Amazon Fun

elliot just finished my review of some of the delightful things our readers have purchased from Amazon. These all caught my eye.

Master Series Intense Impact Cane, Red. I like the looks of this plastic cane. I doubt elliot would like it much which would make it perfect for punishment whippings.

Cleanstream Enema Bulb, Red I think elliot would benefit from using this to make sure he is fresh and clean for any toys I might want to slip up his backdoor.

Rago Women's Hi Waist Bike Shaper Adding to elliot's girdle wardrobe is always fun. He is quite used to wearing a girdle so having a few around the house is a treat for him and no trouble for me. Perfect.

Silicone Male Chastity Device, Adult Penis Male Defend Chastity Belt Lock Cage (Pink) I can't imagine why I didn't cage elliot years ago. While he is chaste without the cage, the humiliation of having to wear this is ideal. I suspect even better in pink.

Dominant Wives: Erotic Tales of Marital Femdom, Chastity, Cuckolding, Husband Humiliation & More! I have no objection to elliot reading naughty books. In fact it is rather fun to make him read an arousing story or two when he's had his Viagra and is in his cage.

The Hesitant MistressI am hoping to finish my "An Elegant Woman's Guide to Female Led Marriages" in the next couple of months. Until then this book is great for a woman taking charge of her marriage or for a gentleman who wishes to submit to his wife.

Of course many of out readers just go into to Amazon through our links to buy things which are entirely unrelated to female led relationships, or gifts for their lovely dominant wives or any number of things...for which we are very grateful.

A Good Whipping

I suspect at this point elliot would be a perfectly submissive husband without being whipped regularly. But where's the fun in that?

Oddly, I don't mean my fun. I quite like bringing the cane down on his bottom but I could also live without it except for punishment purposes. Caning my darling is not a huge turn on for me. But it certainly is for him and it is quite obviously good for him. Gets the endorphins flowing and keeps his mind on his business.

A dominant wife is blessed with a whole series of options when it comes to giving her husband the attention that all men actually crave. Where a vanilla wife is pretty much left with a flirty outfit for date night and the occasional "atta boy" blow job, the Lady of the House has a series of treats for her submissive husband.

A good whipping, well caning at our house because I like the feel of a cane and the marks it leaves, is a deeply sexualized experience. Think about it, there is a man obeying his wife and standing still to endure as much pain as she choses to inflict and yet, there in his little black cock cage, I could see him trying to get hard. Just as he did when I sent him to his corner.

A maintenance caning should remind your husband of his position; but there is nothing wrong with recognizing that that might be all the sexual tension he has that day or even that week. I don't "dress" to whip; but I certainly like to whip elliot when I am in my nightdress or lingerie. I suspect he likes it too. The point is never to dismiss your husband's sexuality. So long as his cock is under lock and key and he has been trained to obedience, teasing and flirting is all the more fun.

A good whipping is all about intensity rising. When I first used to correct elliot I held back a lot for fear of really hurting him. Now that I am more proficient with the cane I can control the intensity. But there is no point in just "tap, tapping" unless I want to deliberately tease him. Which I usually don't. Instead, I have been increasing the duration and intensity of our maintenance whippings. In time I would like to stretch them out to a full 30 strokes with the last ten quite severe. I think it leaves a much stronger impression for a man to be wearing his welts and weals for several days after he has been caned.

Of course, this leads to an increase in intensity for punishment canings but those are quite infrequent. They have to leave elliot gasping which is accomplished by starting hard and going right to full force in two or three strokes. He does not like being punished one bit...as he shouldn't.

But now we are in the post whipping glow and he is ever so attentive. His little cock is straining against its cage but I like that. Tonight, perhaps, I'll have him show his appreciation. He is really getting very skillful with his tongue, fingers and my sweet little vibe. (He's managed to get a lovely sequence where he first licks with the whole of his tongue to get me deliciously wet, then while he concentrates on my clit, he slips the vibrator in on a low speed and slips a little finger in my backdoor. While I prefer to finish myself in the privacy sending him to his corner affords, I must admit the last couple of times I have been tempted to just hold his head in place...Once I did, once I sent him away. Not sure which I will do tonight.)

More Advice for a Young Wife

I've had a lovely response to my earlier advice to a young wife and, as you might guess, there is lots more to say.

Directing a female led marriage is a process rather than a checklist. While there is plenty of fun to be had with a few old stockings and a bath brush that is not a marriage it is an entertaining Saturday night. A thought to be borne in mind when a young lady is setting out on her way to taking charge of her marriage.

For most men, young or old, the idea of a sexually active, much less, dominant woman is both intriguing and a little frightening. They are used to chasing girls who, occasionally, let themselves be caught. Which may very well be how you arranged your own marriage. The problem is that the idea of the chase can survive even the most elaborate wedding ceremony and your alpha husband may soon be chasing some other girl. Which will never do.

The erotics of marriage never cease to delight me but, I must admit, it takes a real commitment to keep your marriage exciting for both of you. Especially when, for one reason or another, you've decided to keep your husband chaste and to control his orgasms and, eventually, his erections. That commitment begins with the recognition that like many things in a well run household, a wife must take charge.

Earlier I wrote about the scarcity value of sex. The general principle is that a wife does herself no favours by allowing her husband to have sex with her whenever he wants to. Nor does she help her marriage by dropping the constraints of modesty and a certain, elegant, delicateness. Wandering around the house naked or in a T-shirt and panties is all very nice for a single girl; but a married woman needs to captivate an audience of one and there is no point in letting her audience back stage.

A female led marriage is, in a certain sense, a throwback to a gentler time when no man you'd want to marry would ever fail to rise when a lady entered the room, hold the door or speak respectfully to any woman he might consider marrying. The idea of "The Lady of the House" is far more basic than the niceties of bedroom etiquette. Just like sexual matters, a lady will get the respect that she demands. But, as it has always been, it is the lady who sets the standards.

Long before a new wife begins to cane or physically correct her husband she needs to place herself in a position where her husband is happy to accept her primacy. It is a difficult but rewarding path for a young wife to follow. The objective is nothing less than a loving husband who does exactly what he is told and accepts, indeed embraces, his wife's unquestioned right to make the decisions in the marriage and to set the standards.

Leaving aside the cane and the bath brush, disciplining a husband is about rewarding the behaviour you want to encourage and ruthlessly punishing behaviour or even attitude which is below the standards you set. Rewards can range from actively suggesting that your husband put his feet up and watch his favourite game through to indulging any little sexual kink he might have. (The later being great fun because you can surprise your husband with real enthusiasm for which ever game he likes to play in the bedroom. For most men, sexual kinks are a matter of some shame and being allowed to put on a pair of your panties or having a couple of your fingers up his bottom, especially when you suggest it, is hugely powerful. But make sure you leave his shame intact as you'll be working with it as you assert your dominance.) Punishments, until you are able to properly use the cane and paddle, usually revolve around withdrawing things which are entirely in your power: your company, your bed. Or they can be as simple as calmly scolding your husband. In any punishment situation the most important thing is that you assume and your husband acknowledges that you have a perfect right to correct his behaviour.

Simple, verbal, corrections are a good place to start. Rudeness or disrespect can be met with icy silence or a curt, "I will not be spoken to that way." or "I do not tolerate rudeness." It is well worth while, especially in the first weeks and months of a marriage, to have very high standards indeed. A well corrected husband will soon learn his place.

More physical corrections can and should be introduced as early in your marriage as possible. You should be bringing up the possibility of corporal punishment pretty much from the time you begin your honeymoon. By making it clear that you certainly intend spanking and more lively forms of punishment to form part of your marriage, you are conditioning your husband to his eventual fate. But there is no rush. After all, there is nothing more fetching than a pretty young wife sitting in front of her makeup table and calling her husband into her dressing room with the words "Darling, I need to have a talk with you." She sits, perhaps in a dressing gown or a slip, holding her wooden hairbrush and tapping her open hand to underline her points. Her husband stands until he is dismissed. After a couple such conversations a young wife can easily end her piece with something like, "So if you can't behave I am going to have to give you a more forceful reminder..." The hairbrush will make its own point.

Taking simple decisions out of her husband's hands re-enforces her position as head of the household. To take an easy example: as a young wife's dominance increases it is a good idea to tell her husband to do specific things. "Darling, you have a big day tomorrow so I'm sending you to bed now. I'll be up in a little while and you may read after you've washed and put on your PJs." It may take a few tries but, fairly quickly, especially if compliance leads to a bedroom treat, the young wife will be rewarded with an obedient, "Yes dear."

The young wife should, however, make sure that these sorts of small things are always phrased as orders rather than requests. Instant obedience is expected and sometimes rewarded, disobedience or dawdling is grounds for a good scolding and, usually, some form of punishment. Sometimes immediately, sometimes a few hours or a day later to give the husband a bit of time to reflect on his misconduct.

The combination of a wonderfully enthusiastic attitude towards sex - when the young wife is in the mood - a willingness to play up to his kinks, a becoming personal modesty, high standards, demanding what you want as a matter of right and the threat of corporal punishment will all imprint on your new husband. For the young wife this imprinting is the task of the first year or two of marriage. With it will come her increasing control over everything from the family finances to what her husband wears to bed to how much time he spends working out.

Before her husband has much of a chance to object a clever young wife will have ensured that his first instinct is to do what he's told. She's well on her way to the pleasures of an obedient husband and a female led marriage.

Post #100 - Advice to a Young Wife

I am always stunned by how quickly things accumulate. One moment I did not have a femdom blog, now I have 100 posts, a twitter feed, a Facebook page...Amazing.

I received a note a few days ago from a young lady interested in taking charge of her marriage. She was only twenty six and had been married for two years. Everything was ok at home, her husband, who is a couple of years older, was working hard and as she put it, "Sex is fine. Not great, fine." She's been reading my blog for some time and has read elliot's as well. Her real question was how she could become the Lady of Her House.

It is not at all an easy question to answer simply because I don't know the young lady nor do I know her husband. Some men are never going to submit and that is all there is to it. If a woman wants to be mistress in her own house and she has married a man without the key submissive tendency she has married the wrong man. And the time to find that out is before you get married. For Heaven's sake start the process of disciplining and training your man well before you marry him.

However, if you have neglected this pre-nuptial training it is not too late. I have written many times about how female domination begins in the bedroom;but it actually begins in your boudoir or at your make-up table or in your shower. It begins with your choice.

Many couples have a great deal of fun with "Shades of Grey" games of dominance and submission. Of a Saturday night the possibilities of rope and riding crop can be explored. And that sort of play for some couples opens the conversation. But it is not by any stretch of the imagination, even with a submissive husband, a female led relationship. Because, and this matters, role play is almost always about male desires. Which are fun to play with but are not significant in a female led relationship.

My young friend contemplating taking the lead in her marriage needs to go a good deal deeper in herself before taking the plunge. Giving your husband a playful spanking before he makes love to you is not even distantly related to modern, wifely discipline. So, begin with your desires, what you want.

Successful dominant wives are working with pre-existing parts of their own character. Most men will have a slight submissive streak which a dominant wife can encourage; but, arguably it is a bit rarer for women to have a drive to dominance. Girls are brought up to nurture and to care for people - their husbands included - and that early training can complicate a woman's ability to take charge of her marriage. Giving your husband a good whipping is often tough the first few times simply because it is contrary to a certain sort of conception of the feminine.

So, the first thing I suggest my young correspondent does is to try out her inner "bossy" girl. Tell, don't ask, your husband to do the things you want him to. Just simple things like unloading the dishwasher or folding the laundry. If he does as he's told praise him and, just for fun, perhaps give him a little sexual treat. A quick cock squeeze is easy and usually a bit of a surprise. Extend your "telling" to the bedroom. Rather than letting him guess what you want, tell him. Even if you want nothing more than a back rub or a foot massage, accustom your husband to doing what he is told.

And, of course, now would be a very good time to begin his chastity training. One good way to get him following along towards chastity is to make him make you come, initially once but in time more than once, before he is allowed any satisfaction. As well, begin to control his orgasms. Let him come as often as he wants under your supervision. Then, gradually, have him come when, and only when, he is told. If your husband likes to come several times a day, and many young men do, make sure most of his supervised orgasms are very matter of fact jerk off in the bathroom into some toilet paper sessions. Pretty quickly you can make this into something of a humiliating ritual by sending him to wait for you in the bathroom with his trousers and underwear down, stroking his cock so you don't have to waste your time watching his little performance.

Once you have taken control of his orgasms it is not a bad idea to begin to train him to only come when a certain stimulus is applied. I have nipple trained elliot. Unless his nipples are pinched quite hard, even after a month in chastity, he has a very difficult time coming. Remember that you are not training a boyfriend, you are training a life partner and you'll be pinching his nipples or squeezing his testicles for years. So look for a trigger which you like yourself.

A young wife has lots of time to train her husband properly. But first she needs to make her decision that, for better or worse, she is to lead her marriage and be the Lady of her own House.

Female and male: Scarcity and the Well Tempered Husband

I am amused to see that so far this month nine people have purchased cock cages through our Amazon links. (And some of you have been kind enough to do your other Christmas shopping through our links...thank you!)

Quite honestly, I was more than a little sceptical about caging elliot. After all, he was perfectly well behaved and well trained sexually before I decided to cage him. And I thought it would probably draw more attention to his little cock than I would prefer. However, after buying a cage a little less than a year ago and having decided that he is to wear his cage pretty much full time, I have to say I would never go back.

Of all of the practices which keep elliot in his position, caging his cock has had the most fundamental effect on his outlook and behaviour. I can't imagine why I did not think to cage him before.

The fact is that once your husband is caged he has surrendered the last vestiges of his independent sexuality. Sure, he can plead and beg for release, but with your key in hand that is not going to happen unless and until you want it to.

By locking elliot's cock up, more or less permanently, I have taken a huge step in taking full control of our marriage. I can send him off to dress and service our cute little maid, confident that he will have no direct sexual contact with her without my permission. He can sleep with me every night and, while he is often erect - or at least as erect as his cage allows - there is nothing at all he can do to relieve his sexual urges.

Now, this year I am getting him a steel cock cage - only because I think changing things up is always a good idea. His silicone cock cage has served us well. I have ordered a second silcone cock cage so that he can thoroughly clean his cage while never being allowed out for more than a few moments.

With Christmas coming elliot will, of course, expect Chrismas treats. And he may well get them if I decide he deserves then. And he has been a very sweet, docile, hard-working husband all year.

Now, ladies, for your own husbands, chastity is a gift any time of the year but the Christmas season upon us, it might be a good time to make some changes at your house. Different wives run their marriages in different ways. For some of you, the gift of chastity can be given with nothing more than the purchase of the chastity device and a direct order. Make sure that your husband understands that his chastity is not a matter of negotiation. At the same time, recognize that even a soft cock cage will take some getting used to and before it can become a permanent fixture there is a breaking in period.

Other dominant wives may be at a different point in their journey. Their husbands will not yet have the habit of obedience. Especially younger wives with younger husbands can expect some pushback. A good firm caning will usually smooth the way; however, you can also present your husband with his cage and explain that this Christmas, the gift you really want, is his submissive chastity. Have him put the device on himself. It can be a little tricky. One thing to note, it is effectively impossible to put on a well-fitted chastity cage if the cock in question is even a little bit erect. Having your husband masturbate himself or, if you are feeling generous, bringing him to ejaculation yourself before he puts on the device will ease the way.

With elliot, I have invested his cock cage with a good deal of shame and humiliation. I send him to the washroom to put it on and my only involvement is to, when his little cock is in its place, click the padlock closed. I think it is wise for a dominant wife to keep the upper hand which ritual humiliation gives her. This leaves her husband even more dependent on her whims and mercy which is always a good thing.

Now, for my married male readers: there is no reason why you cannot purchase a cock cage for yourself and present your wife with the "keys to her domain". But be prepared for a good deal of confusion and even annoyance unless you have discussed your chastity with your wife before you lock yourself up. Remember, you are giving the gift of your chastity but there is no reason to think your wife will be thrilled unless she has already agreed to accept that gift. So, by all means, purchase a chastity device but as a prelude to a conversation with your lady wife. Remember, it is her decision.

Finally, for single men who would like to experience the chastity lifestyle a couple of alternatives: first, you can buy a cock cage and wear it without a keyholder. It is good practice and, when you find that special someone, you may be more comfortable explaining your chastity if you have lived with it a while.

A second alternative - and a mildly risky one - is to ask a good female friend to hold your key. It is, I am afraid, a potentially awkward conversation but you would be surprised at how willing the right girl will be to hold your key. This can be excellent training for a single male as he will focus on a female who he is not ever going to have sex with but who has control of his sexuality. Once again, excellent experience to prepare you for a wife led marriage when the right girl appears. Remember to give your keyholder lots of lovely presents - spa days, books, cashmere sweaters - and make sure you offer to wash her car, clean her apartment and generally make yourself useful. Most of the advantage of this sort of arrangement is that you will be so embarrassed to ask for your cock cage key knowing that you are assuming the correct male position with a female who you are not in any sexual relationship with. You are asking for permission to masturbate you naughty thing.

Tokens of Submission: #Corners and #Cock #Cages

Every morning elliot wakes up puts a dressing gown on over his nightie and goes downstairs to put on my kettle. Then he comes back upstairs, strips naked except for his little black cock cage, take my yesterday's panties and, silently, pushes them into his corner with his nose. When he hears the kettle boil he puts his dressing gown back on makes my tea, serves it to me in bed and then, without a word, returns to his corner.

I like elliot to shower daily. While there is no reason he cannot shower in his little black cock cage, I think it is better for him to have it off most days. I keep a key beside me on my night table. When I have finished my first cup of tea I will simply say "Present" and elliot, who I have trained to do this, will put the panties away and stand in front of me with his hands behind his back. I unlock but do not remove his cage and he goes for his shower.

He knows he is to put his cage back on after his shower. Again, I don't have to tell him.

Man's best choice

Looking at our Amazon results there will be three men whose cocks will be caged in the next few weeks. A cock cage is the perfect gift for a woman leading or getting ready to lead her marriage to give her husband. Not because it will keep him chaste and attentive - although it will - but rather as a symbol of his complete capitulation to your authority.

Men are obsessed with their cocks from a very young age. Boys will make four or five messes a day as teens and that sort of masturbatory behaviour will, unless sharply curbed by a wife from the very earliest stages of a marriage, continue. In a wife led marriage, where the husband is expected to be chaste and never comes without his wife's express  permission, the husband gives up control of his cock and, more basically, his sexuality.

A soft, short, cock cage is, like elliot's morning corner time, simply a reminder of his position. He knows that I love him dearly and find him very sexy indeed. I love having him lick my pussy until I come. But I love that in the context of his being sent to his corner while I am coming. I love him pleasuring me without any expectation that he will have any direct sexual pleasure whatsoever.

Issolating his cock in a soft silicon cage simply reminds him that he has surrendered his sexuality to me. When he has to sit down to use the toilet he remembers his vow to "love, honour and obey". And when his morning erection wakes him up with discomfort he remembers how much happier he is now that his little cock is no longer in his control.

Three more men will be discovering the pleasures of having their cocks caged. Even the most Alpha male is far better off without the distraction having control of his cock will cause. In fact, surrendering that control will make him all the more formidable in the rest of his life. Men are easily distracted - taking control of their cocks removes many a distraction.

Wife in Charge

I have had several emails and social media messages from both men and women asking how elliot and I have come to our female led marriage. elliot has written a bit about it at his blog, here and here and that is a good start.

From my own perspective I am not naturally dominant in the sense of wanting to boss people around. Instead, I like to have people, particularly my husband, work very hard to please me. Which is not, I must say, all that difficult to do.

At the same time, very early on in our marriage I made it clear to elliot that, at least in the bedroom, I was in charge. Too many women put up with mediocre sex too often. I was more experienced than my lovely alpha man and I knew he needed training. So, I began by cutting him off entirely after about six months. No sex for a month focuses a man's attention. Then I began our current regime where he is allowed to have sex when I want the greater pleasure his little cock can sometimes bring.

What this did was put him on my sexual cycle. The only time he had any hope of ejaculating was when I was on heat. The rest of the time, while I would have him pleasure me with his tongue and fingers from time to time, his cockette was entirely irrelevant. (Caging him has only underscored my control.) A man allowed to ejaculate only a few times a year is a very attentive man.

It was a natural progression to both punishing him and whipping him to remind him of his place and he learned to accept his whippings as a near substitute for the sexual satisfaction he was denied. He actually gets quite broody when he's not been whipped for a week. Over a year, while he might ejaculate a dozen times, he'll be whipped at least forty. Whipping makes a huge improvement in elliot's attitude and puts a bounce in his step.

Humiliations like corner time, his little black cock cage and having to wear a girdle during the day or a nightie to bed, simply re-enforce the fact that I am in complete charge in our marriage. Special attention like nipple clips or having to push his steel rod up his backdoor add a bit of surprise to the mix.

The wonderful thing about a wife led marriage is that elliot is completely focused on me and what I require. And, of course, I pay strict attention to elliot. At the most basic level after years of marriage, we each are devoted to each other. The femdom element and the fact elliot is chaste means that we both live on a bit of sexual edge which many of our contemporaries' marriages seem to have lost.

When a wife is in charge of her marriage she has no choice but to pay close attention to her own desires while ruthlessly curbing her husband's. More than once I have whipped elliot simply because he was getting all hot and bothered and I was not in the mood. A well whipped man standing in his corner with his nose pressed in your panties is actually a pretty sexy sight and, I have to admit, I have occasionally whipped elliot just so I could take myself in hand for my own pleasure as he stood so obediently. Which is, of course, my perfect right and I wouldn't have it any other way.