Do you punish your husband in a Female Led Relationship?

Another question which often comes up:

Do you punish your husband in a Female Led Relationship?

A dominant wife has the right and the responsibility to correct her husband. Sometimes correction can be by way of a good scolding, but as the saying goes, "spare the rod, spoil the husband." Physical correction is almost always required. Whether that is an over the knee spanking, a good hair brushing, a paddling, a session with the long handled shower brush or six of the best with a well made cane, your submissive husband will be more content if he is physically corrected on a regular basis.

Leaving aside the question of "maintenance spankings" which I will deal with in a sperate entry, the fact is that a dominant wife's authority must be exercised on a regular basis so that her submissive husband learns his place. Of course, you can scold your husband, demand that he get rid of obnoxious habits, be more attentive, do what he is told; but that rarely actually changes behaviour. And actual behavioural change is the objective. In an FLR a dominant wife is in charge of every aspect of the couple's life. Now, most of the time, she will have little cause for complaint but her husband has to understand that if she does find grounds for complaint he is going to be punished. Critically, for real behavioral change to occur, he has to be certain he will be punished and he needs to know that the punishment will matter.

Needing the punishment to matter is one of the reasons I very rarely use my hand alone to punish elliot. I am simply not strong enough to leave much of an impression and while the humiliation of have to drop his trousers and lie across my lap is useful it needs to be backed up with a bit of intensity. For minor infractions I find a couple of dozen strokes with my wooden hairbrush provides the right level of correction without leaving any lasting marks or bruising.

However, it is difficult to really gain much leverage with a nine-inch hairbrush. No mechanical advantage.

I am of the school that says a real punishment should leave a mark...several actually, and for that my options are either the shower brush with its nineteen and a half inch handle and heavy wooden construction or a good, flexible, cane of which I have several. Both are formidable and I will describe their use in separate posts.

The shower brush is a "thudding" instrument and it will cause bruising with even moderate swats. I tend to limit myself to a dozen strikes at about half force. I have, on very rare occasions either increased the number of strikes or increased my pressure. elliot hates the shower bush. He would rather have 24 hard strokes of the cane than a dozen moderate stroke with the brush. Where the cane creates a sharp line of pain in a focused area, the shower brush stimulates a much larger area. elliot knows I am very, very angry with him on the rare occassions I tell him to get the shower brush and wait for me.

For regular punishments, where elliot has been rude, or less than attentive or has displeased me in some way, I think the princess among punishment instruments is the cane. Her great advantage is that, with practice, you can have very precise control over how much pain you inflict and how the marks will come. Better still, a caning is quite quiet. I have taken elliot upstairs when we have had guests, caned him throughly, and sent him back down with no one the wiser. The cane is also, if necessary, very quick. While professional dominas will stretch six strokes over five minutes, a practical, efficient wife and punish her husband with a dozen strokes in less than a minute.

Regardless of the mode of punishment, a dominant wife never punishes without having a point to make. Nor will she punish when she is angry. Submissive men need a firm hand and practical directions for improvement. The entire concept of punishment within a female led marriage is to make your husband a more obedient, better, man. Physical correction is a part of an over all plan. Ideally, a rather small part.

-----

If you are thinking of taking control of your marriage or asking your wife to put you in your place, you may want to read a few of our books or buy a cock cage or ball stretching weights:

	You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.
	You can order ball stretcher for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recommend starting with a fairly light stretcher. Make sure you measure the ball sack circumference. You want the stretcher to fit snugly just above the testicles. Order here.
Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid Mady's Favourite Book
Dominant Woman  Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband Effortless Female Superiority in a Loving Marriage
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE

What is the Difference between a Dominant Wife and a Professional Dominatrix

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

What is a Female Led Relationship?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Sexual Economics

I received a note from a long time reader about some of the books I have written:

---
Dear Miss Jay,

Along with your wonderful books on Female Led Marriage, and I especially like Obedient Husband: Female Led Marriage for Loving Couples, I noticed that you have written a number of books on what I can only think of as "sex for sale". In particular, you have written two "guides" for women.

The first, Avails: Escorting for the Elegant Woman is, simply speaking, a guide book for women who decide to charge money for their sexual favours. I have to call that prostitution which, besides being illegal, seems contrary to your message of female superiority and empowerment.

The second, MODERN MISTRESS: LEAD THE LUXURY LIFE YOU DESERVE seems to suggest doing at a wholesale level what your earlier book is about at the retail level.

How can you square this sordid exchange of money for sex with your views on the best way to organize a marriage or relationship? I completely agree with you that men are often happier when they do what they are told, are kept in chastity and punished for even the slightest infraction; but I cannot see how an intelligent, dominant, woman could countenance the female exploitation implicit in escorting or mistresshood. Can you enlighten me?

Respectfully,

Amelia

---
Dear Amelia,

While I see your point I have to disagree: strong, elegant women can exercise their power over men in a variety of ways. Having and training a submissive husband or boyfriend is, in many cases, the ideal end state for a woman to achieve life long happiness but what of those delightful years when a girl is in her twenties and thirties and has little interest in "settling down"?

Many women are just finding their dominant side when they are younger and, frankly, many women are more than a little frightened of the power they actually have. After all, while society talks a good game about female empowerment, the #METOO scandals suggest that the old ways have not gone away. Unfortunately, young women with well developed sexual identities often find themselves devalued by the various, more powerful, men they encounter. In many cases this leads them to retreat into either the conventionally asexual world of the "alt-girl" or the anti-sex world of "pantsuit nation". In both cases, and in all the other asexual or anti-sexual approaches to the world, a young woman is denying what is, in fact, a huge element of her power. While this is always a woman's choice, I think it is important that young women - as well as more experienced women - keep in mind some sexier, more powerful alternatives.

A good deal of the impetus for writing the books were conversations I had with my maid Mady. The poor girl had, before we joined us, been so confused by her sexuality that she had retreated into a lipstick version of college lesbianism. All very pleasant I'm sure, and it did give her certain skills for which I am personally very grateful, but she was, as her continued use of elliot's little cock suggests, a flaming heterosexual. However, she was deeply intimidated by the "anything goes" hook-up culture she encountered in college with boys her own age and had no idea what to do about it.

For many young women "sugar" culture has become an answer. However, in my view, sugaring simply leaves girls in a subservient position while being required to "service" their so called "sugar daddies". Where a mistress dictates the terms of her engagement and expects her patron to honour them, a sugarbaby is in constant danger of replacement. And much of that has to do with the sorts of men who are involved in sugaring. Not to be snobby about it, but sugar daddies tend to be wealthy but not gentlemen.

The quality of the men involved in either a mistress relationship or at the upper end of the escorting world make all the difference. Which I write about at length in both my books. For a young girl starting out or an elegant woman testing the waters, the objective is to find a gentleman or several gentlemen who are prepared to pay a significant sum for the pleasure of her company. (And I note in these #METOO times, for the professional discretion a mistress or an escort offers.)

For a younger woman a patron can also be a mentor and, in the right circumstances, a huge help in her career.

Yes, there is a sexual component obviously. However, a good deal of Avails and Modern Mistress are about the settings, the lingerie, the candles and the music. Of course there are sections on really good oral technique, managing role play and creating the magic of erotic tension; but a successful escort or mistress is about much more than sex.

As you know I believe that most alpha males, and alphas are far more likely to be gentlemen than their weaker, less confident, inferiors, have an often repressed submissive streak. Being taken in hand by a woman twenty or thirty years their junior can be a huge turn on. And, in fact, what a patron or client is usually looking for is a break from their high stress, decision a minute, intense world where they are totally responsible. Having a standing date with a mistress or enjoying an evening with an escort takes them away from the pressure.

Reading my books, a woman will learn a lot about how men are managed, how patrons are relaxed and pampered and how clients become regulars. And it all comes down to a woman using the power of the feminine for her own ends.

Both books have a lot of interviews in them. Girls and women I spent several hours with talking about how they arrange their encounters, how they dress, the mood they try to create. But in almost every case, the key to their success (and these are very successful women) is that they establish that they are in charge right from the moment the client or the patron walks through the door.

My books are, in fact, about another aspect of feminine power. No successful mistress or escort allows herself to be exploited. Quite the opposite. In a kind, giving way, she offers her patron or her client the opportunity to meet her needs as she defines them. While she might begin by catering to her clients' or patron perceived desires, he will soon discover that his encounter is much more satisfying when he does what he's told and is "rewarded".

Very much like a male's place in a female led relationship.

-----

	You can buy Modern Mistress at this link. If you have Amazon Prime you can read Modern Mistress free.
	You can buy Avails: Escorting for the Elegant Woman at this link.
	If you are looking for sexier stories of mistresses and escorts (you naughty boy!) you can buy Money Sex: tales from the luxury lives of high end escorts, mistresses and courtesans here. It is one of Mady's favorite pillow books.

Questions for A Dominant Wife

Where have you and elliot and Mady been for the last few months?

The short answer is, busy. Mady has finished her thesis and just passed her final exams. elliot has seen his business get a lot busier and I have been working on my new book about how female led marriage may be a real solution to a lot of the problems couples have.

Do you still read your emails?

We do. And often answer them. Mady is now helping me with some of my correspondence and my book. She really has moved from maid to personal assistant although I still require her to wear her corsets, quarter cup bras, sheer tops, stockings and tight skirts in the afternoons and early evenings when she is "on duty". The glimpse of her pretty nipples or stockings tops keep elliot in a pleasing state of longing arousal.

Is elliot still in his cock cage and ball stretchers?

The ball stretchers are pretty much permanent. Both Mady and I enjoy the effect of ounces of stainless steel on his poor scrotum. It is not actually terribly painful but the constant pressure reminds him of his place. At the same time, I am caging his cock less often. This is mainly for Mady's benefit. Formerly of lesbian inclination, since she has been training elliot she finds she enjoys a good ride on his Viagra stiff cock on nearly a daily basis. While it was lovely to have her come to my morning room, curtsy and ask if she might have the keys it was also rather inconvenient.

Now this does not mean elliot is allowed to come any more frequently. Quite the opposite really. Mady likes the feeling of his cock in her but she is certainly not interested in his little messes. When she rides him it is strictly for her pleasure and elliot knows he'll be severely whipped and locked up if he spills a drop. He really is like that poor 50's housewife letting her husband have her while being clueless as to her own pleasure. He is required to get hard, stay hard and lie back as Mady takes her pleasure. He tells me it is very hard not to come especially when he is required to suck on her nipples for her great enjoyment.

But there it is. Men should not be allowed to come very often and, if they are allowed, it should be in humbling circumstances or by way of prostate milking which avoids the male orgasm altogether. It keeps them on edge and far more eager to do as they are told.

Are you ever jealous of Mady?

No. In our home I lead and what I say and allow is what happens. I very much like the fact Mady puts elliot through his paces. It keeps him fresh and it allows me to focus on my own work and the very deep emotional connection I have with elliot. At the same time, there is nothing I enjoy more than seeing his sweet head bobbing between my thighs as he brings me to orgasm. Or, on other nights, requiring him to watch as Mady's sweet head bobs between my thighs as she has that delightful duty. It is really impossible to be jealous when you have all the power in a relationship. In two relationships really.

I think elliot may be a little jealous of Mady as I will often send him to his corner while Mady and I try on clothes or enjoy touching each other. But that is not, of course, any concern of mine. elliot's sole route to happiness and fulfillment is to do exactly what he is told. And he is very happy and very fulfilled.

More questions later. The nice ladies from Church are coming for tea and I want Mady to look her best.

-----

If you are thinking of taking control of your marriage or asking your wife to put you in your place, you may want to read a few of our books or buy a cock cage or ball stretching weights:

	You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.
	You can order ball stretcher for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recommend starting with a fairly light stretcher. Make sure you measure the ball sack circumference. You want the stretcher to fit snugly just above the testicles. Order here.
Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid Mady's Favourite Book
Dominant Woman  Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband Effortless Female Superiority in a Loving Marriage
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE

Male Focus

I have always been amazed at the change in elliot first when he accepted his position as my submissive husband and, later, when I placed him in semi-permanent chastity.

The elliot I loved and married had more than a few blemishes. While he was a successful businessman and involved in our community, until he accepted my leadership in our marriage, he tended to be a bit scattered. Like most men, elliot was easily distracted by his own, rich, fantasy life. A pretty girl would walk by or he would see something on the internet and he'd lose focus.

Like most men, elliot really could not get enough sex. He would constantly pester me for "a quick blow job" or "a quickie". And it got worse the more successful he became. The problem was that my delightful husband was an alpha male with all of the sense of sexual entitlement alpha's usually have. At the same time, his alpha sexuality did not seem to actually satisfy him. And it certainly didn't satisfy me.

When I first took the lead, one of the key things which I decided was that there would be only one sexuality in our marriage: mine. Now this might sound selfish, but it was actually very pragmatic. A properly submissive husband needs to focus his sexual energy on the one person he is allowed to lust after. But he also has to recognize that, unlike men, women are not always thinking about or eager for sex or, for that matter, sexual talk or suggestions. I know that I have a cycle of sexual interest and there are only a few days in a month where I am interested in any sort of sexual activity. Prior to taking the lead in our marriage, I would feel some obligation to accommodate elliot's sexual desires even in off and shoulder parts of my cycle. A big deal would be "celebrated" with a romp in bed and a household task completed might be rewarded with a blow job. Which was fun for elliot but once the novelty of our wedding wore off, was a chore for me.

By first restricting and later more or less eliminating elliot's ability to request, much less demand, sexual attention, I was able to assert my own authority and ensure that my needs and desires were the only sexuality in our marriage. Now the focus was on me and, it turned out, that actually took a substantial burden off elliot's shoulders.

Being a gentleman of a certain age, elliot grew up assuming that a strong male would set the sexual pace for his marriage. Worse, he assumed that I expected him to be "ready to go" pretty much all the time. After all, his male sexuality was not supposed to have cycles. In actual fact, his sexuality was actually cyclical and subject to all the ups and downs a successful man's stress levels produce. Without firm boundaries and a good deal of discipline, the divergence between his actual sexual appetite and what he thought was expected of him just added to his stress. Taking charge of our sexuality as a dominant wife took that stress and re-oriented it. He's told me, often, how relieved he is not to have to posture as a sexually rampant alpha male and how content he is to give me my pleasure when I want it without any thought of reciprocation.

Locking up his little cock in its cock cage simply formalized his complete sexual submission. The fact he has not ejaculated except when I have Mady prostate milk him for about two months is his new normal.

Which is not to say that elliot is not regularly teased by Mady's perky little nipples under her sheer uniform or required to give me extended oral attention before being sent to his corner while I come in private. And the micro-doses of Viagra ensure he fills his cage with his helpless little cock often. But his, more or less permanent chastity means he has shifted his focus to what he knows will please me. Under Mady's strict supervision he is in the best shape he's been in a decade. His business is booming letting us live very well indeed. We are still very active in our community although I have taken the lead there. With the surrender of his manhood, elliot is free to do what he does best - business and pleasing me. He could not be happier or more fulfilled and our marriage and our lives move forward easily and with delight. Now that elliot's sexuality has been reduced to longing and oral service, he understands and embraces his position.

As he should.

-----

If you are thinking of taking control of your marriage or asking your wife to put you in your place, you may want to read a few of our books or buy a cock cage or ball stretching weights:

	You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.
	You can order ball stretcher for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recommend starting with a fairly light stretcher. Make sure you measure the ball sack circumference. You want the stretcher to fit snugly just above the testicles. Order here.
Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid Mady's Favourite Book
Dominant Woman  Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband Effortless Female Superiority in a Loving Marriage
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE

Thinking about a Dominant Wife Guide Book

I have been thinking about putting together a book with the working title "Dominant Wife/Alpha Husband".

The thought came to me as I was instructing one of Mady's friends on the feminine art of caning. Needless to say, elliot was in position and Mady was holding his arms as I showed her friend, Emily, the difference between a maintenance stroke and a punishment stroke. For the former it is really just a flick of the wrist, the later means you swing with your whole arm and follow through. elliot does not like punishment strokes at all. Emily was getting the hang of it and, after a dozen maintenance and half a dozen punishment strokes elliot was kicking up his heels and looking very chastened indeed. We could have gone on but I thought elliot had suffered enough.

"Take him upstairs for a shower Mady." I said putting down my dog stick (which is a nasty instrument I rarely use on elliot, or Mady for that matter.) elliot was naked except for his new stainless steel short cock cage and ball stretchers and he trotted along behind Mady enjoying her short little skirt and the fact his whipping was over. Emily and I adjourned to my sitting room and I poured us each a glass of nicely chilled chablis.

"So, what did you think of that Emily." I asked. She was a close friend of Mady's and had been curious as to Mady's remarkable transformation as she served first as my maid and, now, as my handmaid/companion. In particular, she was very interested in the entire idea of training a boyfriend or husband. I offered to let her come for a few days to see how I ran our house.

"That was so intense, ma'am." said Emily.

"What was Emily? Using a cane for the first time?" I asked.

"Well that was exciting but what was so intense is how your husband just accepted the fact he was going to be whipped." said Emily.

"I suppose it was. Truth to tell I really don't notice his obedience these days. He simply does what he is told." I said quite honestly. It had been a long time since elliot talked back or didn't obey. A very long time.

"But it is such a contrast. When I arrived yesterday there he was in his office making calls, striding up and down, doing business. And, looking at this house, a very good business. He was so "in charge". And, at supper, unless I knew what I was looking for you two seem like a somewhat formal but very loving couple. But today all that had changed." said Emily.

"Actually, Emily, nothing changed today. Which is really the point. Both modes are who elliot is. He is not pretending to be the big swinging dick business guy, he actually is, albeit with his not terribly big cock in its little cage as a reminder of his position. In fact, his complete submission actually makes him a better and more confident business man." I said.

"I guess it might ma'am, but I don't quite see how you go about turning that sort of man into a well trained boyfriend, much less a submissive husband."

"It is not obvious, is it? And I suspect it is not obvious because you are seeing it as "turning" a man into something he was not. I don't think that is the way it works. Some men, and my research on Mistresses and on Escorts, tells me that "some" is really quite a few, have a submissive streak. Of course, the more alpha they are the more reluctant they are to admit it; but a clever girl can usually figure it out. And that submissive streak is fully integrated - if deeply suppressed - in their personality. So that is the raw material and, as I did with elliot, you have to look hard to see what a man actually wants, actually needs." I said pondering whether or not to tell Emily that at the beginning of our marriage I was the one who went over elliot's lap.

"And how do you find a man with that temperament?" asked Emily.

"Well, you are a pretty girl, smart, nicely put together: I suspect you are asked out regularly." I said.

"I am. But not by a lot of men I see as alphas. Lots and lots of betas." said Emily with a laugh.

"I won't start giving dating advice but if you are looking for salmon don't fish a trout stream. Having an integrated personality tends to correlate with intelligence and that means you are more likely to meet a real alpha in a bookstore than in a night club." I said. "And the nice thing about bookstores is that you can see what a man is looking at and gather quite a lot of information. Same with things like public lectures. But not the New Agey sorts of lectures - just by showing up to a lecture on getting in touch with your inner self a man has already admitted he is not well integrated - look for things like urban planning or science. Or work on a political campaign. Lots of smart ambitious men will put in time in the "back rooms" of political organizations."

"But where ever you are, stand a bit aloof. Be a bit unreachable. There is nothing wrong with a woman being a bit stand offish. Dress, make-up, shoes...they all matter and they all signal. You want to look very, very, expensive. Which is really about natural fibres, simple, modest design and really working on your posture - a corset, as Mady shows so wonderfully, helps a lot. Mady might lend you one for dinner this evening."

"That would be lovely. I love her's."

"Mady turns out to be a girl who loves the security being tight laced brings. Other girls find corsets suffocating. We'll see this evening which sort of girl you are." I said lightly.

"So there I am, looking very expensive and the proverbial tall, dark and handsome stranger looms on my horizon...what then?" asked Emily.

"He'll likely make a bit of conversation and, if you are interested, you wait until he suggests drinks, dinner and such like. At which point you run a little test." I said.

"A test?"

"Yes, and I have to admit I did not come with this on my own but a very dear and dominant friend of mine swears it sets just the right tone. Once he asks, you tell him which day, what time and where you will be going. Note the word "tell". Right from the beginning, you are telling this man what he is to do. It will seperate the sheep from the goats rather quickly. My friend ended up marrying a lovely man who, when she gave him his instructions on first meeting, said "Yes ma'am." and has been saying it ever since." I said and Mady and elliot rejoined us. I asked them both to sit down which Mady did at once, heedless of the fact her little maid's skirt rode up over her stockings tops. It must have been a very stimulating shower as her pretty pink nipples were quite visibly erect under her sheer blouse. elliot said, "If it is all the same to you, dear, I think I stand for a little while longer. Emily is a quick learner."

We all laughed and passed on to other things.

But I realized that what I had been discussing with Emily and have discussed previously with Mady, might make a rather useful source book for ladies, young or not, who wanted to take the lead in their relationships with men. We'll see what I come up with.

-----

If you are thinking of taking control of your marriage or asking your wife to put you in your place, you may want to read a few of our books or buy a cock cage or ball stretching weights:

	You can order a cock cage for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recomend starting with a relatively inexpensive silicone cage for fit and obedience training. Order here.
	You can order ball stretcher for your husband or yourself at Amazon. I recommend starting with a fairly light stretcher. Make sure you measure the ball sack circumference. You want the stretcher to fit snugly just above the testicles. Order here.
Books you might like:
The Art of the Maid Mady's Favourite Book
Dominant Woman  Feminine Superiority in Art
Obedient Husband Effortless Female Superiority in a Loving Marriage
See all our books at my Amazon Author Page here Remember Amazon Prime Customers and Books Unlimited Customers can down load all my books FREE