You can, and I do, simply announce the solution to the problem and your lovely husband knows he either obeys you or will be punished until he does. Elliot long ago realized that it was much, much, better to simply do what I tell him without complaint.

I want him to lose a little weight, about ten pounds, and redistribute a little more. Now, I could just tell him he is to walk two miles a day, do some crunches and some squats - which I will be doing - but first he needs a good reminder as to what the problem is. Essentially his tummy and his thighs are a little larger than I would prefer.

Solution? Well, now that the weather has cooled off it is time for him to start wearing his girdles. He has several but for a little while I'll keep him in a rather plain long legged panti-girdle. It is not at all too small, but it is tight enough that his belt is on the notch I prefer. As he sheds the weight his girlde will be less uncomfortable. But I am going to keep him in it eight to sixteen hours a day which will constantly remind him of my decision and his position.

A simple,easy solution and I have the pleasure of seeing what I am aiming for immediately.

I don't think he was very happy when I told him he was going to be wearing a girdle for some time. But, sensible man that he has become, he put it on and is working happily, if a bit uncomfortably, as I write.

Clips

A lot of what I am writing about in my female led marriage for elegant women book is about subtly training your husband. Of course, initially you may need to use a very direct approach; but, fairly soon, he'll just crave your brief attention.

I clipped Elliott's nipples for cocktails tonight.Told him to make them hard for me and then snapped on the vintage lingerie clips. They are tight but not mean and Elliott loves the ritual.

Half an hour, after ten minutes in his corner and girdle... A very happy, submissive husband poured me my wine.

Of course...

All excited

One of the funniest things about Elliot, and most of the men I have known, is that if they enjoyed something once they want to do the same thing again almost immediately. Elliot sent me all manner of sweet emails thanking me for his whipping and my using his little cock for my pleasure without letting him come. Which was delightful.

Just for fun, just before he served me cocktails, I bent him over the couch in the living room and tried out a few canes which had been in storage. Not at all hard and I could see it stung more than hurt because his cockette was standing on end at the end.

"You silly man...look at that ridiculous little cock all hard after your whipping. Well there will be none of that sort of thing tonight. Go up an put on a good stiff panti girdle and pour my wine."

He hastened to comply. But all evening he was pestering me for sex even knowing he was not going to be allowed to ejaculate. I am very seriously thinking of getting a little cage for that little cock while still keeping him on the low dose Viagra.

I sent him to bed early and told him he was sleeping in his girdle under his nightie which is a nice way of saying that there would be no activity.

(One note: I have had a couple of notes from readers asking if Elliot's little cock frustrates me for want of length and girth. Two things: first, while I like to humiliate him by demeaning his cock - I think humbling is good for a man - I actually like his perfectly ordinary, if a little small, cock. I have had large cocks and, frankly, most of the time they are more than a little uncomfortable. Second, a slightly smaller than normal cock on a bit of Viagra is a delight. It is more than enough to make me feel full and I can keep Elliot in control so he services me as long as I want. And his little cock is well enough trained that if I don't want him to make a mess he won't. And I usually prefer to have him ejaculate in his cup rather than in me. So it is all good. Better small and obedient than large and messy.)