Just for Fun

One of my secret vices - and I have many - is that I love the "sexy" cartoons of the 50's and 60's. So silly. So pretty and so wonderfully idealized.

I've had elliot collect a few for a couple of ebooks. Here is one for free. (Get the ebook)

A Female Led Relationship: Is an FLR Normal

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Dominant Wife Vacation

I got the most amusing letter a few days ago and, with the writer's permission, thought I would share it with you,

Dear Hannah,

I very much enjoy how you cover all aspects of the female led relationship world. I have been head of our household pretty much since the beginning of our marriage. Most of the time we keep everything low key. I agree with you that a man is much better off in a chastity device and I locked up Tim's rather large cock years ago. And I do agree that sparing the rod (in our case, paddle) spoils the husband.

I liked your idea of putting your husband in a playsuit to do his chores. Tim is lovely and slim so he actually looks quite pretty in a nice, loose fitting, off the shoulder playsuit.

However, most of the time, unless you really knew what you were looking for, you would not see us as very different from any other married couple. Which is just how I like it.

However, a couple of times a year, on our anniversary and on my birthday, I like to kick it all up several notches. So, apparently, does Tim. Or at least he has not complained.

I like to go away. Not terribly far. Usually to a larger city somewhere where we know no one. We used to stay in hotels but now we try to find a nice AirBnB. In fact, if you look around, there are actually "kink friendly" B&B's.

There are three elements to our "vacations".

First, Tim is forced to dress en femme from the time we arrive at our destination until we leave. In practice this means a firm high waisted girdle, a bra and breast forms and a pretty, quite short, wig. He's required to wear a little make-up, mascarra and lipstick during the day, eye shadow and a little contouring in the evenings. We are usually out and about and I let him wear ladies trousers and sweaters during the day. However, in the evening, he knows he needs to put on stockings and a skirt.

Now, the important thing about Tim dressing en femme is that I don't have to tell him. He knows that if we are on vacation he is wearing women's clothes and is expected to try to be as feminine as possible. He tells me he enjoys the break.

The second, important, element to our vacations is that I let Tim out of his cock cage. Day to day I don't want to have to think about what that little head is thinking. Instead, I want Tim striving to be allowed a little relief as it makes him ever so much more attentive to my needs. But on vacation, I like to fuck Tim regularly. In our house "fucking Tim" has two meanings. Usually it means sending him up to our room to lube his bottom so I can fuck him with my strap on. I have a nice "big, black, cock" when I just want him to be fucked, and I also have an insertable if I want to have fun too.

But on vacation, I also like to fuck Tim the old fashioned way. I had Tim get a Viagra prescription a few years ago and there is nothing more fun than making him lie on his back like a good little housewife while I fuck him good and hard. He's well trained and can go for a long time without coming. On vacation I like to fuck him like that a couple of times a day.

The final element of our vacation is that Tim is caned and paddled far more than he is at home. He has to pack my narrow paddle, my wide bamboo paddle and as a special treat, a rattan cane which I only use on vacation. Tim knows he'll have a sore bottom the entire time we're away.

The big difference between being on vacation and being at home is that Tim is paddled and caned because I enjoy reddening his bottom before fucking him. It has nothing to do with his behaviour and there is nothing he can do to reduce his whippings. I'll paddle him when he comes back from his shower and then have him lick me, or I will give him six of the best before lunch. If I am going to fuck him in the afternoon I will get him warmed up with a good, hard paddling so that when he is lying on his back being fucked he remembers his place.

Yes, I am afraid I do have a little sadistic streak and, happily, Tim loves taking his submissiveness to the next level.

I don't think we could live like that day to day. We are both busy people and this takes real concentration and connection. But for a few days every six months or so we are both delighted to take our female led marriage to the next level.

-----

What fun! And lucky Tim. I suspect elliot would enjoy that sort of vacation. But I am a homebody so I suspect Mady and I will have to think of a "staycation" on similar lines.

Locked for Lent

Only 40 Days Until Easter

If you are a practising Christian or were raised in a Christian household you will understand the nature of Lent. It is the period leading to the celebration of Easter. It lasts for forty days beginning today which is Ash Wednesday.

Traditionally Christians make some sort of "sacrifice" during Lent. This often takes the form of giving up sweets or chocolate or alcohol. However, there is no specific requirement - it is up to each individual to decide what to give up for Lent, if anything.

In our incredibly sped up world a stretch of forty days is quite a long time. A period long enough to really mean something.

For couples where the husband is in chastity one of the challenges is to increase the time between ejaculations. Many men start by being locked in their chastity devices for only a day or two at a time. Eventually, as their wives begin to enjoy taking their pleasure without any need to reciprocate, those days can stretch to weeks or even a monthly cycle in the cock cage.

For younger husbands especially, moving to longer periods of lock down can be challenging. Which should not deter a dominant wife in the slightest. The benefits of male chastity for a marriage, for a wife and, though he may not realize it initially, for a husband far out weigh the minor discomforts of long stretches in a chastity device.

Lent offers a chastity couple a "stretch goal". Forty days is a long time for a man to go without an ejaculation much less an orgasm. But with a good cock cage, silicone or steel, he won't have any choice.

Now some wives may be concerned that there may be negative health effects if their husbands are not allowed to come for forty days. Frankly, this is unlikely. The fact is that a man in a cock cage can still experience a nocturnal emission or wet dream if the pressure becomes too much. Or, if a wife is really concerned she can use a prostate massager from time to time. Regular milking will eliminate any worries about too much sperm building up while ensuring that no actual orgasm occurs.

One critical thing for the Locked for Lent process to work is that the decision to put her husband on a long lockdown must be entirely the wife's. Too often dominant wives want to discuss their husband's discipline. This is almost always a mistake. Simply telling your husband that he will be in chastity for Lent re-enforces the right attitude.

Male Masturbation: a threat or a menace

In different ways I am often asked,

Should men be allowed to masturbate?

The short answer is no. The longer answer is that no male, whether under the supervision of a dominant woman or not, should be allowed to touch himself, much less ejaculate without a woman's permission and, ideally, supervision. 

Now, that is a rather obviously unrealistic standard but it is really a guide to conduct rooted in a very basic understanding of the correct male female relationship. Far too many men are unwilling to make the sacrifices required to attract and keep the woman they need in their lives. There are many reasons for that failure and one of them is that men are allowed, even tacitly encouraged, to relieve their sexual urges by themselves. While most men have the humility to make their little messes in private, many of them will not recognize what a failure each unsupervised ejaculation actually is.

While the highest and best state a man can hope to attain is chastity in a female-led marriage, on the way to that proper position, there is no reason why an intelligent man cannot ensure that his sexual life is under strict supervision. But this requires a man to look at his sexuality very differently. That shift in point of view is actually even more basic than the simple question of masturbation and it prepares a man for his proper role as his wife or girlfriend's obedient servant.

The key to this shift is for a man to accept that his natural instinct to masturbate is base and very shameful. In our modern age we don't talk about shame very much. Which is too bad because being ashamed is a very important element of being social, being civilized and being well mannered. Interestingly, shame is a tool of control for most dominant women (and many women who do not see themselves as dominant.) Most men are physically much stronger than most women but, somehow, we have evolved social norms and practices which allow women to be safe and, in many cases, equal. That did not happen by accident. It happened because smart women have always known that they could get what they needed by a combination of praise and belittlement. You praise a man when he does what he is told, you shame him when he misbehaves.

Remember that I believe all men are happier when they are submissive? I base this view on the fact that we actually live in a civilized, social and safe society. If men were not at least unwittingly submissive none of that would be possible because there would be no way to control and channel all that wonderful, vibrant but often dangerous and destructive male energy. Which may seem a long way from male masturbation but, oddly, it all ties in.

Well brought up men - an increasingly rare item I note - are given basic rules from a very early age. Basic hygiene, watching their language, and, as they get older, manners almost all of which are about respecting women and authority, usually in that order. Along the way, men learn a degree of personal modesty and a generalized respect for women. Part of that training will include a very strong injunction that masturbation is anything from inappropriate to a sin to something only to be done in private. It varies from family to family. Interestingly, it is extremely rare for there to be a route for a boy or young man to gain permission to masturbate. Even in extremely progressive households - from which Lord preserve me - while male masturbation may be discussed it is almost always in terms of "health" and with the objective of alleviating any guilt a boy may feel. But express permission, particularly from a mother, is pretty much unheard of. (In deeply religious homes the Sin of Onan may come up indicating that God himself enjoins male masturbation.)

All of which adds up to the fact that each time a man masturbates without permission and or supervision he is transgressing against a long cultural and religious tradition. More important, decently brought up men accept, at least tacitly, that the act itself is shameful and does induce a sense of guilt. They may rationalize this shame and guilt away but it remains as part of their consciousness.

The reason why male masturbation is freighted with shame lies in the uneasy biological facts of men and women. Men, as any girl or woman knows, are ready for sex pretty much any time. Women are cyclical and only come on heat a few days a month. Which means that women, over the centuries have had to find ways to keep male sexuality under control. They begin by making masturbation at least a little taboo for young men and they extend their control through everything from dating rituals to marriage.

The objective of this control is to tame the male sexual impulse. To channel it, to domesticate it and to make men conform to their eventual partner's cycle of sexual desire. Obviously, this does not always work. One of the reasons why it does not always work is that a man's sexual desire may overwhelm his early training and sense of shame.

The civilized condition for a man is to be chaste unless and until a woman gives him permission to become erect and, perhaps, to ejaculate. If he does not have that permission and he ejaculates he should, properly, feel ashamed of himself. (And if he is lucky enough to have a dominant wife or girlfriend, he should be humiliated and punished for his animalistic behaviour.) Maintaining his chastity is a gift a man gives women in general, the women he loves and himself.

Of course, chastity is hard to maintain. Masturbatory temptations are as near as your smart phone. Which is why it makes a great deal of sense for a wife or girlfriend to lock her sweetie's cock in a chasitity cage for his own good.

But what about men who do not have a wife or girlfriend to take control of their sexuality. The solution here is actually quite straightforward, a properly tempered man will find a woman to supervise his chastity. Essentially act as his keyholder. It is not at all a difficult position. After practising with his cock cage for a few months and learning, on his own how to take care of the caged cock and how long he can stay in his particular cage, a man can approach a woman he knows and ask her to hold an envelope for him. Of course, if she asks what's in the envelope, it is his obligation to tell her truthfully. Now, she may simply give him the keys when he requests them and that will work because it reduces the impulse ejaculations so many men treat themselves to. Or she may get into the spirit of the chastity experience and extend his confinement. However, once the keys have been given, the chaste man will experience the great relief of no longer having to fight his baser instincts.

Keyholding can be done remotely, I have several keys on my desk as I write this, or it can be done by a close female friend or a man can advertise for a keyholder. One solution a gentleman I know developed was that he left his key with a friendly barmaid at a pub near his home. He was very much a regular and, from time to time, she would bring him his key along with his pint. He would humble himself in the restroom and return the key. Those nights she could count on a surprisingly good tip.

The point of chastity for a single man is to encourage him to find the right woman to submit to on a long term basis. A self-imposed, strict, chastity regime will make that search much more urgent and, importantly, will give a man a real sense of the importance of women in his life. Of course, it will also ensure that when he does find a woman who he feels he can submit to, his submissive nature will be very clear from the beginning. I would think a man in a chastity device would like wait until the fourth or fifth date before handing his date the key and explaining his commitment to chastity both before and after marriage. She might walk out of the restaurant or she might want to learn more about her chaste date.

I love my husband and I don't want to hurt him...Is an FLR for us?

I hear all sorts of versions of this statement:

I love my husband and I don't want to hurt him...Is an FLR for us?

I love elliot. I love him so much that I am quite prepared to cane him or paddle him with my shower brush whenever he misbehaves and, occasionally simply to remind him of his position. I keep him in semi-permanent chastity and have been stretching out his ball sack with weights. I allow Mady to discipline him as well. When I am whipping elliot I know that it hurts and I know that he loves me all the more for taking the time to discipline him.

Female Led Relationships are about many things but they are rooted in the fact that a woman loves a man enough to accept and enforce his submission. Different men thrive in different circumstances but in my experience, a surprisingly large number of men are happiest when they accept and embrace their submissiveness. This is often the "missing" ingredient in a happy marriage.

I see this in otherwise vanilla marriages where it is quite clear that the wife is in charge and that her husband does what he is told. There are no explicit punishments although there may be an element of sexual reward for an obedient husband.

However, at some point, a wife may take the next step. Usually because, either covertly or overtly, her husband indicates a need for a firmer hand. 

(And here is a hint for husbands or wives who want to explore a more physically demanding FLR: simply say to your partner "If you keep doing that you are going to get a good spanking" or, from the husband's perspective, "Well I'd rather you spanked me than yelled at me." You would be surprised at how often all a woman needs to move to the next level is that sort of hint.)

Focus on that word "need". Submissive men, even those who are only slightly aware of their submissive nature, will know that some part of them is unfulfilled. They might not be able to articulate it but it's there. And it is sometimes very deeply hidden because it conflicts with a whole array of beliefs men have about manliness and masculinity. There is a lot of shame associated with male submissiveness. 

A loving wife is usually committed to meeting her husband's needs just as he should be committed to meeting hers. The realization that the man she loves deeply needs her leadership and her discipline can come as a surprise to some women; but many slightly dominant women have, at least unconsciously, been attracted to slightly submissive men since they were first dating. So it is usually not a complete shock that the man they are engaged to or married to will have a submissive streak.

In general, a man with a submissive streak is much happier and more productive when his wife or partner provides an element of discipline. This can be very subtle - simply telling rather than asking is an excellent way to begin. "Darling, I am going out. While I am gone make sure the laundry is folded and the dishes are in the dishwasher." 

Submissive men enjoy being told what to do. They also enjoy the idea that there will be consequences if they are disobedient. Which means that a loving wife, along with giving her husband instructions, will make it clear she expects to be obeyed and that disobedience will be punished. 

There are a lot of ways of punishing a husband and many wives in vanilla marriages use everything from scolding to sexual denial to simply ignoring their husbands. However, frankly, I think those sorts of tactics are actually pretty manipulative and just as likely to cause fractures in the marriage rather than any improvement in a husband's behaviour.

Much better is the explicit, "If you do not do as I tell you I'm going to have to punish you". Now, during an engagement or the early part of a marriage, the most important thing a wife can do is follow through on her promises.

Keeping a hairbrush or, better still, a shower brush handy allows a wife to administer punishment pretty much immediately.

Will it hurt? Yes, yes it will. For a spanking, much less more intense forms of punishment to actually matter, they have to hurt and your husband should not "like" being punished. Loving your husband may mean turning his bottom a rosy shade of red because he needs to feel the sting of your authority in order to actually embrace his own submissiveness.

So, if you love a submissive man you will have to, when he deserves it, punish him and make sure it hurts enough to matter. If you can do that then an FLR is very much a possibility.

Patreon

Our Patreon experiment is in its early days. Mady has posted a decent but not overwhelming number of wonderfully vintage "men's" magazines and we have a few Patreons.

I am finally editing the final draft of my Female Led Relationship book. And the second part of my Only on a Tuesday: The Courtesan's Way has now been published at Amazon.

 

I wonder if there would be interest from my readers in having a Patreon Tier which would give you access to Mady's collection, the final draft of my FLR book and various other books I have written or elliot has compiled.

I would also like to post things like picture sets and all manner of out of the way dominant female material which fall afoul of Amazon's "no nudity" rules.

If you are interested leave a quick comment. I was thinking of a flat $10.00 a month which would include everything. Keeps a girl in stockings...