The Elegant Mistress

A year ago to the day I wrote,

"Now, with older admirers, that is the very last thing they want to hear. Instead, make it clear to them that they exist to ensure you have the nice things like silk chemises, real silk stockings, a really good vibrator and the pampering you deserve. Wonderful food, the occasional short vacation and what Holly Golightly referred to as "Powder Room Money" are all to be expected. Nice things in blue boxes never go amiss.

A girl can be just as in charge with a man old enough to be her father as with a younger man. Those handcuffs will come in handy. But with older men, a girl does not have to be quite as stingy with her favours and good behaviour and really wonderful presents can be the occasion for a controlled ejaculation. The dynamic is very different.

I'll return to the subject another day. But, right now, it is cocktail hour and I'd hate to be late."

What I was referring to, of course, was that wonderful opportunity which smart girls, especially in their twenties, have to become a mistress for a few years.

No, not the boots and leather corset kind of mistress - though that can be fun too - rather a young lady who is "kept" by a wealthy, usually older man. I have written extensively about this quaint but delightful halfway house between escorting and the dating/marriage world. (I'll put the books in below. A couple are free today.)

It takes a self-possessed girl to succeed at being a mistress because there is a subtle but very real power dynamic involved. The fact is that almost every mistress relationship is a female led relationship to a greater or lesser degree.

I discuss this dynamic at much greater length in my book Modern Mistress: Lead the Luxury Life you Deserve. Put in simple terms, a woman who becomes a mistress is trading her time, attention and favours to her patron for "the finer things in life". What those things are - an allowance, rent paid, a clothing allowance, a car, vacations - are all a matter of negotiation and it is the mistress, not her patron, who takes charge of that negotiation.

Part of the dynamic is that the prospective mistress has something her patron wants. That something goes well beyond sex. If it is just a transactional sex for money situation then the girl is not really a mistress at all. She is stuck somewhere between escort and sugar baby. In both those situations, (with few exceptions which I talk about in my book on elegant escorting, Avails: Escorting for The Elegant Woman) it is the male who holds the power and, being men, in that situation the relationship is usually very fleeting. Even the most successful sugar babies seldom last three months, whereas a man's relationship with his mistress can last years.

The key to this longevity is that, from the moment she meets her patron, through the negotiations and on into the relationship, the mistress takes charge. Both in the bedroom and in the rest of their time together, a clever mistress takes the lead. She does this by doing something many women are diffident about: she owns her sexuality and makes it clear from the outset that it is her sexuality and what she chooses to do with it, which drives the pleasure matrix in the relationship.

Obviously, it is not as one-sided as the total control a dominant wife maintains over the sexual life in her marriage. Most patrons would be unimpressed with the requirement of prolonged chastity for example. But that does not stop a clever mistress from keeping her patron, as it were, hungry.

Finding out what a man really desires and then teasing him with possibilities sets a mistress apart from her less adventurous peers. Because it implies that a mistress is more than willing to meet those desires head on rather than coyly as many women feel bound to do. 

A mistress keeps her patron transfixed because, unlike with many of the other women he has been with, she is sexually aggressive rather than passive and her sexual favours are not conditional. Far too many women use sex as some sort of reward for their husbands or boyfriends. Completion of the "honey do" list gets a husband a blow job. For the mistress, assuming that her patron ensures her comfort, sex is part of the bargain and a part she embraces.

Spending a few years as a mistress in your twenties very quickly expands a woman's perspective on the world, on men and, most importantly, herself. As I gather the interviews with the women in the Mistress Matrix, I was struck at just how much more mature and self-confident these, often quite young, women were. Part of it was, of course, money. Compared to her contemporaries, a well kept mistress has much lower expenses and a much greater disposable income for what amounts to, in most cases, all of five to ten hours a week of actual face time. Another huge part of it was that these girls realize early on that their success as mistresses depends on being the sort of beauty their patrons desire. Glossy hair, great skin, perfect nails - even a slightly mousy girl is transformed as she embraces the mistress experience and has the money and time it takes to glow. 

Add to that the time at the gym or swimming and generally being physically active - mistresses don't have muffin tops and the money to buy really lovely clothes and, very quickly, a girl gains the real power beauty confers. A woman in full.

It is only for a few years but being a mistress is the perfect preparation for a woman who wants to lead her own marriage.

Here are the books:

A complete guide for the Modern Mistress. How to advertise. How to negotiate your monthly allowance. Treats and gifts. 

How to look glamorous and very expensive. Sex tips - enthusiasm, technique and a nice pair of stockings. The Modern Mistress's apartment, wardrobe, lingerie, sheets and refrigerator: a complete guide.

Plus a guide for patrons to avoid getting caught and why the Modern Mistress is a wife's best friend.

A sexy, fun and provocative guide to the good life for girls who demand to be spoiled.

Kindle Book for all ebook readers: https://amzn.to/2ZbWUeY

Five star reviewed author Hannah Jay has written the definitive guide to high end escorting with her “Avails: The Elegant Woman’s Guide to Escorting” and the ultimate guide to paid companionship, “Modern Mistress: Lead the Luxury Life You Deserve”, has interviewed literally hundreds of up market escorts, mistresses and courtesans. In this first volume of “Money Sex” she brings fifteen top escorts’ stories to life.

The very best lingerie for a pay for play date? The real secret behind graceful, professional, blow jobs? What expensive girls do to prepare for pleasure? Why do girls escort? Miss Jay’s interviews are sexy, smart and revealing.

Super luxe girls, in their own words, talking about their first time, the men they like, the clients who keep coming back, the tricks of the trade.

Kindle Book: https://amzn.to/2TQbo34

The Mistress Matrix

What would the first night as a wealthy man's mistress be like. Zoey is about to find out. 

Everything needs to be perfect right down to her pretty lingerie. Nick was going to have the night of his life and, even though this was just a business arrangement, Zoey wanted to be the sort of girl Nick would keep coming back to.

Kindle Book: https://amzn.to/2Z7QD8X

Chris becomes the mistress of a very nice man with a tiny problem.

She solves the tiny problem and brings home the Birkin.

The pleasures of a kept woman in Book 2 of the Mistress Matrix.

Kindle Book: https://amzn.to/2Z8AVug

FREE TODAY!

Sage Hart wasn't really looking to become a mistress but a hundred foot sailing yacht and her own slutty nature let her accept and indecent proposal.

When Sage decides to be the ship's mistress she makes sure her Captain is teased and pleased. Lots of great blow jobs, a pleasing spanking, and good old fashioned sex including great anal. 

Sage is a versatile girl. A lady in a restaurant, slut on the aft deck and a willing whore in the Captain's cabin.

Kindle Book: https://amzn.to/2HiOYSX

The Innocence of 70's Men's Magazines

elliot currently has a collection of bondage covergirls up for free at Kindle Covergirl Bondage #1

I am always amused and delighted at the wonderful innocence of these sorts of magazines. There was a genuine sense of naughtiness and even of transgression at some level, but there was also a sense of humour and fun.

Just look at the outfit the "Mistress" in this cover image is wearing. Long black leather gloves, matching high heeled leather boots, jodhpurs and a sweater. Really right out of the pages of Bizarre Magazine or The Perils of Gwendoline.

Personally, I am not all that keen on bondage in itself. Certainly, I have been known to have Mady tie elliot up for serious discipline, but, to be honest, it seems like a lot of bother when a pair of leather cuffs and a hook in a beam can serve just as well.

Of course, elliot loves putting Mady in bondage if I let him. And, to be honest, she can look lovely in very much the position the girl is trussed up in the cover picture. The good news being Mady has a much better figure and much cuter lingerie.

Oddly, I don't think of elliot's cock cage as bondage at all. Probably because, come Labour Day his summer freedom will end and his cock will go back into chastity for an indeterminate period. I have had lots of fun with his little cock over the summer. I even let him have a dozen strokes at a time in my sacred grove. And I had elliot take Mady four or five times - not, of course to his own completion - but very much to her's. She claims not to enjoy penetrative sex much but watching her I am not so sure. I enjoy teasing Mady about having her bred at some point. Which I won't actually do as breeding a girl leads, eventually, to the delights of small children and that has to be Mady's choice.

But on the breeding theme, as I think of it, it might be fun to tie Mady up the next time I have elliot cover her. I'll have to think about that.

And here, I think is the point: for the photographers and models shooting bondage pictures in the 70's, these sorts of elaborations, bondage plus sex, were beyond the pale. In fact, there was very little actual nudity in the bondage magazines and if there was it was all about plump breasts and not below the waist.

A gentler, simpler, time....enjoy!

Maintenance - Part of an FLR?

I get this question from time to time,

Is maintenance - a weekly spanking or something more severe - important to a Female Led Relationship?

The various ladies I know who are leading their marriages are all over the place on this question as am I.

Women who use maintenance spankings swear by them as they serve as a reminder to their husband or boyfriend of who is in charge. And I take that point. Plus, and this is interesting, a number of the women I speak to regularly, say that their husbands positively look forward to the ritual of a maintenance spanking. But usually when I probe a little deeper, it turns out that the "maintenance" is a pretty mild affair. Over the lady of the house's knee and a hand spanking. While the humiliation of having to lie across your wife's lap for your weekly spanking might have some effect, that effect is likely to wear off pretty quickly.

If a routine of maintenance is going to have any effect on a male's long term behaviour a lady's hand to her husband's bottom is really not going to do the job. I have said elsewhere that lady's hands are not made for spanking. To make any sort of impression you need and instrument: a cane or dog stick or a paddle or elliot's least favorite, a shower brush. Whether you are punishing your husband or giving him a regular maintenance dose, you want him submitting to a serious spanking rather than looking forward to the ritual. He should not like being spanked one little bit.

And there, frankly, is the problem with the idea of regular maintenance spankings: a serious session with the cane or the shower brush takes quite a while for a man to get over. Yes, he will want to behave so it does not happen again any time soon, but if he knows he'll be getting another, serious spanking, regardless of behaviour in a week's time it tends to produce resignation rather than obedience. 

I think physically correcting your husband is a valuable tool for a dominant wife but one which must be used as sparingly as it is severely. Play spankings are no good at all.

However, a number of dominant wives have different spins on maintenance.

----

"I like to call our weekly sessions "performance reviews" writes Maggie from a southern US state. "On a Sunday afternoon, after church and before I cook dinner. Two o'clock precisely in my lovely dressing room which also serves as Kenneth's punishment room."

"I am a woman in my late thirties, in nice shape. I had my babies young and now they are older teens. Sunday afternoon is their youth church group with makes it perfect for Ken's review. I always conduct the review in the clothes I've worn to church. At our church the ladies are expected to make an effort on Sundays and I often wear just what you see here. A satin blouse and a pencil skirt with a little jacket. And, yes, I do wear a girdle and hose to church. It does not do to jiggle."

"He has to leave his day clothes in our bedroom and I will usually put out something cute for him to wear. A pretty romper, or a spanking girdle or maybe nothing at all in which case he has to come in naked."

"The first thing I do, no matter what, is handcuff him with his hands behind his back. He has to keep his legs spread. I have a short Huntley riding crop which is useless for a serious whipping but gets his attention if I flick his cock or balls or nipples. I prefer the broad "keeper" which what you actually call the business end of the crop."

"Once I have his attention I run down my written list of whatever his transgressions have been that week. Keeping a list means I don't forget much, however, when I have finished I always ask Kenneth if there is anything I have forgotten. There often is and that goes on the list."

"Now, his regular maintenance is a spell in the little cage I have in one of my closets - usually an hour. It is more uncomfortable than painful but I have my little enhancements."

"Nothing like a big, black, inflatable, cock up your naughty bottom for an hour. I leave the little inflator bulb outside the closet and, every so often step on it. Kenneth has learned to take all nine fat inches. Or I shove a cute little remote-controlled prostate massager up his bottom and make him dribble in his panties."

"Sometimes, in spite of the fact Ken is supposed to be contrite during his performance review, he gets an erection. He very much hopes he doesn't because, just before he has to crawl into his cage, his cock and balls will get a nice thick coat of Deep Heat. I usually gag him when he has to take the heat because he makes a lot of noise. I like to use a short but thick penis gag so he feels nice and full.

"Another favorite is a bit of ginger pushed up his bottom. You have to be clever about trimming it but I've noticed that Ken visibly winces when he sees his "fig" sitting on a nice china plate on my make-up table."

"Those are the sorts of punishments a bad performance review will merit. If Ken has been outright disobedient or disrespectful, I have a lovely chaise with a single beautifully cushioned arm which is just the right height for Ken to bend over. Now I was a Kappa Kappa Gamma and I have always thought a fine old sorority paddle was ideal for correcting errant husbands. Most of the time a dozen swats with my paddle and then some time in his cage puts Ken back on the straight and narrow. However, when he has actually done something bad...having too many drinks, ogling one of my girlfriends or a pretty girl on the street, lying - I hate lying - I'll want to raise some blisters. I never paddle when I am angry. I wait until Sunday and then I will get out what I call The Holey Paddle.

"Twelve strokes of the Holey Paddle and Ken's bottom is a mess. The most I have ever given him were 24 (drinking, ogling and lying) and he, literally, could not sit down comfortably for a week.

"As you can guess, in the five years since I became head of our household, Ken has worked very hard to avoid any paddlings at all. Which is just how I like it."

"Now, one other element in our weekly routine is that after Ken has completed his punishment, he has to kneel in front of me and jerk himself off onto a special china plate I keep for just this purpose. It isn't a very big plate and Ken knows I mark down every drop which misses the plate for correction the next week. He has only managed to keep all his mess on the plate twice. Of course, he has to clean up any spunk which is on the floor with his tongue; but he has a choice with what's on the plate, he can either lick it all up right away or we'll put it in the fridge and feed it to him before Church the following week. If he decides to postpone he may earn some forgiveness in his next performance review. His choice. When he has been severely punished he usually postpones, but a light session and he almost always drinks it right down."

----

I very much want to thank Maggie for sharing her wonderfully creative performance review and consequences story.

Frankly, this makes much more sense to me than either a regular, barely noticed, spanking or a proper weekly whipping which seems more than is required. Training a man is about routine, rewards and punishments. Creativity is a must!

Glorious Girdles

Frequent readers know that I believe that a lady is often corseted and almost never without a good firm girdle. I also believe that a girdle can be an excellent disciplinary tool when training a new husband or bringing a wayward husband to heel.

We live in an age where the corporate uniform for women is a pantsuit and women of all sizes think that yoga pants are ideal for the shops, the cinema or even, God help us, fine dining. "Comfort" has become an excuse for sloppiness. I admit to being old fashioned, I do not want to see women, fat or thin, wearing clothes which don't fit and fail to ensure modesty. At home is a whole other thing, but in public, a girl with a pretty dress and great foundations is a rare pleasure to see.

I had elliot compile a wonderful little book of nothing but girdle advertising and fashion pictures from the golden age when no respectable lady would be seen in public without a good, firm, foundation:

This weekend "Girdles Must Advertise" is free at Amazon https://amzn.to/30YTpK8

Please take a moment to download the book and, if you enjoy it, write a review.

For the submissive gentlemen who read my blog, that is not a request, it is an order...Go and get my book and write a serious, 5 star, review.

Up until the arrival of the internet, finding a good girdle in real life was difficult. Finding an actually pretty girdle that the lady of the house might want to wear was pretty much impossible. Now it is as easy as doing a search on Amazon.

I have three of these, two in black, one in white in my lingerie cabinet and, once the heat abates, look

forward to wearing them as the foundations for the dresses I prefer to wear daily. It is very helpful to have Mady doing the side zipper and hook and eye fastening as well as clipping the metal garter tabs (never get plastic) to my stockings.

Very reasonably priced and delivered discreetly to your door from Amazon. Rago High Waist Open Bottom Girdle.

Now, I am also firmly convinced that young ladies also need the support and control a good girdle can provide. Mady is in wonderful shape, has a pert little bottom and no tummy to speak of.

But when she accompanies me shopping or to church or, really, anywhere I require her to wear a suitable foundation from Labour Day until Victoria Day (we're in Canada, July 4 for my American friends). For her uniform, a simple pair of control panties are more than sufficient to give her a pleasing look. (These are, in a somewhat larger size, also an excellent option for submissive husband's daily wear.)

Under a skirt or dress I prefer something which will give her bottom a little boost and keep a smooth line for thin cotton or fine wool or cashmere dresses. I found these panty shapers when I was looking

for a pair of suitable punishment panties for elliot and while they are perfect for that function, they also make my little maid's bottom the perfect, spankable, peach the boys enjoy watching under a tight dress. I like my maid/companion to have plenty of male attention and the shape these panties give her, while leaving her sweet little bottom cheeks entirely naked, ensures that she gets it.

On the other hand, when Mady comes to church with us, I want her to be very well controlled and positively virginal. Yes, I know, completely hypocritical, but that is part of the fun. My nice church friends have no idea how elliot and I have built our female led marriage and they think Mady is a very sweet girl who is always happy to help out with the altar decorations or serving coffee after church. And she is. But she is always dressed very conservatively for church.

Which means a serious girdle but one relatively lightly constructed as traditional "roll up" girdle is very nearly perfect. It ensures that Mady's lower figure remains modestly shrouded, holds up her stockings and eliminates any hint of "jiggle". I hate the sight of women, even young women, jiggling or bulging as they sit. Pretty curves are all the prettier when they are tightly contained and controlled. A fact our mothers and grandmothers knew but which, apparently, "the comfort generation" has either forgotten or dismissed.

Having Mady wear this girdle, in either black or white with her seamed, nude or grey, fully fashioned stockings, is a lovely way to modestly show off a pretty young girl while ensuring that she is complimented by the nice ladies of the church for her modesty and good taste.

Until she came to work for me, Mady, like many of her generation had really never worn hose at all, much less stockings. Now, she really does feel naked without the whisps of nylon sliding up her milky white thighs. She tells me stockings, a nice girdle and a pair of moderate heels give her a lot of confidence. As they should. She looks wonderful.

Finally, elliot's foundations.

When we first started our journey I needed a way to confine elliot particularly in bed. He was not as well trained as he is now and we were years away from putting his cock in its cage. I looked at a variety of solutions and hit upon a good, firm, pantigirdle as both a signal and a means to enforce the fact that it was my sexual desires which mattered in our marriage.

A high waisted, long legged, side zipper girdle ensured that elliot had no access at all to his little cock. It was ideal under a pretty nightie and very much kept him in his position.

I had him add two little grommets at the top of the zipper and, when he was particularly rambunctious, I would slip a cute little padlock through the grommets and he was locked into his girdle for the night. He could still get his morning wood, something he does not like a bit in his cock cage, but there was no way he could even try to have any sort of sex with me unless I unlocked him. Perfect. And a good start towards what I now know a submissive man desperately needs, long term, locked down chastity. (During the summer, when I let elliot out of his cage, I often have Mady put his girdle out before bed just to remind him of his position.)

So, there it is, girdles for all occasions. Enjoy our free girdle book on Amazon and, ladies, whether for yourself or that naughty husband, remember a good foundation is the basis for brilliantly fitting clothes and a very obedient husband.

A bit of Tinkering and a mid summer correction

I just love how men insist on improving things. Now you would think that a silicone cock cage  would offer little in the way of chances for improvement. Not elliot.

While he has been enjoying his summer freedom - I let him out around June 1st and lock him back down on Labour Day - he has been thinking about how to actually reduce the "play" in the two posts on either side of the lock. I suspect these are designed with men with substantially larger cocks than my elliot's in mind but for him the various pieces of his chastity would gap and then, painfully, pinch some very tender skin. I don't keep elliot in chastity for his discomfort, although elliot being a little uncomfortable does not worry me at all, so when he asked permission to modify his cage I agreed.

It was hardly a major change: he removed the plastic side pegs and replaced them with one inch stove bolts with washers and nuts. This allows him to tighten the silicone pieces and eliminate the gapping.

Good for him and nicely timed. He was getting a bit, if you will excuse the word, cocky, and there is only one sure fire cure for that. First I gave him a good whipping. The heel stick raised lovely welts. I had Mady observe his punishment and listen as I lectured him.

"It is not enough that you are polite to me. You need to be humble and you need to remember your place." I said punctuating my sentences with a stroke of the heel stick. "The fact is you have been a bit too cocksure. I let you out of your cock cage for your comfort. I don't expect backchat. I don't expect you to look at pretty young girls at the beach. You keep your eyes down. Do you understand."

"Yes, Miss," he said.

I went on in this vein for a few minutes with each period emphasized with a stroke. I think he got the message.

"Now, before you go to your corner, turn around," I said. "Your cock is going back in its cage until I see a real improvement in your attitude. Now stuff it in. Hurry up."

The modifications to the silicone cage meant that elliot had to fiddle a bit more but his cock was so tiny after his whipping that everything went quite quickly.

"Mady, why don't you lock down elliot's tiny little cock," I said. "You can hold on to the key. We'll see if he improves."

Mady slipped the lock on and shut it.

"I expect you to behave, elliot," I said when he was locked and I had slipped off my rather moist panties (I often find myself getting a bit excited when I correct elliot or Mady) and sent elliot to his corner.

"Mady," I said sitting down and lifting my skirt. "I seem to need some oral attention."

"Yes, Miss."

Mady got on her knees and began licking my pussy. Girls just know.

Should be a fun summer.

A Huge Change

Good things can be delivered

As many of you will have figured out by now, elliot and I are a somewhat older couple. Old enough that we actually remember the world when there was no internet. No, really.

Before the internet, while there were certainly lots of couples in which the wife was in charge, there was little or nothing to support FLRs. Next to no information was available. And not just about the wonderful world of Female Led Relationships, the entire world of even slightly exotic sexuality was very much under the counter. Now, virtually any interest has its own blog universe, very possibly social media (under the radar slightly) and you can buy virtually any little item you want from...Amazon.

The ability to buy discreetly has been a huge bonus for elliot, Mady and myself. We are coming up to Amazon Prime Days (and yes you really should try Prime for free for 30 days if for no other reason than you will be able to read all of both elliot's and my books for free.)

A lot of websites will be doing Prime Days promotions. I will not but I thought it might be fun for dominant wives and their submissive husbands to have a look at what is actually available at Amazon.

Start with male chastity devices. Even ten years ago putting your husband into chastity was an expensive proposition with proper cock cages running several hundred dollars. Now you can put your husband under lock and key for less than $30. And the selection is amazing.

I keep elliot in a soft chastity cage like this one. It is comfortable and he can wear it easily for weeks at a time. The overall effect is that he not only cannot touch his own penis, he cannot become fully erect and, he tells me, that he has virtually no external stimulation when he is in his cock cage.

We got out first silicone cock cage from Amazon. Like the one pictured, it cost less than $20 and with Prime it shipped free.

For a slightly more severe experience and one which can be more than a little noisy, a metal cock cage may be in order. There is nothing discreet about putting your husband's cock in a steel cage and keeping the key.

This is also an excellent option for men who, at present, are not in obedience to a particular woman. Putting your cock in a steel cage and making access to your key difficult is an excellent way for men to remind themselves of their essential submissiveness.

The other good thing about a metal cage is that it is often fairly obvious that a man is wearing one. Certainly to a discerning eye. Wives who want to subtly demonstrate their husband's status or single men who would like to make their submission more obvious to the women they encounter may want a metal cock cage.

Now, if a cock cage demonstrates a dominant wife's total control over her husband's sexuality or a single man's willingness to sacrifice his sexuality in the hope of finding his superior woman, the general subordinating effect of forcing a man to wear women's lingerie and nightwear can't be discounted.

A number of ladies who read this blog have purchased these amazing, Slimming Underwear Tummy Control Panties. One lady wrote me and said, "Since I have had Paul wearing these over his cage daily he has been even more docile and willing to please. Plus, they have already improved his figure. I call them belly busters."

Keeping your husband in panties is a good first step. But for real control and humiliation, a long legged, side zipped, pantie girdle is perfect. Where the high waisted panties have a little control, a good girdle will literally change his figure. He'll have a more defined waist and a nicely curved bottom. (Between ourselves, I love the feel of a side zipped open bottom girdle holding my stockings up.)

A submissive husband needs practical foundations. There is no point in getting him pretty lingerie. He's a man, he'll look silly in frills (which can be fun too). So a plain, white, lycra bomb is all he deserves.

Caged and girdled by day, what about when a submissive husband is sent to bed? Well, of course the cock cage stays on and his morning wood will be uncomfortable enough that he'll wake up and get started making you coffee in bed, running your bath, doing any hand washing you have left for him. elliot has to wash out my yesterday's panties after he has his corner time. There are some things it is better for a submissive husband to do himself even though we have a maid.

I prefer nice, feminine cotton nighties for elliot. You may have other preferences. And for single men, wearing a cotton nightie to bed every night will remind you of your place and where you would like to be. After a few days or weeks putting on a pretty nightie will just be part of your bedtime routine.

Now the great advantage of a fairly full coverage nightie is that it gives a wife the opportunity to experiment with a few more feminizing humiliations.
I am not a huge fan of making men wear bras during the day when they are out of the home. It can work in very limited circumstances but, usually, it simply leads to awkwardness in a workplace or a social situation.

However, in bed, in a nightie, there is absolutely no reason why a wife can't tell her husband to wear a bra and the breast forms which go with it.

Having experimented with elliot, while it might be fun to see your husband having to deal with DD cup breasts, a nice B to start and then work up to a C or D. The point is that when your husband is getting ready for bed and is in bed and when he wakes up and sets about serving you he will look different and feel different. There is nothing more feminizing than the weight of breasts and the more modern breast forms and a good bra will give your husband a real sense of that. And, of course, for a single man to make breasts a part of his evening ritual is excellent training for his eventual female led marriage.

One thing I would strongly suggest, and other wives have confirmed this, is that you require your husband to wear a well made, very supportive but very utilitarian sports bra. Pretty lingerie is for you (and your maid if you are lucky enough to have one), your husband is supposed to feel the full weight of his breasts and that's where a good sports bra makes all the difference.

And remember, in a well-run female led marriage, your husband is almost always sent to get ready for bed sometime before you retire. This means he can put on his breast forms, sports bra and nightie without you really having to see anything but the pleasing curves under his nightie.

Of course, some husbands need more discipline than others and Amazon is there to help. When you

are first training a husband or boyfriend it is a good idea to be able to restrain him. While I no longer need restraints for elliot, I still have a wonderful set of police grade handcuffs I purchased a decade ago. The nice thing about serious handcuffs is they will fit in your purse so you can restrain and correct your submissive male where ever you happen to be. In our early days, elliot learned the hard way that dressing rooms and washrooms offered the privacy, if not the sound proofing required for a gentleman's correction.

There are many occasions when a gentleman needs to be restrained for some time or under some tension. Handcuffs are the wrong tool. Well made, lined, leather wrist and ankle restraints are the obvious solution. But, for Heaven's Sake, buy high quality restraints. You want your submissive husband to be mindful of his correction or your pleasure, not worrying about how his wrists are chaffing.

As to corrections themselves, a dominant wife should recognize that her hand alone is not going to do the job. The fact is that a lady's hand is too small and too soft to make much of an impression. Using a hair brush helps a lot. And a lady, with a reasonably sized bag, can carry a hairbrush entirely innocently and deploy it as needed. As I mentioned, there are any number of usefully private locations available if your husband or boyfriend is rude or inattentive. This little brush will leave a lasting impression.

For more serious infractions, principally disobedience or resistance, but also having what I refer to as an obnoxious attitude, sterner measures and a lot more leverage will be required. As I have often written, in a serious FLR, punishment is a very real thing. Faced with a recalcitrant husband or boyfriend, a lady needs to be willing to inflict serious pain and, in many cases, leave bruises or welts. You are doing your submissive no favours by holding back when they need correction.

elliot's least favourite implement is also one which you can see any time you go into a bathroom

equipped with a shower or bath in our house. The simple, long handled, shower brush can be kept in plain sight as a reminder to your husband or boyfriend of the consequences of any disobedience. In the early stages of an FLR this sort of everyday implement is going to see a lot of use. It takes a while to train any man worth training. This beechwood shower brush has a 17 and 3/4 inch handle. As the copy says, good for reaching those "hard to reach" areas - in our case psychological rather than physical.



Some disciplinary wives swear by the paddle for their husband's correction. I have to take their word for it as I have never used a paddle on elliot. There is an amazing selection of paddles at Amazon ranging from a rather nasty looking hardwood paddle:

on through to a selection of bamboo paddles. I have to say I am seriously considering getting this wide bamboo paddle, not for elliot but for Mady. Her skin is a little too delicate for the cane and the shower brush seems to give me too much leverage when my naughty little maid needs correction. This is obviously a light duty paddle and correcting Mady is all about repetition, not force.

I have been correcting elliot with a rattan cane (go to your local garden shop or China town, but use rattan, not bamboo which tends to splinter) and a dozen strokes will certainly call him to order. But, I have to admit, I am also becoming fond of an item which is called a heel stick. Just under three feet with a very solid, rubber, handle. It weighs a little more than a rattan cane and leaves welts a little faster with less effort on my part. elliot hates it almost as much as the shower brush.

Until we met Mady and she became my maid, I was not really familiar with the varieties of anal humiliation a submissive husband can undergo. Yes, I did know about prostate milking and I thoroughly approved of the idea of restraining elliot, pushing a vibrator into his bottom and leaving him to make a non-orgasmic mess he would have to lick up later.  In fact, we wrote a book about it, A Ladies Guide to Prostate Milking. However, Mady opened up a whole other dimension.

Coming from a certain corner of the lesbian world, Mady just loved strap ons. While strap ons do nothing for me, Mady thoroughly enjoys “pegging” elliot as a preliminary to his paying her oral attention. But, Mady being Mady, she has evolved this into a bit of a ritual and the first part of the ritual is that Elliot has to go to her room, strip naked and present his bottom for an enema. “I like to peg a clean bottom,” says Mady. And good for her.

To that end she had me order this rather simple but effective enema kit:

"Two bags and he's clean if a little shaky," explained Mady. "I'll often have him stand in his corner for a few minutes before allowing him to release. Once the second bag has gone in, I will stand in front of him and put on my strap on. I use dils which have a nice end for the lady and a rather larger end for the gentlemen. I let elliot release and then he knows he has to assume his position for pegging. I lube him up a bit and then push in. He's used to it now and he knows I am going to fuck him until I come. When I'm done I leave the dil in him, unclip the harness and leave him to clean up."

Mady's strap on is very similar to this one although she has a couple of different sized dils, one a little bigger and one a little smaller.

The extraordinary thing is that all of these items and thousands more are available at Amazon at quite reasonable prices. With a Free Prime Trial you don't have to pay for shipping and, while you are waiting for your order to arrive, you can read all my books and elliot's books free.

The Governess

I am revising my book Avails: Escorting for the Elegant Woman and ran across this interview with a rather serious professional dominatrix. Not my thing at all but I thought it might be of passing interest to my readers:

The Governess – Donna, a Serious Domina

Donna is in her thirties and works as fetish escort in a large American city. She also has international clients.

“When I first started escorting I was drawn to what you might call “dress up” dates. Lots of fun and very easy. But, gradually, I found that a lot of my clients were looking for more.” she said in a Skype interview.

“I worked in a professional dungeon for a year and discovered that I was a natural switch and that I got very bored very quickly in the traditional dominatrix role. “Yes Mistress, No Mistress.” gets old fast. So I started looking around for a niche which combined an element of domination with a character who could help differentiate me in the fetish market. And, I must admit, I wanted a character where I didn’t have to spend an hour putting on a black leather corset and extreme make-up. The Governess was born.”

“My whole role is to be in charge. Where an escort traditionally tries to pleasure her clients, I make my clients humble themselves to me. At the same time, instead of conducting my business in a dark fake dungeon with whips and chains and assorted bondage furniture, I have a lovely loft overlooking the river. Mainly white, very high ceilings and great windows.”

“I advertise very discreetly. Most of my ads are only one or two lines: sometimes they are just a word, “Governess”. The men who want my services know what that implies and I don’t want any clients who require an explanation.”

“Escorting always has an element of role playing. After all, those girls are not seeing their clients because they are possessed by desire; but the clients who use escorts seem to believe that they are the one man on earth who actually isn’t business but rather lust. My clients are under no such misapprehension.”

“One thing I learned working at the dungeon was that more than half the clients for a domina escort are really there for the play acting. The silliest toy in the world is the suede flogger. I have seen fly swatters with more ommmph. But that is what the majority of the dungeon’s clients wanted. They wanted to be helpless but safe, flogged but with no marks.”

“However, for a small minority, this sort of play-acting was exactly the opposite of what they were actually looking for. To find a woman who was very strict and very real was worth a great deal to them.”

“Taking on the role of the Governess is not at all like a standard escorting situation. First off, there is absolutely no sex. Second, the encounters tend to be quite lengthy. Two hours minimum but, realistically, four hours works better.” explained Donna.

“I have a website but it is mainly a private site which you have to have a login to access. You get the login by getting in touch with me and sending $100.00. Just enough to discourage triflers.”

“Once you are logged in you are required to fill out an application. Real name, real address, references. And then you also are required to complete a questionnaire about your preferences. It is quite a long questionnaire and several of my clients have told me that there are items listed they have never heard of.”

“Once I have checked references and read the questionnaire I make a decision as to whether I am willing to take on a particular client. I have a flat fee for the initial session. It is actually quite reasonable and many of my clients are surprised that such an exclusive service is not more expensive.”

We asked Donna why she did not charge more. “Unlike a lot of escorts, I have far more clients who want to see me than I want to see. My second and subsequent encounters cost twice as much as the introductory session and many of my clients tip very generously. My view is that the Governess is not an escort service for everyone but that for the clients who understand what I offer it is an indispensable part of their lives. I can and do charge more for my international clients but I prefer to keep my rates at a level essentially comparable to those of a good corporate lawyer. $750 an hour or $2500 for the typical four hour session is more than enough. I book a maximum of six sessions a week so you can imagine I do quite well.”

We asked Donna what she actually did in her role as the Governess. “When a client comes to my space I greet him in character. Preliminaries are dealt with. An envelope on the hall table and then he is sent to the shower. This gives me time to count. You learn some things as a vanilla escort.”

“I am not going to go into detail but I can tell you that virtually every session begins with my client immobilized in a stress position in a very small, dark, sound proof, closet I had custom built in my loft. It sets the tone.”

“I have a couple of pretty basic outfits I wear in session: either a very fitted pencil skirt and high heels and a white cotton blouse or black jodhpurs, riding boots and a white silk blouse. My hair is pulled back. I wear a bit of red lipstick which matches my nail polish. I never take my clothes off so it doesn’t matter what I have on underneath.”

“The Governess is strict. She is demanding. She has many punishments and few rewards. It is almost the precise opposite of the typical escort date and it is also much more intense than a typical S/M dungeon encounter.”

“In a sense,” said Donna, “I could wear anything and actually do anything because this is not a dress up date, this is the real thing. My role is to train the men who see me to do exactly what they are told when they are told to do it. And to do that I punish far more often than I reward.”

“We suggested that this really sounded like a dominatrix escort date. “You asked about the difference between a dress up date and a role play. Most dominatrixes are just dressing up. Which is what their escort clients want them to do. Those clients are there for the illusion of powerlessness. A good domina can create that illusion but that is all it is.”

“What I offer, to a very select clientele, is the reality. That is the Governess’s role.” said Donna, “Let me give you an illustration. At the dungeon, at the end of the session, I almost always stepped back into real life with the client and we’d have, perhaps a cup of tea and review what went on. It was part of the service. It put some distance between the experience in the room and normalcy. We actually called it decompression.”

“When a client is finished his session in my loft I have a room where I have his clothes. It’s pitch black. I put him in that room and close the door. Then I lock that door and turn on the lights. He leaves. It is very real and he is usually very relieved and grateful. The way the room is set up it exits into a corridor which he did not come in through. It is quite disorienting.”