The Mistress Option

Mady had two girlfriends come to stay just after New Years. We had great fun dressing elliot as a maid of all work and having him serve the ladies at lunch and for cocktails and dinner. Needless to say the girls were both amazed and eventually amused as Mady and I put elliot through his paces.

His humiliation was enhanced when, each afternoon, he was required to submit to a punishment: the first day it was a good hard shower brushing because he had stared just a little too hard as Chriss - one of the girls - very ample chest. He had to lift his maid's skirt and pull down his frilly rumba panties before I gave him a lecture about respecting women and then two dozen good swats.

The next day Mady wanted to show her friends how easy it was to make a man ejaculate even when he is locked in a chastity cage. She bent him over a cane backed chair with a saucer below his imprisoned cock flipped his skirt up and pushed his remote-controlled prostate massager up his backdoor. It only took a few minutes before he was dripping ejaculate onto the saucer. And, of course, when he was drained he had to drink up his mess. The girls were mesmerized.

The last day they were with us, Mady and I thought they should have a bit of fun. First, each girl practised with a light cane on poor elliot's bruised bottom. It took a little while, and many "vocalizations" from elliot before each was able to accurately deliver her dozen strokes. "No, dear, you have to hit both cheeks otherwise you won't get the right welt pattern." Then elliot was required to thank each of the girls with his tongue before being sent to his corner. Great fun for the girls and for Mady and I. Not so much for elliot but that really doesn't matter.

I had a wonderful time as both Chriss and Amber were intelligent, pretty and polite. We had lovely dinners where the ladies dressed - which kept elliot in his role as lady's maid busy and deeply excited. All that perfect young female flesh to help groom and dress. I kept him in his little cell when he was off duty so he could think about the lovely breasts and pretty pussies he had to tend. Which meant that, after dinner we could talk very freely.

Both girls loved the idea of female dominance and both were intrigued at the idea of female led relationships and, eventually, wife led marriages. But, as Amber asked, "What do we do while we look for the right man?"

They were a bit taken aback when I said, "Have some fun, make some money, become mistresses."

"You mean like dommes?" said Chriss.

"Good Heavens, no," I said laughing. "Too risky, too boring and there is actually an upfront cost to set up a dungeon - which is what men who visit pro-dommes often expect. No, I mean mistresses in the old fashioned sense of the word. A girl kept by a wealthy older man."

"When you go to bed tonight I'll leave Miss Jay's book, Modern Mistress on your tablets," said Mady.

Which she did and both girls read the first fifty or sixty pages in bed.

The next morning we left elliot in his cell and the girls in their pretty nighties (I insist on them wearing white cotton Victorian nighties which matched Mady's) sat around the breakfast table.

"Well, girls," I said, "What did you think?"

"It all sounds great Miss Jay, but, really, in this day and age don't you think it is a little oppressive for a woman to be "kept" by a man?" said Amber...And we were off.

"Not at all," I said. "In fact, if anything, it is a huge first step towards a woman's freedom and, if she chooses, her leadership in her relationships and her marriage."

"How is sleeping with a man for money a step towards freedom?" asked Chriss. Mady smiled having heard this before.

"Chriss, the fact is that money is, in fact, power," I said settling back in my chair and sipping on a very pleasing latte. "When a man gives a woman money he is, in fact, giving her a bit of power. The opportunity to take advantage of a broader array of choices. In exchange, she gives him the pleasure of her company. Escorts have known this since pretty much forever."

"However, escorting, even at the highest end, is essentially transactional. I talk about all that in my book Avails. Lots of girls have escorted but very few of them have really understood how they can make top dollar at minimal risk," I said. "And the biggest problem with escorting is risk. Physical risk, legal risk and, frankly, moral hazard: it is very easy to become very cynical when you sleep with, to use the euphemism, even three or four men a week, much less a night. Cynical girls lose their charm very quickly which is tragic because charm lasts very much longer than youth or beauty."

"Fair enough," said Amber. "Having one man give you money for your company makes more sense but I still can't see how it is particularly liberating. You still pretty much have to sleep with the guy."

"Eventually," I said. "But not until you have made your arrangement. And that arrangement can be very liberating indeed. Have you ever been poor? I mean not knowing where your next meal is coming from poor?"

"Not really," said Amber. "My parents have a bit of money and I can always go home if stuff gets bad."

"I have," said Chriss. "It really sucks."

"And have you ever had more money than you really needed?" I asked. "Money where you could get a blowout and your nails done and buy the dress, the shoes and the bag?"

"All the same day? asked Amber.

"The same day," I replied.

Both girls shook their heads.

"I'm not surprised," I said. "Most young women, even as well educated as the two of you are, don't start earning significant money until they are in their mid-thirties and, realistically, that is usually when they really want to have kids. Soooo."

"A bit of sexual economics. Your "arm candy" years begin at about twenty and end around twenty-five or six. Now, the fact is that women are actually more beautiful in their late twenties and early thirties and if they do it right, keep becoming more interesting as they get older. But a pretty girl commands peak market price for all of six or seven years," I said. "Most girls waste those years looking for Mr. Right or chasing the entry-level jobs they think will create a payoff down the road or going to school. But, mainly, they waste the time because they can't think of what else they might be doing."

"Being kept by a wealthy older man is not a huge time commitment," I continued. "Usually an evening mid-week and, perhaps, a Saturday afternoon."

"No way," said Chriss. "That's what, maybe eight hours a week?"

"At most, dear, at most," I said.

"And you get your rent covered, pretty clothes, spa days," said Amber.

"If you negotiate well, that and lots more," I said. "Remember, the sort of man who keeps a mistress is taking home serious money. He is probably billing out his time at $500+ an hour or running a company or fixing people's teeth. A couple of thousand a month is nothing, 10K and you are beginning to be a noticeable expense. Keep reading Modern Mistress, some of the girls I talked to have really luxurious lives and they tuck money away every month."

"I flipped forward, Miss Jay, and you're right. The girls do make fabulous money sometimes," said Amber. "But how does that make me "free" if I have to put up with some guy old enough, as the saying goes, to be my father being able to have me whenever he wants?"

"Amber, you need to read the whole thing and a few of my extended interviews as well," I said. "No mistress gives her patron unlimited access. That's for escorts, sugar babies and side pieces: a mistress is none of those things nor would a suitable patron ever expect such a thing. And, truth to tell, ladies, past a certain age, most men are simply not that interested in 24/7 sex. They will be delighted to see their mistress once or twice a week."

"OK, but how does even that make me "free"?" asked Amber.

"It makes you better than "free"; it gives you actual power," I said. "Earning an allowance and treats by being a beautiful, intelligent, interested woman lets you do what you want with the rest of your time. Finish a degree, learn to trade stocks, master the PR game but with the sure knowledge that you are not going to miss a meal or be short on rent. Instead of being a "starving student" or an "unpaid intern" struggling to get by with a side gig, a mistress has the luxury of her own time to do what she wants."

"But that depends on a man," said Chriss.

"It does," I replied. "Here's a hint ladies...men want us to depend on them and when we do we take control. As a mistress, you have control of a part of a man's life, as a wife you have the whole thing."

Which I left them with as I had things to do but later that afternoon Amber and Chriss came into my sitting room.

"Miss Jay, do you have a few minutes?" asked Amber.

"Of course...more questions?"

"A few," said Chriss. "We've been reading and talking and, well, ok. How is it fair that to gain any power, girls have to sleep with men who..."

"Stop right there Chriss. Girls always have huge potential power," I said. "The question is will they use it? And if they use it will they use it with any sort of strategy."

"A million years ago I would put on a pretty dress and a nice pair of heels, walk a couple of blocks to a well known steakhouse and, in no more than twenty minutes, be bought a drink or two and, if the gentleman seemed interesting, a very good steak and a bottle of wine. Yes, there were "expectations" but, no, I never felt the slightest obligation. If I was on heat I might well have taken the gentleman home, but not always. And never if I didn't want to. That, of course, was purely tactical. A near term objective as it were. But, and here is the thing, there was an older gentleman who noticed me. He could easily have bought the steakhouse with pocket change. He certainly bought a lot of girls dinner and there was no messing about. Take the dinner you went home with the man. He invited me several times and I declined. He was my first patron."

"Played hard to get," said Amber giggling.

"Not at all. Just hard to get for him. Because I wanted him."

"How could you tell?" asked Chriss.

"When elliot is out of uniform, take a look at his watch. It is one of several but it is my favourite because I gave it to him. It is not a show off's watch, white gold, no diamonds, a Patek Philippe Calatrava. My first patron wore a very similar watch but in 18k gold," I said. "Then shoes, then suit. Now, to be fair, this was when successful men dressed. Now it may be a matter of recognizing a good sweater or the right phone, but the point is the same. Men who have done well have a look. To find them you go to the places they like to go, a couple of bars, a couple of steakhouses, certain sorts of events."

"And you're saying we should not be cynical," said Chriss.

"What's cynical about wanting a very good man who can afford to keep you?" I said. "In fact, for a small, select, minority of women spending a few years as a mistress allows them to reach their full potential. Plus, for a small, select, minority of men, keeping a mistress acknowledges their own proper position as subservient to at least one woman. Even if the acknowledgement is only tacit."

"Really? said Chriss. "I am not sure how being serviced once a week by a girl young enough to be your daughter is exactly subservient."

"Because you are not seeing the whole picture," I said smiling. "First off, he is being "serviced" by a girl who is receiving a significant allowance, is likely living in a nice apartment with good furniture rent free and who, if she has negotiated cleverly, will have a wardrobe and grooming allowance. Second, a mistress, by her nature and position is "in charge" of the time her patron spends with her. She sets the rules, she decides if she will have sex and what sort of sex she'll have. A good mistress is demanding. Her patron has to satisfy her. Which is what keeps him coming back."

"That never seems to be the way it works in my relationships," said Amber.

"Of course not," I said. "You are likely dating and sleeping with boys your own age using the currency of lust and love. Which is wonderful at your age but, frankly, a bit of a waste of your time. I gather neither of you are rushing to find a husband right now."

Both girls shook their head. "Way too soon."

"So, if you decided to take the mistress option one big change you'd make is to move away from the boy/girl sex world of high school. For a mistress, sex and pleasure are part of a fantasy which her patron is buying," I said. "While patrons often think they want their mistress for sex, a clever mistress offers much more than that."

"At the same time, a mistress knows that the best sex a man is ever likely to have is with an enthusiastic, uninhibited, young woman who actually takes charge in the bedroom," I said. "And, of course, that carries right through to a female-led relationship or marriage. For a variety of reasons, even now, men think they have to take the sexual initiative. There is no good reason for that, but there it is. A smart mistress will take matters in hand as it were."

"But why would a man want that?" asked Chriss.

"Two reasons, first the sheer novelty of a pretty young girl having her wicked way with him, second, and more importantly, men take mistresses for the luxury of real relaxation. Most men who can afford a mistress are insanely busy and are making decisions all day," I said. "Knowing that for a few hours a couple of times a week there are no decisions, no real choices, is really what a patron ends up valuing most in his mistress."

"You make that sound so easy, Miss Jay," said Amber. "But, at the end of the day, a patron is still going to want to have sex."

"Indeed. Or at least that's what he thinks he wants," I said. "Men are not very subtle and they are not very good at actually knowing or articulating what they want. In fact, most men want to be listened to, teased a little, seduced and know that, if they do what they are told, the evening will end happily. For a mistress an evening will be about comfort food, a moderate amount of good wine, a sexy - but not slutty - outfit, flowers, candles and enthusiasm. A few evenings like that and a patron will wonder how he ever lived without his mistress."

"The other great benefit of being a mistress, besides the money and the freedom that money brings, is that a girl learns how to manage, take charge of a man," I said. "If I had not been a mistress there is no way I would have been able to give my darling elliot what he so desperately needed. The experience of having a non-romantic, sexual relationship with a strong, successful, man is something every girl should have. But very few girls will because they are content to drift along in peer relationships."

"OK, so let's say I wanted to try being a mistress," said Amber. "Where would I find this wonderful, wealthy, patron?"

"Well, if both of you were looking..."

"We might be," said Chriss.

"Then you'll have a great advantage. One pretty girl is not entirely safe, two and you can take care of each other," I said. "Unfortunately, the nicest way, which is to be introduced by an older lady such as myself, is not really available as I am very much a homebody. However, there is a simple rule: go where the fish are. In the little city you both live in there are, in no particular order, car shows, boat shows, gallery openings, at least one excellent book store and, as I recall, a couple of fairly high end restaurants. It is not difficult to get on the PR lists for openings. And there is nothing at all wrong with a bit of discrete advertising. And don't worry too much about age, there are plenty of men in their late thirties who would love to take a mistress if they had any clue what that was."

Amber looked a bit troubled. "Miss Jay, one thing bothers me about this. A lot of these prospective patrons are married."

"Ideally," I said. "It makes everything much simpler."

"But isn't that cheating?" asked Amber.

"It is. A mistress, however, is a realist. The fact is that men of a certain age and success often cheat. Often with disastrous consequences. A powerful man is surrounded by temptation - personal assistants, work colleagues, vendors, professionals, girls at conferences - the list is endless and involvement with any of them can lead to sexual harassment claims, long hours with the HR department and, of course, the girl falling in love with the man with all that can lead to including a very expensive divorce."

"A smart wife wants to limit her exposure to any of these consequences," I said. "Now most wives will not be lucky enough to have a Mady but, in a sense, they should welcome a young woman who has no long term designs on their husband. Most men are very discrete about their mistresses but women have a sixth sense when it comes to another woman and this poses an intelligence test. If a wife finds out about a mistress what does she do?"

"So, I will tell you one story and then I have to get on with the day. When I was about your age and was being kept by what was known as a "lumber baron", sweet man, I got a call one afternoon from his wife. She introduced herself on the phone as Mrs. X, Ken X's wife and asked if might meet for lunch the following day.

I agreed, what else could I do, and having dressed carefully, went to a very pleasant little restaurant where the maitre d' escorted me to a table where a wonderfully attractive woman of a certain age rose to greet me.

"So you're Hannah. Turn," she said making a little gesture with a perfectly manicured hand. "Oh you are just perfect. Me, thirty years ago. What a pretty dress. Sit down."

"I suppose you wonder how I know about you," said Mrs. X. "Ken has always talked in his sleep. For the last few weeks he has been saying lovely things about a girl named Hannah and two nights ago he actually said, "Time to play with Hannah Jay."

"No..."

"Oh yes. It was perfect, just like Ken." said Mrs. X.

"You seem very relaxed about all this," I said to her.

"Of course, my dear. Ken has worked hard, cut down a lot of trees and treated me and the children beautifully. We are very dear friends, more than a little in love but he's at that age where he realizes the road ahead is shorter than the one behind. That bothers men. A lot. I was worried that you might be a secretary or something but a quick look at the account Ken doesn't think I know about told the story. You're his mistress! Which is wonderful but I thought we should meet. And you should call me Jean."

Quite honestly this was the last thing I expected. I was prepared to be called a hussy and a lot worse. Or for a tearful, "Please don't take my man" scene. But this was extraordinary.

"I'm delighted you approve," I said.

"Approve? My only regret is that I didn't think of the solution myself. You've put a bounce in Ken's step and he's taking things a day at a time rather than brooding over what he is going to do in retirement. But you mustn't tell him," said Jean.

"Tell him what?"

"That I know," said Jean. "I think half the fun of having a mistress is in the sneaking around, the stolen hours. Men love that sort of thing and it would take a lot of the fun out of it if Ken knew I knew and approved."

I laughed out loud. "You know him very well."

"I do," said Jean. "Being married to someone for thirty years has that effect."

"And you really don't mind?"

"Not at all. You are pretty, and nicely built if I may say so, obviously intelligent and on the payroll. Quite seriously, my great worry was that Ken would find some young girl who would think she was in love with him. That can get very messy for everyone," said Jean. "Looking at Ken's account, you are a very practical young woman."

"I've had to be," I said.

"True for most young girls," said Jean. "Now you can have a bit of fun and, if you can keep Ken interested, earn a tidy little nest egg. Something you should know is that Ken absolutely loves giving people presents. Just out of the blue."

"I've noticed that already. Very thoughtful things like a perfect hairbrush and practical things like a dozen pairs of fully fashioned stockings."

"You wear stockings! No wonder Ken enjoys you. I've always worn stockings because Ken loves them but the young girls today, if they wear hose at all, wear those awful pantihose. For a big, rough, lumberjack, Ken is actually quite smart about pretty lingerie and fine leather goods, gloves, shoes, purses, I have a closet full of really beautiful bags he picked out. In fact, maybe that is why he's taken a mistress, I already have everything I want or need."

We had a very good lunch, a bottle of good wine and a nice hug, "Take care of Ken, Hannah. He is a wonderful guy."

"It would make a better story if Jean and I had lunched monthly but we didn't. Ken kept me for a little over two years when I moved to another city," I said. "I missed him for years."

"No wonder you are such a fan of mistresshood," said Amber. "That sounds perfect."

"It was. And, interestingly, it was as a twenty-something mistress that I learned a key fact about successful, wealthy, men; more often than not they need a place in their lives where they are not under stress, don't have to make decisions, can simply do what they are told," I said. "Ken would never have thought of himself as submissive but when he came to my apartment I was completely in charge. And that grew over time. Especially as I found myself enjoying being in charge."

"About twenty years ago, elliot and I were at a party and we ran into Ken and Jean. It was one of those moments which could have gone either way but Ken marched over and said, "Hannah, you must introduce me to your husband". I did and he introduced me to his wife and not another word was said. We were simply old friends who had not seen each other for years. But I did notice that Ken watched how I led, subtly, elliot even in a completely social situation. At the end of the evening, he came back over. "You're a very lucky man, Elliot," was all he said.

The Season

We live in Canada where we celebrate Thanksgiving a month and a half before our American friends but we actually have a special dinner for American Thanksgiving. Nothing complicated, just a leg of lamb, duck fat fried potatoes and, this year, an apple pie made from our own apples for dessert. It is an easy dinner and my maid Mady is off duty and joins us.

Of course, the day after Thanksgiving is Black Friday, the official kickoff for Christmas shopping. We're lucky enough that we own pretty much everything we need but, as we live in a semi-rural place it is incredibly handy to be able to buy things online and have them shipped to our door. With 30 days until Christmas I can't wait to buy a few non-necessities for Mady and elliot. Even if you don't need Amazon Prime all year, this is a great time to take advantage of their 30 day free Prime deal. And if you do you'll be able to read elliot's Kindle books and my Kindle books for free.

Even when you have pretty much all you need there are somethings which are always welcome and which a good husband will buy without being told.

Stockings: If your wife wears stockings - and I hope she does as they are so flattering - you cannot go wrong buying her a few pairs for Christmas. Now, if I had all the money in the world, I would wear Cervin silk stockings daily As I don't I just wear them for special occasions, for every day I like the Cervin non-seamed stockings.

Gloves: Leather gloves, especially long fine leather gloves are wonderful to have, I have a couple of pairs and I am always delighted to get another pair for Christmas. A spectacularly beautiful, over the elbow, Italian made glove can be a fetish in itself and, until elliot bought me these gloves a couple of years ago, I had no idea he would be so excited to be whipped while I was wearing them. Men are very strange.

Silk Slip or Night Dress: I am always delighted to find a silk nightie under the tree. Remember the cardinal rule of nighties - they have to be comfortable and that means plain. On the other hand, I like to dress Mady to keep elliot amused and aroused and a shortie nightie when she brings us coffee in the morning will ensure his little cock is hard as can be in its chastity cage.

I will add a few more shopping suggestions to this list but, right now, I have to dress for dinner and I hear my sweet Mady drawing my bath.

Drained

I get more than a few letters and some offer wonderful insight into female led relationships. I thought this letter from "Cindy" in Canada was an interesting take on an alternative to male chastity.

----

Dear Hannah,

I have read with great interest your posts on male chastity both on the honour system and using a male chastity device. I completely agree that a properly disciplined man should not be able to ejaculate without his wife's permission but I have an alternative to chastity.

I should begin by saying that we are a younger couple, very outdoorsy, into fitness and our careers. My husband, Robbie, has a high stress job and I discovered, early in our courtship, a very high sex drive. He likes sex a lot. So do I, but not nearly as much as Robbie.

Even before we were married I realized that this could be a problem and I looked around for solutions. In general, we are equal partners in our marriage which is how I prefer it. At the same time, Robbie needs to be able to come home from work and not have to make many decisions. In fact, he is rather naturally obedient and prefers to be told what to do. Which is fine by me as I like to be a bit bossy and I don't like back chat. I suppose you could say that we have a female led marriage but mainly we have a marriage where I am in charge and Robbie does what he is told.

If he doesn't he knows I am not at all shy about sending him to our room for a time out or getting out the shower brush - and how he hates the shower brush - and punishing his tight little bottom hard. But that does not happen often.

In the bedroom, I am absolutely in charge and have been since we first had sex well before we were married.

The trouble was that Robbie was so highly sexed that from about our third date he was pushing for sex. I realized that this was just his nature and that if we were going to have a successful marriage I would have to come up with a way of handling that.

Sometimes giving a man what he wants works very well and on our fifth date I invited Robbie into my apartment. He thought he was there to have sex and was incredibly excited. His lovely cock was totally erect coming in the door. I sat on my couch and he was getting ready to sit beside me.

"No, Robbie," I said pointing to a spot a couple of feet in front of me. "I want you to stand right there."

He did what he was told.

"Now, dear man, I think we are doing beautifully as a couple," I said. "You are kind, gentle, funny and you seem to be falling in love. But you are way too pushy about sex. I love being made love to but I am not going to be pressured into it. So you are just going to have to wait."

Robbie shrugged, mumbled "OK" and made a move towards the couch.

"Where do you think you're going. I told you to stand where you are. I am not done yet," I said with a little edge in my voice. "Right now I want to watch you ejaculate. Here's a tissue. Now get cracking."

Yes, it was a bit of a high risk move. He could have refused or tried to swing me around but my read of Robbie was he'd do what he was told. I was right. In a moment or two his rather large cock was out of his pants.

"Well, get on with it," I said savouring his obedience. "Just like you do at home."

Robbie got to work and in not more than a couple of minutes his cockhead turned that amazing purple colour men's cocks sometimes do and he ejaculated. I realized I'd have to get bigger tissues.

"Very good, Robbie," I said. "And good boys get treats."

I unbuttoned my blouse and unclipped my bra. "You can come over here and suck on my pretty nipples for a little while. Just leave your cock out. You are not finished."

About five minutes later, Robbie having demonstrated that he needed a bit of work on his nipple technique, I could see that his cock was getting hard again.

"Stand in front of me Robbie," I said leaving my breasts on display. "You obviously like my pretty nipples. Which is wonderful. Now I want you to ejaculate again for me. Get to work. And when you are done I want you to put your cock away, kiss me good night and go home. Without a word."

He did as he was told, made a mess on his tissue, kissed me and left silently.

Perfect.

The next morning, quite early, I texted him. "Thank you for a wonderful evening. Now, in your shower, I want you to think about my pretty nipples and ejaculate."

I sent him another text when I knew he was taking lunch. "Go to the washroom and make your little mess."

We were meeting for drinks after work and my sweet Robbie was positively glowing when I sat down.

"You are the sexiest woman I have ever met," he said with a smile. And here's the thing, he had stood up when I came to the table and he made it clear he was waiting for my permission to sit back down. Which I gave with a nod.

We have not looked back. I am totally in charge of his ejaculations. Three or four or sometimes five or six a day. I'll tell him or text him and sometimes I will demand a little video of his performance. Of course, when I want to have sex, I taper him off a little so he is extra eager. I've also trained him never to come in me without asking my permission and he knows I will often deny that permission.

The fact is that his cock is as entirely under my control as if it was in a cock cage. Which is what matters to me. And, of course, if I am busy or forget, well he knows that any ejaculation without my supervision and instruction and the shower brush will be bruising his bottom. I swing hard.

So, there you go. There really is more than one way to control a cock and the man it is attached to.

Hugs,

Cindy

-----

Dear Cindy,

How clever of you. It really is all about control. An obedient husband should not need a cage, though they are rather fun. But I love the idea of giving an oversexed man what he wants, good and hard.

Enjoy!

Hannah

Ending the sexual barter system

A number of people wrote me to ask about "Locked-In Love" a book I recommended in my last post and, particularly, about what the author identified as the sexual barter system which underlay his marriage.

Here's how the author described it:

"Through chastity and communication, they identified a sexual trade-off that existed in their marriage, a 'barter system' wherein every action he engaged in had an undercurrent of sexual pressure, a literal tat-for-tit. Freed from it through a chastity device, they were able to enjoy each other on a more meaningful and trusting level. And in lowering the quantity of sex, they raised the quality."

The book is well worth reading for couples curious about male chastity but, of course, it is written from the male perspective. I thought a note on the female perspective might be interesting.

Sexual barter is as old as the hills and rests on a singular fact about the world: men are ready and eager to "go" all the time and women are sexually cyclical. Obviously, this is a generalization but it underlies everything from long term vanilla marriages through to the thriving escort industry. The discreet world of the kept woman, the wealthy man's mistress, is driven by this sexual mismatch. It is also the basis for the vast number of female led relationships and wifedom marriages. 

The idea of sexual barter is, in fact, at the heart of a great deal of what passes for romantic life. A man woos a woman and, if he is successful, she falls in love and becomes sexually available to him. Do they live happily ever after? Well, that depends.

Wives and girlfriends want their men to do certain things, behave in certain ways and, generally (though not often overtly) do what they are told. In even the most vanilla marriage wives will devise rewards and punishments to encourage certain behaviours and discourage others. More than one young wife has given her husband a quick blow job when he's cleaned up the yard or slipped into his favourite stockings and heels to signal her availability when he gets that promotion.

Men quickly learn that if they do what they are told they may receive treats. The trouble is that men will also quickly begin to take those treats for granted. If fact, unless a wife takes charge, most men will simply assume their efforts will always be rewarded. 

Now, the whole sexual barter mistake is often layered on top of a male belief that they also have the right to sex generally and that a wife has to accommodate their desires. Whether it is once a night or once a week, men somehow have the idea their rather instinctive sexuality should be deferred to. The fact this instinctual sexuality is driven by their baser natures and animal urges does not seem to bother them a bit.

Worse, from the time they are little girls, many women are taught that on the one hand, they need to be in control of the sexual situation and on the other, that they need to accept at least the sexual importunings of their husbands. What they are not taught and what is actually transgressive is the idea that their sexuality is cyclical, the very opposite of masculine and that within a successful relationship it is always the woman whose sexuality matters. 

Sexual bartering takes place when a woman satisfies a man when she, herself, is not at all in the mood. While it can be portrayed as "fun" or "spontaneous" it is actually a denial of how female sexuality works.

Now an escort or a mistress takes advantage of the fact men have unbearable urges and charges cash money to take care of those urges. While "decent women" are shocked by this sort of cash transaction I am inclined to think most girls should spend a bit of time as a mistress in their early twenties - if only there were enough wealthy men to go around.

In a marriage the cash nexus is, well, awkward. Your sweet husband may be supporting you or you may both work, but when he wants a blow job handing you a couple of hundred dollars, or even a couple of thousand, is not really how a marriage can or should work. 

So, how do you end the whole sexual barter game?

Whether a woman decides to lead her marriage or simply that her husband needs boundaries, sexual barter ends when she decides to put her needs first. It really is that simple. A single decision.

In practice, this means that for the few days a month a woman is very interested indeed her husband will be required to pleasure her. And she should put it exactly that way. She sets the pace, she enjoys her orgasms, she may or may not let him finish. Every woman is different and many enjoy some sex on the shoulders of the few days a month they are on heat. Which is wonderful and a bonus for their husband. However, for the rest of the month, sex is more a chore than a pleasure and a wise woman makes it very clear to her husband he is to stay well away.

It is upon this biological rock that the church of female supremacy and male subordination is founded. Now, how a woman constructs her marital sexual life is very much up to her.

Some women require their husband's chastity - either caged or on the honour system - when she is not interested in sex. This can work well with older husbands. With younger, randier, men it is not a bad idea to include supervised masturbation during that part of the month when sex is out of the question. The fact is that a younger man, unless firmly locked up, is going to masturbate. Far better that a wife keeps track of this habit and sets aside a few minutes every few days for her husband to humble himself in her presence. Not too often of course.

As I have written before discussing cocks,

"Men are remarkably proud of their ability to make little messes and if a wife can make her husband's masturbation something she controls - and this is easy as having him soil a tissue before he goes to work a couple of times a week becomes a ritual of control which he'll enjoy - then she is taking away his power to play with his cock as he feels like it. [Note: for men who would like their wives to be more dominant, proposing to your wife that you not be allowed to masturbate unsupervised will speed that process along without worrying your wife too much about the broader implications.)

Once a wife has taken control over her husband's ejaculations she has, for all intents and purposes, become the sexually dominant partner. The cock in the marriage has surrendered its autonomy. Where a wife goes from there is entirely up to her. She may want to leave the dynamic right there and enjoy the fruits of her acknowledged sexual superiority or she may want to extend the scope of her dominion."

Sexual barter only occurs where women allow it to. In a wife led marriage, both partners acknowledge that it is only her sexual needs, her pleasure, which matter. There is no room for "barter" because a well trained husband knows and accepts that he has no sexual rights at all. His erections, his ejaculations, are at her pleasure and at her direction.

Of course, it takes a little while for a husband to accept that his cock is no longer his own and here a chastity cage may prove an essential reminder. After all, a man in a chastity device is focused on his wife, not his cock, and that is how it should be.

Locktober

elliot has been in chastity since Labour Day and is all the better and more attentive for it. I have allowed him one ejaculation and Mady tells me she has had him out twice to enjoy a little penetration. Of course he knows he is never to ejaculate when Mady is using him and he also knows that if he does he'll be whipped severely and locked down in his "meditation" room for several days. He's very careful. So, at our house "Locktober" is not really all that big a deal.

Other marriages have different routines and I was delighted to get this letter from a dominant wife in Oregon a few days ago.

----

Dear Miss Jay,

I love reading your blog. You have such a wonderful, matter of fact, way of leading your marriage.

My husband, roy, accepted my leadership in our marriage a couple of years after we were first married five years ago. For the most part that has involved roy doing what he is told and accepting the fact that if he is disobedient or talks back he is in for a paddling. I have a light 14 inch bamboo paddle for quick corrections, a cute 8 inch hairbrush which I keep in my bag and am happy to use if roy gets stroppy when we're out and, on your recommendation, a 17 3/4 inch wooden shower brush which roy hates and I use only sparingly. Just having the shower brush in the shower reminds roy not to masturbate without my permission.

Rather like you, I am not especially fond of penetrative sex. I would much rather have roy pay me oral attention and I have trained him to pleasure me and then accept the fact it is my choice as to whether or not he will be allowed to pleasure himself. Which is fine but in the last year I have wanted a bit more control and I have been putting roy in a chastity device. This has been an occasional thing until the last couple of months where I have been leaving him locked up for a few days at a time.

He has responded very well to fairly short periods of chastity - yes, it really is true that a man in chastity will do almost anything to be released - but now I would like to extend those periods.

My thought was that "Locktober" might be a good test run for roy's chastity to become his default position. Rather like elliot. So, I am going to lock him in on October 1 and, no matter how much he begs, I am not letting him out until Halloween.

My thought is that I will do a weekly clean up with a face cloth with roy's hands handcuffed behind his back. I was also thinking that, around the 15th, I might masturbate him to relive the pressure.

What do you think of my plans?

Yours sincerely,

Cecily

----
I wrote back.

Dear Cecily,

What a lucky man roy is to have found an intelligent woman to obey. Good for you.

I think your plan to lock roy up for thirty-one days is excellent. Extended chastity changes the whole dynamic in a female-led relationship. I know the shower brush impresses the seriousness of your dominion on roy's posterior but having his cock locked up for a month will add a whole new dimension to your marriage.

So I think, overall, your plans for Locktober are nearly perfect. Two quibbles, first, you write about locking roy up but you don't mention upping his oral service requirements. Locktober is not just about going cock free for a month, it is also about the lady of the house enjoying lavish oral sex, massages, foot baths and all sorts of other delightful things a chaste male will be only too happy to do.

My second quibble is more serious. A man in chastity should, in my view, be chaste for the duration of the time you set. If you are locking him up for October he should not come at all in October. Strict, I know, but for long term chastity to have its desired effect, orgasm denial needs to be part of it.

Now, if you really think you need to "relieve the pressure" (and I note there is no proper medical evidence that prolonged chastity is harmful), might I suggest, mid-month, that you push a vibrator up his bum and let his prostate cause him to dribble without any hint of orgasm. (I wrote a short book on the benefits of prostate milking in female led relationship: A Ladies Guide to Prostate Milking.) A good remote control anal vibrator and you can pretty much handcuff him, lie him on the bed, push the vibe up his backdoor and flick the vibe to a medium setting. Twenty minutes later he'd be drained but, in this is the key thing, he will not lose the edge you have been building. Men who orgasm undergo physio and psychological changes and it takes them sometime to rebuild the sexual tension which keeps them so attentive. Prostate milking avoids that altogether.

So, enjoy Locktober! I know roy will. And, remember, if Locktober goes well, there is always NOvember.

Enjoy!

Hannah










 

Fall

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City Husband, Country Wife

One of the best parts of running this blog has been the correspondence I have had with other dominant wives. Every female-led relationship evolves in its own way and it is fascinating to see how other women create the blend of discipline, chastity, obedience and nurture which can bring out their submissive husband's best self.

Cara and her husband Terry have worked out a wonderful way to balance a need for discretion with a wonderful transformation. But I will let Cara tell her own story.

Dear Miss Jay,

I adore your blog and your books - not just A Man in My Position and the other dominant wife material - but also your wonderfully detailed and open minded exploration of how powerful women can maximize their potential as escorts, or, my favorite, mistresses. (The retro smut you have elliot publish I give to my Terry as a special treat.)

I suspect I was drawn to your work on the interesting nexus between sex and money because I met Terry when he was my escorting client. Though I use "escorting" in a very loose way. I had a small business catering to cross-dressers and transvestites (and if you can tell me the difference my hat is off to you, but it was very important to the men I saw.)

Believe it or not, I got into the business when I was a make-up and special effects artist. I spent my days making pretty girls prettier and, from time to time, making them scary. It was a good living and a lot of the sets I worked on paid a cash bonus. On one of these shoots a model I knew slightly asked if I could do a friend of hers make up for a party. I said sure and thought nothing of it. We arranged to meet her and her "friend" at her apartment the next day. Well, like more than a few models I knew, this girl supplemented her modelling income with pay to play encounters and her "friend" was a client who wanted to "Walk on the Wild Side". It took a little doing but I managed to create a passable impression of a woman - but he walked like a trucker. I spoke to my friend who agreed and then I suggested that, if he wanted to, I could offer him some "training" as well as the make-up and clothes. He jumped at the chance and my model friend told me later she had two other clients who wanted this sort of feminization and it was not her thing. And she had friends in the business for whom crossdressing clients were actually a problem. I was launched.

I would only see three or four clients a week, charge a high fee and make a "best efforts" attempt to let them appear and behave as women. I say best efforts because, realistically, very few men have much hope of "passing" for a woman but they seemed to have fun trying. My sessions were quite long, two hours minimum, often four.

Most of my clients were very regular and, once they had done their introductory appointments, I laid on a program of deportment, skirt management, high heels training and so on. There was no "sex" of course. However, at the end of the appointment, if they had been very good, I would tell them to go to the little girl's room and make a mess in their panties which they then had to lick clean before hand washing.

The key insight I had into these men was that they all were, to some degree, ashamed of their need to dress as women. And, here was the thing, they enjoyed the shame and humiliation of having to put on lingerie, foundation wear, wigs, breast forms, false eyelashes and so on. If I didn't tease them, demand instant obedience and tell, not ask, them to put on their "pretty" clothes they would be disappointed in the session. They wanted to be "forced". And yes, I did threaten to spank my naughty boys and, occasionally, it would be necessary as part of a session to paddle or cane a client quite severely. Of course, "quite severely" was a very relative term. The objective was to create a reason for the client to comply with his own humbling - which was the very thing he wanted.

Men! What can you do?

In my case, I charged a lot of money, built up a remarkable collection of plus sized lingerie and outfits - my clients, as part of their training, were required to purchase these items and bring them to their sessions. This all took place several years ago but even then you could get everything from side zip girdles to breast forms to plus size high heels at Amazon. You could even get the correct "gaff" panties to keep every little thing in its place.

It was all part of the ritual and the ritual was very important to my clients. For a few hours, they were going to be "forced" to be female. In a couple of years, I actually had a waiting list.

Terry was a referral from one of my model/escort friends and I saw him really as a favour. He was pretty run of the mill as clients went and I was just going through the motions as I corseted down his waist and put on the breast forms. For cross dressing, Terry was lucky. Not only did he have a gender neutral name - Terry swings both ways but he was almost hairless and was small boned if a little plump in places. The very opposite of "buff". With the corset giving his already quite tight waist a lttle shape and the "C" cup breast forms in place in a lacy black I had him slip on a pair of black satin tap panties. He was a natural blond with a rather nice full head of gently wavy hair. Rather than put him in a wig, I put in hair extensions I happened to have. Light make-up, really just a very transparent foundation, mascara and eye shadow plus a light pink lip and he was done. I clipped semi sheer compression stockings to his garter tabs. (Pro-tip, compression stockings help shape a man's leg and hide any hair which a first timer is likely to have. Plus they feel as if you are actually a naughty boy wearing stockings.)

A simple pencil skirt and sheer blouse and a pair of modest two inch heels and Teri was done. By this point I had done transformations for a fair number of men. A few, a very few, could pass after several sessions. Teri stood up and walked over to my three way mirror. He was a little awkward in his heels but, honestly, with a bit of practice, it would be very had to tell. He had delicate wrists and his Adam's apple was inconspicuous and could be made more so with a bit of reverse contouring.

"Wow," was all he said as he looked at himself in the mirror. "I never thought I would be this pretty."

He was not wrong. Unlike many men Teri suited the longer hair, the makeup, the clothes. We practised walking in heels for a little while and then I had him make and serve me a cup of tea and one for himself. It all seemed perfectly natural. As Teri he was quite feminine, funny in a slightly exaggerated girlish way and rather flirtatious. It was quite a long session and I had him change into a shorter skirt at one point. He was naturally rather modest and went behind my screen rather than showing off his lingerie. Eventually I said I had another appointment and Teri went behind the screen and undressed and came out in the lacy ruffled lilac robe I kept for clients; makeup and hair still intact.

"Come here," I said, "Open your robe."

He did as he was told and stood in front of me his little cock - and it was quite small - naked and erect. I reached out and took it in my hand.

"You enjoyed dressing up as a girl didn't you," I said gently pumping his cock.

"Yes, Miss," he said.

"And you'd like to do it again wouldn't you Terry?" I said pumping a little faster.

"Oh yes Miss."

I could feel him coming very close and I let go of his cock.

"Good. I will see you next week. Now get dressed."

He was, I suspect, a bit disappointed that I had not taken him to completion but I had other plans.

He arrived the next week and we did much the same thing. I was a bit more prepared with sizes and I had a surprise for him at the end of the session. I had him, once again, undress from his girl clothes behind the screen and came out in the peach robe I had bought him.

"Terry, when you left last week did you go home and ejaculate?" I asked holding his hard little cock firmly.

"Yes, Miss, twice that night and two or three times a day since. I can't help it," said Terry.

"I thought so," I said. "That won't do at all. Girls don't masturbate the same way as boys so we're going to have to make sure you behave. Now, here's a tissue. Jack yourself off for me."

"Yes, Miss," said Terry as he began to pull on his cock.

"Faster, I don't have all day," I said which was all it took to send plumes of sperm out of his purplish cock head. "Now, go over to that corner with my panties (I am a huge fan of corner time for men.) and hold them in the corner with your nose."

Terry did what he was told and ten minutes later I called him back. As I suspected he would be he was just as hard.

"Now, I could whip that erection away or put that naughty little cock in ice water until you get soft; but instead, jerk it again. Quickly," I said handing him a dish. "Every drop in the dish."

It took a little longer this time but in a couple of minutes there was a nice dollop of cum and several drops and strands decorating the china dish.

"You know what you have to do, Terry," I said looking at the dish. "Lick up your mess."

It was a test he passed eagerly.

"Good boy," I said reaching around for the package I had received air express.

"Now, Terry, good girls always ask for permission to masturbate. Which I know is hard for girly-bois so I have bought you a little gift. Turn around and put your hands behind your back," I said. I took a pair of handcuffs and clicked them locked. "Turn around."

Terry obeyed and I opened the box the male chastity device came in. "Do you know what this is, Terry?"

"No Miss."

"It's a cock cage. You'll be wearing it when you are not in lady's clothes," I said putting the pink silicone ring around and behind his balls. Then, using my fairly long but nicely squared fingernails, I reached under the head of his cock and pushed it into the silicone cage. He was soft enough that it was easy to get most of his cock in the cage and push the holes over the pegs. I reached through the little slot in the end and grabbed the head of his cock with my nails to pull it all into the cage. Then I slipped the padlock through the short peg and clicked it shut.

"There you go," I said. "All tucked away and I have the key. Now you can get dressed and I want you to pick me up for dinner on Thursday. Seven o'clock. Dress nicely as I am taking you somewhere special.

Two months later we were married in a civil ceremony. I wore a lovely 40's suit, seamed stocking and a pretty, veiled hat. Teri was dressed in a light linen jacket, a pair of side zippered linen trousers, cute loafers, his cock cage for lingerie and his now longer hair pulled off his face with two butterfly barrettes.

I took him back to my apartment, had him put on his nightie for bed and then gave him a good hairbrushing to set the tone of what has been a long and happy marriage. As you can imagine, having been kept in his cage for the three weeks before our wedding night, he was very anxious to perform his marital duties. I, on the other hand, thought that could wait for our honeymoon and enjoyed Teri's girlish tongue on my throbbing clit.

We were honeymooning at a small country house I owned about forty miles from the city we live in. I drove. Teri had changed into her going away outfit. Nothing elaborate, a day dress in a fine grey cotton with a little, to the waist, black jacket. Corset, girdle, bra and breast forms, hair extensions in and nice day make-up as I had instructed her to.

"In the country, Teri, you are always going to be en femme. Most weekends, two or three weeks a summer. Will you like that?" I asked when he had agreed to marry me.

"More than anything," said Terry.

"In the city you have your job so you can't really be who you like to be. Or, at least, not yet. But you'll be a country wife which will be fun for you and fun for me."

"Yes, Miss Cara," said Teri.

"After we're married you will not have to call me miss anymore," I said. "And in the country, you'll wear your pretty gaff panties rather than that nasty old cock cage."

Which was exactly what happened.

Teri has taken to the world of a 1950's housewife with a vengeance. She's always beautifully dressed, her hair is perfect and she is wonderfully obedient. She was, I must admit, a little taken aback when she discovered that I was going to give her the whole experience by having intercourse with her every Saturday night with a strap-on.

"Do I have to?" she asked?

"Of course you have to," I said. "But unlike those poor girls in the fifties with just the one cock, I have a number of dildos which will fit my harness. We'll start you off like a virgin with something small but hard and work your pretty back pussy up to big cocks."

Which is exactly what we did.

During the week, while Terry is wonderfully submissive and attentive, other than his panties and camisole and his cock cage, he is allowed to present as a slightly effeminate man. As soon as he comes home from work on Friday he showers, is let out of his cock cage, gaffed and then changes into his weekend attire.

Our neighbours in the country think we may be lesbians but we simply keep them guessing.

We've lived this way for a few years now. I am still a make-up artist and I still have a select cross dressing clientele. Terry is not in the least jealous. Even if he was, a good wife, and Teri is a very good wife, knows when to keep quiet.

A bit of Tinkering and a mid summer correction

I just love how men insist on improving things. Now you would think that a silicone cock cage  would offer little in the way of chances for improvement. Not elliot.

While he has been enjoying his summer freedom - I let him out around June 1st and lock him back down on Labour Day - he has been thinking about how to actually reduce the "play" in the two posts on either side of the lock. I suspect these are designed with men with substantially larger cocks than my elliot's in mind but for him the various pieces of his chastity would gap and then, painfully, pinch some very tender skin. I don't keep elliot in chastity for his discomfort, although elliot being a little uncomfortable does not worry me at all, so when he asked permission to modify his cage I agreed.

It was hardly a major change: he removed the plastic side pegs and replaced them with one inch stove bolts with washers and nuts. This allows him to tighten the silicone pieces and eliminate the gapping.

Good for him and nicely timed. He was getting a bit, if you will excuse the word, cocky, and there is only one sure fire cure for that. First I gave him a good whipping. The heel stick raised lovely welts. I had Mady observe his punishment and listen as I lectured him.

"It is not enough that you are polite to me. You need to be humble and you need to remember your place." I said punctuating my sentences with a stroke of the heel stick. "The fact is you have been a bit too cocksure. I let you out of your cock cage for your comfort. I don't expect backchat. I don't expect you to look at pretty young girls at the beach. You keep your eyes down. Do you understand."

"Yes, Miss," he said.

I went on in this vein for a few minutes with each period emphasized with a stroke. I think he got the message.

"Now, before you go to your corner, turn around," I said. "Your cock is going back in its cage until I see a real improvement in your attitude. Now stuff it in. Hurry up."

The modifications to the silicone cage meant that elliot had to fiddle a bit more but his cock was so tiny after his whipping that everything went quite quickly.

"Mady, why don't you lock down elliot's tiny little cock," I said. "You can hold on to the key. We'll see if he improves."

Mady slipped the lock on and shut it.

"I expect you to behave, elliot," I said when he was locked and I had slipped off my rather moist panties (I often find myself getting a bit excited when I correct elliot or Mady) and sent elliot to his corner.

"Mady," I said sitting down and lifting my skirt. "I seem to need some oral attention."

"Yes, Miss."

Mady got on her knees and began licking my pussy. Girls just know.

Should be a fun summer.

A Huge Change

Good things can be delivered

As many of you will have figured out by now, elliot and I are a somewhat older couple. Old enough that we actually remember the world when there was no internet. No, really.

Before the internet, while there were certainly lots of couples in which the wife was in charge, there was little or nothing to support FLRs. Next to no information was available. And not just about the wonderful world of Female Led Relationships, the entire world of even slightly exotic sexuality was very much under the counter. Now, virtually any interest has its own blog universe, very possibly social media (under the radar slightly) and you can buy virtually any little item you want from...Amazon.

The ability to buy discreetly has been a huge bonus for elliot, Mady and myself. We are coming up to Amazon Prime Days (and yes you really should try Prime for free for 30 days if for no other reason than you will be able to read all of both elliot's and my books for free.)

A lot of websites will be doing Prime Days promotions. I will not but I thought it might be fun for dominant wives and their submissive husbands to have a look at what is actually available at Amazon.

Start with male chastity devices. Even ten years ago putting your husband into chastity was an expensive proposition with proper cock cages running several hundred dollars. Now you can put your husband under lock and key for less than $30. And the selection is amazing.

I keep elliot in a soft chastity cage like this one. It is comfortable and he can wear it easily for weeks at a time. The overall effect is that he not only cannot touch his own penis, he cannot become fully erect and, he tells me, that he has virtually no external stimulation when he is in his cock cage.

We got out first silicone cock cage from Amazon. Like the one pictured, it cost less than $20 and with Prime it shipped free.

For a slightly more severe experience and one which can be more than a little noisy, a metal cock cage may be in order. There is nothing discreet about putting your husband's cock in a steel cage and keeping the key.

This is also an excellent option for men who, at present, are not in obedience to a particular woman. Putting your cock in a steel cage and making access to your key difficult is an excellent way for men to remind themselves of their essential submissiveness.

The other good thing about a metal cage is that it is often fairly obvious that a man is wearing one. Certainly to a discerning eye. Wives who want to subtly demonstrate their husband's status or single men who would like to make their submission more obvious to the women they encounter may want a metal cock cage.

Now, if a cock cage demonstrates a dominant wife's total control over her husband's sexuality or a single man's willingness to sacrifice his sexuality in the hope of finding his superior woman, the general subordinating effect of forcing a man to wear women's lingerie and nightwear can't be discounted.

A number of ladies who read this blog have purchased these amazing, Slimming Underwear Tummy Control Panties. One lady wrote me and said, "Since I have had Paul wearing these over his cage daily he has been even more docile and willing to please. Plus, they have already improved his figure. I call them belly busters."

Keeping your husband in panties is a good first step. But for real control and humiliation, a long legged, side zipped, pantie girdle is perfect. Where the high waisted panties have a little control, a good girdle will literally change his figure. He'll have a more defined waist and a nicely curved bottom. (Between ourselves, I love the feel of a side zipped open bottom girdle holding my stockings up.)

A submissive husband needs practical foundations. There is no point in getting him pretty lingerie. He's a man, he'll look silly in frills (which can be fun too). So a plain, white, lycra bomb is all he deserves.

Caged and girdled by day, what about when a submissive husband is sent to bed? Well, of course the cock cage stays on and his morning wood will be uncomfortable enough that he'll wake up and get started making you coffee in bed, running your bath, doing any hand washing you have left for him. elliot has to wash out my yesterday's panties after he has his corner time. There are some things it is better for a submissive husband to do himself even though we have a maid.

I prefer nice, feminine cotton nighties for elliot. You may have other preferences. And for single men, wearing a cotton nightie to bed every night will remind you of your place and where you would like to be. After a few days or weeks putting on a pretty nightie will just be part of your bedtime routine.

Now the great advantage of a fairly full coverage nightie is that it gives a wife the opportunity to experiment with a few more feminizing humiliations.
I am not a huge fan of making men wear bras during the day when they are out of the home. It can work in very limited circumstances but, usually, it simply leads to awkwardness in a workplace or a social situation.

However, in bed, in a nightie, there is absolutely no reason why a wife can't tell her husband to wear a bra and the breast forms which go with it.

Having experimented with elliot, while it might be fun to see your husband having to deal with DD cup breasts, a nice B to start and then work up to a C or D. The point is that when your husband is getting ready for bed and is in bed and when he wakes up and sets about serving you he will look different and feel different. There is nothing more feminizing than the weight of breasts and the more modern breast forms and a good bra will give your husband a real sense of that. And, of course, for a single man to make breasts a part of his evening ritual is excellent training for his eventual female led marriage.

One thing I would strongly suggest, and other wives have confirmed this, is that you require your husband to wear a well made, very supportive but very utilitarian sports bra. Pretty lingerie is for you (and your maid if you are lucky enough to have one), your husband is supposed to feel the full weight of his breasts and that's where a good sports bra makes all the difference.

And remember, in a well-run female led marriage, your husband is almost always sent to get ready for bed sometime before you retire. This means he can put on his breast forms, sports bra and nightie without you really having to see anything but the pleasing curves under his nightie.

Of course, some husbands need more discipline than others and Amazon is there to help. When you

are first training a husband or boyfriend it is a good idea to be able to restrain him. While I no longer need restraints for elliot, I still have a wonderful set of police grade handcuffs I purchased a decade ago. The nice thing about serious handcuffs is they will fit in your purse so you can restrain and correct your submissive male where ever you happen to be. In our early days, elliot learned the hard way that dressing rooms and washrooms offered the privacy, if not the sound proofing required for a gentleman's correction.

There are many occasions when a gentleman needs to be restrained for some time or under some tension. Handcuffs are the wrong tool. Well made, lined, leather wrist and ankle restraints are the obvious solution. But, for Heaven's Sake, buy high quality restraints. You want your submissive husband to be mindful of his correction or your pleasure, not worrying about how his wrists are chaffing.

As to corrections themselves, a dominant wife should recognize that her hand alone is not going to do the job. The fact is that a lady's hand is too small and too soft to make much of an impression. Using a hair brush helps a lot. And a lady, with a reasonably sized bag, can carry a hairbrush entirely innocently and deploy it as needed. As I mentioned, there are any number of usefully private locations available if your husband or boyfriend is rude or inattentive. This little brush will leave a lasting impression.

For more serious infractions, principally disobedience or resistance, but also having what I refer to as an obnoxious attitude, sterner measures and a lot more leverage will be required. As I have often written, in a serious FLR, punishment is a very real thing. Faced with a recalcitrant husband or boyfriend, a lady needs to be willing to inflict serious pain and, in many cases, leave bruises or welts. You are doing your submissive no favours by holding back when they need correction.

elliot's least favourite implement is also one which you can see any time you go into a bathroom

equipped with a shower or bath in our house. The simple, long handled, shower brush can be kept in plain sight as a reminder to your husband or boyfriend of the consequences of any disobedience. In the early stages of an FLR this sort of everyday implement is going to see a lot of use. It takes a while to train any man worth training. This beechwood shower brush has a 17 and 3/4 inch handle. As the copy says, good for reaching those "hard to reach" areas - in our case psychological rather than physical.



Some disciplinary wives swear by the paddle for their husband's correction. I have to take their word for it as I have never used a paddle on elliot. There is an amazing selection of paddles at Amazon ranging from a rather nasty looking hardwood paddle:

on through to a selection of bamboo paddles. I have to say I am seriously considering getting this wide bamboo paddle, not for elliot but for Mady. Her skin is a little too delicate for the cane and the shower brush seems to give me too much leverage when my naughty little maid needs correction. This is obviously a light duty paddle and correcting Mady is all about repetition, not force.

I have been correcting elliot with a rattan cane (go to your local garden shop or China town, but use rattan, not bamboo which tends to splinter) and a dozen strokes will certainly call him to order. But, I have to admit, I am also becoming fond of an item which is called a heel stick. Just under three feet with a very solid, rubber, handle. It weighs a little more than a rattan cane and leaves welts a little faster with less effort on my part. elliot hates it almost as much as the shower brush.

Until we met Mady and she became my maid, I was not really familiar with the varieties of anal humiliation a submissive husband can undergo. Yes, I did know about prostate milking and I thoroughly approved of the idea of restraining elliot, pushing a vibrator into his bottom and leaving him to make a non-orgasmic mess he would have to lick up later.  In fact, we wrote a book about it, A Ladies Guide to Prostate Milking. However, Mady opened up a whole other dimension.

Coming from a certain corner of the lesbian world, Mady just loved strap ons. While strap ons do nothing for me, Mady thoroughly enjoys “pegging” elliot as a preliminary to his paying her oral attention. But, Mady being Mady, she has evolved this into a bit of a ritual and the first part of the ritual is that Elliot has to go to her room, strip naked and present his bottom for an enema. “I like to peg a clean bottom,” says Mady. And good for her.

To that end she had me order this rather simple but effective enema kit:

"Two bags and he's clean if a little shaky," explained Mady. "I'll often have him stand in his corner for a few minutes before allowing him to release. Once the second bag has gone in, I will stand in front of him and put on my strap on. I use dils which have a nice end for the lady and a rather larger end for the gentlemen. I let elliot release and then he knows he has to assume his position for pegging. I lube him up a bit and then push in. He's used to it now and he knows I am going to fuck him until I come. When I'm done I leave the dil in him, unclip the harness and leave him to clean up."

Mady's strap on is very similar to this one although she has a couple of different sized dils, one a little bigger and one a little smaller.

The extraordinary thing is that all of these items and thousands more are available at Amazon at quite reasonable prices. With a Free Prime Trial you don't have to pay for shipping and, while you are waiting for your order to arrive, you can read all my books and elliot's books free.