Friday, 16 January 2015
Post #100 - Advice to a Young Wife
I received a note a few days ago from a young lady interested in taking charge of her marriage. She was only twenty six and had been married for two years. Everything was ok at home, her husband, who is a couple of years older, was working hard and as she put it, "Sex is fine. Not great, fine." She's been reading my blog for some time and has read elliot's as well. Her real question was how she could become the Lady of Her House.
It is not at all an easy question to answer simply because I don't know the young lady nor do I know her husband. Some men are never going to submit and that is all there is to it. If a woman wants to be mistress in her own house and she has married a man without the key submissive tendency she has married the wrong man. And the time to find that out is before you get married. For Heaven's sake start the process of disciplining and training your man well before you marry him.
However, if you have neglected this pre-nuptial training it is not too late. I have written many times about how female domination begins in the bedroom;but it actually begins in your boudoir or at your make-up table or in your shower. It begins with your choice.
Many couples have a great deal of fun with "Shades of Grey" games of dominance and submission. Of a Saturday night the possibilities of rope and riding crop can be explored. And that sort of play for some couples opens the conversation. But it is not by any stretch of the imagination, even with a submissive husband, a female led relationship. Because, and this matters, role play is almost always about male desires. Which are fun to play with but are not significant in a female led relationship.
My young friend contemplating taking the lead in her marriage needs to go a good deal deeper in herself before taking the plunge. Giving your husband a playful spanking before he makes love to you is not even distantly related to modern, wifely discipline. So, begin with your desires, what you want.
Successful dominant wives are working with pre-existing parts of their own character. Most men will have a slight submissive streak which a dominant wife can encourage; but, arguably it is a bit rarer for women to have a drive to dominance. Girls are brought up to nurture and to care for people - their husbands included - and that early training can complicate a woman's ability to take charge of her marriage. Giving your husband a good whipping is often tough the first few times simply because it is contrary to a certain sort of conception of the feminine.
So, the first thing I suggest my young correspondent does is to try out her inner "bossy" girl. Tell, don't ask, your husband to do the things you want him to. Just simple things like unloading the dishwasher or folding the laundry. If he does as he's told praise him and, just for fun, perhaps give him a little sexual treat. A quick cock squeeze is easy and usually a bit of a surprise. Extend your "telling" to the bedroom. Rather than letting him guess what you want, tell him. Even if you want nothing more than a back rub or a foot massage, accustom your husband to doing what he is told.
And, of course, now would be a very good time to begin his chastity training. One good way to get him following along towards chastity is to make him make you come, initially once but in time more than once, before he is allowed any satisfaction. As well, begin to control his orgasms. Let him come as often as he wants under your supervision. Then, gradually, have him come when, and only when, he is told. If your husband likes to come several times a day, and many young men do, make sure most of his supervised orgasms are very matter of fact jerk off in the bathroom into some toilet paper sessions. Pretty quickly you can make this into something of a humiliating ritual by sending him to wait for you in the bathroom with his trousers and underwear down, stroking his cock so you don't have to waste your time watching his little performance.
Once you have taken control of his orgasms it is not a bad idea to begin to train him to only come when a certain stimulus is applied. I have nipple trained elliot. Unless his nipples are pinched quite hard, even after a month in chastity, he has a very difficult time coming. Remember that you are not training a boyfriend, you are training a life partner and you'll be pinching his nipples or squeezing his testicles for years. So look for a trigger which you like yourself.
A young wife has lots of time to train her husband properly. But first she needs to make her decision that, for better or worse, she is to lead her marriage and be the Lady of her own House.