How Can I get my Wife to become the dominant partner in our Marriage

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Why Do Men Thrive in Female Led Relationships?

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Is male chastity essential in a Female Led Relationship?

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Do you punish your husband in a Female Led Relationship?

Another question which often comes up:

Do you punish your husband in a Female Led Relationship?

A dominant wife has the right and the responsibility to correct her husband. Sometimes correction can be by way of a good scolding, but as the saying goes, "spare the rod, spoil the husband." Physical correction is almost always required. Whether that is an over the knee spanking, a good hair brushing, a paddling, a session with the long handled shower brush or six of the best with a well made cane, your submissive husband will be more content if he is physically corrected on a regular basis.

Leaving aside the question of "maintenance spankings" which I will deal with in a sperate entry, the fact is that a dominant wife's authority must be exercised on a regular basis so that her submissive husband learns his place. Of course, you can scold your husband, demand that he get rid of obnoxious habits, be more attentive, do what he is told; but that rarely actually changes behaviour. And actual behavioural change is the objective. In an FLR a dominant wife is in charge of every aspect of the couple's life. Now, most of the time, she will have little cause for complaint but her husband has to understand that if she does find grounds for complaint he is going to be punished. Critically, for real behavioral change to occur, he has to be certain he will be punished and he needs to know that the punishment will matter.

Needing the punishment to matter is one of the reasons I very rarely use my hand alone to punish elliot. I am simply not strong enough to leave much of an impression and while the humiliation of have to drop his trousers and lie across my lap is useful it needs to be backed up with a bit of intensity. For minor infractions I find a couple of dozen strokes with my wooden hairbrush provides the right level of correction without leaving any lasting marks or bruising.

However, it is difficult to really gain much leverage with a nine-inch hairbrush. No mechanical advantage.

I am of the school that says a real punishment should leave a mark...several actually, and for that my options are either the shower brush with its nineteen and a half inch handle and heavy wooden construction or a good, flexible, cane of which I have several. Both are formidable and I will describe their use in separate posts.

The shower brush is a "thudding" instrument and it will cause bruising with even moderate swats. I tend to limit myself to a dozen strikes at about half force. I have, on very rare occasions either increased the number of strikes or increased my pressure. elliot hates the shower bush. He would rather have 24 hard strokes of the cane than a dozen moderate stroke with the brush. Where the cane creates a sharp line of pain in a focused area, the shower brush stimulates a much larger area. elliot knows I am very, very angry with him on the rare occassions I tell him to get the shower brush and wait for me.

For regular punishments, where elliot has been rude, or less than attentive or has displeased me in some way, I think the princess among punishment instruments is the cane. Her great advantage is that, with practice, you can have very precise control over how much pain you inflict and how the marks will come. Better still, a caning is quite quiet. I have taken elliot upstairs when we have had guests, caned him throughly, and sent him back down with no one the wiser. The cane is also, if necessary, very quick. While professional dominas will stretch six strokes over five minutes, a practical, efficient wife and punish her husband with a dozen strokes in less than a minute.

Regardless of the mode of punishment, a dominant wife never punishes without having a point to make. Nor will she punish when she is angry. Submissive men need a firm hand and practical directions for improvement. The entire concept of punishment within a female led marriage is to make your husband a more obedient, better, man. Physical correction is a part of an over all plan. Ideally, a rather small part.

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If you are thinking of taking control of your marriage or asking your wife to put you in your place, you may want to read a few of our books or buy a cock cage or ball stretching weights:

	You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.
	You can order ball stretcher for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recommend starting with a fairly light stretcher. Make sure you measure the ball sack circumference. You want the stretcher to fit snugly just above the testicles. Order here.
Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid Mady's Favourite Book
Dominant Woman  Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband Effortless Female Superiority in a Loving Marriage
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE

What is the Difference between a Dominant Wife and a Professional Dominatrix

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What is a Female Led Relationship?

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Sexual Economics

I received a note from a long time reader about some of the books I have written:

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Dear Miss Jay,

Along with your wonderful books on Female Led Marriage, and I especially like Obedient Husband: Female Led Marriage for Loving Couples, I noticed that you have written a number of books on what I can only think of as "sex for sale". In particular, you have written two "guides" for women.

The first, Avails: Escorting for the Elegant Woman is, simply speaking, a guide book for women who decide to charge money for their sexual favours. I have to call that prostitution which, besides being illegal, seems contrary to your message of female superiority and empowerment.

The second, MODERN MISTRESS: LEAD THE LUXURY LIFE YOU DESERVE seems to suggest doing at a wholesale level what your earlier book is about at the retail level.

How can you square this sordid exchange of money for sex with your views on the best way to organize a marriage or relationship? I completely agree with you that men are often happier when they do what they are told, are kept in chastity and punished for even the slightest infraction; but I cannot see how an intelligent, dominant, woman could countenance the female exploitation implicit in escorting or mistresshood. Can you enlighten me?

Respectfully,

Amelia

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Dear Amelia,

While I see your point I have to disagree: strong, elegant women can exercise their power over men in a variety of ways. Having and training a submissive husband or boyfriend is, in many cases, the ideal end state for a woman to achieve life long happiness but what of those delightful years when a girl is in her twenties and thirties and has little interest in "settling down"?

Many women are just finding their dominant side when they are younger and, frankly, many women are more than a little frightened of the power they actually have. After all, while society talks a good game about female empowerment, the #METOO scandals suggest that the old ways have not gone away. Unfortunately, young women with well developed sexual identities often find themselves devalued by the various, more powerful, men they encounter. In many cases this leads them to retreat into either the conventionally asexual world of the "alt-girl" or the anti-sex world of "pantsuit nation". In both cases, and in all the other asexual or anti-sexual approaches to the world, a young woman is denying what is, in fact, a huge element of her power. While this is always a woman's choice, I think it is important that young women - as well as more experienced women - keep in mind some sexier, more powerful alternatives.

A good deal of the impetus for writing the books were conversations I had with my maid Mady. The poor girl had, before we joined us, been so confused by her sexuality that she had retreated into a lipstick version of college lesbianism. All very pleasant I'm sure, and it did give her certain skills for which I am personally very grateful, but she was, as her continued use of elliot's little cock suggests, a flaming heterosexual. However, she was deeply intimidated by the "anything goes" hook-up culture she encountered in college with boys her own age and had no idea what to do about it.

For many young women "sugar" culture has become an answer. However, in my view, sugaring simply leaves girls in a subservient position while being required to "service" their so called "sugar daddies". Where a mistress dictates the terms of her engagement and expects her patron to honour them, a sugarbaby is in constant danger of replacement. And much of that has to do with the sorts of men who are involved in sugaring. Not to be snobby about it, but sugar daddies tend to be wealthy but not gentlemen.

The quality of the men involved in either a mistress relationship or at the upper end of the escorting world make all the difference. Which I write about at length in both my books. For a young girl starting out or an elegant woman testing the waters, the objective is to find a gentleman or several gentlemen who are prepared to pay a significant sum for the pleasure of her company. (And I note in these #METOO times, for the professional discretion a mistress or an escort offers.)

For a younger woman a patron can also be a mentor and, in the right circumstances, a huge help in her career.

Yes, there is a sexual component obviously. However, a good deal of Avails and Modern Mistress are about the settings, the lingerie, the candles and the music. Of course there are sections on really good oral technique, managing role play and creating the magic of erotic tension; but a successful escort or mistress is about much more than sex.

As you know I believe that most alpha males, and alphas are far more likely to be gentlemen than their weaker, less confident, inferiors, have an often repressed submissive streak. Being taken in hand by a woman twenty or thirty years their junior can be a huge turn on. And, in fact, what a patron or client is usually looking for is a break from their high stress, decision a minute, intense world where they are totally responsible. Having a standing date with a mistress or enjoying an evening with an escort takes them away from the pressure.

Reading my books, a woman will learn a lot about how men are managed, how patrons are relaxed and pampered and how clients become regulars. And it all comes down to a woman using the power of the feminine for her own ends.

Both books have a lot of interviews in them. Girls and women I spent several hours with talking about how they arrange their encounters, how they dress, the mood they try to create. But in almost every case, the key to their success (and these are very successful women) is that they establish that they are in charge right from the moment the client or the patron walks through the door.

My books are, in fact, about another aspect of feminine power. No successful mistress or escort allows herself to be exploited. Quite the opposite. In a kind, giving way, she offers her patron or her client the opportunity to meet her needs as she defines them. While she might begin by catering to her clients' or patron perceived desires, he will soon discover that his encounter is much more satisfying when he does what he's told and is "rewarded".

Very much like a male's place in a female led relationship.

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	You can buy Modern Mistress at this link. If you have Amazon Prime you can read Modern Mistress free.
	You can buy Avails: Escorting for the Elegant Woman at this link.
	If you are looking for sexier stories of mistresses and escorts (you naughty boy!) you can buy Money Sex: tales from the luxury lives of high end escorts, mistresses and courtesans here. It is one of Mady's favorite pillow books.